Jasssper entered the wet sauna with a towel resting around his neck. The heat was welcomed on Jasssper’s cold-blooded scales. He let out a long drawn out ‘Aaaaaahhhh’ as he coiled up on the bench.
“Nothing like a good sssoak, ay, sire?”
“There you are, Jasssper!” Kip said, “I was starting to wonder where you’d gone.”
“Sorry, sire.” Said Jasssper, “They had some questions about if I wanted a towel and if I was able to use a towel. The usual dissscriminatroy dribble you get as a Coatl.”
“Right. Sorry about that.”
“Not at all. I appreciate you asssking. This heat feelss heavenly.”
“Yes, I think I rather agree with you. I wonder if Blingo’s okay without us?”
“She’s a tough lot from the Underdark. You need not worry about her. She’s probably placing this all on the DLD’s dime anyway.”
“I know you don’t like her, but I think she’s more interested in helping than not.”
“If you insist, Sire. I jussst don’t see what good comes from talking to her.”
“I would love to be on the press’ good side. Besides, at least it’s not a rag like The Moon.”
“Did you sssee what theory they were peddling?” Jasssper asked.
“What?” Kip responded, smiling.
“They insisted that there were these tiny bugs, so small that nobody can see and they are what makes us sick. Germsss they call it.”
Kip slapped his knee and laughed. A gnoll who was visiting his aunt in the underdark laughed hysterically.
“Like I said, they’re reputable. A lot of people still do not approve of the Dark Lord’s decision. This could help sway them.
Jasssper spoke, “And what a tenure you’ve had ssso far.”
Kip leaned in so the gnoll couldn’t hear, “I mean… I help some young ambitious mage get his start, and on the way we fight pirates and save the day? We even reward her with a magical item. I think this ride along is a success so far.”
“Couldn’t agree more, sire.” said Jasssper, “Let’s just finish the homesstretch and we’ll get a written up piece that shines like your red scales.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me. What the heck kind of dragon am I? Do we know any dragon that has the ability to stretch like I do?”
“I can have someone look through the library.”
‘Yes. let’s do exactly that!” Said Kip, “But until then, let’s finish this day out strong. What’s the last piece of business?”
“I… oh… right.” Said Jasssper.
“What? What is it?”
“Uhm… Baraz has yet to take down the hot tub.”
“Ah. Okay. Should be easy… I hope.”
After the tremendous bath, Blingo, Kip, and Jasssper all felt immensely refreshed. They traversed the rest of the way with a renewed vigor. On the way, Blingo asked some more standard questions about Kip’s home life, how he met Jasssper, what his priorities were as dark lord, how much did he know of Jasssper and on and on.
They soon entered the mining wing of the Underdark. This was where the secret hot tub was located. This zone helped Shangra mine precious metals, and was not often visited by invaders (unless there was a perfectly good hole in the roof to go through). If the wing did receive invaders, it was often lowly thieves who were dead set on a chunk of ore.
Kip’s stomach turned as he approached a familiar sound. The jovial sounds of dwarves basking would be a beckoning call for most, but it was Kip’s turn to be the mean Dark Lord. The one who had to hold his ground and tell them that they were in the wrong for keeping the hot tub as long as they had. He knocked on the small slit that would lead him in.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.
“Come in!” Said the loud voice. Baraz, the one who had approached Kip at the town meeting.
Kip walked in, Blingo and Jasssper followed behind.
“Dark Lord!” Said Baraz, “Good to see you again!”
“Haha… heeyy guys!” Said Kip, waving his hand unenthusiastically, “What’s up?”
“We finally got the furnace set up so there’s no need for your hot head friend. Where is Sal anyway?”
“Oh, yeah. He’s back guarding the gates of the seventh floor again. He’s great. Really. Won’t return my letters to hang out but what do you do?”
“Yes, what do you do? He heard about the furnace already. He’s a big fan!”
“That’s amazing… but… why did we establish a furnace anyway?”
Baraz through another wood on the fire, “What do you mean? Can’t have a hot tub without a furnace.”
Kip let out a slight breath of exasperation. He turned to look at Blingo who was still writing away with her pencil. He turned back to Baraz, “You can’t have a hot tub at all. We talked about that.”
“Right. I suppose we shouldn’t… but we can.”
“You… you all almost died last time you tried to use it. The Ducervi came in and nearly killed all of you.”
“We got better!”
“But it might happen again!” Kip croaked.
“Dark Lord, we have you and your eternal vigilance to thank for this! Without you, we wouldn’t be alive. And we have no doubt that if something were to happen that you would protect us. Besides! We placed a little grate in the pipe, see?” Baraz grabbed the string and pulled. The lid released water and Kip could see that there was a metal grate hammered in and reinforced by little bolts on the side of the pipe. “No need to worry about somebody turning fish and invading us!”
“It’s more than that.” Said Kip, “Putting aside the fact that a grate could be thwarted… it affects the supply run. Remember? It is a pipe that runs directly through the supply lines. It’s slowing down dayside supplies from reaching the lower floors.
“Aye. Well, darkside floors have their own supplies anyway. Besides, I remember you signing off on it. Would you like to see the paperwork?”
“I would not.”
“I would.” Said Blingo.
Baraz pointed above the hot tub. It was an ordinance form to work on construction of a pipe running through a tunnel. It was laminated and had Kip’s signature beaming in the center.
Blingo climbed up the hot tube’s edge to look at it, “Huh, I’ll be.” She wrote in her notebook, “L-a-min-a-ted.”
“It’s.. not what it seems. It was on one of my earliest days as a Dark Lord and I didn’t bother reading it!”
“I had not yet met him,” Jasssper said, “I would have happily informed him that the Bloodchins are not to be trusted with paperwork.”
“So you read it without signing it?” Blingo asked.
“I-I…” Kip stumbled, “I thought I was doing something good. They said they needed some water to run through the tunnel and I assumed it was for their benefit.”
“It is for our benefit!” Bloodchin spoke up, “That we can agree on.”
“No!” Kip said, waggling his claw at Baraz, “No, don’t do that. Look, this was all a mistake. I revoke that.”
“You need the proper formssss.” Jasssper said.
“You need the proper forms.” Said Baraz, “You need to petition that this was a mistake.”
Kip sighed. Jasssper whispered in Kip’s ear, “You need to put your foot down, sire. Do not let the reporter sssurmise you are weak.”
“It’s obviously a mistake! It’s more than obvious!” said Kip.
“Is it?” Baraz asked.
“Of course. This is a stupid hot tub and it’s dangerous.”
“You think it’s dangerous?” Baraz asked.
“Obviously! This was a mistake on my part and yet and I am gladly retracting it.”
Blingo wrote something in her notebook.
“Did you write that I’m gracious about accepting my own faults?” Kip asked.
“Sure.” Blingo said.
“R-right.” Kip turned to Baraz again, “I want it gone.”
“Not that badly.”
“I… challenge you. A fight and if you win, you get to keep the hot tub.”
“I refuse.”
“You can’t refuse,” Kip said.
“Then I’ll challenge your challenge. It gets sent to tribunal and we still get to have a hot tub at least for another week.”
“Five business days.” Jasssper said, “And it’s a holiday so more like two weeks.”
“Two weeks?!” Kip said, “Sorry, Baraz. The hot tub is gone. I don’t care what fee I’ll incur, I’ll pay it. As mentioned, this is a danger to the supply lines and potentially the infrastructure of the tunnels.”
“So now you care about the danger,” Baraz said.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“You want it gone…” started Baraz, “Unless you need something from us.”
Kip’s blood ran cold. His palms became clammy.
‘ “I’ve given the ring back.” Said Kip.
“Ring?” Jasssper asked.
“What ring?” Blingo asked.
“The trophy? When Kip first came to tell us about the hot tub, he mentioned that we would gladly take it away, but when Kip saw the portal rings, he became obsessed with them. Let us keep the hot tub in exchange for the ring.”
“What?!” Both Blingo and Jasssper said at once.
“Is that true?” Blingo asked, “Care to comment?”
“That’s not how that went down.” Said Kip.
“But… you accepted a trophy for the chance at them keeping their hot tub.”
Kip sighed, “Yes. I did. But it helped save my life. Besides, I gave the ring back!”
“We have it, safe,” Said Baraz. “And we reject it. We’d like our hot tub.”
“Wow! The dark lord accepted bribery two days into the job! This is a whole story on its own!”
“It doesn’t have to be!” Jasssper said.
“This… This can’t...” Kip looked around, h “I’m… I’m a good dark lord.. Or… I try to be.”
“I’m sorry, Kip. This is just the order of things. We shall put in the challenge forms anyway.” Jasssper said.
“Please stop writing,” Kip said, staring at Blingo.
“You okay, dark lord? Look a little green.”
“I… this was a success. I’m a good dark…” Whether it be from the surmounting pressure, or the hot tub fumes so soon after the sauna, Kip fell on his face and fainted.
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