Pathum POV (2021 June)

  Maybe she will get back to me in the morning, I doubt she could stay mad at me for that long, its just nothing to worry about. But why would she say such things, break up? Does this mean she wouldnt talk with me? Does this mean she is not my girlfriend anymore? Maybe she just said those words but in reality she didn’t mean them. I can still fix it, I have to mind my anger and deal with OCD alone if I can do that then , maybe then I will be fine. Maybe then we will be fine and will be stable. It all depends, on me and the depth of forgiveness of her.

  Life really sucks now.

  I wish to inform my mother about the situation because she is like the one who can help me with it.

  She was busy cooking, it was rice and dhal, and soya beans. I was about to tell mom but I couldn’t tell her or I thought it is too early to tell . we had our dinner earlier at 7 pm, mom finished her eating and was watching her favorite korean drama. She looked at me and she noticed my weird behaviour .

  ‘’ whats wrong son?’’ she didn’t paused the drama, and I tried to speak.

  ‘’ oh nothing just a bit sick.’’ I lied, but it aint a lie I am feeling sick as well, though not officially labeled as fever or something else my anxiety and stress level were dang high. Did you noticed I don’t curse often? I only do when I am angry and out of control.

  Isnt it ironic and sad at the same time because the victims are often my most loved persons? It is a devastating situation. Because I often hurt the people I love the most and they often think I don’t love them at all and scarlet is one unlucky victim, I wished she could see my struggle and understands me so that we could figure out a way to fix this issues of mine , but since now she is gone and I am left alone I have got to deal with these alone, not alone because she will appear at times and text me.

  She loves you! She needs you!

  Ofcourse I WILL be there for her.

  The next two days goes by and scarlet has reduced talking time with me, if I texted her 10 messages she would give me a single reply and so forth, it is sad to see her do this but I understand it is my fault how can she live with a monster? I understand sweetie.

  Next day after bath I thought about an confession. I was shaking due to the cold cause I bathed too long and scared of whats going to happen when I revealed I messed up.

  “ why do you look sick these few days , you want to get some medicines?’’ mom asked.

  ‘’ I don’t know .’’ I replied hoping to find a way to start a conversation.

  ‘’ what do you mean?’’

  ‘’ I don’t know mom!’’

  ‘’ tell me is something wrong with scarlet? Is she okay?’’

  ‘’ yeah , there’s a problem.’’

  ‘’ I knew I knew.’’ mom turned to me pausing the video she was watching. I didn’t replied, I didn’t know what to say.

  ‘’ what’s the matter with her?’’

  I tried to speak but I couldn’t. The words got stuck in my throat and tears filled my eyes and I looked away.

  “I- umm”

  “What’s wrong Son?” she dried my tears, cupping my face.

  Looser! Why the heck did you started to cry?

  I never did that intentionally. It’s just tears all of a sudden and I became deaf.

  ‘’ she is saying she don’t want to be my girlfriend .’’

  ‘’ what?’’

  ‘’ we had a fight and now she don’t want to talk to me, she don’t want me.’’ I simply uttered the truth. There is no point trying to say the truth in a different tone , just said it outright .

  ‘’ I see, so didn’t she said anything afterwards?’’

  ‘’ she did.’’

  ‘’ she do talk?’’

  ‘’ she do now and then but don’t talk the way she used to do in the past.’’

  ‘’ thats fine be that way , she’ll talk to you soon.’’ mom said resuming her video.

  ‘’ but how ? what if she don’t?’’

  ‘’ there are no what if.’’

  ‘’ but she don’t talk to me like she used to , that is not fine.’’

  ‘’ I told you I have warned you many times don’t fight with that girl, you cant live like that . what if she blocked you everything will be over. And your exam is all over , do you want that? I hope not.’’ she said giving me a told you so look. There’s some truth in what mom says but I am positive she wont block me , well even if she did it wont be for that long, I am sure this break up wont last that long.

  ‘’ I don’t know.’’

  ‘’ you don’t know anything.’’ she snapped.

  ‘’ can you ask her to talk.’’

  ‘’ I will talk to her,you get it out of your head and relax.’’ relaxed, I felt a burden lifted off. Hope she would listen to mom the least. So I downloaded the translate app and google hangouts for her and fixed and taught her how to text and translate, so that I wouldn't have explain the translation everytime. I mean I don’t mind doing that job for her but it is not really convenient and easy for both of us cause we both got lives and if we are to spent them doing something useless. I mean gosh I never meant that it is useless but you get what I am trying to say right?

  Ofcourse I do

  Oh do you?

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  Yes sir

  Okay! That’s good.

  Once she understood how to text and translate she told me she would fix this issue. Which I hope shall be true.

  Will mom fix the issue?

  I hope for God’s sake she would. I haven’t ate something since she said that she is breaking up with me. I mean I tried to eat but I just couldn’t and maybe that is why I am shaking since then.

  I did the only thing I could and that is texting her, I wrote a ton. Apoligising her and trying to bring her back.

  But she rarely responded. That is okay I know my sweetie would come back and everything would be beautiful once again.

  Pathum : Please sweetie are you okay?

  Please text me back I am worried about you.

  Are you okay sweetie? Why haven’t you texted me since last night?

  Please I am sorry for a lot of questions but I really miss you a lot. I know it’s only been a day without you but I truly miss you and I cannot live without you.

  Please I promise I wouldn’t hurt you again.

  I promise I will control my anger.

  I promise I will watch my mouth, please don’t do this us. Please think about our children. Please our future!

  Please text me for once cuz I really miss you so much .

  Why isn’t she texting me? This is like the hundreth message I sent her. Is she okay? Please God protect my girl! Whatever happen may bad not happpen for her. Please help her and guide her. I know I haven’t been consistent with prayers and faith but please forgive me. Forgive me fo rmy ugly mouth and hurting her. I promise if given chance I will do my best to show that I am the very best person for her life. Please I am sorry for cursing. Just don’t separate us. I promise I will not hurt her. I promise God! Please God you know I love her, you know she’s my number one person besides mom, please you know how much I love her so please don’t take her away from me. Please protect her. Please keep her safe. Please I miss her so much. I miss her so much please tell her to talk to me, I cannot stay away from her.

  I texted her so many messages but she responded to none of them neither did she read them. I tried to study but I just coulddn’t focus on anything because I just couldn’t. And finally after waiting for so long texted me.

  Scarlet : Stop sending me too many messages. I am busy.

  Pathum : OMG ! Scarlet are you okay sweetie?

  Scarlet : I’m okay.

  Pathum : Are you really okay sweetie? I was worried.

  Scarlet : hmm ok.

  Pathum : Please why aren’t you talking to me?

  Scarlet : Why should I ?

  Pathum : Please don’t talk that way. I miss you so much don’t you miss me?

  Scarlet : I don’t.

  That’s a lie! She misses me. I know she does.

  Pathum : My sweetie just lied hehe.

  Scarlet : ok.

  Pathum : I know you miss me sweetie.

  Scarlet : ok.

  Pathum : Please are you really okay?

  Scarlet : I already answered to that.

  Pathum : Please why are you talking this way? What happened since last night, please talk to me like you did day before yesterday and let’s be happy.

  Scarlet : why I talk this way? Because that’s what you deserve.

  Pathum : You are my girlfriend please let’s be that way.

  Scarlet : Never!

  Pathum : What do you mean never?

  Scarlet : I am pretty sure you understand english.

  Pathum : Scarlet, sweetie I miss you so much please come back to me. Talk to me sweetly like you always do. What’s this nature. Why can’t you love me like you did before. Please think about our future.

  Scarlet : There’s no future for me with you. So stop the mess, I am not your girlfriend, i will never be your girlfriend again. I will not do that mistake again. So keep your distance. I am not your girlfriend. Don’t try to make me be yours again. I am not yours. Not anymore.

  Please God no, I can’t do it without her. Gosh she will come back to me. Just give her time.

  Pathum : I understand but I know you will come back to me, I just believe that. I feel that.

  Scarlet : ok.

  That’s okay, I know you will come back to me sweetie. I love you and I know you do the same.

  Pathum : whatcha doing? Hehe

  Scarlet : None of your business.

  Pathum : Hehehe ??

  Scarlet : WHat’s so funny? Jerk

  She called me Jerk? Oh my god she just called me Jerk. please don’t do this to me Scarlet.

  Pathum : I am sorry for disturbing you sweetie I know exactly what to do to bring you back. Stay safe sweetie imma surprise you.

  Scarlet : Whatever. Just don’t text me often or bother to call me. I have a life just respect that atleast cause you clearly don’t understand what it means to have a space means.

  Pathum : Okay sweetie!

  She didn’t replied afterwards. But it didn’t mattered because I know exactly what to do to bring her back. I know my sweetie would surely like it.

  It’s a video at Marco polo. I haven’t used the app frequently but I think I need to get some use from it. It’s time to do some business and make her happy.

  She would come back if she sees your umm cute face and cute voice.

  Ofcourse she would.

  So I opened the app. And started to record.

  (The video : )

  Hell-ooo the-re sweetie!! Umm sweetie Scarlet. I have something important to say.

  So I don’t know what I should say because I actually never really planned on what I am about to say. You said umm… you said you want space from me and sweetie you can have it, I don’t blame you but well I- I am sorry for hurting you. Please if you were here I would hug you and kiss you and make you feel alright.

  Yes sweetie I really would. Please believe me. I know when I get mad I take out my anger on you and say bad words and disrespect god and hurt you badly but please I love you, I love you so much. Its the same way I treat all my loved ones, it’s just I loose control of my tongue. I am not physically abusive or such as that. Please belive me. Please ask my mother. Please don’t break up with me.

  I know it’s my fault but I will study well and pass this exam and get a scholarship and marry you. Nothing is going to separate us. I promise I will fight for our future. I love you so much sweetie. I love you . I really do. It is never fake. I truly love you and have so many dreams for you.

  I know this break up thing is just a challenge from God. i promise I won’t let you down. I won't give up on us. I know you love me and when you hear my words you will come back to me. I believe it. I know you need me. Don’t worry sweetie I love you and I support you whereever you go in your life. I will always be there for you. Always.

  So sweetie please come back I miss you so much, I could’nt even eat, yesterday there was pork and guess what? They didn’t even taste better or I did not even ate anything. Do you know why? Becuase of you. I cannot live without you. So please come back to me sweetie. I love you! Also remember my mom loves you too. Please comeback. Please .

  I finished recording the polo and delivered it. I know onething for certain and that is when she sees this video she would come back to me. I know she loves me. My baby girl would definitely cry.

  Gosh I wish I could hug her so that she would feel my love

  She loves me a lot and she needs me. Our dreams will cherish all I gotta do is study well and pass this exam and acheive the best. I know I can do it.

  Please God forgive me for my ugly tongue! Please I need her, you know I love her so much please tell her that. Please I would do anything in return. Please keep her safe. Please bring her back to me. I miss the happy girl. Please bring her into my life.

  Thank you so much for reading!

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  Enjoy!!! Umm... I know you can't enjoy these upcoming chapters but don't lose hope. Keep believing something better would take place!!!