# Ch.47: Impotent & insecure (Just to be sure)
The animals after which this work was not named reached the border.
This time, it was composed of a wall so tall,
that it eclipsed the morning sun from two kilometres away.
F5: How the hell are we going to evade this one?
G: This time, we will be entering the legal way.
F2: Huh?
G: Apparently, the next empire has an "open borders" policy,
meaning that you technically can enter without breaking in.
Z: In actuality, the "legal" method is equally impossible.
J: Are you finished with the lizard?
Z: Yes. You can deal with the rest.
J: Nice. *leaves*
F3: If the options are equally difficult, why should we do it the legal way?
J: *turns back and runs toward desk* Ah, you see!
This is by far the absolute worst place you have visited yet.
Z: The security is equally impenetrable inside as on the border.
So we would instantly get caught.
F6: Ahhh...
F4: If it's so terrible, can't we avoid the place?
G: Unfortunately, no. Apart from being massive,
this empire goes from coast to coast,
and we are still missing a few emperors, so...
F5: Yeah, yeah, I got it.
J: This place is the the Mother Of All Badness,
where you get a MOAB for "lacking in kindness".
Zack started dragging Jack towards the exit.
J: It has just the right mixture of good to make you THINK they are OK,
and then BAM! They burn you at the stake! The architecture is also strange...
G: Just be very careful with this place.
F1: Yes, sir.
F2: What's a MOAB?
They [the foxes] kept driving.
At the base of the wall, there was a single guard booth.
Upon seeing some visitors, the guard made sure to hide the booze.
F1: Hello.
7891: Uh-um, hello.
F3: We are looking to visit the place behind these walls.
7891: Sure. We don't get visits often, so pardon me if I get something wrong.
7891: *looking at clipboard* Let's see... Are you carrying any WMDs?
F3: Could you be more specific?
7891: Nerve agents?
F1: Yes.
7891: Biological agents?
F1: I do not think so.
7891: Um, nuclear material?
F3: Probably.
7891: Class III spellbooks?
F1: We are not carrying any books.
7891: *wipes sweat* Alright. Could you, ummm... Not bring those?
They are prohibited in here. A-and they will check your inventory anyways.
F3: We will consider it. Are any other items prohibited?
7891: Y-yes. Do you possess any firearms?
F1: Yes.
7891: Military vehi- oh wait, I think that's obvious.
Uh, bladed objects under eight inches?
F1&3: *tilts head*
7891: Twenty centimeters of length?
F3: Oh. No, not really.
7891: ABOVE twenty centimeters?
F1: Yes.
7891: Personal armor?
F1: Yes.
7891: Exotic plants or animals?
F1: Probably.
7891: Do you use any Class II or above spells?
F3: Could you explain?
7891: Well, things l-like summoning a fireball would be a class III...
F1: Yes.
7891: *Sweating profusely* A-alright.
There's a field that will disable them upon entering,
so mind that if you have some kind of enchanted valuables.
F1: Does that include imperial gold?
7891: N-no, I don't think so. You can still use it as currency if you have it.
F1: Anything else?
7891: I-I think that's enough.
You will have to get rid of all that if you want to enter.
I will also have to report-
F1: Could you not? *Hypnotic stare*
7891: ...S-sure. I didn't see anything at all. H-have a good day!
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.____v____. |
|,#######'| JZ&G |
Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.
|# # | |
| ,# | |
> # ##, < # |
| # ' #| # __ |
| '# #| ### |__\ |
|____###'_| # # \__ Foxes got out of the Bradley. |
' ^ ' Then they dropped their gear, |
and entered. |
So dramatic! |
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Basically the car drove away with most of their stuff.
Now they only had their drysuits and backpacks (ain't no rule!).
They passed through a hundred-metre long tunnel
before reaching the other side of the wall.
F5 went to the intercom.
F5: Hey, mind calling us a cab?
7891: Y-yeah, no problem. W-where do you want to go?
F5: Dunno. Where is the emperor?
7891: Emperor?
F6: The most important person?
7891: Ah, y-you mean the representative, right?
Well, there are plenty of them, usually one per realm...
F3: Could you get us to the nearest one then?
7891: How are you talking through the same...? N-nevermind.
The land near his citadel is off-limits,
but I can leave you at a hotel near it.
F5: Alright. It better be good or I'll kick your ass.
The vixens and reynards got onto the long car. The trip took quite a while.
F2: So, how does this car run?
8959: I'm just a driver ma'am. For all I know, gas is added to the tank,
I turn a key, and it just works.
F2: Oh, alright.
F4: Hold on, what if your car breaks down?
8959: I call the mechanic like anyone else.
F4: And what if it is something really minor?
8959: Again, I'm no mechanic, so I just send the car to them.
F6: Wouldn't it be easier to do it yourself?
8959: Look. I'm already risking enough by driving a limousine,
and I ain't gonna mess with one of these steel beasts when there
are already a million things that could go wrong in my life.
If they get killed, that's a problem for their wives.
If *I* get killed, that's a problem for MY wife.
8959: And please don't keep asking questions, because I'm not a talker.
F5>4: *whispering* What a pussy...
The city itself was designed somewhat like DC:
With insane amounts of green grass,
streets arranged to form a P1 tiling for all
those pentagrams (and because screw logistics);
And very minimalistic buildings of either white marble or blue glass,
shaped like plain boxes with maybe a few windows for the white ones.
The earth (of foxes) exited the car upon arriving.
F6: It smells strange in here.
G: It's probably because they have to keep all that grass trimmed.
They entered the hotel and went to the counter.
F5: *puts gold coin on desk* We need your best room.
212: Um...
F5: *Another* Could this change your mind?
212: Sir-
F5: *Yet another* How about this?
212: Sir you're buying the entire hotel!
F3: Do you have some change then?
212: N-no...
F3: Oh, well.
Could you tell us where we can get more information on this city?
212: Yeah... I-I'll call Irwin. She should come in a few minutes.
F1: Thanks, lady.
212: Is it fine if I call my boss to do the paperwork?
F6: I'm starving.
F4: We are in a bit of a hurry.
212: Ok, I'll call Irwin first.
After a while, a rare in context, foxed, foxed, slightly foxed, foxed-looking,
definitely not foxy-looking, somewhat foxy-smelling fox-person appeared,
carrying a can of foxy foxed beer and wearing
shoes that probably needed some foxing.
I should probably stop messing with dictionaries.
