Brinus unpacked the groceries he got from the commissary. He put Akmal’s Tarken Tea cigarette rations and two cases of his favorite beer off to the side just as Tangent walked into the kitchen.

  The kitchen was filled with paper bags and cluttered with groceries. Several pantry and cabinet doors were opened for ease of movement, as was the refrigerator. Two large empty carrying bags were already on the counter with their contents sorted.

  “You’re a trillionaire. Why don’t you get servants?” asked Tangent while she climbed onto a stool and helped put away the groceries.

  Brinus ruffled some of Tangent’s fur, “Why? I still wonna get outta the house once in a while.”

  She saw the cigarettes and lighters on the countertop. “What the fuck, Brinus?”

  “Oh, I ain’t smokin’ again if you’re worried ‘bout that.”

  Tangent took a closer look. “That’s Akmal’s Brand. Why are you getting Akmal cigarettes?”

  He put the milk in the fridge and faced Tangent with his hands on his hips. “We ain’t gonna agree on how to mentor Akmal so let’s just agree to disagree. Okay?”

  Tangent hopped onto the counter from her stool and went eye-level with Brinus. She growled, “No, we will discuss this now! Why are you getting Akmal smokes and beer?!”

  Brinus snapped after jamming his nose into her face, “First of all, Akmal is an adult protected by the AI Bill of Rights. If he wants to smoke, he can. And I would rather him smoke than get into the harder substances like bliss and rage. Second of all, he’s mentally and emotionally a teenager because at his core he is an AI that needs to be guided. So learnin’ to drink in a safe environment is necessary so he doesn’t do somethin’ stupid later on his own.”

  Tangent hopped back onto her stool and put the potato chips into the cabinet. “I get what you’re saying, and you do have valid points, but Akmal is not an ordinary emotionally immature 21-year-old. He’s the ship’s computer.”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose and his nostrils flared. “He’s still a human consciousness and has the right to autonomy. As long as Akmal smokes I will get him his cigarettes and when he is ready to quit I’ll help’m the best way I can. Now this here is the end of the debate. We’ve settled it. No more discussion on this topic.”

  “He’s a computer, not a human,” Tangent spoke lastly in a whispering defeat. She was correct, but that doesn’t matter to the military. Everyone saw Akmal as a Human. Nothing about that was true. His appearance was only an outer coat of paint to allow him to blend in and relate to the crew.

  Brinus slammed his hands on the counter and yelled, “Yes, he’s a computer but he’s also a person and needs to learn the hard way. Now fucking drop it!”

  Tangent went silent and left the kitchen. Brinus had never lost his temper with her before. She would come back later when he was calm to see what the issue was. She could sense that she might have touched a nerve with him.

  Meanwhile, at the central mess hall kitchen, no one had noticed the salt and sugar labels were switched or that the several spice labels had been changed. A two-layer cake meant for the Admiral’s delegation, which used chocolate cream cheese frosting with a fondant-coated galaxy design. But the powdered sugar label was replaced with cornstarch and salt was used instead of sugar to sweeten the cake. As one might imagine, it was a nice cake in looks only.

  This unique cake was rolled out through the back entrance and taken to the admiral’s quarters.

  Admiral Nelson was with five federation governors who just defected from the federation itself and were dressed in rags. Half-starved, they smelled like bathing was inaccessible. glad they had made their decision, the men were happy. They have been receiving food and healthcare of a better quality than what they were accustomed to.

  “That was the best lunch I ever had. I just can’t eat another bite,” said one of the governors.

  Admiral Nelson waved his hand at the five footmen as they took away the dishes. “Yes, in the confederacy – because of sanctions – we didn’t have access to the same chemicals as the rest of the galaxy so we used honey, spices, and pickling methods as preservatives.”

  The cake was rolled out and the governor's wolf whistled. “Damn you never see meals like this in the federation anymore,” exclaimed a third governor while he grabbed a piece uncontrollably. The governors demolished the cake, so Captain Plato grabbed a piece.

  He immediately gagged, almost vomiting at the table. “What the fuck?! How are you guys eating this? Footmen! Take it away!”

  “We’ve been starving for a year. We’ll eat anything at this point.”

  Two footmen lifted the cake from the table and took it to the replicator.

  I am so sorry about this. I will discipline the kitchen staff later.” The governors continued eating their cake slices. “Gentlemen… I believe we can do better than this. I will have my servants replicate a proper cake.” The governors continued eating. “Are you guys really that hungry?”

  “Yes, we are,” snapped one of the governors. “We need food and medicine for our people because the supply lines in the federation are collapsing. And yet, Pattaban continues his purges and this war. We learned to never waste food no matter how disgusting it is because we might have to go days without eating.”

  “This is highly unprofessional conduct and I promise the people responsible will be held accountable. Isn’t that right, Akmal?”

  A holographic projection of Akmal’s avatar appeared with him laughing. “The looks on your faces…”

  “Tomorrow we are going to dock at a starbase and Brinus is going to be busy. I understand you put in for shore leave?”

  Akmal was overwhelmed with laughter.

  Admiral Nelson smiled and leaned back in his chair. “I am confining you to quarters for one month. If you do not comply you will be put in a prison-like limbo I will order Brinus to create.”

  Akmal snapped out of his fit of laughter. “You wouldn’t.”

  Admiral Nelson leaned forward and looked Akmal’s avatar in the eyes. “Try me. Now fuck off.”

  The virtual avatar vanished into the ship.

  Akmal went on a smoke break after Admiral Nelson threatened him. After struggling to light the cigarette, he heard Brinus snap his fingers. The warm smoke went down his throat and into his lungs. The AA nicotine felt good as he inhaled.

  “Wouldn’t it be a shame to experience nicotine withdrawal in jail? Or true hunger? Or isolation? I can tell you from experience, it is agonizing. To need a cigarette but not be able to fill that need. To reach out fer friends but not be able to communicate with anyone. To be in a room with no sound, no light, and only total darkness.”

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  Akmal shuddered. “You wouldn’t do that to me.”

  “No. That there’s solitary confinement in a jail. I heard other people were put in it. I never was cuz even I knew better. The main dormitories are dominated by the gangs. They would eat you alive. I promise I will make your jail simulation exactly like a real prison if you keep pulling pranks.” Brinus flashed his screw-you smile but Akmal saw it didn’t have its regular warmth. “Remember who will be programming your jail simulation if you do it again.” Brinus grinned like the Joker as he walked away laughing maniacally.

  As Brinus walked away, he stumbled slightly. He felt dizzy from the nausea caused by the secondhand smoke.

  “Watch where you’re going! Are you drunk!?”

  The smoke and nausea made Brinus so dizzy that he crashed into one of his old professors and she dropped a stack of data pads.

  “Sorry Professor Smith, I’m havin’ vertigo.”

  Smith crossed her arms and tilted her head. “Do you need to see medical?”

  “No, ma’am. I’ll be fine in 20 minutes.”

  She tilted her head and whispered in his ear, “Did you hit the cannabis a little hard?”

  He scrunched up his face in confusion. “Ma'am?”

  Smith looked to the left and then to the right. “You didn’t hear it from me. Supposedly for officers and students who choose not to smoke like yourself, you can go to room 303 and buy music, snacks, and other things. You just get the cannabis for free.”

  Brinus held up his hand and made a shushing motion. “I am not using another substance. Good day.”

  He walked away but was still bumping into the walls.

  Akmal finished his smoke break and then went back into the ship. He connected to the net and researched confederation prisons. The philosophy behind them was both rehabilitation and punishment. The idea was to make the prisoner’s life hell while at the same time teaching them skills they could use in the real world and address any addiction or mental health issues that led to them being incarcerated.

  He came across a video of two gang members beating up a pedophile while the guards kept the hallways clear. There was another video where two guards popped open the door of a rapist’s cell. Someone then threw a Molotov Cocktail into the cell burning him alive.

  Akmal then stumbled on the gangster rap music programs, where the proceeds from the sales went to the prisoners. The money was part of their release funds. There were therapy programs and detox programs, and surgeons would do gang tattoo removal as part of their volunteer work. After prison, for some crimes, the record was wiped clean as the time had been served and the punishment given.

  Akmal thought after watching more prison content.

  Brinus was in class. The nausea wore off but he was wildly distracted. He doodled a 3D design on some modeling software, he planned to replicate a gift for his husband, and even a new tessellating pattern of tile to redesign the bathroom shower. His thoughts finally landed on an idea. The design was a set piece for a board game Simmie played on Thursdays with his work buddies. This lecture was about nuclear reactions on the atomic level in a fusion chamber.

  The professor saw Brinus doodling on an art pad. She stood next to him for a moment and then cleared her throat. “What are you making there Lieutenant Helios?”

  Brinus jumped as he was caught off guard. Several classmates snickered.

  “Maybe you can come to the board and solve the problem since you know so much about the material you don’t need to pay attention.”

  “Sure.” Brinus flashed his screw-you smile and then analyzed the math problem.

  Within two minutes, Brinus balanced an atomic equation that the professor put onto the board.

  She smirked in a way that made him feel uneasy. “How did you get that answer?”

  He explained his logic to solve the problem, and even more classmates snickered.

  The professor approached the board, changed the derivative to a negative infinity, and rewrote Brinus’s solution. “Can you tell me where you went wrong?”

  His face blushed with embarrassment as he made a first-year mistake. “I mislabeled the derivative.”

  “This isn’t the kind of mistake I expect from you. I want to see you after class.”

  After class, Brinus sat back as his professor dealt with students. After the last kid left she motioned for him to come to his desk, “Okay, what’s up? You’ve been distracted the whole class, I saw your doodles. You have been fidgeting a lot more than usual. What’s the issue?

  Brinus sighed and didn’t cover anything up. “I had something upsetting happen to me today.”

  “Is this about Akmal?”

  Brinus nodded and then popped a piece of caffeine gum into his mouth. “I have been tasked to make a realistic, time-compressed, prison simulation for him.”

  The professor tilted her head and crossed her arms. “I am not going to pretend to know what prison is like. However, if you need someone to talk to or vent to, just come by my office hours. I can give you about an hour of my time. My door is open and remember this isn’t the federation.”

  Brinus’s eyes became teary for a moment but he regained control. “Thank you, professor, ma’am.”

  Brinus came home from class and stripped down into his gym shorts. Simmie was shirtless, taking a nap on the couch. He hadn’t seen Simmie in three weeks as he’d been at a conference.

  Brinus sat with Simmie and snuggled with him. Simmie wrapped his arms around his stomach and rested his head on his lap. “Hey, love.”

  “Hey, hon. Good to see ya back.”

  Brinus wrapped his legs and feet around Simmie’s back as Simmie snuggled even more tightly with Brinus. They were melting into the couch.

  “We gotta new housemate fer a while.”

  Simmie kissed Brinus’s left pec and smiled, “I heard. He’s big news in the robotics and AI circles.”

  Brinus kissed Simmie on his head and began petting his hair. “My specialty’s in white hat hacking and warp core engineering. I ain’t no AI expert.”

  Simmie opened his eyes and faced Brinus, wrapping his arms around his neck. “Maybe we didn’t need an expert this time. We needed someone to come at this problem with a human element.”

  Brinus twirled his finger on Simmie’s nipple and kissed his neck. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you too.”

  Tangent walked in on Brinus and Simmie cuddling. “Do you want to finish our discussion from earlier?”

  Brinus moved his lips up and down Simmie’s jaw and upper neck. “There ain’t nothin’ to finish. I think Akmal needs to learn how to indulge in substances without gettin’ overly dependent on them, and you think he is a computer. We agreed to disagree. Did you hear we are possibly going into a combat zone? This’ll be Akmal’s first real test of his capabilities.”

  Tangent sighed and sat across from Brinus and Simmie. The argument was over, and there was no winning. Looking down at the floor, she said, “I hope he performs to expectations.”

  Simmie chimed in. “Whose expectations?”

  Tangent understood. “I’m holding him to a scientific standard.”

  “While I measure his success by metric canisters of whoop-ass in combat. He needs experience makin’ bad decisions so he can prevent them in the future.” Brinus piped in.

  Tangent sighed. “We Lapori don’t bond with our technology so personally. Must be a human thing.”

  “And? We’re human. So is he.” Brinus began. “Ok, the way I think things should be, is that he has all human knowledge, human language, human math and physics, human technology, a human face to interact with, he should count. After some combat, we’ll be brothers in arms even. Might have to call him Liddle Cuz.”

  Tangent scoffed. “A Liddle Cuz made of quantumly enhanced fish. Your brain is inter-energetically connected to coral. To be accurate, you’re more plant than a machine, fish, or especially, human!”

  B Akmal came home from work and entered the room. Brinus and Simmie were melted into the couch while Tangent sat in the armchair across from them. He stripped to his gym shorts immediately and looked tired from his day of work. It was then that he noticed the awkward silence.

  “What?” He asked.

  Tangent turned and poked up. “We’re having a debate and I just thought to you something.”

  “What’s that?” Akmal asked and cautiously approached the living room and the couch.

  “What are you? Are you a computer? Fish? A plant? Coral? All of it or none of it? What do you think you actually scientifically are?”

  Akmal leaned his hips against the arm of the couch like the question had weighed him down. “Gee… I haven’t given it much thought.”

  Tangent pointed and yelled at him. “Don’t think just go! Answer before it gets lost in thought!”

  “I’m a dude. Duh.” He answered. Everyone groaned in defeat.

  Akmal smiled and was taken aback that the answer wasn’t going to settle any heated arguments.

  “That’s not helpful!” Tangent called out. She turned and sat quietly. “Let’s just wait and see what the science team comes up with as far as a classification in a few months. I guess in the meantime, he can learn about humans.”

  Akmal sighed. “I wish I could help even in that regard. But say does the mouse know it's a mouse? Or does it simply be? Fortunately, we can talk about it. I’m not going to name my species or anything if we even are a species. There are a few sentiently alive eco-ware AI constructs that should chime in on this. We should communicate about this and start making decisions. Besides, the argument could be worse.”

  Brinus adjusted in his seat. “Worse how?”

  “Don’t start wondering if I have a soul.” The room was silent again but was broken when he began chuckling. “Just kidding. Like I said everyone doesn’t know and we’re all trying to find out at the same time.” He turned Tangent. “There were glimpses of myself before I chose human form. It’s what made me choose to be a man at the very least. It was a black void, and then I saw someone, it was Meeandes.”

  Brinus rose from his cushion. “Who is Meeandes?”

  “In the void, it was just me’n’dees nutz!” He burst out laughing.

  Simmie lost his shit on the couch on top of Brinus. “He got y’good foo!”

  Tangent slapped her forehead and smeared her palm down. “That signs it, that is the most human thing I have ever heard! It’s official, you’re human.”