Boom. BOOOM. BOOM.
Something is crashing against the great glitchy Ad Seal in the room. You can practically hear the jingles of something wrong and otherworldly seeping through the cracks.
Hajime-san cleans his ears:
"Did anyone hear something? I kinda lost hearing during the second-to-last scream on the way up here."
Then Valiant says:
"Did you hear even half of my background lore?! It’s the SEAL breaking, you dolt!"
Hajime punches his palm like he’s just had a realization:
"I’m kinda screwed, aren’t I???"
Valiant: "……."
Caladblock: "…….."
Hajime starts walking away from the seal like it’s not his problem but before he reaches the door, the seal CRACKS LOUDLY.
A giant Cash-Sign Eye locks on to Hajime-kun — its first customer in a millennia of neglectfully being ignored at the door.
It screams in an otherworldly language:
"@##@#^#*@!!!"**
Hajime-san:
"Damn it. It’s an international advertiser..."
He makes a dismissive hand signal:
"Sorry, I don’t speak French. Try another sap!!!"
The bashing continues, the screams start to make sense — little by little. They’re not screams at all, just the desperate cries of a long-dead merchant trying to make one last sale in a defunct business strategy.
A monstrous sales-lady voice echoes:
"Pleasee don’t go! If you subscribe to Chutubits for only $9.99, you’ll be enlightened with the Truth of the World!"
Hajime expertly counters:
"Sorryyy, I can’t take that offer — I already know the truth of the world."
Then the entity perks up:
"Waitttt… you UNDERSTAND me?! Excellent! Please subscribe and become my Herald! Get the limited edition False Gold from our Fisherman Community?. Here — take a sample!"
From the cracks, arms sprout out holding shiny golden nuggets that probably have zero real value. Definitely just cheap merch...
Hajime:
"I’m not interested."
The seal’s punches turn into polite taps, as if contemplating.
"I really didn’t want to do this… but you, good sir you drive a hard bargain!!!"
A small tentacle sprouts and extends like it’s offering a handshake.
"For a limited time only — Ascension is GUARANTEED! Become a GOD today!"
Hajime-san:
"HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS."
Like a cornered animal rejecting the approach of a shady salesman, Hajime-san bolts out of the room at top speed.
The tentacle limps downward, failing to grasp the hand of its would-be savior.
Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.
"I must return this favor… What can I do to get along???"
The cries of a misunderstood interdimensional MLM demon echo throughout the city.
At the base of the tower:
The Chutubits Affiliate Cult emerges from the shadows to shill for their overlord.
In chorus:
"You heretics shall not pass! The birth of the Herald prophesied by 8-Zan has been… SUBSCRIBED."
They continue:
"Now pests, will you repent and seek the Truth of the One True Advertiser — or will you wallow in your puny supersubs and fester in the decay of bathroom streams?!"
The Saintess yells:
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE HERO?!"
Cultists:
"We haven’t done anything."
Narrator-kun (muttering):
Technically true, lazy bastards...
Cultist:
"The Hero went to seek the Truth. And by now… it’s too late for you!!"
They snicker and cough, drowning in black fluid like ink.
Some of them begin to summon an Ad:
"Maligned Catch?!"
The Saintess counters with one of her own:
"Holy Elf Thongs — now on sale!"
A few cult thralls are purified… and immediately buy the thongs. They leave the battlefield anticlimactically with happiness.
The most zealous cultist snarls:
"You only delay the inevitable! THONGS won't save you from what’s coming!"
A few thralls wielding Greatsword Ads? rush at Merry — but she slashes with Whalescalibur, and a gigantic CHA-CHING sound launches them into the air Team Rocket-style.
Even though the battle continues… the encounter has ended.
Merry, unfortunately, is now stuck watching a 10-minute polishing ad.
In this awkward standoff, you'd expect the enemy to press the advantage.
But oddly enough… they’re waiting too — for their ads to finish buffering before the final confrontation.
Meanwhile… Hajime:
Going down the stairs…
"IT TAKES FOREVER!!!!!!!"
Caladblock:
"Ara Ara, hon~ you really need to toughen up!"
She’s dreaming of watching her man get ripped.
Valiant, sarcastically:
"I feel scammed, is your coolness just a temporary buff or something?"
Hajime plops onto the second-floor bench for a 5-minute breather.
Valiant:
"Aren’t you taking this a little TOO frivolously?! That thing I was holding back… is no joke!"
Hajime:
"Nahhh. It’s not that dangerous. The thing was actually pretty friendly."
Valiant (shocked):
"WAIT — YOU UNDERSTOOD IT?! HOW???"
Hajime:
"Dunno. Chosen one perks? Tsk..."
Valiant, turning to Caladblock:
"Aren’t you going to say anything about this???"
Caladblock (with full confidence):
"Whatever he does is the right thing luv."
Valiant, flabbergasted by her new user's chaos — and the enabling attitude of his sword waifu — now seriously contemplates whether it’s better to just go with the flow…
…or directly backseat the hero for the whole journey.
Five minutes later:
Hajime walks toward the stage, the robot now points to the ground with zero energy.
Hajime-san casually passes by.
Then — the roof caves in.
A massive pile of tentacles and ads drops in, squirming in amorphous horror and symphony.
Hajime hears a cute:
"KYAAAAAAAA~"
…while falling.
Valiant:
"It has chased us down! Hurry, Hero — leave this place! It’s too powerful!!"
The mass groans:
"OW, ow, ow — I may be boneless, but rocks and wood still hurt!!!"
A Cash Sign Eye locks in on Hajime:
"Heyyyy youuuu!!! My HERALD!!!
I thought maybe my sincerity was lacking… so let me show you the PERKS!!!"
She starts singing.
The world begins to distort.
Skeletons turn dark, slime fills their hollow bodies, and new flesh sprouts.
Even the dead automaton springs to life.
Unholy choruses echo in pain — unbearable for his sword and neckalace.
Yet for Hajime…
“It’s the sound of Magical Nexus Girl…”
The one show he likes very much...
