It looked like I'd worried over nothing.
<
OK wiseass. How do you interpret this scene?>>
I walked into the living room. All the kids were watching 'Tangled' -- the Disney version of Rapunzel. Ian was smack dab in the middle of the couch facing the TV. Kimiko and Kumiko were on either side of him, each with one of his arms draped over their shoulders. There was a humongous tub of popcorn propped between his legs and the girls were taking turns feeding it to him. They were spilling at least a third of it and giggling as they did it.
Ian looked like he figured that he'd landed in hog heaven. Jane was in the background, supervising, and looking on like a mildly irritated but tolerant parent who is glad to see the sibs who usually fight are having fun together for a change.
<
Mr. Forsythe had told me that Ian got along well with the other kids at his old school, but every used car salesman will tell you something similar when they're trying to sell you a lemon. It was a relief to see that he wasn't one of those shut-in, nerdy, computer geniuses who had no people skills.
I'll tell you one thing for certain though. I'd learned it very early on with Jane. There was no way in hell that I was going to clean up the mess that they were making. They were going to do it themselves. Besides I think every child feels cheated if they can't maneuver their way into telling you "Oh MOM, do I have to?" at least once a day.
"Ian, no, don't try to say anything, you might choke." I glared at the girls and they made giggle faces even more than they were already.
They stopped trying to shove popcorn down his throat and settled down to watch the movie. I don't think that Ian noticed how Kumiko had both hands on his arm and was holding it against her chest, as if she didn't want him to move. I hoped that I was only dealing with my overactive imagination on that one.
Kimiko, on the other hand was neither holding the arm over her shoulders nor trying to dislodge it. She was too busy watching the movie and wiggling. At least she wasn't bouncing.
I cleared my throat.
"We have breakfast and dinner together every day. Whoever is home on any given day will anyway. Lunch is whatever and whenever. You do for yourself. There's always lots of food in the fridge. We're mostly vegetarian, so no meat in the house, ever. If you feel a need, we'll go out for that. No leftovers with meat coming home either."
He waved his Kimiko arm, as that was the only one free.
"Not a problem. I'm a dedicated omnivore. If it's non-toxic, I'll eat it. I don't have any particular need for meat though. It makes me too sleepy. Eggs and cheese are no problem."
Kumiko beamed at him, though I doubt that he saw it as he was looking at me over his shoulder.
"Sure, those we have. Everything we can reasonably get is organic, but we're not fanatic about it."
"Suits me...ah....I guess I should call you Aunt Karla. Does that work?"
I hadn't thought about it, but given what was on the paperwork that would probably be best. Looks like Ian had already been briefed -- though I wondered by whom and when. I thought he hadn't talked to anyone since we got home.
Jane obviously saw the puzzled look on my face and gave me her grade three exasperated look. She mouthed the word "email" at me.
Oh, right. He'd obviously downloaded his personal briefing.
I mouthed back to Jane "Encrypted?".
She just glared at me and turned back to the kitchen and made a show of doing the dishes.
Ian was watching with his own mildly exasperated look. Right, he'd seen what I said to Jane. Oh well.
"Ah, yes Ian. Given the setting, that would be best. I'm planning on adopting Kimiko and Kumiko as soon as we can get the bureaucracy suitably mollified. So probably within five to six months. They call me Mama."
Kumiko's turn to glare at me.
"Oh, well, that is to say, Kimiko usually calls me Mama, just like Jane does, or Kaa-chan. Kumiko is more traditional and calls me Okaa-san."
Kimiko was wiggling even more than before. She looked to be right on the verge of bouncing again.
No, I had no plans to warn Ian. Some things need to be experienced first-hand.
Kumiko was suddenly sitting very primly with her hands in her lap and looking quite smug.
If I hadn't had occasion to see them with their heads together and working on something, or just spending time together, I might be inclined to disbelieve that they were sisters. Just goes to show how non-identical, identical twins can be.
"Bedtime is when you're sleepy. HOWEVER, once school starts, I don't want to ever have to send you off to school sleep-deprived. And we eat breakfast together EVERY day. Do we understand each other?"
"Yes Ma'am. Besides, I can't think clearly when I'm muzzy, and I don't like it a bit."
He was going to work out fine. Maybe even set a good example for the girls.
<
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The next morning Ian got up and wandered out into the hall. He was doing that stereotypical teen guy thing. He had a major case of bedhead and was scratching his stomach and yawning. He heard some noises from the girl's room, popped his head around the corner, and took a look since the door was open.
"Wha...what are you doing, ah, Kumiko?"
Kimiko was attacking the floor under Kumiko's desk with a broom and dustpan. Kumiko was just standing there. Just standing, and, incidentally, holding her desk in the air so Kimiko could sweep more easily.
Ian processed that just fine. What he was having trouble with was the fact that Kumiko's desk still had the computer, her lamp, and a number of books on it. She was holding it perfectly level and apparently without any strain at all.
Before he could say anything else, both girls gave him a world class "get out of our room" glare, so he retreated back to his room, brushed his teeth, and got dressed. Then he went looking for answers.
He found everyone in the kitchen nook. "Aunt Karla, what the heck were the girls doing this morning?"
"What do you mean Ian?" Karla looked at the girls. They looked back and shook their heads.
"Oh, they were just doing the cleaning. We don't have servants here. We do for ourselves in that department.
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"Also, they were rather irritated with you for coming into their room without asking first."
"Aunt Karla, that's not the point. Or points. Which are as follows:
"1) Their door was wide open and I just peeked in. If you want privacy, you girls should have the door closed.
"2) Kumiko was holding her desk in the air while Kimiko was cleaning under it.
"3) Why didn't I hear them if they were talking to you? I heard them fine last night."
Karla and the girls had another conversation and then Karla answered.
"Well, first of all, even if the door is open, it's polite to knock on the frame at least to let them know that you're there. But I'll give you the point. They shouldn't mind if the door is open.
"As for your second point, I have no idea. What do you think that the desk weighs?"
Ian pondered. He looked so serious. I expect that he looked that way a lot of the time given that he already had some wrinkles on his forehead.
"Well, given the probable construction, the overhanging lip all around, and the weight of what was on it and in the drawers, probably close to 40 kilos."
"Really. Hmmmm. Either your estimate is way off or Kumiko is pretty darned strong.
"What do you think Kumiko?"
"I cannot say that I feel all that strong. But then I have nothing to compare to. The desk did not feel heavy at all.
"And Ian, as for your third point. Yesterday you were excited and were not thinking. It was easy for me, us, to talk to you. Most of the time it seems like there is some sort of...uh....static around you. It is highly likely your mind is so busy that there is no room for us to get in."
"Ah! I heard you that time. I wonder if it's because I was thinking only of you as compared to my usual thinking of everything at once. That makes sense."
When she heard that "thinking only of you" Kumiko blushed. Faintly, but it was pretty obvious, at least to another woman. I glanced over to Jane and she nodded slightly.
Oh boy. We were going to have to keep an eye on Kumiko. Good thing she's only nine.
"Yes, that makes sense. In the future, if you are distracted and cannot hear me, I shall throw something at your head. That should get your attention. Will that be satisfactory?"
Can you believe it? She said that with a completely straight face. What a girl!
Ian just grinned at her. "Yes that will be eminently satisfactory."
"What does 'eminently' mean?"
Apparently Ian explained, as she got an "Ah, I understand" look.
Time for me to assert my authority, such as it was. "OK kids. After breakfast let's go into the training room. It's time for Ian to see it anyway. I've gotta admit that my curiosity is twitching. We can see how much everyone can lift.
Jane and I use weights but just for toning. We've never pushed ourselves to see what our maximum capacity is.
After breakfast we all washed up and went to the training room.
"Aunt Karla, why do you call it a training room and not a dojo?"
"It's like this Ian, a dojo is a place where a master teaches. We just train ourselves here."
"But you taught Jane didn't you? And you're teaching Kimiko and Kumiko, aren't you?"
"Well yes, that's true."
"And Jane says that you're an acknowledged Master of Hapkido, correct."
"That's also true Ian, but......"
As usual it was Kimiko who had the last word. "Give up Mama. You're a Master. You teach here. Call it a dojo, as you should. One must not give the appearance that one is less than one is. It is not good to act as if one is more than one is, but it is worse to act as if one is less. We will all call it a dojo from now on. I have decided."
Have I ever mentioned that I hate it when someone throws quotes at me to win an argument? Especially when the one that they're quoting is me?
"Seeing as how the Empress has decided, I guess we'll have to do it her way." I glared at Kimiko and she looked placidly back at me.
Dang but these Japanese learn inscrutable early on!
"OK. Cool." Ian suddenly had a professorial air about him. "After breakfast I looked up weight lifting capacity. The average, untrained person can usually lift no more than about half their body weight without straining.
"Girls, let's see how tall you are and what you weigh. Good thing there's a medical scale here. That way I can put the numbers down in kilos and centimeters for you without having to do the math, seeing as that's what they use in Japan, and inches and pounds for the rest of us.
"Speaking of which, why IS there a medical scale here?"
"I was down at Goodwill one day looking for a scale and there it was. It was only $20.00, so I bought it. I figured it might be useful someday."
Jane just had to chime in, "That's my Mama for you, a packrat till the end." Such a lovely girl she is. And sooo supportive.
"I'm going to let that slide this time, seeing as how Ian is only on his second day with us. I'll get you for that later Jane, when nobody else is around."
"Oh, I'm looking forward to it, if you can catch me."
We all had a laugh and then got down to business.
The girls turned out to be the same height, 135 cm (about 53"). That put them at the 60th percentile for height. Weights were 26 and 27 kilos (58 and 60 pounds). Underweight on an American growth chart but probably normal given their small bones and the general lack of fat that we see on Japanese kids...at least before they start on fast foods.
"OK. Now let's do some simple lifting. Ian you'll record. Jane and I'll handle setting up the weights until it's our turn. We'll have everyone pick up the bar with an overhand grip and hold it at waist level. We're not going to be trying out for the Olympics, so no snatches, OK?
"First tell us when the weight is about at the maximum you can handle easily. Then we'll continue until you hit the "pretty hard to lift" level. No straining to absolute maximum, especially at your ages, agreed? And nobody is to look at how much weight is on the bar. Keep your eyes closed unless you start to lose your balance. That way you'll have no preconceived notion about how much you 'ought' to be able to lift."
Nods all around, so we proceeded. All five of us. I was curious what Jane and I could do too as we'd never checked. Ian was our untrained control subject.
After we were done, Ian did his calculations. His right eyebrow kept twitching. Otherwise he kept his face expressionless. When he started to read off the results, I could see what the twitch was all about.
"OK. There's quite a difference between the twins. Kimiko can lift 55 kilos (121#) which is 2.09 times her weight."
"Kumiko can lift 84.5 kilos (186#) which is 3.01 times her weight. No wonder the desk was easy."
"Jane can lift 126 kilos (277#) which is 1.88 times her weight."
"Aunt Karla...ah....I thought I might be wrong, so I double checked the weights. There's no mistake, no...none at all..."
"Get on with it Ian. What's the problem? It's just numbers."
Another glare. We must be accumulating the world's best glarers in this family. Maybe it was the primary criterion.
"Humph. You weigh only 52.3 kilos (115#). Your 'comfortable' lift was 109 kilos. Your "pretty hard" lift was at 153 kilos. That's 337 pounds."
Ian pulled a tablet out of the duffel bag he'd brought in with him and got very busy for a moment while I just stood there with my mouth hanging open. 337 pounds?
"Ah ha!" exclaimed Ian, "The powerlifting world record for a man your weight is 180 kilos, which means that you just lifted 85% of the men's world record."
"I don't think I want to know what you could do if you added in your legs. I can't find the women's record right off, but you're probably on a par with the best female lifters on the planet!"
I grabbed the clipboard that he'd been writing on and looked at it. He hadn't mentioned his own weight capacity and I saw why.
"Ian, I see here that you're at the 95th percentile for height for a 14 year old but only at the 65th percentile for weight. Hah! You weigh the same as I do."
I gasped then turned and looked over my shoulder at my butt. "Jane, do I look fat?"
I couldn't hear her answer as she had crumpled to the floor and was in a fetal position with tears running down her face while she was whooping with laughter. The twins were doubled over and shaking. Ian just looked perplexed.
"I'll take that as a 'no' then. Ian, we need to get some more meat on your bones. We'll start your workouts this morning."
"But, I have some serious calculations to make and I, ah.... Sure, why not?"
I expect that I had a nearly maniacal gleam in my eye. In my book, being reasonably fit was mandatory for anyone who uses their brain. Otherwise your circulation stinks and you can't think as clearly. It's also likely that his rapid acquiescence had something to do with what we'd just discovered I could lift. Probably.
"Now, getting back to business Ian. I see here that you can lift 70 kilos (154#) easily and your max was at 100 kilos (220#). So our 'control' can lift a maximum of 1.9 times his weight.
"Didn't you say that the average person can lift half of their body weight comfortably? Are you sure about that?
"Oh yes Aunt Karla. Completely. I checked in 3 places."
"OK". I tossed the clipboard in his general direction. I could feel my eyes widening. Surely I hadn't seen what I thought I just had.
"Ian, come out here on the mat with me for a second."
Once we got on the mat I stood two feet from him and threw a punch at his abdomen, as fast as I could. I'm pretty fast and I don't telegraph my blows.
Nonetheless, he wasn't there when it should have landed. He was three feet away and looking at me with a quizzical expression.
I explained. "Ian, I'm faster than anyone I know except for Jane. You're faster than she is."
I threw up my hands. I'd do a "why me?" but that's been overdone lately.
"Somebody. Is. MEDDLING!"
"I have telepathic twins on my hands. One arrived here overnight without benefit of an airplane and has no idea how she got here. There's a freaking dragon flying around somewhere that has a habit of vaporizing criminals. I'm getting a very strong feeling that Jane was planted on me 15 years ago, and now Ian just happens, purely by coincidence, to be in a car that rolls over right in front of us on the freeway!
"Also purely coincidentally, the five of us could probably demolish about 20 Army Rangers or Navy Seals.
"I DO NOT LIKE BEING MANIPULATED!!!!"
<
Will you stop making soothing noises and just let me bitch? I need to de-stress here.
Apology accepted. Now, getting back to the story again. You need to quit interrupting so often.
Why are you turning so red? Oh my god, you've stopped breathing! Are you about to have a seizure or something? Do you need some water?
Gotcha!>>