The air was crisp. It held a chill that would burn Tayn's lungs slightly when he breathed in deep before exhaling slowly. The light yer of snow on the ground crunched beneath his feet as he walked along the sidewalk.

  Tayn tilted his head back, watching the clouds dance in the light breeze. The sun had begun to fall, setting the horizon abze with brilliant oranges and reds. It was early winter, and the wind held onto a chill that foretold a coming cold snap. A shiver ran down Tayn's spine, and he wrapped his jacket tighter around him, crossing his arms over his chest.

  “I just need to drop this off for Enver. Then we can continue to the restaurant, okay?” Ava said, looking over at her friend walking beside her.

  "Okay," Tayn answered, his breath turning to fog in the cold air.

  The parts of the street that had yet to be trodden on from the day still held onto the loose snow that had fallen the night before, being swept up in the breeze. The soft and delicate snowfkes danced in the air as they were carried along the sidewalk beside Tayn and Ava as they walked.

  Through the tiny fkes, Ava noticed her boyfriend across the street. "Darling," she called out, waving her hands as they waited on the other side, cars whirling between them.

  Tayn stopped beside Ava, waiting for the lights to switch. And then he caught sight of it: red hair. From beside Enver, a broad man stood, only slightly taller than Ava's boyfriend. His heart started to beat rapidly in his chest, joined by a small flutter in the pit of his stomach. Standing on the other side of the street, watching as those strands of red were tousled by the breeze, Tayn felt restless in a way he didn't know how to expin.

  It felt like time had stopped; those tiny fkes of snow spinning around them gradually fell to the ground. It had been years since he had seen those deep red strands falling around a handsome face. It had once been the sight that Tayn had always looked forward to each day, rushing home from school in the hope of catching a glimpse of the other before he had to start doing his homework.

  A quick glimpse in a hallway, a smile between two people passing by each other, fingers caressing the other’s hand as they moved. Laughter through the open window of his tiny truck as they drove aimlessly on the weekends, stopping to grab snacks when they got hungry. Warm arms around Tayn as they cuddled on the couch, watching a movie after his parents went to sleep. Yet it all seemed like a lifetime ago, now just hazy memories that brought a smile to Tayn’s face as his thoughts wandered off at work. But nothing more than an unspoken childhood crush.

  And yet, as he watched the silhouette from across the street, his eyes never strayed from the figure behind the moving cars. It felt like an eternity before the lights started to change, and the walking symbol lit up. He could hear Ava's voice, but it was muffled and sounded distant. The only thing he could hear was the sound of his own heart beat, getting gradually more rapid with each step. By the time they had crossed the street, Tayn was sure everyone around them could hear his heartbeat.

  Enver had been facing them the entire time, watching as Ava and Tayn walked toward them. But the other man had his back to them; the only thing he saw were broad shoulders and deep, burnt-red strands scattered around his head.

  Tayn swallowed the lump in his throat as he watched the other turn around. He had long since stopped paying attention to Ava and Enver, his only focus on the red-haired man before him. His hands held a slight tremble from nerves, but that couldn’t stop the rge smile that spread across his face once the other man had turned around.

  It had been years, and somehow the other’s features hadn’t changed as if lines etched into marble; he was kept the same. He had a well-built physique, noticeable even hidden underneath his winter coat; his hair was short and of even length as if it had just grown out. The line of his lips was clear and sharp, his nose bridge was high, and his eyes were bright, shining with a mesmerizing brilliance.

  His eyes were brown, holding onto traces of yellow, simir to how the moonlight reflects off the ocean’s surface at the peak of night. The scar that used to cut harshly through his left eyebrow, snting upwards towards his hairline, had faded along the edges. Yet his deep brown eyes, lean, narrow face and tall nose still held onto their youthful vigour, and his smile was still breathtaking.

  Tayn watched the other earnestly. They stood in front of one another. The space of a few steps existed between them. The sidewalk was bustling around them, yet that tiny space was filled with silence; six long years had passed in the span of a blink. Each had imagined how they would run into the other, reconnect and fall back into their old ways; however, those thousands of reimagined reunions fell short in the silence that hung heavy between them.

  “Tayn?” A clear male voice sounded, and Tayn couldn’t help but tremble. There was a hint of disbelief mixed with the happiness of seeing an old friend.

  ///

  “How do you know Luca?” Ava asked again. This time, raising her voice to draw her friend's attention away from the food he was pying with on his pte.

  “Ah, sorry,” Tayn said, looking up at his friend. “What was that?”

  Ava ughed as she repeated, “How do you know Luca?”

  Tayn looked over at Ava and couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face, “He was the love of my life.”

  Ava: “WHAT?!”

  Tayn chuckled, “He was friends with my brother, but I was so madly in love with him when I was a teenager.”

  Ava promptly put down her utensils and crossed her arms at the edge of the table, “And then what?”

  “Then nothing,” Tayn said, stabbing a few pieces of pasta with his fork. “He moved away, and then I moved away. Honestly, I haven’t seen him in probably close to six years.”

  “What do you mean ‘nothing’?! How could he be the love of your life, but you haven’t seen him for six years?” Ava asked.

  “He was running away from the life his parents wanted for him… And I didn’t know how to follow.” His smile shifted subtly at the remembrance, a pained undertone to what started as a fond recollection. “I didn’t want to leave everything I knew behind, and then I got accepted to university, and you know the rest.”

  “You never tried to go to him?” She asked after a moment of silence.

  “No,” Tayn said. “Never once did I make the trip to visit him, and then I ended up moving in the opposite direction for university.” He took the bite of food stabbed onto the end of his fork, chewing the pasta slowly as he thought about that youthful smile spread wide across that handsome face. “Younger me was so madly in love with him. I think he will always be the love of my life, even if he is just a fond memory now.”

  Ava ughed across the table, “Oh yeah, he is totally just a fond memory. That is definitely what the smile on your face was saying earlier.”

  Tayn’s eyes shot up, meeting Ava’s gaze as he fought the smirk turning up the corner of his mouth.

  The smile he had held on his face for the rest of dinner gradually vanished as he walked through the snow back to his apartment. Darkness had bnketed the city, each street light like a shimmering star that guided Tayn down the street.

  The chilled air sent a shiver down his spine, and he pced his hands in the pockets of his jacket, pulling it tighter across his chest. He should have taken Ava’s offer to drop him off at home, but the cold air cleared his mind.

  Well, back and forth, but I moved here almost a year ago. Tayn had watched the muscles around his mouth move as he spoke. How lines curved around the corner of his lips as they had begun to move back into the beginnings of a smile or how they smoothed out as the emotion drained from Luca's face.

  For almost a year. Almost one full year. One year. 12 months. 365 days. 8,760 hours. 525,600 minutes.

  One more year was added. Time seemed to be stacking up like piles of wood. As though the lush, green forest of his adolescence was slowly being cut down as the years progressed. The mottled sunlight of his youth, which used to fall across his face as he eagerly ran between the redwoods, had turned blinding without the beautiful variegated leaves to block it.

  It was only time, Tayn tried to reason with himself, but he knew better. Deep down, he always knew, and the passing years hurt. Not in the way that a cut would hurt as your skin was priced, but in a dull ache that resonated with every step. Simir to a tiny pebble in your shoe, one that seemed impossible to find, yet every time you wore them, you could feel it digging into the bottom of your foot.

  Each passing year had always meant one more year without him. It was another step bringing him further away from his youth, and although it didn't mean anything, there was still a subtle ache in his chest when he was reminded of his past. It wasn't so much the separation but not knowing that was the worst. There were no bitter feelings born out of betrayal to fester under the surface, keeping his resentment alive. There was no reason to say that they weren't compatible, no concrete interaction he could draw from to help resolve the feelings that swirled in his heart.

  Instead, locked away in his fading memories was the drag along his skin from Luca's dry hands, sitting Tayn down at their computer as Luca put a disk in. The excitement on his face as he leaned over the chair, one arm resting along the back while the other moved toward the mouse, his body leaning in close. Luca moved the cursor, opening the file before turning his head, the distance between them small, watching Tayn as the animated people moved across the screen. His enthusiasm mirrored in Tayn's eyes reflected back at him.

  The racing heart beats. The time Luca got the truck stuck in the mud driving too close to the shore, wanting so badly to take Tayn fishing. The hand holding when people weren't looking, or the times under bnkets or tables when they could hide it. The smiles, the ughter, the longing gnces with an entire room between.

  The feelings had been so real, so tangible. And even on those nights when Luca would visit, the house lit up well into the night, sitting across the table from each other, the room filled with joyful voices, those feelings were connected under the table where their feet touched.

  If he could go back and do it all over again, would he go to him?

  A shiver drew him back to reality; the chill buried into his skin, seeping deep into his bones, bringing with it the sharp pain of regret.

  He hadn’t thought about Luca in recent years. He had always looked forward to his visits; in the beginning, he had waited patiently, as he went about his life, for Luca to come back. Except those moments, which was all they seemed to be, were never long enough to become something more. They were fleeting, and the cruelty of time blurred their edges.

  Ever so gradually, the excitement of youth was overtaken by the realities of life. As he entered university, his main concern was no longer Luca. But rather, which courses he needed for his degree and if he had food for supper that night.

  Soon those memories were only the faintest hint of a past long gone, simir to the fingers of another lingering on his arm a moment too long.

  Tayn opened the door to his apartment. In the darkness, he stepped out of his shoes and hung up his jacket. He unwrapped the scarf from around his neck and pced it on top of the overflowing bin filled with gloves and beanies.

  Tayn didn't turn any of the lights on as he moved through his apartment, walking through his living room and down the hallway to his bedroom. He sat on the edge of his bed, the subtle glow from the nightlight just beyond the door stretched across the floor of his room.

  He could acutely feel the weight of the phone in his hands. They used to text all the time when they were younger. The ride home from school was often filled with Tayn waiting for Luca's messages, only to be a little too eager to text back. His contact information had been so carefully kept, transferred between phones as Tayn grew older. It was one of the only constants as his phone changed sizes and shape. But Luca was always there, in his pce, with a heart beside his name.

  The gre of the phone screen made Tayn squint as it lit up. It had been years since he had thought about Luca. And yet, as he opened his contacts and scrolled down, there he was.

  Luca?

  Tayn’s fingers tightened along the edge of the phone while he stared at the name. He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to hear that ugh again. The sound of his voice was like a shard of broken gss, sharp, reflective, and piercing as he whispered into Tayn’s ear. Instead, his thumbs moved across the screen and typed out a message.

  9:45pm【Hey, Luca. Is this still your number? It’s Tayn】

  His heart started to beat rapidly as he read the message over and over again before he eventually hit send. Tayn waited for as long as those dots spun beside the message before he plugged his phone in and didn’t look at it until morning.

  10:07pm【It’s still me】

  10:23pm【It was nice seeing you again】

  10:25pm【I didn’t know you didn’t know… I thought your parents would have told you】

  12:48pm【Are you busy? I want to take you somewhere】

  Tayn woke up in the morning, almost afraid to turn his phone over and check his notifications. He steeled his heart, almost hoping for a reply from a stranger asking who he was. At least that way, he could say he tried and attempt to move on.

  Instead, Tayn smiled at his phone. He thought about it for a second before responding,【I am free tomorrow night】

  Tayn walked quietly in the snow; he looked around at the few trees in the distance. Small, fshing coloured lights adorned their various branches. The darkness illuminated their colours, and at this moment, the space seemed both lonely and vast between the sky and the cold ground — the entire world felt tranquil under the twinkling lights.

  Tayn hadn’t seen Luca’s car when he pulled up. And as he wandered through the winter wondernd waiting, he bent down to cup a handful of snow. The past few days had warmed slightly, and the fresh snow from the day before had made the clump in Tayn’s hand form together.

  A smile spread across his face, and a small chuckle escaped Tayn as he added more snow to the ball in his hand.

  “Tayn!” Luca shouted sometime ter, his long legs stepping through the snow as he walked toward the other.

  In the coloured illumination from the twinkle lights, a rge patch of snow had been cleared and piled into two mediocre snowmen. One was slightly shorter, with eyebrows made of leaves.

  Tayn stood to one side, admiring his hard work, while Luca, on the other, burst out ughing, “What were you making?”

  “You!” Tayn answered.

  Luca pointed at the one with thick eyebrows; he looked at Tayn, then at the snowmen and said, “This is me?”

  Tayn said with a smile, “Correct.”

  “You should have made them kiss!” Luca teased.

  Tayn smiled as he watched Luca, “You overestimate my talents.”

  Countless fragmented lights illuminated the vast space around them, resembling how stars sweep across the night sky. The open space was both bright and spacious. Luca took his phone out and pyed a song, then turned to Tayn, “Come here.”

  Tayn looked at Luca’s outstretched hand before raising his eyes to meet the other’s gaze. Luca smiled back at the other before pulling Tayn’s hand. Their bodies seemed to fit together, two weary hearts that had finally found ground beneath their feet.

  The music from his phone rang out as their bodies swayed to the rhythm. Tayn sighed and leaned his head against Luca’s shoulder. His heart was beating rapidly; it had been years since he had been this close to the other. Yet it wasn’t the youthful beating of an inexperienced heart but rather the beating of a reanimated heart.

  “How were the st six years of your life?” Luca spoke into Tayn’s hair.

  “Hard,” Tayn said. His eyes tracing over the dips in the snow, “Tiring. Good.”

  There was a slight pause after Tayn said hard, and within those few seconds, Luca felt a weight crash down on him. Every time life had gotten too hard, he would always go back for a visit. The smiles and happy ughter that greeted him would always make him feel better. But it was more than that, it was Tayn's smiles and happy ughter.

  It was hard for him to stand there, in the cold and snow, holding Tayn in his arms as they moved to the music coming from his pocket and not feel the rush of his breaking heart.

  For him, Tayn was a refuge. He was a safe pce, somewhere he could regain his strength and find meaning in his pursuits. He was a pce Luca always wanted to go back to.

  However, there was some bitterness underlying his heartache. He always felt half out of his mind with love, how easily the other's presence influenced every decision he made. So much so that he didn't even think twice about what he was throwing into the fire, so long as Luca could keep it burning for another minute; if only he could sit awhile longer beside its pale glow. Yet, in the end, he was reminded of how cold and empty he felt when the fire burnt down to smouldering ash.

  "How about you?" Tayn asked softly, "how have the st six years been?"

  Tayn readjusted his head against his shoulder while Luca contempted how to answer.

  "I missed you…" Luca leaned his head against Tayn's, trying his hardest to wrap himself around the other. The music still pyed, filling the vast and empty field with its slow tempo.

  The coloured lights twinkled, each like a star about to burst, as they gradually turned their bodies, swaying to the music.

  "You were rarely at home in the end. Those visits — they didn't seem all that joyous anymore."

  Tayn felt the warmth of the other, gradually sinking through their heavy coats and finding its way deep into his bones. It wasn't that he didn't want to be home; it was just that he couldn't. School had been so all-consuming it hadn't left him with many opportunities to go home, even less when he joined the workforce. Eventually, their separate visits never aligned.

  "If I had known beforehand, there was nothing that would have kept me away."

  Luca watched the lights blur as his eyes gradually lost focus. "I know. It's why I stopped telling you when I would be there."

  Tayn furrowed his brow, "Is that why it's so natural for my family not to tell me things about you anymore?! Like you moving to town?!"

  Luca tried to mask his ugh by clearing his throat, "I never expected it to go that far!"

  The notes of the song rose as the emotions poured out through the lyrics.

  "But seriously, why would you do that?" Tayn's voice softened, "You are more important than anything."

  "That's why," Luca answered.

  "You made these decisions about my life without even talking to me first?" Tayn said.

  "Call it youthful arrogance." Luca tightened his arms a little more as if unconsciously he was scared the other would slip away. "But haven't I always."

  A silence fell between them. There wasn't a particur time that Luca had in mind when he had said that. But rather, it seemed like the collection of memories he had held a lot of reminders of him doing just that. They weren't all big and life-changing, but it had seemed like Luca would suggest anything, and Tayn would follow along. Eventually, Luca began to expect the other.

  Whereas Tayn, wrapped in the other's warm embrace and listening to the music, only thought of one thing. Most of those memories had already blurred from time, missing details lost forever.

  It was the day that changed the trajectory of both of their lives.

  "I don't bme you for leaving," Tayn eventually said.

  Luca: "Okay."

  After a few moments of silence, Tayn continued, "You had to… I was happy for you when you left."

  Tayn watched the glow of the small, fshing lights on the trees. Luca hugged him tight and turned his face around, then leaned over slightly and kissed him on the lips.

  The kiss was light, like the wind underneath a butterfly's wings. There was a minor tingle on Tayn’s dry lips while his heart beat loudly in his chest. The cold, which lingered on their skin, seemed to fade from their lips as they pressed them together.

  As they parted, Tayn leaned his forehead against Luca’s. A moment of silence fell between them, and their heavy breathing filled the space. The coloured illumination of the lights seemingly held their breath as the world around them became nonexistent. In the stillness, face to face with the other, it felt as if they belonged to one another. As if they existed within a pocket where time had stopped, allowing them to enjoy the company of the other.

  Luca watched Tayn intently, a breath between their lips, "If I had to choose, I would do it all over again."

  Tayn held his gaze, "I know."

  Their first kiss had been gentle, simir to someone pcing their hand on the surface of the water to check if it was safe. Their second kiss was hastier. There was a desperation that seemed to hang off this kiss that had not been there previously. Luca had opened his mouth, allowing Tayn to go deeper. As their lips were pressed together, they exchanged breaths while desperately searching for anything that belonged only to the other.

  With his lips still grazing the others, Luca said, "When I couldn’t take it anymore. When it was all too much, and the hollow feeling started to ache. I would come back, to see you. I had to see you to make everything right again."

  Tayn watched the other, his thick brows, long shes, the way the illumination from the twinkle lights danced across his cheekbones as he talked against his lips. "I just… I didn't know how to follow you," Tayn eventually said.

  Luca lifted his eyes, meeting Tayn’s gaze, "What do you mean?"

  "That pce. It held everything you needed: a job, money, space, freedom. But it had nothing for me. I would have had to give up... everything to go there... and I just didn't know... how to do that," Tayn answered.

  A sadness tinted Luca’s eyes, "I never wanted you to choose. I wanted you to have it all. But, our lives never matched up after that."

  "Which was your fault! You know my family, why would you tell them—mmf"

  This time their kiss was filled with passion, like a lingering touch that connected them. Tayn closed his eyes; it felt like each breath he took fanned the fmes that had taken root where Luca’s lips brushed against his. There was an urgency to his desire; everything that he had wanted was finally well within his grasp.

  As their lips parted, Luca brought both his hands up, cupping either side of Tayn's face. His fingers had a hint of a chill to them, pressed against the burning skin of Tayn's face. “I love you,” Luca whispered.

  Tayn held Luca's gaze, dazzled by the specks of yellow in his deep brown eyes. “I have waited my entire life to hear you say that,” Tayn answered while he slipped his hands underneath Luca’s jacket.

  Before Luca could lean over and kiss him again, Tayn disentangled himself from the other and grabbed his hand. "Let's continue this somewhere warm!" Tayn said as he ran off toward their parked cars dragging the other behind him.