Chapter 1: Dark and Askal

  Dark sighs, seeing an X-ray and ultrasound miage of his broken spinal chord. His eyebrows furrowed and his lips puckered down in disgust the entire time. “There isn’t a fucking way that the lower caste fuckin’ Conyo snapped my neck…”

  “He knew you’d regenerate. I believe Beatle wanted to finish you off,” said Askal, with her eyes darting left to right, ignoring Dark.

  “Bitch, I am a fucking God compared to that bitch ass Tyanak. There ain’t no Mangkukulams or, or, or Mambabarangs or fucking Apolaki himself who tried to fuckin’ shoot me in the fuckmothering throat. A TYANAK!!! He wasn’t even that tall!” yelled Dark,

  “Jesus Christ, Dark,” said Askal. ”Could you wallow all over that cum-stained self-pity of yours in the corner? I’m trying to concentrate on my novel, you fucking cocksucker.”

  “Oh! Oh! Yeah! SURE!!! How can that fuckin’ book be more important than your brother’s depressive state right now!”

  “Dark. You’re not in a depressive state; you’re delirious because you let a boy nearly kill you. You’re having a breakdown, which is honestly fucking pathetic.”

  “Seriously, someone make my muscles bigger in that Ultrasound image!” he yelled, pointing at the image on the wall.

  “Shut the fuck up. LITERALLY NO ONE IS-!!!”

  A doctor clears her throat outside the doorway. They seem to be staying in a normal hospital room, with only a white background from every corner. The doctor smirked, staring at both of them, scoffing upon every breath they take. “Capital of the Multiverse, and nothing’s changed. Fuck.”

  “Doctor. We free to go?” smiled Dark, raising his eyebrows thrice. “Saturday night?“

  “I find your usage of our accent quite offensive, Mister Stevenson.“ She calmly strolled into the room.

  “Bitch, please. I’m technically half Filipino! Mostly. Kinda. I mean, technically, Aswangs are a race of genetically engineered aliens who originated in the islands. Technically, y’all are the colonizers, ah, bossing?”

  Askal closes her book and slams her head in it out of annoyance.

  The doctor rolls her eyes in disgust. “No, you are not free to go, Mister Stevenson. You are going to prison. Unless…”

  Dark smiles. “What do you mean, ‘unless’?”

  “We have a task force for a black operations team and we’re two soldiers short. What we need are a couple of sociopaths. Killers. So, we’d be sending both of you to that place. Do you understand?”

  “What place?” asked Askal.

  “You two really are fuckin’ psychopaths.”

  “Quit sellin’! You already have our money, doc!” smiled Dark. “Anyway, what’s the trabaho, Doc?”

  The doctor smiles. “My name is Laura Habagat, and I will be your handler, leading you into the very dangerous disputed territory in the West Philippine Sea. Shinpinoshima.”

  “That’s nihongo.”

  “Will you fucking stop with the cultural appropriation, gago?” asked the doctor.

  “Shut up, Dark. Listen,” said Askal. “My brother and I were trained to be absolutely skilled with pekiti tirsia kali. Whatever you want us to do, we’ll do it.”

  “You will be designated as Project Olympians.”

  “Doesn’t sound Filipino enough,” said Dark.

  “Jesus Christ,” Askal facepalmed. “You and your fucking patriotism.”

  “Okay, Mister Stevenson. We need a killer. And you’re the one we’ve got…” said the doctor. “We’re having dinner at Mang Inasal. Do NOT be late.”

  Dark mocks. “Or what?”

  “Or we’ll kill you. We placed a device in your brain that will instantly melt all the neurons in that little skull of yours,“ said Habagat. “A pepper capsule. We would remove it if needed.”

  “Fine…” sighed Dark.

  “You’re bluffing,” said Askal,

  “For you, well, we have a special one for you. There is a hole in your neck, a small puncture we placed with a metal ring that keeps it open,” She said, as she felt the ring on it. “And if you walk out on us, a Nuno sa Punso will be evoked and tear your pretty little neck in half.”

  Askal’s eye twitches.

  “You two are born killers. Emilia Li. John Stevenson. Trained by your father to kill… anything. Right?”

  Askal sighs. “Can we please speak to our Dad first?”

  “Jesus Christ…” Dark facepalmed. “He wants nothing to do with us, Emi.”

  “Fuck off. Of course, she does!”

  “‘She?’”

  “Everyone knows God’s a woman.”

  “Well, Woman God, AKA Dad, is damned well known to be very well a fucking Pro-Filipino ethnicist racist fuck who kills minorities and tourists. I’m not going, Em.”

  Emilia scoffs and walks away.

  “She’ll be back?” asked Habagat.

  “Mhm,” said Dark. “She won’t leave me. She never does.”

  The doorbell was rung, and a door opens.

  Emilia smiles,softly saying. ”Hey, Dad.”

  The father stood, looming before her, carrying a lack of warmth and a ghoulish stare.

  “The fuck do you want, failed abortion?” asked her father.

  “Nothing… Just… came up for the Kennel.”

  “‘Kennel’...” he mocked. “Those weapons in there would be a fine use of killing them filthy whites, Sinostani, Hangukistani, Nihongostani, even them Mountain Tribals.”

  “Dad. I’m… half Sinostani. And and and I don’t… do that kinda stuff. I do what I do to keep people’s hopes up.”

  “Whatever. Just take your weapons and go, fucking whore.” The old man spoke bitterly, frying some eggs and tapsilog.

  Askal sighs as she opens a door that creates a magical doorway to a woodland area made of brick and stone. She takes out weapons and devices, depressed, even seeing terrifying armor of a very Filipino look, with a straw hat, green armor all over, and stripes of red. Beneath the armor states, “Armor of the Buwaya. Do NOT Touch, f***.”

  She sighs, saddened, before leaving. She walks away from the strange house full of thin metal walls and curvy ,zigzagged metallic roofs on top. She kept walking while people around her look at her, staring at her. “Sorry, Daisuke…” she sighed, wincing.

  Suddenly, she heard a woman screaming in the distance. There, a sweaty man wearing nothing but a sleeveless shirt. Laughing could be heard as he hammered her head over and over to the wall, preparing to force himself upon her. Askal clenches a kris dagger’s handle and tosses it into the back of his head. The woman backs away out of fear. She tries crawling away. Askal just grabs and pulls the dagger out of the bad man’s face.

  “STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!” she boomed.

  Askal just stared back at her with eyes lacking of spirit, and went on with her stroll in the grassy plains. She passed by the many graffiti-ridden houses, and merely opened a portal and disappeared into it.

  Dark and Askal, in their costumes, ate silently at the restaurant while the other team members scoffed and whisper about their looks.

  “Problem, Dave Bautista?” smirked Dark, reading the menu while Askal read her own as well.

  “No, no,” smirked Hercules. “It’s just that you look like a fuckin’ clown in that…”

  “Don’t like what you see? Don’t lay your eyes upon me…”

  “Rich coming from a couple of fugly masked murderers,” smirked Kagitingan.

  “And who the fuck are you?” smiled Dark.

  “Meet Kagitingan,” said Habagat, puckering her lips. “One of the greatest Filipino Bayanis of the 1940s. Known to have defeated entire armies of the Hapones back in the day. Leader of the once proud Suneaters. This is Hercules. The only non-Filipino, more-or-less compared to you two. Herc here was the greatest Superhero of the Silver Age of Superheroes.”

  Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

  Dark, removing his mask, gives a flirtatious smile, his lips puffing up while his eyes lay upon Hercules.

  Hercules just rolls his eyes in annoyance.

  Dark sighs and raises his finger. “Yo, bitch. Gimme a Poached Tuscan Steak and the lady over here would like-?”

  “Just the Siopao,” Askal smiled.

  “Yeah…” smirked Dark, as she left. “What she… said… Mmm… mm… Mmm… What?” he asked, seeing all of these people staring at him.

  “You just called the waitress a bitch,” said Hercules.

  “Yeah. She was cute. Kinda like a puppy. Hence, a female dog. ‘Bitch’!”

  Askal just ignored them allogether while Habagat facepalms and the other pair of men cringed.

  “I don’t know how long you’ve been living under that fungus–ridden rock of yours… but… ‘Bitch’ is an insult,” said Hercules.

  “Like uh… ‘Fuck-face’,” smiled Kagitingan. “Or ‘motherfucker’!”

  “Not every swear word is just ‘fuck’,” sighed Hercules.

  “Ugh. You guys are inappropriate,” said Dark, shaking his head.

  Askal bounced her leg in annoyance.

  At the end of the dinner, the group went their separate ways, holding these strange folders in their hands.

  Dark prepares to drive himself and his sister away in the Darkmobile, but Hercules sighs and meets up with Dark.

  “Hey. Asshole,” said Hercules, tossing him his katana. “You forgot your scabbard.”

  Dark smirks and flirtatiously leaned to showcase his hips. ”You wanna?”

  “Fuck off, weirdo,” said Hercules.

  “You know, men do say I’m nice and soft. Like clay dough. Or fucking putty.”

  Hercules facepalms.

  “C’mon! I’m just asking for genitalia to genitalia action, here!” smiled Dark.

  “And I hate being bothered by men like you who think their ego is big enough to lay with just about anyone they find with a nice body because, I don’t know! I work out! And apparently I’m an object to you, handsome assholes!”

  Dark smirks, blushing. ”You think I’m handsome?”

  Hercules facepalms. ”Just fucking go home, Dark. I have zero interest in you.” Hercules turns around and flies away, as Dark rolls his eyes and enters his car.

  “That was painful to watch,“ said Askal, finally taking her mask off.

  Dark slammed the door and began driving off. “Just shut the fuck up, Emi.” Dark sighs, eyeing the bruise across her face. “Did Dad get mad again?”

  “Yeah…”

  “I fucking told you to not visit that asshole.”

  “He’s not an asshole. He’s still family.”

  “He did that to you?” Dark’s nose twitched.

  Askal stayed quiet.

  He pinches the air between his fingers. “This close to killing him as well, Emi. This close.”

  Emi’s eyes quiver. “Keep your eyes on the road. I don’t want you to run over puppies.”

  ”You damn well know I’d never.“

  Suddenly, they turned around at the horizon of the dark road. Dark particularly sensed something was wrong. They see a running man from behind with red eyes. This man was very, very stalky and fast, but eventually, he could be seen thickening and becoming muscular over time, and he kept running and running.

  Askal began panting in fear. “FLOOR IT!!!”

  Dark whispered. “Shit fuck!” He steps on the accelerator and zoomed quicker forward. Then, he hears neighing. ”Fuck… It’s a-!”

  Their trunk is smashed open by the incredibly fast man, slamming them and flipping the car, causing it to roll downhill. A man with a horse head neighs at them, incredibly muscular and naked.

  Dark and Askal are no longer in the Darkmobile.

  Suddenly, Dark dropkicks the man and slices at his head, but his katana vibrates and stops midair, as the creature kicks Dark to the ground and slams him into a balete tree.

  The horseman roars and bites into shoulder but Askal finds an opening to try and rip something out of his head, a golden hair strand, but the horse man grabs her and knocks him down.

  The horseman hammers her over, and over, and over again, but Askal stands back up and tries stabbing him in the throat, but her kris dagger freezes and vibrates midair, inches from his throat. He neighs a disgusting grunt and tries biting her face off but Dark, now in his Aswang form, gnaws into his throat and rips out his esophagus, causing him to become thin once more, before falling to his knees, dead.

  Chapter 2: The Clock is Ticking-balang

  Dark and Askal pant, horrified as they see the body of the tall, stalky deceased horse-headed man.

  “We gotta hide the body…” said Dark. “You still got those bone saws?”

  Askal’s eyes go sparkly. “YES!!!”

  Askal smiles as she dances, stepping left to right, with the biggest smile on her face while she sawed each of the Horseman’s limbs off his body. Askal smiles while hacking the horse down. She smiles and dances to “Buwan” while the horse is decapitated and torn into various pieces of meat. The siblings then burn the horse alive, while Dark is traumatized, Askal smiles, laughing and turning to him while warming her hands by the fire.

  Dark sighs and just shakes his head dismissively.

  Dark and Askal, having the body gone and burned, then hear the Knight Corps’ sirens nearby.

  Dark’s and Askal’s eyes widened, and they darted away into the forest.

  “I SEE TWO VIGILANTES RUNNING AWAY FROM THE LOCATION OF THE BURNING TIKBALANG!!!”

  “OVER THERE!!! PERMISSION TO SHOOT TO KILL?”

  Then, gunfire is heard while the pair runs into the forest.

  Dark growls. “Fuck! Motherfucker!”

  “You alright?” asked Askal.

  “I got fucking shot with some kinda pepper-doused bullet! FUCK!!!” yelled Dark.

  “Will you keep your voice down!?”

  “You keep YOUR voice down, bitch!”

  “Oh. Very funny. Now you know it’s an insult, you call me one.”

  “Fuck… Just. Shut up and call Hercules.”

  “Ughhh!!!”

  Hercules picks up the phone. “Who’s this?”

  “Herc. I need your help!” yelled Dark.

  Hercules looks to the left. “Did… Did you clone my phone to get its number!?”

  “Just shut up and listen! I killed a Tikbalang! Filipino Horse monster. Now the Knight Corps wants us killed!”

  Hercules’ eyes widen. “OH, FUCK!!!“ Hercules stands back up and puts on his suit, with a huge H at the center of his suit’s chest and flies away. He also wore a lion’s mane as a cape.

  Dark then grabs Askal, and they both climb the trees.

  Askal takes out her kris blade but Dark shakes his head. Askal groans and puts it back in its scabbard.

  The Knights, all wearing metallic suits, shot at a microsquirrel that simply crawled up to hide.

  “It’s dusk,” said one Knight, looking at the horizon. “They’ll be out here soon.”

  Dark sighs and shakes his head, only for the soldiers to each have their armors deactivated from some kind of EMP bomb, causing them to fall over to the ground.

  Dark and Askal land, while the other troops from a distance shot at the pair. The pair reach the Kagitinganmobile and ride in while Kagitingan, who is on the wheel, smirks at them.

  “Hey, guys! So, tough night, huh?” smiled Kagitingan.

  “FUCKING STEP ON IT, FATASS!!!” boomed Dark.

  “Alright, alright, geez…” Kagitingan steps on the accelerator and leaves the area.

  Suddenly, they hear screaming, and in the distance, yet again, another Tikbalang slams his hooves on the ground, talk, stalky, gaining more muscle as he charges forward to kill the group.

  The Tikbalang neighs at them as Dark grabbed a handgun and shot at the horse-headed monster.

  The creature just kept charging.

  “Fuuuuck!” yelled Dark, sitting back. “Um. Um… okay. Shit fuck…” Dark takes out and begins praying the rosary.

  Askal facepalms. “What the fuc’king shit are you doing!?”

  “Prayers always work, Emi!”

  Askal shakes her head only for suddenly, Hercules to dropkick the head of the Tikbalang and crush it.

  Hercules flew next to the team’s Kagitinganmobil, zooming in the air with his hands forward.

  “Hey, Herc!” smiled Dark. “How many extremist conservatives can screw up a light bulb in the Philippines?”

  Hercules just stays quiet.

  “NONE!!! There ain’t no such thing as Philippine political ideologies!” laughed Dark.

  “This really is NOT the appropriate time, Dark.”

  “Wait… I got another one about Americans.”

  “Dark. You’re half Caucasian and half Aswang. You are NOT Filipio,” said Hercules.

  “How many extreme Conservative and Liberal Americans can screw up a light bulb?”

  “I am an American citizen-...”

  “NONE!!! Both are SO RACIST that they’d rather beat the color out of the room and complain about the latest box office movie being woke or some shit. Woke isn’t even a fucking word!” laughed Dark. “Like, what does that even mean? ‘Awake?’”

  “It was originally meant to be a word of respect for minorities-...”

  “OH SNAP!!! We got a Murrican over here!”

  Kagitingan laughs.

  “Christ’s sake, Kagitingan. Don’t encourage this dumbass,” said Hercules.

  “Just a little comedic fun right here!” smiled Dark.

  “Your humor is fucking pissing people off. Just stop it,” said Hercules.

  “Why? It’s how my Dad used to joke,” said Dark.

  “Yeah. I agree. I agree with that-...” Askal would be cut off by Hercules.

  “Yeah? Well, your father is a racist. And you know that,” sighed Hercules.

  Dark sighs while his eyes darted down. “Right. Sorry.”

  “And stop culturally appropriating. You’re white.”

  “My mother is an Aswang. Her culture is Filipino. I may not look the part but I damn well deserve to be a part of that culture,” said Dark. “So stop… FUCKING calling me out on that. Okay?”

  Hercules just sighs and flies forward.

  Askal smirks. “Dude. Wanna blow stuff up in the compound later?”

  “I’m not in the fucking mood, Askal,” said Dark.

  “John! I ordered a breakroom! One that YOU specifically WANTED…” she smirked.

  “You mean, the one where we actually get to break stuff?” smiled Dark.

  Upon reaching the compound where they were taken in, Dark and Askal happily just break various appliances into pieces. From old televisions, to blenders, radios, and boom boxes, the pair just laugh while happily tearing them down.

  Hercules just shakes his head, seeing the siblings upon the chaos. “Fucking sociopaths. Don’t they realize how big this is? Their next assignment is to visit fucking Shinpinoshima. An island in the very much disputed South Sino Sea.”

  “West Philippine Sea,” said Habagat.

  “Sir. With all due respect. I’m only here to pay of my debt. Not work with sociopaths.”

  “You destroyed a kaiju and caused significant destruction in Davao City. I think it’s best that you stay here, Hercules. But if you wanna walk, walk. All I need are those two. Our world needs a terrible person, and these two are all we’ve got. Tomorrow, we’ll be assassinating a Congressman’s family before they visit the island. C’mon.”

  Hercules sighs, closing his eyes.

  Dark opens the file and is horrified.

  Askal’s eyes widen.

  “This is a child,” said Dark.

  “I know,” said Habagat. “We all know you don’t have a problem killing, right?”

  Askal opens her mouth. “We don’t kill kids. That’s against our code.”

  “Yeah. I don’t give a fuck,” said Habagat. “You’re killing them or you both die.”

  Dark’s fingers can be seen twitching.

  “Well?” asked Habagat.

  Dark and Askal stayed silent…