With a horse our journey became significantly easier at least. We didn’t have to slowly follow Trip while we were bored out of our minds. Now Lie could keep up a good trot all day without slowing down. The only problem?

  She never stopped talking.

  “So, I mean it was just a little bit of fire right? Sure I mean, I burned a whole palace down, burned a priceless pearl to ash and accidentally killed like a lot of people. But it was a accident! And he’s my dad! He should forgive me right? But nooooo he’s all like ‘You’ve committed treason against me!’ and ‘You shall pay for your sins!’ and then just hands me over to heaven for execution? I mean, what the hell right?”

  Wukong groaned, while Lie continued talking. “I’m not sure how much more of this I can take Yue. I’m losing my fucking mind.”

  I sighed and looked over at Trip. He seemed to have entered some kind of meditative trance. “Hey, Lie? We’re going to scout ahead for a bit. We’ll find a good place to camp for tonight.”

  “Huh? Oh, sure thing! See you soon! So, as I was saying-“

  Wukong wasted no time in blasting ahead with Nimbus, and within a second we were out of earshot. He sighed in relief as we lifted into the air.

  “Gods, she’d be perfect if she just learned to shut up!”

  “Try to understand, she’s been alone for a while. It’s only been a few days. Once she gets it out of her system she’ll probably settle down.” I hoped.

  Wukong sighed again. “This journey hasn’t exactly been going how I wanted. First the circlet, then the dragon, and now the endless droning.”

  “What were you even expecting?”

  “I don’t know, but definitely more fighting and a lot less talking. Maybe with some heroics thrown in for good measure.”

  I chuckled. “Well, we’re still just getting started. We haven’t even gotten out of the eastern country yet. You’ll get your chance to show off. But have you talked to Tripitaka yet?”

  He studiously looked away from me and began looking at the horizon searching for a good spot to camp.

  “Wukong, you need to talk to him. He’s supposed to be your master.”

  “Yeah, well, my last master didn’t strap a circlet of pain to my head.”

  “Wukong, look at me.”

  His eyes remained focused on the road ahead.

  “Please. My love.”

  He groaned. “You know that’s cheating.” He turned back and looked at me.

  His eyes were so nice and soft. A vivid red with golden centers. I pushed some fur behind his ear and smiled.

  “I know this isn’t how you wanted it to be. But it was never going to be easy. Change never is. You want to be better don’t you?”

  “Of course Yue. I want to do right by you. I want to learn to be better.”

  “Well, this is how it starts. Talk to Tripitaka. Accept him as your master, and he can start teaching you about Buddhism. And over time, you’ll begin to change.”

  He groaned. “Why are you always right?”

  “Because you have a good eye for ladies.”

  “Well, if you said it then it must be true.” He dipped down and we shared a kiss. Then two and three. Finally I had to push him away.

  “Wukong, we’re supposed to be scouting.” I giggled.

  “Oh, we can have a little bit more fun can’t we? There’s nothing up ahead anyway.”

  “You sure?” I pointed to a few curls of smoke coming up just a few li down the road.

  Wukong sighed. “Damn it.”

  We stopped fooling around and scouted the smoke which seemed to be coming from a large mansion on the outskirts of a village with several outbuildings and courtyards. They would likely have some places for us to stay tonight.

  We didn’t land and introduce ourselves. Most humans did not react kindly to that. We found negotiations are best left to Trip.

  We went back to Trip and Lie and told them about the mansion we found and they picked up the pace, eager to sleep in a real bed, or in Lie’s case, a stable.

  We reached the mansion well before it got dark, and Trip asked them to allow us to stay the night. The owners of the house let us in and invited us to dinner.

  We gathered in the dining hall as the owners, an older man and his wife, displayed a scrumptious array of food to us.

  The man was speaking to Tripitaka. “You don’t seem like average pilgrims.” He looked at me and Wukong

  “Ah, yes my disciple and his wife are both extraordinary people. I hope you don’t mind their presence.” I offered a slight head bow as Trip introduced us. Wukong was already busy stuffing his face. Why Wukong? Why?

  I smiled to try and hide my husband’s rudeness. “Thank you for sharing your home and food with us.”

  “Ah, yes, well, when I saw your… unusual nature I knew you musn’t be ordinary people. I have a favor to ask of you. We have a small… demon problem.”

  This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  Wukong perked up at that. “Demons? Where? I’ll take care of them for you!”

  “Wukong, swallow your food before you speak.”

  He hurriedly swallowed. “If you have demons, I’d be happy to take care of them for you!”

  “Ah, thank you for your enthusiasm, but I’m afraid it’s a bit more… complicated than that.”

  “Dear, we should just tell them flat out.” His wife turned towards us. “Our daughter married a demon.”

  “Oh.” Wukong was taken aback. “I mean, if this a family dispute, I think I’d rather not get involved…”

  Her husband sighed. “She didn’t know he was a demon when she married him. He looked like a handsome young man. She introduced us to him, and he was perfectly nice. I mean he still is but…”

  “He’s ugly.” His wife wasted no time in getting to the point.

  “Dear!” He reprimanded.

  “What? I know you don’t want our grandkids to look like that. And our daughter is upset too! He might act nicely, but he still lied about himself to marry our daughter. We’re justified in kicking him out!”

  The man sighed. “That’s easier said than done. He’s a powerful demon who wields a rake as a weapon. Which is why we need your help.”

  “Uh, well…” Wukong looked to me and Trip for answers. Trip just seemed lost in the moral ambiguities of the request, so I leaned forward and whispered to him instead.

  “We should help. They’re giving us food and a place to sleep. It would be different if his wife wanted to stay with him, but it sounds like she doesn’t.”

  “Yes! I, Sun Wukong, will help you rid your home of this demon! I even have a genius plan.” He smirked. Uh oh.

  That was never a good sign.

  “Wukong, this is stupid.”

  “What?! How could my beloved wife say such a thing?” Wukong gave me the big eyes, which didn’t work because he didn’t look like my husband at the moment. He looked like an especially nauseating human.

  His voice was even distorted. Ugh. “Because it’s stupid. You’re not even hiding your tail.”

  Wukong met the daughter and she thanked us for helping to rid her of her especially ugly husband. I haven’t seen him yet, but I’d reserve judgement considering I found most humans gross.

  He transformed into her, and planned to wait for him to get home, then attack him while his guard was down.

  Wukong carefully shuffled his tail under some blankets. “It’s fine. He’ll never even know.”

  “You don’t even know his name.”

  “I can just make it up as I go along. Watch. I’ll bet he’ll fall for it, hook, line, and sinker.”

  “Fine. I’ll take that bet. What are we playing for?”

  “Really? Uuuuuuh, I know! If my superior acting skills fool him, we’ll continue our little scouting mission in private.”

  “And if I win?” Which, I was fairly certain I would.

  “If you win, I’ll accept Tripitaka as my master, even without talking to him.”

  “All I want is for you to talk with him. I’m not wasting my win on that. If I win, I want to continue our scouting mission, but with me leading. Sound good to you?”

  Wukong blushed as the young woman. “Oh? Sounds like I win either way to me. But sure. You’re on!”

  Trip’s head popped up from the window. “He just got home. He’ll be here in a few minutes. I’m going to hide.” Trip ran off.

  I activated my invisibility, and Wukong straightened out his blankets and made sure his tail was hidden.

  Soon enough, big heavy steps walked up to the door. It slid open with a heavy thud, revealing a… pig.

  It was pig demon. Lunus, no wonder they were worried about their future grandkids.

  He smiled at Wukong. “It’s nice to see you dear. I’m home from work.”

  Wukong shook off his surprise and offered him a smile. “It’s good to see you too honey. All my parents did today was complain about us. I’m sorry they’re not being understanding.”

  His smile broadened as he walked in. “It’s fine dear. They’ll come to accept us in time. Would you like a kiss to cheer you up?”

  “Uh, no-no, I’m just too worried. My parents have even found someone to kick you out. He’s a powerful warrior and a genius trickster.”

  I resisted snorting.

  The pig responded. “There’s no need to worry dear. Not when I have my Soul-Rending Rake with me!” He plucked it out of his pocket and it grew. He swung it around in a demonstration. “One hit and not even the mightiest warrior will remain standing. You have no need to fear. Now about that kiss…” His got even closer to Wukong, and kneeled down with his lips puckered.

  I did my best to resist laughing as terror flashed on Wukong’s face. He pushed the pig man back as he pretended to be worried. “Oh, but this warrior is called Sun Wukong! I heard he’s really strong!”

  Piggy froze. “Sun Wukong? That’s what they said his name is?”

  Wukong had both hands pushing him away and leaning back. “Uh, yes?”

  Piggy stood back up much to Wukong’s relief and my disappointment. “Ah, I uh, just remembered somewhere I have to go. I might be a while, please don’t wait up for me.” He began rushing around the room, stuffing junk in his knapsack before throwing it onto his back.

  “Honey, where are you going? You should stay a while longer.”

  Piggy turned back on the doorway. “Look, it’s been a good run, but-“ He froze again as his eyes travelled behind Wukong. To his tail.

  “Fuck. Jigs up.” Wukong summoned his staff and dropped his transformation, rushing at the pig.

  Their battle went outside, but I couldn’t follow them. I was too busy laughing. Lunus, the only way that could have been better was if Wukong was actually forced to kiss him. Hopefully he’ll think twice about impersonating someone’s wife in the future.

  I finally stopped long enough to stumble out the door, still laughing. Wukong and the pig were fighting up in the sky, and Trip was staring up at them, mouth wide open.

  I dropped my invisibility and walked over to him, still struggling to contain my laughter.

  “Tripitaka, I have to, to tell you what just happened in there. It was hilarious.”

  He looked at me incredulously. “Aren’t you worried for Wukong? He’s risking his life to help these people right now.” He waved up to their clashes in the air.

  I looked up and activated my chi sight. “No, Wukong’s fine. It’d take an act from Buddha for that pig to win against him.”

  “But the demon has a powerful treasure that steals sou-Oh no! Wukong just got hit with it!”

  Sure enough, Wukong just got hit on his head with the rake. A negligible amount of chi left him. It might have been enough to faze a normal human, maybe even an average immortal, but for Wukong?

  He didn’t even notice.

  Wukong stared him down as The pig dropped his rake and put his hands in the air. Looked like he was surrending.

  “Come on, let’s go meet them out on the road. The pig’s been officially kicked out after all.”

  I pulled Trip, who was still gaping along to the front door, where a familiar white horse was waiting for us.

  “Hey guys. I heard fighting. What’s going on?”

  “Wukong just defeated a demon, and we’re meeting him down here on the road.” I waved at Wukong and he brought the defeated demon along.

  He puffed up. “I have bested yet another foe! You may all praise me now.”

  “I think you mean you lost a bet.” He grimaced, while I snickered.

  Trip shook his head and looked at the pig demon with his head hung low. “What are we supposed to do with him? We can’t just let him run around decieving more women.”

  Lie lit up. “Oh! We can have him carry the bags! It’s awful heavy to carry both the luggage and Tripitaka. Uh, not that you’re heavy Tripitaka, its just carrying both you and the bags tires me out a lot.”

  “I like that. The bag-carrier! That’s what we’ll call you.” Wukong slapped his back causing him to sputter.

  “Uh, I really wish I could help you guys, but I unfortunately can’t. You see I have an important obligation to fulfill.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You can stop right there. Whatever lie you’re about to say, you can keep it to yourself. You’re coming along with us until we figure out what to do with you.”

  “It’s not a lie! The Boddisattva Guanyin gave me this task! I’m to wait along this road for the pilrim heading to the western heaven to aid him on his journey west! If I miss the pilgrim, she’ll be very cross with me, so I’m afraid I can’t accompany you.”

  We were all stunned speechless, even Lie. I finally just shook my head.

  “Are you Wuneng or Wujing?” I asked.

  He stared at me, confused. “The Boddisattva named me Wuneng, but how do you know the name she gave me?”

  I sighed and gestured to Tripitaka. “Wuneng, meet the pilgrim heading to the western heaven, Tripitaka. Trip, this is your second disciple, Pigsy.”

  Pigsy swallowed thickly. “Ah.”