“You have to come out sssometime, sire.”

  “I don't want to look.” Kip said as he pulled the sheets over him.

  Another voice called out behind the wall, “Oh, hey, Jasssper. You here to talk to Kip about something?”

  Kip was in his little hidey hole in his labyrinth. When he became Head of Traps, he had some of the clockworks move around walls to give him a little gap to set up in. There was something strangely cozy about the occasional blade clanging or monster biting that went on outside those walls, knowing that he was safe inside. Even though he’d taken residence in the Castle Inversa, as the pit in his stomach grew, he retreated to his room in the labyrinth. He rested, dreading the days’ news. Shortly after he fainted, the Duergars nursed him to health. Actually… It was the soothing waters of the hot tub that brought him to life again. Baraz had brought a pack lunch and shared it with the Dark Lord. Corned vole and cabbage.

  Kip ate it, refusing to even look at Blingo. Blingo rubbed his back and asked if he was okay, he mumbled that he was fine. Afterwards, Blingo told them she had enough it was time for her to get to work on her story.

  “I should have never accepted that stupid ring,” Kip said through the door.

  “I believe what you sssaid, Sire. You would have been dead.”

  “I could have tried harder. Stupid vampire.” He turned over to the action figures he had made himself. He winded up a little mech bot and dropped it. It swung wildly. He turned over in his bed and stared up at a poster of Wretcha, a banshee singer that entertained the troops. He grabbed the magic item, the peeker’s monocle, “How could I not have known it would come with such a high price tag?”

  He placed it to his eye, adjusting the item to look through the density of the labyrinth wall. Kip saw Zeke and Jasssper on the other side of the wall. Zeke was resting against the wall. Kip focused in on the bright red glow of the snake from the other side of the door wearing his papal hat.

  “I know what that mussst feel like. To feel there is an inevitable conclusion on your doorssstep.”

  “What do you know about that?” Kip asked as he removed his monocle and could no longer see through the wall.

  Jasssper said, ”Nothing. I was jussst being hypothetical. Don’t worry about all that. But please let me in, sire.”

  Kip slumped out of bed and worm-crawled toward the door. He chucked his stretchy arm, letting the palm grasp onto the doorknob. He pulled his arm, turning the knob and opening the door from his position on the floor.

  “Sire! Don’t tell me as an authority as dignified as you is worming on the ground!”

  “Don’t listen to Jass, That’s a great worm, lil buddy.”

  “I really think Xrgl would be proud of me.”

  “Sire! Xrgl would be very proud to hear that the leader was such a good wormer but this is not the time!”

  “What do you want?” Kip asked.

  “We wanted to check in on you, buddy.” Said Zeke, “Also wanted to run something by you. Real quick. Not a big deal. Kinda a big deal. Has Blademan talked to you?”

  “Blademan?” Kip asked, “No, why?”

  “Nothing. Let’s get through your thing first and then we’ll talk about my thing.”

  “Did it come?” Kip asked, “Tell me what it says. No don’t! No, do.” Kip wrapped himself further in the blankets and stared out through the covers.

  “Oh come on, Kip. Most people don’t even know you!” said Zeke, “And the ones who do probably don't have that high of an opinion of you. It’s not like this will change anything much.”

  Kip looked up and said, “Guys… am I a good dark lord?”

  “I wanted to discusss a few courses of action.”

  “But am I a…”

  "Yes, dammit.” Said Jasssper, “you’re the most caring and thoughtful dark lord there ever was!”

  Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

  “What happens if he gets ousted, Jasssper?” Zeke asked.

  “The rules of succession state this clearly. If Kip were to get ousted, an interim dark lord would get chosen. That would be the first Floor Lord. The castle Floor Lord. Since Davorin isn't here, it would go to Jymba.”

  “Jymba.” Kip said it as if he had almost forgotten the name, “He’s wise. He’s kind. He cares about the estate. Why wasn’t he chosen again?”

  “Because you were chosssen.”

  “Oh right.” Kip picked himself up again, “I think it should be Jymba. Why don’t I just abdicate?”

  “He would be interim dark lord. The actual dark lord would get chosen by the tribunal.”

  “Ahh.” Said Zeke, still with something on his mind, “So what’s Tribunal’s deal? Is he like… a guy with three butts?”

  “It’s a committee. Made up of floor lords, mob bosses, and merchants with powerful sway. You should know about thissss.”

  “Didn’t ever take a civics class.”

  “You should know about thisss because you’re a mob bossss and thus on the council as a representative of the Mercilessss Maze.”

  “I am?” Zeke asked, “Is that why people are always inviting me to those meetings? I thought they just wanted money.”

  “The tidings provide the drinks and food for the meetings. It’s normally a donation.”

  “Okay.” Kip said, “So… the tribunal. They would put Jymba in place… and… maybe they would elect someone else? Could be better than me.”

  “Sire,” Jasssper said, “You are the dark lord. It should be up to you. You just sent a promising young Anuri off personally, on his first mission to try to learn magic. If you let someone else be Dark Lord… that won’t happen. Jymba would try his best, but as giving as he is… someone that big can only see so small.”

  Kip rolled around in his bed roll. Jasssper and Zeke waited.

  “If he’s done with his thing, I’d like to go.” Zeke said.

  Jasssper shot a glare at Zeke. Zeke stuck his hands up as he peered inside the tiny office.

  Kip said, “Fine. What were the plans you were talking about?”

  ‘First are the obvious ones. Obfuscation. By lethal means if we have to.”

  “You’re talking about killing the story.”

  “Yes. And what better way to kill the story than to kill the person writing the story? We kill her and after that we don’t have to even worry about another journalist looking into it.”

  “We’re not going to kill anyone Jasssper,” Kip said.

  “I figured as much… that’s why I got it out of the way. The second topic, of course, is giving Blingo an even bigger ssscoop. Something that would let her kill the story herself. I have three optionss.”

  Jasssper laid out three dossiers in front of Kip on the floor, “The first is that Pigly Stefens got caught riding a carriage drunk through a field of wheat. Embarrassing but not big enough.”

  “What about Davorin’s lady? Annie Bellum? Heard she’s cheating with some schmuck,” Zeke said.

  “Where did you hear that from?” Jasssper asked.

  “Water cooler.”

  “A cheating scandal is hardly worth it,” dismissed Jasssper, “The other option I have is that the floor lord of the underdark, Spiderella, is secretly using her webs to build a bed so big that she and all of her subjects can jump on it. This is of course… a logistical nightmare and will halt productivity if everyone can jump on the same bed. I can not stress enough how this must be-”

  “Stop.”

  “Stopped. Correct. Now, the next one.. Is that the Warrior Poet Grog is having a secret affair with-”

  “Stop,” Kip said, “so long as she prints the truth, it doesn't matter what she says. That’s what I care about. If she prints it correctly, then that’s that.”

  “But sire…”

  “I did it. I did everything. Let the people decide if they want to keep me.”

  “Okay,” Zeke said, “That’s good because guys… it’s already printed.”

  “It is?!” Jasssper asked.

  “Yeah, picked up a copy on my way over. It’s the front page. Guess that would have been relevant to bring up, huh?”

  “Why didn’t you?” Kip asked.

  "I have a lot on my mind, we haven’t gotten to my thing yet.”

  “Well, what’s your thing?” Kip asked.

  “No!” Jasssper said, “Let’s read this bloody newssspaper. Then we can talk about Zeke’s thing.”

  “It will only take a second.” Said Zeke.

  “It’s not important.” Jasssper said.

  “It is important!” Said Zeke, “Just because I’m not the dark lord doesn’t make my thing unimportant.”

  “I’m happy to hear your thing,” Said Kip.

  “Thank you, Kip.” Zeke said ,”As you both know, when I was injured in the tirade against the Ducervi, there was a recovery period. In that time, Blademan was hired to… I can see you glancing at the newspaper Kip.”

  Kip was bouncing his gaze to the newspaper. “I just need to get an overview.”

  “Go ahead.” Said Zeke patiently.

  Kip grabbed the paper and read it. His eyes scanned to the picture they used and the start of the headline.

  “If the headline is bad, jussst know that it’s the editors that use those.”:

  “Jasssper,” Said Kip, “Look at the headline!”

  “Woah,” Said Zeke, “New Dark Lord Tides New Bright Future for Shangra.”

  “Yes, reading over this,” Kip’s eyes excitedly darted through the paper, “she mentions my compassion for the minions. That I avoid violence in a way that lends itself to our advancement on the world stage, and she mentioned how much I attempted to keep Julio out of harm’s way as well as I attempted to embolden him. Jasssper! This makes me look like a saint!”

  “My,” Said Jasssper, “That’s wonderful news! Does it say anything about me?”

  “N-no.” Said Kip as he opened up the pages, “No, nothing about you, unfortunately. Interesting. Wow.” Kip beamed as he fell back in his bed, dreamy from happiness.

  “Nothing about me,” repeated Jasssper as he read through the article.

  “That’s awesome, Kip.” Said Zeke, “Just wanted to slip in that and say that Blademan challenged me to my spot as mob boss.”

  “What?! Both Kip and Zeke yelled together.

  “Yeah, it blows. Told you my thing was important.”

  “I’ll see if I can talk to him,” Said Kip.

  “Oh my. Zeke, this next page… it affects you too. It affectsss all of us.”

  “What?” Kip asked, “Something about the story?”

  “No.” Jasssper said, “It’s the last page. The humans… have released our new bounties.”

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