Record of the Desolation of Noctrine — by the RoachMaster of the Scurry Pavilion

  It all happened so suddenly. That creature won our lady’s favor… it was probably the abs surely... We were blinded by our greed—some of us rushed in—but my years of cowardice had honed my survival instincts to superdemon levels. Its aura… was something we mortals were never meant to witness. A god of pure hatred walked among us and founds us wanting.

  It burned the feet and bathwater banners without remorse. What kind of abomination does that in this world!?

  Our sacred lady is long dead. When she showed her divine feet to the creature, it didn’t even flinch—it foamed at the mouth with unspeakable hunger… and bit Nocture-sama’s legs off.

  Her final scream, “YOU’LL BE MINEEEE, MY DOGGGG!!” still echoes in the hearts of all who were present.

  It didn’t like it…

  It ate her… with evil in its heart.

  I’m at the guild hall now, listening to the screams outside. A whole day has passed, and the carnage hasn’t stopped. The harbinger comes for our souls—and I’m not sure I’ll survive this time…

  Hajime-san POV

  AAARRRRRRHHHHGGGGGGG

  (The only thing that can quench my bad mood is EXP. Hey look—XP packets.)

  Hajime-san jumps into the air and performs a stomp attack—AOE damage stuns the rushing cockroaches.

  Enemies stunned. Hajime gets another turn.

  Execute: Berserk Takedown.

  Curb stomps fallen warriors.

  Terrifying Aura activates.

  Roach knights flee into their building. Only rats remain.

  The rats are strategizing, skipping their turn.

  Hajime uses his to approach the exp.

  Rat NPC Combo Cast:

  “Feta Cheese Promotional Ad Attack with Mozzarella Sticks from Ratezzze Dispensary!”

  The attacks are resisted.

  The rats start strategize again.

  Hajime executes Combo Punch — one-shots a rat mage and gets a second kill for free.

  The rats finalize their plan... and retreat to their dilapidated burrow.

  Encounter ended.

  Hajime-san:

  “GRAHHHHHHHHH! (Slippery enemies. They’re not cooperating like the Spoon themed spawns.)”

  He grabs a torch and begins burning all the bathtub banners with feet ads that are on the walls.

  Then he hears:

  “PAYPIGGGG, GET YOUR REWARD!”

  He sees THE demoness... and his mind goes blank for a few seconds.

  It would be wrong to say it was love at first sight. You’d be right—it wasn’t. It was trauma.

  Pure unadulterated trauma.

  Something inside Hajime-san just snaps. His human brain dissociates from his body.

  He drops to all fours, foaming at the mouth, and charges.

  He bites the demoness’s legs cleanly off.

  Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

  It doesn’t have to make sense—it was the only logical conclusion to their majestic first encounter.

  Unfortunately, Nocture-sama will undoubtedly see the replay and decide to improve her leg sturdiness. She believes she can tame this monster.

  To Hajime’s dismay, she will never abandon a loyal paypig.

  (Hajime never actually paid, so in essence that insult will never reach the hero.)

  Either way, Nocture-sama is slain, and Hajime—now in his Second Form—roams the desolate streets of Noctrine, hunting down every unfortunate NPC.

  Evening.

  Hajime-san is roaming in a circular pattern, spawn-trapping the guild leaders like a true raid boss.

  Then, the lava snot bubble on his sword pops.

  Walletbreaker:

  “UHHHHHH WOWWWW! What the hell did I miss? This is awesome!”

  It sees its owner.

  “NEI! NEEEIIII! Hajime-san! Wake up! We have to find who did this! Whoever it was is crazy powerful!”

  (The sword is... not very bright.)

  Hajime yawns.

  “AUUUUHHHHHHHH... that was a great nap. Was I doing pushups in my sleep? The grind really has seeped into my bones.”

  He dusts himself off, scans the area, and tilts his head.

  “Weird… everything’s empty. What happened?”

  Walletbreaker:

  “SOMETHING AWESOME HAPPENED! I FEEL LIKE I MISSED OUT!”

  Hajime thinks:

  “Someone came and stole my XP while I was sleeping... NO. That’s NOT permissible.”

  (Yes, Hajime is an idiot too sometimes.)

  He flexes and starts bashing the Roach Guild.

  5 minutes: on fire.

  5 more: collapsed.

  He catches the fleeing roaches—skish skach skish—the guild is no more, the inevitable fate of exp.

  The roaches are gone.

  But the rats... have a plan.

  They will transfer their guild to Lucielvagrod and cheese their way to victory with help from the Silverspoon Guild.

  They finish a 12-hour all-cheese pizza ad to complete the warp.

  Some rats decide to remain and avenge Nocture-sama.

  But most look to the future as any exploiter should.

  Hajime-san:

  “GRUHHHHHHHH! (Look! The rats are spawning again! Let’s get some!)”

  He crushes the resistance and starts bashing the door.

  5 minutes: burning.

  3 minutes later: evaporates in blinding ad light.

  No XP.

  “It’s CRAP!”

  He burns the town in understandable frustration. The bathtub colosseum begins to spill lava as an honest sign of conquest.

  DING!

  Conquest of the Capital of Noctrine.

  Reward: “Feet Cosmetic.”

  Walletbreaker (the sword):

  “Nice burnination my brothaaaa!”

  (Lava snot bubble appears again.)

  She might have narcolepsy.

  Hajime grabs a water bottle from his inventory—he’s parched—and drinks it.

  He doesn’t realize the origin of that water would haunt his soul forever.

  Roach King’s Despair:

  We are back at the beginning.

  Many of our brothers have fallen into despair. Losing all our gear was too much for their souls.

  We’ve now reverted to our basic instinct's.

  Look at them—kicking trees and running in circles.

  They’re... roaching out.

  But we will rebuild. We shall travel to Easysteal and plan our journey.

  10 minutes later

  I kneel in the ashes of our humble beginnings. A single tear falls. I swear…

  Never again.

  We must save Lucielvagrod from desolation!

  They rise and they skitter toward the port city…

  …unaware of the futility of their actions.

  Rat King’s Despair:

  The transfer was successful!

  YATTTAAAA!!!

  We high-five. We praise Alphonso-sama, our mascot god.

  Smiling, hopeful, we open the doors to paradise—

  Only ashes await them.

  Nothing remains.

  We kneel wile clutching our hearts. We realize… that cheesing was futile.

  The Demonkingdom is despoiled. Nothing of value remains.

  We must act.

  The rats enter a one-year-long strategizing session.

  Narrator-kun:

  Yes, this cheap mobile game has only two player-friendly hub towns.

  It’s that crappy.

  A giant empty map.

  Two safe zones.

  One DLC town.

  Five enemy towns with generic copy-paste layouts.

  The only reason it survives is the chibi companions who do nothing but LARP as cosmetics against your friends.

  Hajime-san travels north. A year passes. The sword is asleep again. Hajime finds dungeons filled with variations of that same… village girl.

  It always comes back to the village girl.

  Hajime-san: Naked Asura Demonking, Level 300,

  arrives at the first human settlement: Goldyads,

  and so begins the tragic heroic journey of a simulated hero.