"And that takes care of that," I said, dusting my hands off after a job well done. Before me were four unconscious hooligans, piled up nice and neat for somebody to clean up.

  Somebody who wasn't me.

  "Now, I wonder how the others are doing?" I mumble, turning to face the group. Ichigo was doing fine, no surprise there. Pretty sure his opponents were missing most of their teeth.

  Maybe I should call him the Tooth Fairy?

  Chad was… getting punched. Like… a lot. But it didn't seem to be bothering him any. Three guys just wailing on him from every direction and Chad just had no fucks to give. Seems like he was trying to gas them out without throwing a single punch. Feels like I'm watching a live action Sun Tzu quote.

  I then turned my attention to the girls, wondering how they were doing. I watched Tatsuki dodge a punch before spinning and sending an elbow right into his solar plexus. His friend tried to grab her from behind, but she did the splits, which was very interesting to watch, before she spun her body again, knocking the man off balance.

  As he fell onto his ass, Tatsuki hopped back onto her feet. Only when she landed, her feet slammed right into the man's crotch. His eyes bugged out of his head before entering the sweet embrace or unconsciousness.

  By this time the first guy had almost recovered, but it seems our dear sweet tomboy wasn't about to let that happen. She sent a kick right into his nose, sending him flying backwards, blood shooting into the air like a geyser.

  That should not have turned me on as much as it did, but there's just something about a woman who can take care of business like that.

  "Woo! Way to go Tatsuki!" I shouted. She turned to me and gave me the victory sign. Of course, it was at that moment a noise caught our attention. Turning my head to see what it was about, my jaw nearly fell to the floor.

  It was Orihime. Her opponent went to grab her, though his aim was a little suspicious, seeming going for her chest and not a takedown. But as he did, Orihime seemingly disappeared from his sight. He looked around for a moment, confused, until a foot sent him into the air.

  Now while he couldn't see what happened, I could. As the guy went to grab her, she ducked down, too fast for him to see. From there, she spun her body, using the ground as a counterforce to send a kick right into his chin, letting out a mighty "Hee-yaw!" as she did so.

  Her kick was strong enough to send him spinning in the air like a top before gravity made him its bitch and slammed him ass first into the ground. Pretty sure I heard his tailbone peace out when it happened. Poor bastard would never poop right again.

  Safe to say her attack was a critical hit. Too bad the move was also a double edged sword and Orihime almost took herself out with her own boobs. If she wasn't careful, she might give herself a black eye with those things.

  "Damn, what the hell have you been teaching her Tatsuki?" I muttered. She may not be a tomboy, but she apparently could dish out the violence with the best of them. Wonder if that counts?

  Nope, sorry.

  "Oh, hey Sarah. Haven't heard from you in a while."

  Well I thought I'd give you some alone time with your friends. And there was no way in hell I was sitting through school.

  "What else could you have been doing?" I questioned with some disbelief.

  Watching Youtube videos.

  "Seriously…" I thought with a sigh. That's just not right. Here I am, suffering through the hum and the drum of high school, and my own game system fucks off to watch internet personalities. Not cool. If I have to endure the torture of school, she should too.

  It's only fair.

  Now don't your knickers in a twist big guy, that wasn't all I was doing. Remember when you were almost turned into roadkill?

  "I remember Tatsuki laughing at me afterwards," I thought, thinking back to the incident in question, my eyes drifting towards the sexy tomboy pulling off some street fighter level shit as I did so. I watched equal parts mesmerized and aroused as she kicked someone in the chin while doing a backflip away from him, using his own body as a springboard.

  That will be in my dreams tonight…

  Well that was actually Truck-kun. I was trying to find out why he was after you, but I can't seem to get a hold of my sister.

  "Wait, are you telling me I almost got isekai'd again?" I questioned, my eyes drifting over to Orihime as she pulled a Black Widow on someone. Sure his neck was probably fucked up forever, but before that his head was nestled right between those creamy thighs of hers.

  Pretty much. Which shouldn't be possible. Though I guess I can say that about several things involving you.

  "What can I say, I'm a popular guy," I snarked back, though I was somewhat worried about some psycho angel gunning for me. Or whoever it was. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't just otherworldly beings that wanted a piece of me.

  A sudden pressure around my ankle caused me to look down, and to my immeasurable surprise, there was a chain wrapped around it. I barely had enough time to give a "The fuck?" before I was swept off my feet in a most violent manner.

  Apparently, while I was distracted talking with Sarah and watching Tatsuki and Orihime take care of business, some guy on a motorcycle managed to sneak up on me and get his chain around me. You know, because motorcycles are known for their stealth capabilities.

  "This is all your fault Sarah!" I screamed in my head as I was dragged across the ground. Whoever the dead man was on the bike was clearly intending to take me out of the school grounds and have his wicked way with me somewhere else.

  Jokes on him. He's the one who's fucked.

  My bad. I'll just… leave you two alone.

  "Damn it, Sarah!"

  As I was dragged out of the school, my eyes met Ichigo's for a brief moment. His were wide with surprise at seeing me in my current shameful state. I'm sure mine showed how annoyed I was with the whole affair.

  "Avenge me!" I shouted as I was forcefully removed from the school grounds.

  "You dumbass," Ichigo muttered, watching as I disappeared into the distance. Not that he had much time to think about it, as he was attacked by another random thug.

  "Hey, should we go after him?" Chad asked, still ignoring the people punching him. They were panting heavily with sweat pouring down their faces, moments away from completely gassing themselves out.

  "Nah, he'll be fine. Anyone who can survive my sister's cooking wouldn't be taken out by someone like that," Ichigo responded, giving his newest victim an uppercut, instantly knocking him out.

  I have to admit, I thought being dragged through town the way I was would be more painful, but honestly, it was more like getting a massage. I haven't even lost any Hp from it.

  I thought about chucking a rock at the guy, or the baseball bat I was still holding onto, but I decided to wait and see if they took me to their secret lair/sex dungeon. You know, just in case there were more of them hiding out there. That way, I can take them out here and now.

  I was a bit worried about my school clothes, as they're the only pair I have, so I shoved my shirt and jacket into my Inventory. Now I could have taken my pants off and asserted my dominance over them that way, but then I thought, "My glorious manhood is far too good for such plebeians to behold."

  So I left them on. It was mostly my torso that was in contact with the street anyway, so I wasn't too worried about having to replace them.

  Now, all I have to do is wait.

  "…How fucking far is this place?" This asshole has been dragging me around for fifteen minutes already. I was starting to think he wasn't taking me anywhere and just wanted to smear me across the ground. Too bad for him he would run out of gas before that happened.

  Just as I was about to say, "Fuck it," and bean this jackass in the head, I saw a building in the distance. It looked similar to the ones the Visoreds hang out in. God help me if I have to deal with Shinji again.

  Speaking of Visoreds, a familiar black cat suddenly decided to jump on top of my chest.

  "Hey there Yoruichi. What brings you around these parts?" I asked. She sat down on her haunches, giving me a curious look.

  "Well, I was on my way to your house when I spotted a most peculiar sight. Mind telling me what's going on?" she asked, in her deep, manly voice. Fuck that was off putting when you know what she really looks like. Makes you wonder if those large, fun bags resting high on her chest were a trap and she had a special surprise waiting for you down below.

  I sure hope not. I do not need more of that trauma in my life.

  "Oh just the usual. A bunch of two bit thugs decided to pick a fight and one of them asked me to take a ride with him," I said, as we passed through a gate. One that closed right behind us. Not that either one of us paid it much mind.

  "And you just accepted his invitation?" Yoruichi asked, amusement clear in her tone. I shrugged my shoulders as best as I could.

  "How could I turn down such a strapping young man like him?" I questioned with a smirk on my face. She chuckled as we began to slow down, meaning it was about time for me to be introduced to the folks.

  I hope they like me.

  Gain 1 Affection to Yoruichi Shihouin (5/100)

  "One more thing before I go. Kisuke wants to speak with you. So as soon as your date is over, head to this address," she said, before rattling off an address. Great, so now I have to deal with the mad scientist, huh? That is how this day would go.

  "Fine, I'll see you there Whiskers," I said, barely even noticing as we were surrounded by people.

  "Have fun!" she shouted, before hopping off and running away. What I wouldn't give to watch her run away in her real form. Cats are nice and all, but unless there's a girl at the end of it, I don't really care all that much.

  "The hell? Where did that cat come from?" asked one of the guys, clearly befuddled. But then again, I'm sure most things confuse him. He doesn't exactly look like the sharpest tool in the shed.

  "Who cares. Let's just bring this guy to the boss already. He's dying to meet him," chuckled another. Hearing him, I couldn't help but snort.

  "What? Somethin funny asshole?" he asked.

  "No, no, of course not. I'm like, super intimidated by you. Really," I said. But as much as I tried to keep a calm, serious face, I just couldn't do it. He just looked so stupid! He was one of those guys with beaver teeth and a two foot overbite. I'd feel sorry for him if he wasn't planning to beat the shit out of me.

  Not that he could, mind you.

  "You stupid little bitch! Let's see if you think this is funny!" he shouted, before kicking me in the ribs.

  -27 Hp

  "Oh, the agony! I have learned the errors of my ways, oh frightening one!" I shouted in an overly dramatic fashion. I could hear his pals snickering now too, which didn't seem to help his mood any.

  "You bastard!" he yelled, kicking me a few more times.

  Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

  -22 Hp

  -18 Hp

  -24 Hp

  Ok, as funny as it was, those kicks were starting to add up. Thankfully after getting kicked for the fourth time, his buddies decided to pull him off of me. Lucky for him, because I was about to break his fucking kneecap with my bat on the next kick.

  "Woah, Nezumi, calm down man," one said, dragging him away. After that, a couple more guys hauled me to my feet, taking my stolen bat from me as well. Jerks. Guess I'll just have to kick their ass the old fashioned way then.

  "Hey, thanks fellas. Awful swell of you to help me up like that," I said, giving them my most charming smile. Too bad there weren't tomboys, or I'm sure that would have worked.

  "Man, you're annoying. I don't know what the boss was thinking, wanting to bring you on," said the one to my left. Bro had a pompadour like you wouldn't believe. Do these guys have no idea about fashion? Hell, the guy on my right had a mullet for crying out loud. Those went out of style years ago!

  And he could not pull it off.

  Wait, what was he saying about his boss?

  "What do you mean, bring me on?" I asked, as I was escorted into the shady ass building. It's like they looked up how to be a villain on Wikipedia or something. I could see a few more of their buddies looking at me from the windows, trying to be all intimidating.

  "Shut up. The boss will explain," said Mr. Pompadour, pushing me forward.

  "Rude," I grumbled, but continued walking forward anyway. This seems like it could be entertaining if nothing else. Nothing like being led to a secret location where they thought they had had the advantage, only to realize too late that they weren't the predators in this situation.

  Poor little lambs… They don't realize they brought a wolf home for dinner.

  I walked through the large opening, taking note of the filthy interior. I know that they're not very good at this, but you could at least keep your evil lair clean. Come on!

  There was a rusty weight bench in the corner along with similarly corroded weights. A punching bag absolutely covered in duct tape was hung up in a different corner. And I could see an old t.v set up in front of a busted up couch in the middle of the room.

  Besides those things, there were numerous empty cans and trash littering almost every inch of the room. Maybe I can catch those rats that live around my house and let them loose here? I'm sure they would live a long and happy life amongst the garbage.

  And no, I'm not just talking about the crap on the floor.

  There was only one decent piece of furniture I could see, which just so happened to be a chair. And wouldn't you know it, some big, stupid jagoff was sitting right in it, looking all threatening as he stared at me with sunglasses on.

  Seriously, you're indoors, take them off. You look stupid.

  "What did you just say you damn punk?" the big guy growled. Oops, guess I said that out loud.

  Well, in for a penny.

  "I said, take those glasses off, you're indoors. Makes you look like an idiot," I said, before yawning. Man, I'm tired. I did not get nearly enough sleep last night. Sure I took a little nap in history today, but that only seemed to make it worse.

  "You got balls, I'll give you that. Tell me something, funny man, you really the guy that beat Toma?" he asked. I raised an eyebrow at that, trying to think back at who that could be. But so much has happened, I was drawing a blank.

  He was the guy you fought when you saved Karin.

  "Oh right, him. I forgot all about that guy. Thanks Sarah."

  "Yeah that was me. Why, you looking for revenge or something?" I asked, completely bored. After what I went through in Hiyori's brain, taking on a bunch of basic bitch thugs like these was just tedious. It was like being asked to clean my room.

  "Not at all. I was just thinking I could use someone like you on my crew. So what do ya say? Want to join the Raging Demons?" the boss man asked. My brain stopped for a moment, trying to compute what he just asked.

  "You want me… to join you?" I asked for clarification. Because proper communication is important. Especially when dealing with people operating under a dangerous level of stupid.

  Seeing him nod, I couldn't stop the migraine from coming back. This is not how I thought my first day of school would go. I do not get paid enough for this…

  "So let me get this straight. You attack me and my friends, kidnap me, literally drag me across the city, to try and recruit me?" I questioned. I'm not sure what part of that plan he thought was a good idea, but there was no way I'm joining up with him. I'm afraid his stupid might be contagious.

  "If you couldn't handle something like that, you weren't worth recruiting. Besides, I just sent some of my boys to help out Reiichi with his strawberry problem. That damn Ichigo and his giant friend have been a thorn in my side for too long. But if I have someone like you serving me, I can take control of the underworld in Karakura. So, what do you say?"

  "I say, you're a fucking idiot," I responded, crossing my arms over my chest. The boss's eyes narrowed at me, or I assumed so anyway, considering he was still wearing the sunglasses.

  "You want to repeat that? I don't think I heard you quite right."

  "Sure! You. Are. A. Fucking. Idiot. There, you hear me that time?" I asked, with as much condescension as I could muster. Which was quite a bit.

  "I thought that's what you said. You want to tell me why you're rejecting my generous offer before we beat you to a bloody pulp?" he questioned, with his gang getting ready for the smackdown.

  Poor saps. Don't even realize the danger they're in. But they'll learn, one way or another.

  "Well, there's a few reasons really. One, you're a total bitch, and I won't serve under a total bitch. Two, you and your merry band of fuckwits couldn't even handle two teenagers. That's just sad, man. Three, you stink. Take a fucking shower once in a while. And four, your gang has a stupid name. I mean, Raging Demons? Really? Could you get any more Chuni?" I mocked, grin getting wider and wider as they growled at me.

  Man I love pissing off idiots. If it was an Olympic sport, I'd take home the gold every time.

  "Now, I have an offer for you, the same one I gave Toma. Make me the boss, and I'll join your little gang."

  "Never gonna happen," he ground out. Ooh, that one made him really mad. I could almost see the steam coming out of his ears.

  "Alright, then that leaves you with two options. Option number 1, you let me walk out of here and I won't tea bag your unconscious body. Option number 2, we fight, and you find out just how salty my balls are. Now personally, I'm a fan of the second option but the choice is yours," I told him.

  Once I gave my ultimatums, the entire building grew quiet. Everyone was staring at me with wide, gaping mouths. Oh yeah, I feel real good about my life right now.

  Gain 2 Affection with Yoruichi Shihouin (7/100)

  Wait, what? How? Don't tell me she stuck around to watch? Actually, that makes total sense. Not that I'm complaining. Maybe I should have stripped naked earlier… Give the curious little kitty a REAL show.

  "I think I'll choose option number 3, you dead and buried in an unmarked grave," the boss said.

  "Now that was a good line! See, you can do it if you try," I congratulated, clapping for him. I was honestly sincere with my compliment, but I don't think he saw it that way.

  "That's it! Kill this jackass!" he shouted, making his minions charge at me. See what I mean?

  "Option 2 it is," I say with a smirk.

  The first guy came at me, throwing a heavy punch in my direction. Too bad for him it was telegraphed harder than an old man taking the whole box of Viagra. In other words, I grabbed his fist, twisted it, spun him around so his arm was behind his back, and then kicked him into his friends.

  He wasn't exactly down for the count, but I doubt he'd be using that arm for anything anytime soon. Hope it wasn't his wanking hand.

  More of his pals rushed towards me, and I counted at least fifteen, not including the boss. Should be easy enough. Time to level up Street Fighter.

  The second one had a pair of brass knuckles, so instead of catching his fist dead on, I maneuvered to the side of him and caught his wrist. From there, I punched his arm, right at the elbow, making his arm face the wrong direction. From there, I also flung him into his pals.

  Third guy tried to kick me, but I just let his kick hit before trapping his leg in my arm. After that, I started to swing him around, smacking him into a few of the other gang members, before giving him a Power Throw and sending him, you guessed it, right into his buddies.

  It was almost a meme at this point.

  The next contender tried to grapple me, which was just cute. There he was, hugging me for all he was worth, trying to get me to the ground, but he just wasn't strong enough. Poor guy, better put him out of his misery.

  So I started to cuddle with him, grabbing him around his midsection before picking him up. Sure he tried to hold onto me, and I get it, I'm a honkin' hunk of man meat, but he was eventually forced to let go. Once that happened, it was a simple enough task to send him head first into the ground.

  Onto number five, he was actually a better fighter than his buddies, but not by much. After dodging a few of his attacks, I Spartan Kicked him in the gut, sending him to the ground gasping for air. I then twisted around, avoiding a punch from another guy, elbowing him right in the temple.

  Now that guy was out.

  I wouldn't say what happened after that was a slaughter, but there was quite a bit of blood on the ground. Good news, I also got my baseball bat back. I mean, good news for me, not for them.

  For them, it was very, very bad news. But I only used it after I got a level in Street Fighter. Daddy needs to get them gains!

  Once all fifteen or so of his gang was on the floor, moaning in pain, vomiting, or completely silent due to being knocked the fuck out, it was time for the big bad boss man himself. Scanning him revealed he was at Level 12, which was pretty impressive, I'll admit.

  "Not bad kid. But don't compare me to-" his monologue was interrupted by yours truly chucking a baseball bat at his face. He went straight to the ground, holding his now broken nose. But hey, at least he wasn't wearing those sunglasses anymore.

  "Gah, you dirty rat! I'll make you pay for that!" he shouted, slowly rising to his feet. And like the gentlemanly fighter I am, I allowed him all the time he needed.

  "Hey, try to see it from my perspective will ya? I have more important things to do than listen to your villainous monologue," I tell him, not at all bothered by the increasingly violent language he was using to describe what he would do to me.

  Not like he would get the chance to feed me to any piranhas. Or shove a bat with rusty nails in it up my ass. Nope, never gonna happen.

  "I'm gettin real sick of that mouth of yours," he growled out.

  "You know, I get that a lot," I said back, pretending to have a contemplative look on my face. But I know I'm annoying. And seeing the look on his face made it all worthwhile.

  "You don't say? Then why don't I do the world a favor and shut you up permanently!" he yelled, rushing towards me. It was time, the final battle was about to begin. Who would come out on top? Will it be the handsome and extremely well endowed Ushio? Or the douchebag with an edgelord complex?

  Find out…

  Right now!

  The boss, who's name was Kenzo Takahashi, tried to punch me in my beautiful face. Now that wasn't something I could just allow to happen. But instead of dodging, I used the power of bald to block his attack, his fist connecting with the top of my head.

  Yeah, he didn't see that coming. Looks like it hurt too. Not that I was surprised, I have a hard dome. Lucky for him I still had on that beanie, or else he may have broken his hand.

  "Fuck!" he shouted, taking a step back, which gave me the perfect opportunity to launch my own attack. I took a step forward and launched a haymaker, using Power Punch to hopefully end this quickly. Too bad the little bastard dodged it, rolling on the floor away from me.

  He glared at me, holding his injured hand, and for the first time, I took note of his eyes. They were… pretty. He reminded me of that one guy from Demon Slayer. You know, they guy with the boar mask. It was like that. He had long, delicate eyelashes, and vibrantly green eyes.

  Guess that's why he wore the sunglasses. Now I kinda feel bad. If only the guy was bald, he'd be the most handsome man on the planet.

  I advanced on him, unwilling to give my kidnapper room to breathe. For someone who was essentially down an arm, he was faring fairly well. He was proving himself to be quite a bit stronger than Toma, at any rate.

  Our fight continued without either of us gaining advantage over the other. I mean, I wasn't exactly trying too hard, and I think he knew that. Probably because I kept slapping away his hands saying, "Patty-cake, Patty-cake, baker's man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can."

  Maybe I should change my name to Nappa…

  After a couple of minutes of me humiliating and emasculating him, he just couldn't take it anymore, his attacks becoming more and more erratic and desperate as the fury took hold of him.

  I am one annoying bastard. It only took me a couple minutes to drive him insane. That's got to be a world record or something.

  But his rage caused him to commit a party foul as he whipped out a knife. My mind briefly flashed back to that fateful night, where I was stabbed to death, giving him the opportunity to land an attack, his blade sliding across my forearm.

  -31 Hp

  Damn, guess I'm still not over that yet. Oh well, at least the cut wasn't too deep. I'm more irritated by the fact that I allowed him to land a hit. I looked at my bleeding arm with annoyance as Kenzo decided it was his turn to mock me.

  "Heh, not so tough now, are ya, punk?" he said, sounding far too cocky for my liking.

  Guess it's time to wipe that smirk off his pretty boy face. Which was fine, I got my level in Street Fighter, so this wasn't a total waste. Besides, I bet the others are worried about me.

  Probably…

  "I hope you're proud of yourself, because that's the only damage you're going to do," I remarked back, advancing slowly on the man. He gave a grin and took another swipe at me, which I dodged by jumping back a bit.

  I observed him carefully as we continued our dance, figuring out his new attack pattern. It wasn't hard, given that his attacks, while fast, were pretty predictable. So the next time he tried to cut me, I kicked up, hitting his wrist and sending the knife flying. Once that happened, it was open season. I was on him like flies on a turd.

  He tried to avoid me, but playtime was over. Time to Patty-cake him in the face. As I kept him on the defensive, it wasn't long before he grew desperate, taking a wide swing at my face, which I ducked under and let loose a Power Punch right into his stomach.

  He grunted in pain and I was forced to dodge the oncoming vomit, but I wasn't done. I grabbed his head and sent my knee right into his already broken nose. Too bad I don't have a Power Knee attack, but I don't think I needed it. He staggered back dazed, barely holding onto consciousness.

  "Damn you… don't think… this is over… I'll make you… pay for this," Kenzo swore, making me roll my eyes.

  "Whatever you say pal. Now, I think it's past your bedtime," I said, dashing towards him once again. He was far too dazed to stop my grand finale. Once I was close enough, I jumped into the air, grabbing onto his shoulders before doing a front flip, using my considerable strength, not to mention Power Throw, to send him flying. He spun through the air before slamming face first into the t.v.

  Was it excessive? Maybe, but it sure looked cool. And at the end of the day, isn't that what really matters?

  "That takes care of that," I said, dusting my hands off and feeling a sense of Déjà vu. Looking at the man whose head was firmly planted in the t.v, I wondered if he was still alive? Not that I care all that much, but I suppose I should check for a pulse and at least try not to become a murderer just yet. Don't need to deal with the po-po. But before that, there was something more important I needed to do.

  That's right, it was time to rob them blind! If they think I'm leaving here empty handed after all this bullshit, they have another thing coming.

  I first took everything from their wallets, which wasn't as much as I was hoping. I only got a measly 3,000 Yen for my troubles. Also, just an fyi, Kenzo was still alive but he sure as shit ain't pretty no more. That t.v fucked him up something fierce.

  Yeah, I'm not tea bagging that. Don't need his blood on my balls. You lucked out this time, Kenzo Takahashi.

  After taking their wallets, I decided to also take their weights as well, figuring I could clean it up and make them usable. There were about 500 pounds of weights, along with a few cement dumbbells and an old bench and a couple of bars. Should be good enough for now.

  I also managed to stumble upon their secret stash of valuables. Turns out, it was under the chair. I found it when I was walking by and stepped on a squeaky floorboard, which made me suspicious. I blame my time in the Dungeon, searching for treasure.

  But in this case, it worked out. I moved the chair and found a secret compartment beneath it, containing some likely ill-gotten gains, such as jewelry and about 50,000 Yen in cash. And just like that I was grateful to have been kidnapped.

  But before I left, there was one last thing I wanted for myself. And that was a motorcycle. Luckily the chump left the keys in the ignition, so all I had to do was start it up.

  "Well that was fun. Time to get back to the others I guess. Bet they'll be surprised," I said, starting up my new vehicle. It wasn't in the best shape, but I'm sure I can fix her up. Or use a Token on her.

  Now, what to name her? Those were my thoughts as I made my way back towards school, popping a wheelie as I left.