“Where am I?”

  Ah, a familiar place to all of us and one that Kiana visited a few days ago. Pure darkness surrounds her, her golden eyes are unable to see anything in front of them even though they seem to be the sun themselves. Her barefoot, one that is basically perfect anatomy wise, one without any defects at all, one that has the pale tone to it and of course, the silklike feeling, it hits the cold darkness beneath her and yet, this darkness seems to be solid. She looks left but only darkness is the thing that she sees, the same happens to the right and of course, backwards and forward.

  “Am I dreaming again?”

  A good question to ask the darkness after all, someone will answer you.

  It’s your subconscious, but I understand the confusion after all, you are supposed to be sleeping.

  A cold voice says this but this voice, it’s basically the same one as Kiana. Kiana quickly turns around as the voice comes from behind her and once again, the one that spoke this is no other than the light orb.

  “But why? I don’t think I’ve done anything this past week that was so dramatic... Or, do you have something to say to me?”

  The look on her face matches what she’s saying, she’s confused. I understand her after all, both of us have no clue what causes Kiana to enter her subconscious and just like she said, this past week was rather uneventful without anything worth noting. The dungeon adventure was “fun” but she didn’t have to defeat a monster whose rank was above S or anything like that. Seriously, it was, just like she said, a boring week in Kiana normal life. With this in mind, only one answer comes to us, the light orb called her here.

  That is exactly why you are here. You did nothing at all, nothing related to your worries and problems. Time is ticking and because of it, your anxiety grows each day and with it, the fear. You still haven’t decided on what path to take, have you?

  “No, otherwise I wouldn’t be here, right? But what am I supposed to do? The more I think about it, the more troubled I get. I can’t simply break that promise, I don’t want to and yet... I can’t choose anything because of it.”

  She brings both of her hands close to her belly, embracing each other tightly as she lets this out to the darkness and to the only one who is with her. Her tone of voice starts normal but quickly not only gets slightly quieter, it also loses strength as her voice seems to be wavering. Both of her feet are pointing to the inside and to each other, at the same time she lowers her head and her gaze meets said “phenomenon”.

  Kiana, open your mind for a few seconds, don’t let the fear of disappointing her consume you. From your memories, I more than believe that she wouldn’t want for you to go through this. No, although her presentation tells the word just how much of a monster she is, in reality, there is no one in this world that cares about you more than her.

  “Yo-You… I-I know that…Wh-What do you mean by closed mind?”

  I’ve never seen Kiana like this before and it's breaking me. Her tone of voice is weak, mere moments from collapsing and with it, her golden eyes, ones that have the tendency to shine brightly, in this moment they are “wet”, ready to burst into a cascade of tears. Wow… This really is consuming her from the inside, I really was not expecting it especially from how happy and easy going she is. This promise, it has so much value to her, it’s something so important that, she’s willing to forsake her own path in life for it, while I have no clue what the promise is and of course who “her” is, I can only make the deduction that, it’s related to the Magical Girl and why Kiana wants to be one. Is this light orb a consequence of Kiana anxiety and even despair? Sometimes, when you are feeling like this, your brain can create things out of thin air, in an attempt of either protecting itself and the “host” or to do the complete opposite, terrorizing them.

  I’ve been thinking about it and the best path for everything is right under your nose but you’re failing to see it because you are obsessed with the promise. You can’t and you won’t think about other possibilities all because they don’t make you a true Magical Girl in an instant.

  “Huff… What am I missing then?”

  Her breathing is slightly higher than normal, as she tries her best to keep her tears at bay and with them, the overflow of negative emotions that are creating said tears and of course, doing their utmost best to push them out of her golden eyes. Her tone of voice once again seems so fragile that it could break with a slight force not only that, it is wavering, her timber increases a note only to go back to normal as she regains control of it, she’s struggling.

  The girl of similar height to you, one that somehow looks even more fragile than you and yet, the only one where you can achieve great things with. That includes, keeping your promise and even fulfilling it.

  The light orb tone of voice is as cold as always, as stoic and as calm and yet, I can feel the sadness from it. Maybe it’s thanks to Kiana current emotional state and just like the orb mentioned, what Kiana feels so does her.

  “Are you talking about Anya? You think her research is the best path?”

  That is correct, with her I believe you can fulfil everything. You can create or find something that will help out everyone in the entire world, something that can make the world an easier place to live. That’s your objective, no?

  ........

  ......

  ...

  Ah, your silence speaks louder than what you can imagine. Yes, unfortunately for those people, you could care less if you could find the cure for the deadliest curses, you just want to fulfil that promise and the rest, you couldn’t care any less about them.

  I don’t understand what she’s trying to do or get at but this, this of course will start an argument. Kiana's face quickly switches to one that is mere moments from exploding, her wet golden eyes are wide open but her eyebrows are frowning, from embracing each other, her hands are now on her sides and grasping themselves and for last, she’s leaning a little bit forward towards the light orb.

  “Yo-You! How can you say something like that! I’ve never said that, I didn’t care!”

  She screams with everything she has but, her voice cracks right at the beginning and from there, it wavers until the very end. At the same time the “cup” has overflowed and with it, a single tear on the right side of her eyes, descends down her cheeks, ones that are so pale that you would think she is a ghost, then as if said tear gained life into itself, it gains speed quickly reaching her chin and falling down to the darkness. She did her utmost to contain the rest of her tears as she bites her lower lip with force in an attempt of stopping it, and she did so with too much force as a small line of blood falls down from it.

  Hmm? Am I wrong? You are the one that feels like this and you are the one who thinks like this. In your mind, how can you be a Magical Girl while doing magic research?

  “Tell me then, Miss know everything, am I wrong for thinking like that-”

  Yes, you are.

  It was a quick and simple answer but it was more than powerful enough to leave Kiana speechless and with her golden eyes wide open and of course, her mouth doing the same thing but not to the same extent. Ah, I shouldn’t be noticing this but, you can actually see the wound she made on her lower lip when she bit it. This answer was so “violent” that it made Kiana recoil back a step or so.

  Kiana, tell me, what is a Magical Girl to you?

  “A Magical Girl is…”

  She should be able to answer and yet, the words are not coming out of her petite mouth. They are not even stuck, no, she’s having troubles even thinking about it, putting her scattered ideas into a comprehensive thought, one that is acceptable for her, for the light orb and of course, for “her”.

  A Magical Girl is someone that fights the evil and protects the good. At least, this is the very motto you’ve sworn to follow. Please tell me, if you are not physically fighting someone does that mean you cannot be the Magical Girl?

  If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  “Wa-wait, I didn’t-”

  The world right now is peaceful and because of it, there is no need for you. But that does not mean you cannot be you.

  Confusing, contradictory and yet, it was more than enough for Kiana and her convoluted mind to break down. It was as if, the knowledge of the world itself came crashing down towards Kiana and in that moment, she finally understood what the light orb is trying to say, trying to make her see and understand.

  “I!”

  Nothing more, nothing less, just a simple vowel that in this case it means, herself. Her eyes are wide open, filled with shock as the realization finally hits them, her mouth is also the same way but, in this case, it’s because she wants to be able to continue what she was about to say. But, right after this-

  Drip!

  The “cup” has been tilted over and with it, the tears follow it. The only thing that was stopping them from going down her eyes and into the darkness itself was the sheer willpower of her, one that was gone the moment she was able to comprehend what the orb was saying all along. They won’t stop coming down any time soon and with them, the sadness, the anxiety, the despair, fear and even dread, they all hit her aching heart with such violence that it makes her weep with even more intensity. She changes facial expressions in a span of a few seconds, her body does the same thing. She’s unable to express what she’s feeling not only that, she still is doing her best to not let out her weak self into-

  Herself.

  She’s just a simple girl with strength behind her, nothing else and nothing more. She’s not a monster incapable of showing emotions, no, as her eyebrows frown all over the place, as they soften up the moment the sadness hits them but quickly stiffen back up as her willpower is trying to calm them down.

  She’s not a maniac that cannot express emotions, no, she brings both of her hands towards her chest, embracing each other and at the same time, holding the collar of her shirt tightly trying to feel some type of comfort from exerting her own strength into something.

  She’s just a simple girl with some problems.

  She’s beautiful, petite, with a kind heart and soul, but that does not mean that she can’t have troubles, ones that unfortunately are consuming her. What the orb says is more than right, I believe in that, so I also think Kiana should do the same thing. The world is peaceful, but that is only today, tomorrow it can change and that’s why she said that, Kiana can still be herself even in peaceful times. But, in these peaceful times, she shouldn’t be standing still trying to be someone that only the world allows her to be when chaos arises.

  However, this promise, there is more to it, right?

  The words might not be coming out of your mouth but your thoughts are. Are you afraid to disappoint her? Even after what I said? No, that’s not it… How can you think in such a way?

  Are you afraid to make her death wish meaningless?

  “I… I…”

  Sob!

  The same vowel was the only thing that she could say to the orb, after all, the orb is correct and she knows it. A stream of tears keeps on falling down her once pale cheeks, one that now have a slight shade of red to them; however, her golden eyes are also somewhat the same way thanks to the weeping. I can feel it, the amount, a tremendous one at that, the amount of regret and self-blame that Kiana feels each time this “her” is mentioned. Maybe she-

  Don’t blame yourself for her death. You had nothing to do with it and you couldn’t prevent it either.

  “Waaa! Wh-What do you even know about it!?”

  With everything she has, with all of her will, sadness, anger, regret, despair, she screams at the top of her lungs as she asks the orb what does she knows about her pain and suffering. A question that she has no intention to get an answer back but, the suffering is making her do this, forcing her to let out into the darkness what she’s feeling. It was a successful attempt of doing so however, she actually got an answer for her plea.

  I know everything. I know your memories about her, ones that you cherish even above your own parents. I know what you think about her and-

  I was there when she died.

  When she took her last breath.

  When you made that promise with her.

  And when she gave you that ornament.

  Have you forgotten already? I don’t know who I am, what I am but, I’ve been with you for a long, long time.

  “I know that… I know! But, but! What am I supposed to do! I can’t just feel differently!”

  I know that, that is why we are having this conversation. It is so that I can once again help you out. There is nothing wrong with doing something else until the world needs you.

  “Yo-you think so? Is it ok for me to stay still and wait for even longer?”

  No, it’s not

  Yes, you cannot rush evil into people or, is that something you want?

  “Of course not…”

  Yes, you want

  Then, don’t be impatient and be thankful that nothing serious has happened until now.

  Don’t be

  That promise

  It won’t be fulfilled otherwise

  Listen to me and carefully.

  Don’t

  What she wanted from you is for you to live a good life, she knows how strong you are and how kind you are. That is why she made you promise to be a Magical Girl, one that fights evil and protects the good. It’s a good motto to live by but, at the same time, don’t force anything that you will regret.

  Don’t listen to her

  Kiana!

  This was the first and only time that she has changed her tone of voice. It’s not cold anymore, not stoic and of course, not calm. No, it was a shout, a desperate attempt to call Kiana back into herself, it seems her mind was starting to waver into the unknown as she’s being overwhelmed with conflicted emotions and as her heart aches with unforgiven pain. However, it was enough to bring her back to the present moment and with it, she was able to calm down a little bit.

  “I… I’m here… I’m listening.”

  It really was just a little bit as the cascade of tears kept on falling, her heart beat is much faster than normal and also rapid as she tries to gather oxygen to her mourning heart much quicker. This conversation, it was supposed to be something that made Kiana think about her situation a little better and yet, it escalated to levels that none could expect. However, a silver line of hope can be seen as Kiana slowly calms down and with it, her mind starts to function normally.

  “I think I know what you are trying to get at…”

  Yes Kiana, of course you do! You’re not dumb at all, just because you cannot do hard mathematical equations, it does not mean you are dumb, no, not at all. You can do it; you can reach the conclusion that has been right under your nose all along. A conclusion that will allow you to help out even those who are far, far away from you and at the same time, if the time does unfortunately come around, you can be the so-called Magical Girl and save the world just like I, the Hero, would do.

  I know that and I also have faith that you will make the best choice for yourself.

  Never forget that I will always be here for you.

  The good, the bad, the normal, in all the situations that you get yourself into, I will always be by your side.

  Please.

  Never forget it.

  And if you do need help, just say it.

  Just like Roxy, I cannot express emotions and I cannot comprehend a few things about myself and even you; however, I will always do my best for you.

  “I know that, you were the one that helped me defeat that monster. It’s just that…”

  She has finally calmed down, or at the very least she’s now speaking somewhat normally. Her voice is still weak from all the lament she did, all the letting go of her emotions but, she’s now stable and able to form proper sentences without stuttering. She’s staring at the light orb, one that looks the same as the previous time. It’s small, around the same size as a football and yet, it’s as bright as the fire from a lighter but still not able to illuminate the darkness that surrounds them and Kiana subconscious. At the same time, the amount of “value” it has to Kiana is also something that none of us can even begin to fathom, especially when she said that she was the one that helped Kiana defeat a monster, one that I can only imagine to be quite powerful.

  “I still wasn’t able to get through her death. I know what I have to do, and what you said is more than right and I agree. I can’t let my own weakness take control of myself and my future.”

  Yes Kiana! That’s it! Keep going!

  “I know it was not my fault, nor your fault. Even if we wanted to, we couldn’t do anything to prevent it. But I can’t keep going like this…”

  Fate likes to throw rocks at you, he likes to take the only footing you have and he also likes to throw you into the abyss with it.

  But that is when you have to be strong and get up.

  “I have to keep moving forward. I won’t break the promise, I will become the Magical Girl but!”

  Once you are up, you don’t look backwards but instead, towards the front, towards the future and all of its possibilities.

  With everything you have, you grab onto them and either pull them towards you or, you go to them instead.

  “I will also make my future something that I can be proud of and of course, make her the same way if not even more.”

  Good answer Kiana.

  You can see the bright light on her mesmerizing golden eyes as she says this, they shine softly but with a bright shade of golden not only that, she flashed the biggest smile she has done until now at the light orb as she reached this conclusion as she, told herself how things will go and what she will do for the future. It was not easy at all, doing something like this is something that very few do if any to be honest. Going to a mirror, strip all of your clothes and directly stare at it, at your reflection is something much harder to do than it should be. You see all of your flaws, your weakness, your excuses for where you are and who you are while of course, the consequences of your actions or lack of them. Maybe this was the intent of the light orb, maybe she was trying to make Kiana look at herself and what she’s doing and feeling. I don’t know, but I’m happy that it was solved and Kiana does have a better look on her face. I mean, she’s a cute mess, her cheeks are red, unfortunately she has damaged her silklike lips, the lower one and her astonishing golden eyes are a little reddish but! You truly can see a light on them, one that tells us that she's excited for the future and no longer anxious for it.

  Of course, you will after all, you are talking about you, about-

  Kiana Eris.

  ........

  ......

  ...

  It’s late at night.

  Kiana is sleeping peacefully but you can easily see the “mess” she made and the “residues” of such. When she was crying in the “dream”, she was doing so in real life as you can see a wet patch both in the pillow and in the sheets not only that, those “residues” is that, you can somewhat see a line that descends down her cheek, said line is wet indicating the path that the tears took.

  Sleep well Kiana, you’ve made your mind on what you need to do and I, just like the orb, we trust what you have decided and that you will make the right choice for you.

  ……..

  ……

  …