Too sick to move, Jeremy felt like his bones were on fire. A dungeon sickness? He lay there silently moaning, hoping none of the clowns would take advantage of his predicament. After what felt like hours, the sickness left him again as if it had never existed.

  Not knowing what caused the sickness or what to do about it, Jeremy got up, activated Sneak, and headed downstairs to hunt clowns. Not all of them, just the ones trying to kill him. He was looking forward to trying out his new equipment.

  Instead of finding a bunch of sleeping clowns. He found a bunch of silent, frightened, restless clowns surrounding Clown Lord, who, in turn, was staring at the magic loom with eyes filled with hate, and from the looks of it, had been doing so all night.

  “Something wrong, Clown Lord?” Jeremy asked, wondering what he'd do if this powerful monster flipped out.

  Clown Lord snarled, picked up the magic loom, and threw it across the room. “It's broken, little adventurer. Fix it!”

  Jeremy walked over to it. He didn't know anything about the item. He'd stolen it for Clown Lord. What was he supposed to do?

  He thought about asking if Clown Lord would make this a third quest, but this might be pushing his luck.

  He picked it up and activated Identify.

  Magic Item. ???

  That was it.

  Strange. It looked like a toy, but was it too high-ranking an item to identify? He held it and concentrated, trying to sense what was wrong. His mana dropped to 0. He waited for his mana to recover and did it again. He barely felt the magic item move in his hand.

  A new skill showed up on his stat sheet. Magic Item Activation.

  Clown Lord's subjects weren't happy to see Jeremy walk past them, but with their boss standing there, they didn't dare do anything. “Well, Clown Lord, I've got some good news and some bad news.”

  “Speak.”

  “I can activate your magic loom, but it will take a while,” Jeremy said.

  “Why?”

  “It requires mana. Don't you have mana?” he asked.

  “Of course. I have mana. I am made from mana,” Clown Lord snarled, “but I can't force myself into something else.”

  “I have seven points of mana I can push into this magic loom at a time, and once I use those seven points, it takes me time to recover. Your device needs a lot of mana to activate.”

  “Hrrrrrr,” Clown Lord seemed to be thinking. He stomped off, returned with a small pendant made from a glowing, golden, crystalline substance on a silver chain, and tossed it in Jeremy's direction. “Try this. Its previous owner no longer needs it.”

  Jeremy used Identify a second time and got nothing.

  Magic Item ???

  Another high-level item? With a shrug, he put it on.

  Wow!

  The pendant felt like a second heart pumping sunlight through his veins. It added a total of fifteen mana to his total mana store and if his stat sheet could be believed, sped up mana regeneration.

  “Wow. Yes, this should help a lot.” He sat where Clown Lord had been and started pumping mana into the magic loom. Even with the medallion, it took hours. His activate charmed items skill went up to 2, and his pendant gained a mana point, from 15 to 16.

  By the time he'd finished, the magic loom went from 6 inches to taller than he was. When he was unable to force any more mana into it, he informed Clown Lord it was done.

  “It's about time,” the monster sniffed, stroking the loom, which moved under its hands, responding to its touch.

  “May I ask what you want the loom for?” Jeremy asked.

  “No, you may not!” Clown Lord snarled. “Go away. I'll summon you when I'm ready.”

  Jeremy crept away, climbing the stairs to the loft. Pushing that much mana through his system had left him exhausted. If it wasn't for his new pendant pumping warmth through his body, he'd have collapsed long ago. He ate a couple of dungeon rations, drank some water, and then he collapsed and was out like a light.

  He awoke to the sound of clack clack clack. The magic loom was moving on its own, appearing to weave thin air. Clown Lord sat in front of the loom, watching as if hypnotized. The other clowns were off doing whatever monster clowns did.

  Interesting. What was Clown Lord up to? What could you do with invisible cloth? He remembered the story of “The Emperor Wears No Clothes” and laughed.

  Jeremy activated Sneak and crept behind Clown Lord. With his new pendant, he could use Sneak indefinitely.

  “Little adventure. What is it?” Clown Lord asked, not bothering to look around.

  The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  Crud. “What good is Sneak skill? It never seems to work,” Jeremy complained.

  “Because you are using it on monsters who have a high level of Sneak and Perception,” Clown Lord answered. “You're getting better. It's like you're walking quietly now. When you first arrived, you were comparatively stomping around while playing a horn.”

  “I was hoping I could humiliate myself and get more fighting lessons,” Jeremy said. “I want to get strong. In the dungeon, there are strong adventurers and dead ones.”

  “That is true, and you are very weak,” Clown Lord chuckled.

  “Could you make me strong? Could you help me get strong?”

  Clown Lord turned around, all three red eyes focusing on Jeremy, giving him his full attention. “Hrrrrrr,” The monster seemed to be thinking. Clown Lord's perpetual smirk widened, showing off his many teeth. “Perhaps you are from a universe where adventurers traveling to new lands gain overpowering abilities to lord it over the residents who've lived there for thousands of years?”

  “Maybe?” Jeremy said, not sure how to answer.

  “Unfortunately, here in the real universe, the strongest child adventurers come from rich families that can afford high-quality mana-enriched foods for them to eat, and equally high-quality dungeons for them to train in. And there is nothing less fortunate beings such as yourself can do about it.” Clown Lord's eyes looked Jeremy up and down as if slowly dissecting him. “Because of this, I'm inclined to say no. Intelligent and resourceful as I am, I'm not capable of miracles. Making you strong would require an act of a powerful god. And even a powerful god is limited by constraints put in place to maintain the order of the universe.”

  For a time, Clown Lord was silent. Jeremy was about to walk away in disappointment, fighting off tears, but Clown Lord continued. “However, I've never been one to refuse a challenge, even one as impossible seeming as this. Read off your stat sheet, from top to bottom.”

  Jeremy did so, starting with his name and ending with his list of skills.

  “Hrrrrm,” Clown Lord seemed to be thinking. “How long have you been working on those skills?”

  “Since the day before I met you,” Jeremy said. “When I was pushed into this dungeon.”

  “You would not be lying to me? I do not like lying adventurers.”

  “Why would I lie?” Jeremy said bitterly. “My brother pushed me into this stupid dungeon a day before I met you. I didn't even have a character sheet before then.”

  Clown Lord's perpetual smirk widened once again. “Interesting. It should have taken you much longer to gain and develop those skills, even in a mana-rich environment like this dungeon.” Clown Lord studied Jeremy. “Perhaps your being from a new world with little to no mana has made you mana-sensitive, thereby causing your mind and body to change more rapidly in a desperate attempt to keep you alive.”

  “Is that good?” Jeremy asked.

  “Hrrrm.” Clown Lord seemed to be thinking. “There are two ways for an adventurer to gain strength. The first, and easiest, is to kill monsters, absorbing their life force and raising your levels and character attributes. The second is to train and improve your skills, particularly your passive skills.”

  “How do I do that?”

  Clown Lord's smirk widened as the monster clown stood up, towering over Jeremy. “By putting your life at risk and forcing your mind and body to utilize dungeon mana to improve your skills as fast as possible to keep you alive. Of course, this might kill you. But I'm willing to take that chance.”

  “Uh, oh,” Jeremy backed away. “You aren't serious, are you?”

  Clown Lord grabbed a spear that had been leaning against the guillotine. “I will try to kill you with this spear. You will use the sword techniques I showed you to defend yourself.”

  Jeremy drew his sword and backed away from Clown Lord nervously as Clown Lord advanced on Jeremy, swinging and stabbing at him with frightening speed and intensity.

  ***

  Fortunately, Clown Lord's bark was worse than his bite. If the monster had attempted to kill him for real, there would have been pieces of Jeremy scattered around The Fun House. This didn't mean Jeremy had it easy. By the end of the day, Jeremy was covered with bruises and he was so exhausted he could barely stand.

  Every so often during their exhaustive training session, Clown Lord stopped to correct Jeremy's stance or one of the thousands of things wrong with Jeremy's sword technique. Eventually, Clown Lord got tired of this and had Jeremy take the spear while he attacked him with a short sword.

  Jeremy's initial relief turned to terror when he realized how much slower and more awkward it was to defend himself with a long spear. No matter what he did, Clown Lord effortlessly got around his defenses and smacked him with the flat of the blade, giving him instructions in spear handling all the while.

  Clown Lord's efforts weren't wasted. By the day's end, Jeremy had gained a spear-handling skill and another level of rapid movement.

  At the end of the day, Clown Lord invited him, once again, to join the clowns for a roast spider dinner, and Jeremy, of course, refused.

  “Don't even think about using a healing potion,” Clown Lord said to Jeremy before the boy retired for the night. You must accustom your body to heal rapidly.”

  Jeremy groaned, not daring to disobey, even if he had a healing potion to take. Instead, he did his best to ignore his bruises, aches, and exhaustion while trying, and largely failing, to sleep to the constant click/clack of the magic loom.

  The next morning, Jeremy felt sick, like he had two days before, only far worse. His skin, muscles, and bones felt like they were on fire.

  “I'm sick,” he moaned when Clown Lord went to check on him.

  “We'll just have to eat you for breakfast then,” Clown Lord responded. Sympathetic, as always.

  “No, I'm really sick. I'd make you sick if you ate me,” Jeremy responded, trying to force himself to roll over and push himself a few inches off the floor before collapsing.

  Clown Lord poked Jeremy with a polish-sausage-sized finger. “Oooh, you have mana sickness.”

  “What's mana sickness?”

  Clown Lord's smirk widened. “Mana sickness is when your body is absorbing mana faster than it can put it to use. A sign I'm right about you. I will have to give you some time off.” Clown Lord picked up Jeremy, carried him downstairs, and placed him near the magic loom, which was slowly moving back and forth, doing something with the invisible spider silk.

  “Little adventurer, tell me about your world.”

  “What do you want to know?” Jeremy responded, wrapping himself in his cloak.

  “You are so weak. How is it you weren't killed and eaten in your world before you entered the dungeon?”

  “Well, Clown Lord, my world is very different.” Jeremy went on to tell him about guns and cars, and how humans had hunted most of the dangerous animals to extinction.

  “And your vehicles of transport run on flammable liquids?” Clown Lord asked. “And others run on lightning?”

  “Yes,” Jeremy answered. “Magic doesn't work in my world, so we've learned to use other things to power our vehicles.”

  “Interesting,” Clown Lord's smirk widened. “And your warriors depend on mana-free weapons for protection?”

  “Yes,” Jeremy answered.

  “Interesting. Very interesting.”

  The next day, Jeremy felt better, but wondered if he'd had enough training.