CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: ConfessionalsJacob looked over at the little chair. It looked uncomfortable. That’s because it was uncomfortable, designed to force the person in it to lean forward towards the camera.

  “Hey, Jacob, ready for this?” asked Sam.

  “Sure. How do I do this, just… answer questions?”

  “Well, there’s more to it than that. C’mon and take a seat, let me show you how this machine works.”

  Jacob sat down, and looked forward into the machine, which had a camera at the back of it. But between them, there was a piece of gss.

  “Okay, so you’re familiar with a teleprompter, how it’s basically a half mirror the cameras can shine through? This is an Interrotron,” said Sam, sitting in her chair about ninety degrees off to the side. “It allows us to make eye contact with each other while you look directly down the camera lens. Take a look at the camera now.”

  Jacob looked down the camera and saw Sam in reflection, waving.

  “Oh, that’s a neat little trick! The camera records behind it through a half-mirror. So it’s going to be like I’m looking straight at the television audience.”

  “Got it in one, Jacob!”

  “Neat. So, anything I should keep in mind?”

  “A couple of things, but I’m sure they’ll eventually become second nature to you. Try to remember that nobody’s going to hear my questions, so you kind of have to restate the question in your answer. Also, try to keep things in the present tense - even though you’re describing things that have already happened. We’ll probably overy your video and audio with the actual events during the final edit.”

  “Like on Survivor.”

  “Exactly like on Survivor.”

  “Okay, I think I’m ready, Ms. Culver.”

  “Please, call me Sam.”

  “Alright, Sam.”

  “Let’s do a test run. How are you feeling right now?”

  JACOB: “I’m sitting here in an interview room and talking to the camera about how I feel about it, and I have to say, I feel confident.”“Great,” said Sam. “We’re ready to go. So - first question…”

  ***

  Jacob looked around at the other contestants, already arguing over room assignments. Rafael was looking over at Oscar with horror, realizing that this… choad could very well be his roommate for the next three weeks.

  RAFAEL: “I didn’t care about the money. I just did not want to be stuck in a room with Oscar for three weeks. Or Jett. But Oscar would be like, staying up te at night quoting some idiotic nonsense from Jordan Peterson or something, not letting me sleep.” Ethan scrambled into his backpack, getting down on his knees, and frantically grabbing a pen and pad. He started to write down information as the money clock ticked down to 4890, while trying to wave Leonard over to him.

  “Leonard, I know this game. It’s a trap.”

  As Ethan frantically calcuted, he waved Leonard over to him. “Have the friend groups all double up, and that just leaves Oscar, Victor, and Rafael. Have them do Odd Man Out.”

  Leonard patted Ethan on the back. “I don’t know where you’re going with this, but I trust you.”

  LEONARD: “Ethan knows math games like the back of his hand. It’s one of his special interests. I know we’re not supposed to break the fourth wall, but you should probably not ask Ethan how he figured out the game in these confessional segments. He will go on for at least ten minutes just expining what a Nash Equilibrium is.”Leonard tried to get everyone’s attention. Unsuccessfully.

  “Guys, please… please guys… if you’ll just listen for a mo…”

  Leonard headed over to Jacob, pushing his way past the bickerers to get to him. “Jacob.”

  “Lenny?”

  “I think Ethan has a solution to this,” he motioned over to Ethan, frantically calcuting on a piece of paper. “Can you help me get their attention?”

  “A solution?”

  “Trust me on this. Ethan’s a math genius, and I’m using the word literally.”

  “Okay,” said Jacob, and then yelled out in a strong baritone: “Yo, everyone, listen up. Lenny and Ethan have a pn and I think we should hear them out.”

  Everyone did listen to Jacob, giving Leonard the floor.

  “Ethan’s doing the proof now, but if he’s right, I think we all make more money by agreeing early rather than arguing amongst ourselves. In other words, that hundred dolr room right now is worth more than the five hundred dolr room near the end of the clock. Do I have that right, Ethan?”

  “Think so,” said Ethan, not looking up from his paper. “Doing the math now. But the number keeps changing! UGH!”

  Sure enough, the number had ticked down to 4715.

  “Assume 4500 and go from there, Ethan,” said Leonard.

  “Math genius?” asked Jacob, raising an eyebrow. Leonard ignored him.

  “Ethan and I, Jacob and Gooch, and Jett and Bradley, we all want to double up. That just leaves Rafael, Oscar, and Victor. One of them is going to get the singleton. Fairest way to determine who is random chance. So, if you three could, on the count of three, put out either one or two fingers. Whoever’s the odd one out gets the single room. One, Two, Three!”

  Rafael, Oscar, and Victor all stuck out two fingers.

  “Uh, Okay,” said Victor. “What happens now?”

  “Now,” said Leonard, facepalming, “we go again, ready? One. Two. Three.”

  This time Oscar and Victor held out one finger, Rafael held out two.

  “Okay, congrats Rafael, you get the single room.”

  “Okay,” said Rafael, “but which single room?”

  OSCAR: I don’t mind that Rafael got the single. Rafael should get the single anyway. Yes, I know, he sees himself as a guy, but I would feel really weird about bunking with anyone, guy or girl, with a vagina.”“Well, since you’re getting double the money anyway, you should take the smallest prize,” said Victor.

  The room descended into chaos once again. Leonard tried to yell above the din, but it wasn’t working.

  “NEGATIVE TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS,” yelled Ethan, in his loudest voice, which shut everyone up, and caused them to stare at Ethan, who immediately flinched from the sound of his own voice. But he continued.

  ETHAN: Ultimately when you calcute the expected value of an action, you have to calcute the expected value of all subsequent actions. Now, if you imagine this as an n-pyer variation of the Ultimatum Game–LEONARD: Did you ask him about that? I told you not to ask him about that.“Uh, sorry. Um, yeah. If we let the clock tick down instead of deciding on the rooms now, every one of us loses two hundred and fifty dolrs. Like, from our own pocket. You make more money taking a bad room now, than you do fighting for the good room. Agree now and the cashout prize goes up by two hundred and fifty dolrs, which is equal to the half split of the biggest room.”

  Oscar slid over to Ethan, and looked over his notepad, and nodded. “Yeah, I think Ethan’s right on the math.”

  “Thanks, Oscar,” said Ethan. He then wrote the numbers one hundred through five hundred on five sheets of paper, folded them over twice, and shuffled them. “Rafael, Gooch, Bradley, and Victor, pick one. We’ll take what’s left over.”

  “Hmmph,” said Victor, picking a number. “Bit anticlimactic, isn’t it?”

  Bradley, Rafael, and Gooch picked out their numbers, and opened them.

  “I got 200,” said Bradley.

  “300,” said Rafael.

  “Oscar, we lucked out,” said Victor, showing the 500.

  Gooch just silently showed the 400 to everyone.

  Just to check, Leonard opened up the 100 paper.

  “Right. Everyone, in your rooms to stop the clock.”

  All of them quickly piled into the rooms, and with that, the clock stopped.

  RAFAEL: How do I feel about the first challenge? Not only did we secure over four thousand for the pot but I also got three hundred bucks out of it. More than anyone else. Sweeeet. Erin stepped into the hallway, beaming. “I’ve stopped the clock. You can come out now.”

  The contestants once again assembled in the hallway, each outside their residence doors.

  “Congratutions on completing the first challenge. We should tell you - we’ve done simutions of this before and usually, the clock either runs way down or everyone loses. You managed to stop the clock with 4,280 still on it, and we’re going to add that to the pot, for a total of 15,480. Now get some rest, decompress, and meet up in the main hall, and we’ll show you the rest of Casa Del Garden, and then have our first dinner together.”

  The contestants cpped and appuded. They would have whooped and cheered, had they not still been exhausted from the travel.

  GOOCH: I’m just happy to be getting forty minutes of shuteye, and a shower after that. I try to remember that I’m not as young as I used to be, and that means I have a lot in common with everything else in the universe thanks to the unidirectional nature of time’s arrow. Thinking about that keeps me zen, you know?***

  Back in Video Vilge, the crew-and-talent only section of Casa Del Garden, Sam and Jamie were doing a quick post-mortem of the game, with Sheri alongside.

  “I can’t believe it,” said Jamie. “I can’t believe that little nerdy guy beat our game. They’re supposed to bicker forever. How the hell did he figure it out?”

  “Autism,” said Sheri. “Specifically, the game you designed was banking on having nine neurotypical contestants, but you had someone on the spectrum in the mix.”

  “?Que?” asked Sam, showing the absolute maximum of her knowledge of the Spanish nguage.

  “Let me guess, you figured that because these nine contestants were men, they’d care more about winning the most money retive to the others, compared to winning the most money absolutely, even if it meant others got more.”

  “We even gamed it out, using some mall-based focus groups, and smaller dolr amounts. Most of the time it does end up that way - slightly but not greatly more often in all-male and mixed groups,” said Jamie.

  “That’s the thing about autistic people, they don’t necessarily view things through a social lens the way allistic people do. Their decision making process is not always designed to conform to social notions. Ethan beat your game because he wasn’t pying by the unwritten social rules your game relied on.”

  “Hunh. So, Sheri, you run into a lot of autistic people in your normal practice?” asked Jamie.

  Sheri leaned against the wall.

  “Way more than average. There’s a corretion between being on the autistic spectrum and transness. Nobody knows why, and the leading theory is that there isn’t a causal or genetic link, it’s just that allistic transgender people are more likely to stay in the closet, because they have more to lose, and more to be concerned about, socially.”

  “Hunh, how about that,” said Sam. “Learn something new every day.”

  Jamie giggled. “Try not to learn anything new in front of the tabloid press on your front wn. It sucks.”

  Sam got up from the chair.

  “Right. We’ve got a forty-five minute break to freshen up, then I want to get the contestants in for confessionals, and then we’ll do Set Reveal and the Pronoun Dinner.”

  ***

  After an hour, as promised, the contestants got visits from wardrobe, who dropped off… wardrobes. Specifically, rolling wardrobes, on wheels, each with a little removable pcard with their names on them. And none of them were expecting what they saw when they opened the wardrobe doors.

  “Oh,” said Rafael. “This I like.”

  ***

  The cameras really wanted to capture the moment the contestants saw the common living area for the first time. It was plush, push, and plump with luxury. Solid wooden accents, comfortable cssically designed furniture, plenty of space for entertaining and hanging out, pcards and paintings. Perhaps most impressive was the open-air patio and the massive courtyard through archways held up by marble columns beyond it. Greenery and foliage in that courtyard led to a nicely lit pool of a respectable size. All with soft incandescent lighting.

  Oscar, the first one out, in his pinstripe suit jacket and dress shirt without tie, let out a low whistle. He would never admit this to his friends, but there was something pleasant about well designed interior spaces.

  If he wanted to, of course, he could do up his own home this way - he could certainly afford it. The problem was, Oscar, like a lot of people with money, failed to use that money to develop a sense of taste, and the one time he tried to go above and beyond basic furniture, it ended up looking like Saddam’s Pace. ‘Dictator Chic’, a guest had called it.

  Bradley came out next, in a bck suit with white shirt and paisley tie, followed by Jett, wearing women’s bck trousers, a gray checked women’s bzer, and a white ruffle-neck.

  JACOB: Bradley and Jett, they’re an odd couple if I ever saw one. Because Bradley’s a sweetheart. Total mensch. He’s just the guy you love to love, you know, and he’s with Jett, who’s just this guy you love to hate.Rafael came out in a bck suit with a blue shirt, no tie, Victor in a gray bzer with red turtleneck, Ethan in a white dress shirt and tie with… mathematics on it, of some sort? Leonard came out in a simple bck dress shirt and bck dockers.

  Gooch came out in a full bck-tie tuxedo, surprising everyone.

  GOOCH: But what they don’t know, is that under all that, I’m also wearing a tuxedo t-shirt. Bam! The mind-games have started, bitches!Jacob came out with a navy windbreaker and blue dress shirt, looking, unsurprisingly, rather sporty, if underdressed in comparison.

  Before them was a wonderful table spread, complete with water gsses, a full pce setting, and margaritas - the center was covered in pleasant bouquets of flowers and sweet smelling wax candles suspended in empty chianti bottles.

  “Great, you’re all here,” said Sam, who was dressed, notably, in sneakers, blue jeans, and a loose blouse - she was dressed for work, not for dinner. “If you’ll all take your pces, you’ll notice that we’ve put a little pcard with your names and pronouns on them, so that you know where to sit.”

  True enough, little triangur wedges with the various names, written in bck dry-erase marker, were at each pce setting, including one for “Erin (she / her)” at the head, and one for “Jamie (she / her)”

  After all the contestants were seated, Erin came out to join them, wearing a beautiful green embroidered off the shoulder gown, hair and makeup impeccable.

  “Greetings, contestants!”

  A chorus of “Evening, Erins” came forward.

  “So, as all of you should know by now, there’s one more person who’s going to be joining us on this journey,” said Erin.

  “Ooh, a mystery contestant.” said Victor, touching his fingers together conspiratorially. “I wonder who it will be.”

  Erin just looked at Victor oddly. So did everyone else.

  Finally, Erin looked at Victor, shaking her head, trying to wrap her head around his ignorance.

  “It’s Jamie Howard. You know, Jamie Howard. The… the game show host. A co-producer of this show? She just came out as a transgender woman, pretty famously, on Larry Zimmer Live… like, four days ago? That… that’s not a secret, we didn’t hide that from you. In fact we told you in multiple emails and… How did… how did you not…”

  “It’s okay,” said Jamie, from the other room, entering. “I’m pretty sure it’s bumped out of the news cycle by now, and will almost certainly be forgotten within a week.”

  She wore something a little bit neutral, but still identifiable as not masculine - a bright red women’s bzer over a white button-down ruffle shirt, bck bow-tie and women’s scks - not that anyone could tell they were women’s scks on Jamie’s still very masculine frame.

  “Hello, everyone,” she said, walking around the table, shaking hands, as eventually, she settled into the seat next to Erin on the right side of the table.

  “Oh my god,” said Victor. “You’re Jimmy Howard! We’re going to be competing with Jimmy Howard? Guys! This is Jimmy Howard! He’s a legend.”

  A buzzer went off, and a red light shone overhead. The contestants looked around.

  Erin grinned. “Oh, good. The GenderBuzzer? is working.”

  “Wha… What?” Victor was totally confused.

  “You referred to Jamie by the wrong name, Victor. Misgendering someone is expensive here at the Casa, so… let’s see - you did it three times, so seventy five dolrs will be deducted from your winnings.”

  “But… but…” Victor stammered.

  “Don’t forget the pronoun,” said Rafael.

  “Oh yes, you did use the wrong pronoun, so that’s eighty dolrs in total.”

  VICTOR: I’m not in the habit of dead naming people on purpose. It’s just, you know… I’m just so excited! Jimmy Howard is a hosting icon. (Buzz!) Goddamnit!“Would it help, Victor, if I had some sort of identifying name tag or something nearby with my name and pronouns on it?” Jamie said, holding up her pcard, ribbing Victor a little bit more.

  Rafael smiled and shrugged. “Honestly, I’ve been waiting for Jett or Oscar to call me a girl again, but so far they seem to have been avoiding that trap. So far.”

  Erin smiled, addressing the table.

  “So, pretty soon we’re going to have dinner, but before we do, there’s a few items of business to take care of. Tomorrow, we’ll be administering the first of the treatments to you, the anti-androgens. For each of you that goes through with it, we’ll add 2500 to the pot, as promised. But you could walk away before then. You can still cashout for 100, plus whatever you might have won today individually. Once again, I remind everyone here that they can walk out at any time. We also have medical and psychological advisors with you to answer any questions or help you come to decisions.”

  “I’ll be going through the treatments with you,” said Jamie, “only, these are treatments that I actually want. I mean, do I wish I had a bit more time to think about it before I committed? Sure, but what the hell. Hashtag #YOTO.”

  “Yoto?”

  “You only transition once.”

  Rafael cleared his throat.

  “Uh, no, Jamie. This will be my second transition. And after this, I’ll probably end up re-re transitioning to get back to normal.”

  “I stand corrected,” said Jamie. “But while we’re on the subject, you’ll notice something about the pcards? If you could go ahead and wipe off the pcards now?”

  The contestants hesitantly did so, leaving nine bnk stes.

  Erin gestured to the contestants.

  “And you’ll now be writing your new names on the pcard, along with your she/her pronouns. And yes, the GenderBuzzer will be active from this point on in the game. Congratutions, girls.”

  “Knew this bit was coming,” said Leia (née Leonard), putting a finger between the colr of her bck dress shirt.

  “Just a reminder, everyone, if you’re uncomfortable with this, you can just walk away at any time,” said Mara (née Oscar), adjusting her pinstripe jacket. “I’m looking at you when I say that,” they continued, pointing to Rose (née Rafael).

  “Ugh.” said Rose, and slumped in her blue shirt.

  Erin smiled. “After dinner, we’ll all do quick confessionals. Tomorrow morning, you’ll have time to consult with Dr. Vadekar and Ms. Winston about st minute questions, and we’ll begin the treatments at around one PM. In the meantime, you can check out the facilities, watch some TV, or rex.”

  At that point, the waitstaff brought out the dishes.

  “Who ordered the cochinita pibil?”

  “I think it was Oscar,” said Rose.

  The GenderBuzzer? went off.

  Rose facepalmed.

  “That shouldn’t count. The name at the time of ordering was Mara’s old name,” she argued. “So it’s accurate to say that…”

  “For what it’s worth,” said Mara, “I agree with Rose.”

  “Oh, no no no, you do not get to agree with me. In fact. You agree with me? That’s how I know I’m wrong. Know what? I changed my mind,” said Rose. “Take the twenty-five bucks - her name’s her name, and I should respect that.”

  ELAINE (Ethan): “Hello. I’m Eine MacDonald, She/Her. I picked “Eine” because of Margaret Eine Hamilton, who wrote the computer code of the Apollo program.”JUDI GUCCI (Jude “Gooch”): “Hello, I’m Judi ‘Gucci’ Guthrie, She/Her. Judy was crew-suggested, but I might as well change the nickname to that of the handbag, because I’m all css! Also, I spell it with an ‘I’.”

  MARA (Oscar): “Hello, I’m Mara Kane, She/Her, and they wouldn’t let me have my first choice of ‘Omarosa’, and Mara is short for Mar a Lago.”

  BRITTANY (Bradley): “I’m Brittany Ewart. She/Her. The crew picked it.”

  ROSE (Rafael): “I’m Rose (sigh) Espinar She/Her. I felt stupid coming up with a girl's name, so I named myself after the stupid one of the Golden Girls.”

  LEIA (Leonard): “I’m Leia Harrison, She/Her, and I named myself after the princess.”

  JANE (Jacob): “I’m Jane Spader, She/Her, and I named myself after exercise expert Jane Fonda.”

  VICTORIA (Victor): “I’m Victoria Rubin, She/Her and I named myself after “Victor/Victoria” the 1982 musical comedy starring Julie Andrews.”

  DIANA (Jett): “I’m Diana Timbrell, She/Her, and I named myself after my drag persona, Diana Fire.”

  JAMIE: “I’m Jamie Howard, She/Her and it was just convenient as all my legal documents were already in my non-stage name, which happened to be gender neutral.”Jamie smiled, as the queso relleno came by.

  “You’re in for a treat. When Sam and I were doing location scouting, we just absolutely were astounded at the local cuisine - it’s not like what you normally think of as Mexican food. I’m going to have to learn to cook these when I get back home.”

  “You’re a foodie, Jamie?” asked Brittany.

  “I know how to cook a few comfort foods, love cooking for guests and friends. It’s something I always found calming.”

  Jane nodded.

  “I’ve always been more of a slow cook barbeque person myself. My parents had this big coal-fired barbeque where they’d put the brisket on the grill at sunrise so that it’d be ready by dinner time.”

  Jamie nodded. “Brisket’s hard to cook, but it’s great when done right.”

  Eine looked down at her pte, and back to Jamie.

  “Um, Ms. Howard, ma’am?”

  Jamie looked over to Eine and smiled.

  “Yes, Eine?”

  “Do you mind if I ask you… I mean, I know what you said on Zimmel, but do you mind if, I mean, if it’s not personal? Well, of course it’s personal, but what I wanted to ask is– um, how did you, how did you, you know, know. Did it just… happen in a fsh? Or was it like, building up for a while. Like, did everything just flip in that moment with the cameras, or was it more the ‘straw that broke the camel’s back sort of thing.’”

  “Okay, first, you absolutely can ask questions. I have questions. Tons of them, and asking those questions and talking about what we think the answers might be - that’s kind of what this crazy experiment is about.”

  “That, and the money,” said Victoria.

  “That, and the money,” Jamie nodded. “And secondly, I think it was… more like… well, I don’t know. I’m a decade, maybe two, older than any of you, and when I grew up, you know, it was like, well… people didn’t talk about being transgender the way they do now. They didn’t talk about their experiences, didn’t share that with the world. Part of why I’m doing this with all of you is… I want to let people know it’s an option, you know? For years, I always felt… wrong somehow but I didn’t realize it was reted to gender, necessarily. I always thought I was just a sensitive, sad guy, and I had this whole persona built up to hide the real me from people. I suppose that’s why I went into entertainment. I got so good at being a character, that I figured I’d make a living at it.”

  Erin frowned sympathetically.

  “But god, that’s exhausting. It wasn’t until Sam proposed this project and I happened to be there at the beginning that I started researching who trans people were. And that they were just… normal, ordinary people who happen to have a body that doesn’t match their gender. And then I met trans people like Daria over at Garden, like Sheri, like Erin–”

  MARA: I actually kind of feel a little confused. This is Ji– ah, almost caught me! This is the host of Shark Attack just… suddenly realizing they’re a woman? I don’t get it. Honestly, Jamie scares me a little. Because here’s the thing - transwomen, they’re either faking predators, or they’re nuts. They have to be. The world doesn’t make sense otherwise.Now here’s the thing - Jamie’s talking about transitioning in public. Like, if he (BUZZ!), damn. If she was a predator, you don’t want to advertise that fact, right? So she’s gotta be nuts. But what she’s talking about doesn’t sound nuts. What’s even crazier is that I thought, you know, you could always tell when someone was trans, just by looking. And, well…

  “Wait,” said Mara, suddenly. “Erin’s trans?”

  Erin, along with most of the table, ughed at that.

  “Ah, I see you never saw my act on the Vocalist. Thank you for the compliment, by the way, Mara.”

  Mara was completely confused, but at least knew that she should probably py it off as if she intended it to be a compliment.

  “Uh, sure. Right.”

  Jamie continued.

  “Truth be told, I’m probably as nervous as the rest of you. I know transitioning is the right move, but… well… doing it in full view of the world?” She shook her head. “I’m terrified. I’ve surrounded myself with brave and beautiful trans people and they all did it, and yet, I’m still terrified. But I can’t… once I realized who I was, I just can’t go back to it. I don’t know if any of you, except maybe Rose, can understand… yet.”

  Jamie put her fork down, and took a sip of the margarita. No worries now about letting the truth slip out.

  “Honestly, Rose, I had really hoped you’d have dropped out early. I don’t understand why you’d de-transition for money.”

  Rose flinched when Jamie called her by her new name.

  “Yeah, well, neither do I. I guess I’m doing it for… well, simir reasons to you, Jaime.”

  “How so?”

  “I have parents who are… they’re very much loving, supporting parents. But they are not understanding parents. When I came out as a trans man to them, they didn’t yell, or kick me out, or anything. They just… denied I’m a trans man. My mom thinks I’m a butch lesbian in denial. Dad too. I live with them every day and they call me by the wrong name and I just… and they love me. Unconditionally. They do love me. They just refuse to see me. They refuse to see the truth. And they can’t see how much they’re killing me.”

  Rose grabbed her own margarita and took a very deep sip.

  “So… I came here to show them. Mara, you’re gonna get your wish, I know I’m not going to make it very far in this game. But I need to go as far as I can to show my parents - and other people like them - undeniable proof that me? Trying to be a woman? Every moment is torture. And it’s torture I got used to, until I didn’t have to anymore, and going back, it’s going to be so much worse. So let’s do this, Jamie. Let’s take our struggles, and our pain, and show the world, so that some other dumb boy or dumb girl doesn’t have to go through what we go through.”

  DIANA: Rose and Jamie are talking about torture. I’m sorry, I just don’t see it. What’s the big deal?“Rose, would you like a hug?” asked Erin.

  “I’m not much of a hugger,” said Rose. “At least not a casual hugger.”

  “Ah,” said Leia, “I get you. Ranked competitive hugging. An up and coming sport. I catch it every time it comes on ESPN 2.”

  Some ughs from the table.

  “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something, Leia,” said Jamie.

  “Me?”

  “I found some of your internet comments… if you know what I mean.” Jamie winked at her.

  She grimaced.

  “Uh, yeah, about that.”

  “I especially loved the one where you said, what was it? ‘That is a man who tried to buy an umut from Vanna White.’”

  “Sorry.”

  “Nothing to be sorry for. I’m genuinely impressed. It’s good material. I shared it with Vanna White, she loved it.”

  Leia covered her face in embarrassment.

  “Oh my god…”

  “Maybe don’t post all of them in a big bunch, though? Space it out? And you don’t need the ‘if you know what I mean’ at the end. I’m not a comedian but I’ve done enough stage work that maybe I could give you some advice, if you’d be happy to hear it.”

  LEIA: Okay, not my proudest moment. I make savage fun of someone at the most vulnerable point in their lives, and because it’s anonymous - or so I think - I think it’s okay to punch down. Getting that pointed out to me - I’m feeling like a serious dick. “Uh, thank you, Jamie. I… I probably should seriously consider that. Might as well take this opportunity to, well, work on myself. I think we all kind of are, in one way or another.”

  “Uh, I’m kinda doing this for the money,” said Gucci. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, Rose, that was a really powerful story, and I totally am rooting for you, and everything, but yeah, I don’t think I’d be doing any of this if the show wasn't paying me.”

  “Well, the money and the cool story we’ll have at the end of it,” Jane added.

  “Too true. The money and the cool story. Bad decisions always make great stories.”

  BRITTANY: The other contestants seem nice. ***

  Pyers Remaining: 9 WinningsPenaltiesTotalPrize Pot: 15,480Brittany (Bradley)1000100Cash-out: 100Diana (Jett)1000100 Eine (Ethan)50050 Jane (Jacob)2000200 Judi "Gucci" (Jude "Gooch")2000200 Leia (Leonard)50050 Mara (Oscar)250-5245 Rose (Rafael)300-25275 Victoria (Victor)250-105145