Pathum POV (June 2021)

  She has denied mom, that is just sad. It seams she is very serious about this breakup , I hope she would forgive me soon but I understand her decision who would want to be with someone who is mentally sick and constantly with anger issues? I guess nobody , love just disappeared. Thats okay, I mean that is not really okay because I miss her God, I miss her . I cannot live without my happy side. So I did what I should be doing the moment this break up happened and that is praying for God.

  I ,please God tell her the truth I never wanted to hurt her you know it more than anything if you are a god who does the right thing then you must do the right thing. Please bring her back into my life, I need the happy Scarlet. The Scarlet that loves talking to me and the Scarlet who cherishes every single second she got that she spend for me. Please forgive me for my bad mouth. I promise I wouldn’t call her bitch again, please I am sorry for hurting her, I know a crime is a crime but please I love her. I really love her so much but my way of expression is bad. I mean I do express it better but when I get angry I am ugly please I am sorry for that.

  Please God the only thing I ask from you is bring her back into my life. Just clear out this stupid break up thing and make her happy. Please bring back the happy Scarlet that pays so much attention to me. I promise I will not hurt her again.

  My eyes started to blur while I was contemplating after finishing praying and it took me a while and a wake up call from mom to understand my eyes were wet and tears were cascading down my cheeks.

  “What world are you in Son? What are you just staring at ?” She tapped on my shoulder and looked at her and outright looked away trying to prevent her from seeing my tears.

  “Are you crying now?”

  Her tone became serious suddenly.

  “No.”

  “Then why are your eyes wet?”

  “Whatever.”

  “Keep that attitude and I am not bringing her back to you.” She folded her arms and raised her brows. I immediately hugged her and tried my best to stop the tears from cascading down her shoulders.

  “Hmm seems like someone reallly wants her back.” she pretended to cough but I didn’t let her go.

  “She’s not talking mom.”

  “So?”

  “So? I miss her.”

  “And?”

  “Mom please I can’t argue with you.”

  “Neither can I.”

  “I miss her.” I break free from the tight hug and looked her in the eyes, to my astonishment her eyes were full of tears.

  “Why are you crying.” I asked her wanting know more for the reasons for her tears.

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  Is she not telling me something? Or did I said something wrong that broke her heart? Damn me!

  “Don’t worry about my tears.” she wiped her tears and broke the eye contact probably because she cannot control the flow of tears while looking me dead in the eye.

  “Mom please tell me why are you crying?” I grabbed her arm and shook.

  “You really wanna know why?” she combed my hairs cause they were messy.

  “Yes.” I tried to bring a smile.

  “Because it breaks my heart to see my son so broken and crying over someone who doesn’t value his tears or his absence.”

  “She value me mom it’s just I hurt her but I- I never meant to hurt her. You know it’s my anger issues. Don’t I hurt you too?”

  “You cannot hurt someone and pretend like you didn’t.” she said wiping her tears.

  “But i didn’t pretend like I didn’t. I said her sorry and apologised her for them.”

  “Do you think saying sorry will disappear the scars from the wounds that you gave her?”

  But I love her. I mean please mom.

  We didn’t said anything afterwards until she spoke.

  ‘’ She will talk to you, you need to give her some space.’’ mom said, looking at me.

  ‘’ She is wrong about me. She thinks I am a monster I m not.’’

  ‘’ Did you think everyone could tolerate you like me?’’ she asked pointing towards herself.

  ‘’ I don’t know mom.’’ I said, I didn’t want to sound repetitive but unfortunately it was.

  ‘’ Just give her some time and she will come back to you. Trust me she’ll comeback.’’ mom left me with that. And I wanted nothing more than what she said to be true.

  I picked my biology note and tried to focus my attention but I just couldn’t do that no matter how hard I try. To my surprise mom came back as soon as she disappeared.

  “I forgot to tell you, no matter what don’t drop your studies. You will never get to her if you do not pass this exam. So son please study.” she said kissing my forehead.

  “I will mom.” I said firmly, trying to sound as much as convincing a person could be.

  “Good.” she gave me a wide grin and left.

  The moment she disappeared my confidence faded but I willed myself to study more but before that I have to text my sweetie.

  I grabbed my phone and texted her hoping she would talk as soon as I sent her a text message but unfortunately she didn’t.

  Pathum : Hey sweetie don’t cry for me. I will fix us. We will be together again soon I promise. I won’t ever give up on you. I cannot live without you. Your absence kills me and drowns me in a sea of unhappiness. Hehe! You know I am kinda poetic because I have an angel like you. You are the reason for my creativity and my excellence and my everything. I mean it’s you and mom. Mom and lil Mom. hehe! I miss you so so much but I understand you have a life and you need space. I will give you that but don’t think for a damn second I will let you go, I will always find a way to be with you, closer and closer sweetie. I am sorry for hurting you. I promise I will study better and pass this exam and eventually we will be together. I promise. Stay safe and happy my sweetie. Remember I love you so much and I know you do the same for me though you deny it. I just know. Bye sweetie!

  I sent her the message but she didn’t respond mostly because it’s too early for her to read them and it is not like her responsibility to check my messages right?

  I know she will read them and she will be my happy Scarlet again.

  Please God let her come back to me. Please!

  Also she hasn't watched my Marco Polo video that I sent her. I mentioned so many things in that video and even though it’s been some days since I sent it she still hasn’t watched it. Why wouldn’t she?

  She will watch them. Now study!

  Yeah I must be studying not wandering in the evening sky.

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