Hajime POV:
Hajime is serenely walking toward the last remaining bastion of humanity. The air is fresh with the screams of highwaywomen being flicked out of existence. They are white noise to the ears of our hero. On the horizon, he finally sees it: the last bastion of humanity.
He squints.
"This is… different. Yesssss, it's finally different!" he exclaims.
"IT’S GOT SIX HOUSES, A GIGANTIC WALL, AND A CASTLE ON A HILL!"
It’s filled to the brim with village girls, otaku admages, admerchants, adpriests, and adchers. An entire ad-army. Warhorns echo at the distance—led by a grim palADin.
At the edge of the forest, another force converges to the stage: Roaches, Rats, and Spoons riding Horse Armor, they form up around a mysterious cheesy smelling carriage.
A three-way standoff begins:
Two hostile factions vs one free-to-play solo player.
No one moves. Hajime waves, beaming at the crowed.
“HEYYYYY, MY BEAUTIFUL EXP BALLOONS ARE HERE!!! KINDA MISSED THEM!”
Translation to others:
$@%^@%*&!@(&!@%@&^$@!*!
Suddenly, something bubbles from the deep's of the river.
ADFishmen warriors erupt forth in a devoted frenzy to their summons for their one true Eldritch god.
From the town cemetery—
The ADead rise from the ground in unnatural strides towards the humans .
The pieces begin to move...
Hero-kun’s Side:
"Abomination… This is the end to you're rampage!" he declares, blowing hard the war horn of the last premiumed hero.
"Is everything ready?!"
The Saintess, trembling, clutches the holyad staff of the Lucilad Order and nods with conviction.
The Thief chirps, flashing a sharp canine smile, already marking escape routes for herself.
An Adtaku runs up, hyperventilating:
“H-HERO-SAMAAAA!! A DAEMONIC ARMY IS COMING FROM THE WOODS!!!”
Hero-kun turns pale.
"The daemon kingdom… they've made their move."
He braces himself.
"Hold formation everyone!"
Visions of Childhood Friend Village Girl #1 flash for a moment:
“Paul-san, let’s watch fertilizing ads together…”
“Silly Paul, we need to see a wedding dress ads first!”
“Yes, Paul, now we just need the mortgage financing ads to seal the turnip!”
His eyes water with incredible fury.
"WE HOLD MEN!"
But suddenly, screams rise from the back.
"PAULLLLL—THE GRAVES!" the Saintess yells.
"PAULLLLL---The river!" the Thief gasps.
The ADead shamble towards them. The ADFishmen charge the line.
The Guild Alliance:
"There it is…" the Roach Guildmaster sneers. "Standing there, menacingly… with those abs."
The Silverspoon Guildmaster nods.
"Is everything ready?"
The Rat King smirks.
"Yes. The cheese is almost ready. These past few years… have been extremely productive."
Silverspoon stands before the army:
"My people! Sons and daughters of Daemon Bazonka Conquest… I vow this day, this Naked Abomination shall be struck from our servers!
Never again shall we suffer demon city desolation.
Never again shall we mourn Alphonso-sama.
Never again shall we be denied the sacred bathwater.
We strike as one! Mind, body, and soul!
NOW—CLOP OUR WAY TOWARDS VICTORY!!"
Cheers erupt. Then—
The beast waves at our direction with an ominous smile. The world shudders at this gesture.
The river boils. The Adead rise. And then—
The backline begins to scream!
"AHHHHHH!"
"NOOOO MY POINTSSS!"
"WHERE ARE THE ADS?!"
A swarm of wraiths—beautiful pirate mamas with dark "assets"—slash through the ranks, chanting:
“Hero… my hero…”
This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.
The Rat King yells at my direction, "LOOK OUT!"
I turn—
"HUHHH?! My points—where are my—?"
Dead.
I then awake in the revival space.
So many friends are here with me.
The 5-minute revival ad… isn’t working.
Despair. True despair. We have arrived at limbo.
Real World – Minute 4:
The whales are screaming harder than before the last patch.
Spaghetticode miracles from the Microslop Patch Division aren't enough. The game is crashing hard.
Adless victims wail in the halls.
Lucile-chan, now marked by enormous stress streaks, terrorizes the dev team like the reincarnation of Karen from "The Manager Caller" TV show.
Just then, the door bursts open.
The Saintess and a menacing Princess Knight have arrived.
Lucile-chan’s final battle also begins!
Hajime POV:
"Strange… Why is everyone fighting? I’m… not even involved this time?"
Walletbreaker’s snot bubble pops.
"This looks glorious to me."
Then Walletbreaker adds, begrudgingly,
"You know… you’ve had enough store points to swing me since the first human town."
I hum at that.
"Shouldn’t you at least try the merch once?"
I shrug. It’s not real money anyway. I lift the sword and it begins to glows red.
Cost: 1,000,000 store points.
"Eh, it’s endgame anyway."
The world starts to distorts horribly.
Hero POV:
The monster is moving.
He’s finally using the sword for the first time.
He slices down an ADfishmen.
Some tragic village girls swoon to the ADfishmen's underwater paradise ads and leap into the river willingly.
The Saintess hands out redemption pamphlets to the ADead.
They thank her and vanish peacefully towards the sky.
The Thief bombs the far corner with premium tier explosives.
Suddenly, Hajime swings.
A red shockwave incinerates everything ahead its wake.
Paul: is thrown far.
"I’m slammed pretty deep into this wall. My AdBuffs are holding but the town is turned to dust.
Only the castle stands… then suddenly it slides diagonally—
It trajectory tragically crushes the Thief.
"LUNAAAA!!" I scream. My eyes go redder than before.
I dig like a madman. I've found her—pixelating very slowly.
The Saintess weeps.
"It’s too late…"
Luna smiles faintly:
"Hero… you're worth more than all the adpoints I ever earned… please… win..."
She croaks.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
My hair whitens from the extreme grief.
Hero-kun reaches Level 460.
Hajime POV:
Walletbreaker:"How was that?"
Hajime: "Not bad… but you ain’t cheap."
She blushes.
“Thanks for the compliment.”
She then says expectantly.
"Want seconds?"
Hajime nod's and another million points are well spent.
Hero POV:
Another shockwave destroys the city.
The Saintess is down. Please....
The hero screams:
"NOOOOOOO! PLEASE STOPPPP THIS!!!"
Her last words:
"My hero… avenge us… my love…"
She croaks.
The hero tragically evolves again.
Level 490.
Hajime:
"Wait… why didn’t I get the town reward?"
Walletbreaker: "Gotta raze it, remember?"
"Ugh."
He approaches the ruins.
Guild Alliance:
"Deploy the Ultimate Cheese!" Rat King screams.
Random Player: "It’s not ready my liege!"
"DO IT NOW!!!"
He throws himself towards the approaching enemy.
The Pirate Girl slashes him down with ease.
The cheese is finally deployed.
Narrator-kun:
The sky darkens with a giant exterminator ad blotting out the sun.
A colossal poison-cheese ad crashes down toward Hajime.
The tragic hero recalls his friends, his memories most precious's memories…
The Limit Break abilities is finally unlocked.
A lance of Emotional Support Ads fires upward—
Shattering the cheese.
Breathing heavily, the Hero faces Hajime preparing for the final showdown.
Final Battle Begins.
Hajime swings—miss. A mountain in the background shatters.
Hero charges: ADmaments of the Holy Adtheon.
Another swing—miss. Lava starts to floods the map.
The hero dodges, slamming his sword down for stability. Buff is now complete.
Hajime:
"WTF is this broken-ass character?!"
His words stun Hero.
Horizontal slash—lands.
Hero bleeds profusely, panting in pain.
Hero ability: The Last Stand activates—ignores fatal damage once.
Critical hit!
Hajime: "HALF MY HEALTH?! WHAT THE HELLL IS THIS BROKEN BOSS!!"
Berserk mode activates.
Hajime puts Walletbreaker in his mouth, walking like a souls like dog.
More slashes are dones. Walletbreaker screams with joy at the transactions.
3 million store points are spent.
Ocean splits. Trees burn like candels.
The hero loses an arm.
Hero: Final Stand x2. Charging…
Hero POV:
"This is it… for the Saintess, the Thief, Village Girl #1…"
As the readying his final stand. Everything slows to a crawl.
Suddenly—
A sword pierces his chest…
From behind, away from his field of vision.
He smiles forlornly.
Village Girl #1 descends from the sky, holding his hand towards a better place.
They watch turnip ads in the sky together with all their friends.
What Happened:
Caladblock cleaned her miasma swords.
She phases through Hajime, miasma infecting him with love an care.
Hajime calms and regains his faculties.
"HUHHH? Why am I on all fours again?"
Walletbreaker:
"KILLSTEALER!!! I DEMAND A DO OVER!!!"
"Luv?" Hajime asks.
Caladblock chirps:
"YESSS! I FINALLY FOUND YOU!! Please… lets finish this!"
They walk off to the sunset, leaving Walletbreaker on the ground.
"HEY, Hajime-san! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!"
Hajime burns the last banner with the ceremonial torch.
Finishing his long quest!
Ding!
"Congratulations. You’ve completed Daemon Bazonka Conquest.
Please subscribe for future updates and leave a stellar review."
Hajime smiles:
"I’m going to enjoy reviewing this abominable trashpiece."
The world start to pixelate.
He now awakens to witness Lucile-chan tied up in a corner with
furious Saintess and Princess Knight yelling at her face.