CRASHHHHHH!!!
A blocky knightly figure smashes through the sealed door!
“FOR JUSTICE AND HUMANITY, WE SMITE THE DEMON!!!”
She poses heroically as Elnora-san recites holy AD hymns in the background like a battle prayer.
Lucile-chan, still on the magical orb, screeches:
“Damn you ALL!!! No—not you idiots!!!”
Startled by the choreographed entrance, she screams frantically,
“SELL THE HERO’S DATA AND BURN THE REST! DO IT QUICKLY!”
She throws the magical orb to the ground and stomps it a few times for good measure.
“Damn it all... this studio’s getting shut down, and I’ll never hear the end of it...”
A horde of interns—soulless, Slack-eyed slaves of the Microslop Division—start gathering magical orbs and smashing them with hammers and acid. The hero’s orb is carefully packed in an Federal ADspress box, destined to be ad-mailed with premium priority. It’s totally not definitely destined for the usual spam folder. His fate will be later reviewed by the maximum authority of corpo leadership.
Back with Merryad:
"By the powers and authority of the Holy Union Congregation Group, we have come to save the Hero!"
Lucile-chan didn’t expect security to fail at this critical moment. Caught with her metaphorical pants down, she’s now at the mercy of two extremely angry mega-idols.
The Saintess chants in the background, giving a condemning holy review of Electromagic Incorporated—causing its stock to plummet precipitously.
Lucile, having broken her orb, can no longer issue emergency PR damage control.
Frustrated, she charges Merry and weakly punches her armored chestplate. No damage...
Yeah... she’s useless.
One minute later, Lucile-chan is tied up on the ground, hyperventilating flat-chestedly, her eyes watery with impending corporate doom. Only able to watch in horror as the hero’s restraints are broken... one by one... loudly... like a boss fight intro cinematic.
The restraints pop off with explosive menace.
The accumulated rage of our Hero has awakened his hidden latent potential.
His frustration.
His hatred.
Focused only by the lovely miasma of his sword... has given him a single, burning purpose:
Review the game. And flush this floating turd of a company.
He steps forward, very slowly. Toward the chattering group of frightened women.
The Saintess gulps.
Merryad takes a nervous step back.
Lucile-chan trembles like a leaf, unable to withstand the bloodlust of the once-sane gamer.
Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.
He stares. One full, silent, terrifying minute at her...
Lucile cracks:
“I-I’m sorry! I should’ve been more upfront about our product!”
“Please forgive me! You want a coupon?? I can give you ad money for your troubles!”
“I know Nocture-san! I can hook you up with a premium account! Or a feet body pillow! Please!!”
Hajime-san, hollow-voiced:
“Nocture... feet...”
Lucile-chan sees hope.
“Yes! We can hook you up! Spare me and just review well, okay!?”
Hajime:
“Review... give me the review page.”
The Saintess screams:
“No, Hero! Please! Consorting with evil brings only corrupted tragedies!”
“If you want feet, watch the sacred streams of the Holy Union Congregation Group, there's loads of mine!!”
She begins aggressively shilling her channel.
Merryad jumps in:
“Hero! If you want to touch feet, you only need to upgrade your CheapoHero tier! Let be Premium together as consumer and creator!”
Whalescalibur:
“If you need feet to be happy, you can claim the Communion Sword Token at—”
Caladblock: “Block.”
Whalescalibur is silenced mid-sentence.
Lucile-chan, getting more desperate:
“You’re too late. Our Hero has tasted the brilliance of Nocture-sama. He is ours now.
Hero... review. Finish this once and for all.”
A review panel appears in Hajime’s HUD.
He scrolls, very slowly. Then taps into existence the fat and juicy 0/10 rating.
Possessed, he begins typing in a frenzy:
Daemon Bazonka Conquest: 0/10
Kill it with fire.
If this review shows anything higher than 0, assume the company paid someone off.
This is a cheap knockoff trash heap of a game. Doesn't even have real bazonkas.
I played through the whole thing. Cities are generic. Low-effort slop. The gameplay?
Worse than garbage, at least garbage gives sustenance to the needy.
I only had to kill village girls to progress. The grinding of it was HELL.
Navigation? Abyssal, not even a minimap.
The world map? Emptier than my soul.
What about the feet ads? They are ASMR ridden STD in my soul.
It is truly unforgivable.
I had to suffer approximately five years of subpar fetish baited with S&M dominatrix garbage. The ASMR was funky in the worst way posible.
Honestly?
I raged for every minute I had to suffer in this hellscape, I hate having to write this review just because it makes me remember the awful experience.
The only decent thing was the last boss—and he just came out of nowhere.
It’s not a game for me.
And it’s definitely not a game for you.
Peace out.
Chaooooo!
With that, a crooked little smile graces Hajime’s face.
Lucile-chan stares at the review in horror. A faint soul is seen leaving her mouth.
It finally over.
The Saintess and Merryad leap onto Hajime with joy!
Elnora-san:
“I knew you’d never waver! A true Martyr Saint of the Holy AD has descended upon him!”
Merryad:
“I knew you wouldn’t betray us! The promise of our Premium Future was too strong!”
Hajime, crushed by one soft bosom and one metal princess chestplate, loses consciousness.
A few minutes later, in a castle in a faraway land…
A sword is disconnected from a VR headset strapped to its pommel.
Walletbreaker:
“Ahhh… that got really fun near the end…”
“Better get that review ready—ZZZZzzzzz.”
CRASH!
The door bursts open.
A busty, blocky-featured demon stomps in.
“You done? We’ve got a meeting soon... its about a certain hero’s data.”
She pauses.
“…Looks like you had fun. That’s very rare.”
She opens a small status window showing the stats of Walletbreaker.
“Huh? Who’s this?”
Contracted to: Naked Asura Berserker Demonlord EX
She scrolls through the screenshots.
Her leg starts trembling with exitement.
We don’t yet know what the demon queen level entity will do with those images…
But Hajime-san has definitely attracted the attention of his future mortal enemy… in the weirdest way possible.