"What a babe." I couldn't help but exclaim.

  The demon beauty that just appeared would get any dude rock hard. I looked down and tried to shield my crotch. Then I recalled most people in this place didn't care.

  Back on earth, getting a hard-on in public was a death sentence for you socially. But it was just a Tuesday in the abyss, surrounded by demons all in the buff. It was one of the weird yet awesome things about life as a demon.

  "Someone is at attention. Down boy." The sultry voice of this mighty vixen did weird stuff to me.

  She said down boy, but my big boy knows only the opposite direction. I glanced at the others, wondering if they were similarly affected. Jelmak was smitten with his little demon girlfriend and Kalrun, holy hell he looked like me when I was in high school and Sally Peterson the hottest girl in school said hi to me one time. Did I just witness a demon get the whole love at first sight?

  Oddly it turned my boner into a guilty boner. The kind you get when you check out your mate's girl and feel just a little bit guilty about it.

  But they had just met, so was it a guilty boner? Probably best to think about it that way. Bro's before hoes is an eternal rule between us dudes. But still, damn she's fine.

  "What can I do for you gentlemen? Besides whatever vile needs that one has, brothel is down the corner on the left." She pointed to me and I felt singled out.

  "I don't think I have the money for that. But maybe after this?" I shifted to Kal and gave him a pleading look.

  He shook himself out of his reverie and finally paid attention to his bro. "What? Oh yeah, once we sell this stuff, we should have some money for recreation." He paused, glancing back at the walking ten.

  "Not that I go in for that." He corrected and it was indeed cringe.

  My boy was an old and powerful second order, but the guy had no game at all. Not that my game was that strong. I mean I got laid, but very rarely.

  "Of course you don’t, you are a gentleman demon. Nothing like this little lech." She pointed at me, singling me out.

  I would be offended if it wasn't true and I wasn't ashamed of it. I liked sex, even as a demon that hadn't changed. I just was more open about it now.

  "Lecherous and proud of it. I mean, we're demons." I countered and she nodded.

  "True, but were is the fun in the obvious. Subtle seductions are far more enjoyable then the get on your hands and knees type." She turned to Kal and winked. "But sometimes a girl can be convinced she needs a little punishment every now and then."

  Kal gulped and I knew that lucky bastard was in. Well, there is always the brothel for me. But why can't I get a sexy demon girlfriend into the kinky shit?

  "Well that's enough foreplay, you have wares to sell?" She shifted to all business.

  Kal finally found his brain, dropped it back into his skull and spoke. "Yes we have some goods to sell from the material planes." He gestured to the giant sacks of loot.

  "Well now, let's have a look." She smiled, walking over to the sacks of loot.

  Upon perusing what we had, what followed was some haggling, Kal and Valerie were virtual masters. Each of them went back and forth so much I couldn’t keep track. Was this some sort of merchant foreplay, just bang already.

  After a good solid D-Hour, they came to an arrangement. "Is the price acceptable?" She purred, running her claws across Kals arm.

  "It is." He answered, unfazed.

  I think we just got rich, but I wasn't paying attention. The transaction was completed, we ended up with a big bag of tokens and she got a bunch of loot. Reminded me of unloading your inventory in an RPG. Only having your high charisma friend do all the talking.

  "So Val, what did your accursed master have you do? Or did he just summon you because you are a fine piece of woman?" I cringed internally, but I was a demon, I didn't need shame any more.

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  "She does admire my form, but my mistress was dealing with a small rebellion by some misbegotten men that got into their heads they could rule better then the matriarchy." She explained gleefully. "They learned the error of their ways when I removed their underwhelming reproductive organs. Such organs were used to defile many a fare maiden."

  I instinctually covered my crotch, and Kal did so as well. This elicited a chuckle from the vixen.

  "You needn't worry my sweet boys, yours will grow back if removed." She added and that didn't reassure me at all.

  "Wait, matriarchy? What's that?" I zeroed in on her statement.

  She chuckled, covering her mouth with both hands like she had a secret. But with everybody nude, we have no secrets.

  "It seems you are from a patriarchal society. That is not going to fly on Targella. There the women rule and the men follow like good little boys." She looked at me, cheeky as ever.

  "How did that happen?" I asked, genuinely curious.

  Last I recall back on earth, women being the ruling class was very rare. We had a patriarchal society, well things were changing, but men still dominated much of the upper echelons.

  "Honestly I don't know, never asked." She answered with a shrug.

  I returned the gesture and the topic was set to the side. What followed was some more negotiation and Kal shamelessly flirting with her. He was so obvious it was sad, but I could swear she was into it. Lucky bloke.

  Banging on the door drew our attention and the sounds of shouting demons suggested there may be people outside, angry and vulgar people.

  "Get out here bitch, we are going to teach you a lesson!" Someone screamed, banging on the door like he wanted to destroy it.

  "Yeah get out here!" Another voice called out, substantially whinier than the other.

  "Excuse me gentleman, but someone has just requested I remove parts of their anatomy." She grinned, making her way to the door.

  She pulled it wide open and casually strutted, facing the rude little demons before her. I glanced to the side and noted they were second orders, one of them had four arms and blue-ish skin and the other looked like an overgrown imp.

  "Can I help you?" She spoke without a hint of her former niceties.

  "You owe us protection money, pay up bitch or we will distribute your pieces across town!" The overgrown imp demanded, his lackey behind him repeating his words like a hype man.

  I could sense Kal ready to rumble and so I cut him off. It was likely he would down something foolish. If I have learned anything from suffering through romantic comedies, is that a guy's dick made him stupid.

  Swaggering up beside her, I decided to do something stupid, only I wasn't doing it because of my dick. She glanced at me, her next words caught in her throat.

  I grinned, casting a threatening gaze at the invaders. "Who the hell are you?" The fat imp demanded, brandishing his claws in a pathetic attempt at a threat.

  I ignored it, I mean I was the boy of a badass demon lord. I am with the worst of the bad, this foolish demon shouldn't mess with my crew.

  I grinned, gesturing the piss ant to follow my hand to my belt. It was something I got back at Wildhold, a place to keep my magical weapons. I tapped the wand at my side and glared back in challenge.

  "You better run that shit or ill pull out my nine and pop a cap in your ass." I threatened, emulating every gangster movie I recalled.

  The demon turned to me and scowled, he looked at me like I was dog shit he has to scrap off his non-existent boot.

  "You looking for a dismemberment, me and my boys can oblige." He threatened, glaring at me.

  "You can try." I slipped a hand down to my wand, the magic one on my belt.

  The scarface wannabe just scoffed at my weapon, again not the one between my legs, though he may have. Against my better judgement, I checked his out, grinning that mine was bigger.

  "You think I'm scared of that little stick of yours?" He barked, flexing his claws and glancing a sly grin at his boy.

  "You should be bitch, because this little stick is about to mess you up." I shot back before pausing. "That came out wrong." I retracted, realising what I just said might be misconstrued.

  "Boys, stop with the dick measuring contest, your both pretty and I'm sure any gal will love your little prick for the right price." She added, her hands on her hips, a sly smile cresting her full lips.

  I will admit, I got a little hard when she said that, by the Abyss she was sexy. Good luck to Kal.

  "Oh we don't need to measure, it will look pretty big when your choking on it." He declared with a big rapey vibe. "Get her, she needs a lesson." He commanded his boy and just as Kal arrived beside me, too late to stop me.

  I withdrew my piece and blasted this guy's lackey away with eldritch power. The abyssal fire engulfed the demon, throwing him back against the wall.

  It didn't kill him, none of us could die. But it did mess him up well, the smoking and scorched limbs told the tale that we were the true original gangsters.

  I turned my wand to the confounded wannabe and left him this ultimatum. "Fuck off or you will be next." I declared and regretted I couldn't come up with something cooler.

  Everyone was stunned to silence, that tended to happen when you were a badass. "You will pay for this!" The wannabe screamed as he fled like a bitch.

  He grabbed his scorched hype man and ran down the street. I was satisfied, I got to be a badass and capped some dude with my new wand. I could get used to this, being a gangster suits me.

  "What in liliths name did you just do?" Kal interjected, not sounding happy.

  "I protected the turf." I answered, still riding my high.

  "He will be back, probably going to whine to his fourth order boss. They won't take the disrespect lying down. Probably should make yourself scarce, his boss might be bored enough to handle this." She explained and I shuddered.

  "Fourth order?" I asked, shaking just a little bit.

  "Yep, his boss technically owns this place and charges protection money. It's a recent thing."

  I shook my head, not wanting to stick around if a fourth order was going to roll up on us. We didn't have our boss around and I'm not sure how powerful he is.

  "Were screwed." Kal stated the obvious.

  "Crap." It was all I could say and I could only hope Asmordis was more powerful and wouldn't be mad about this shitstorm I just caused.