Several days passed and Sister Helena did not have another vision since that night. Yet the vision of the villagers lingered in her mind. Sister Helena made sure to pray for them during the Divine Office, mass and the rosary.
On a Wednesday morning after Terce, Sister Helena overturned to her cell to drop off her breviary. With the stone secure in the pocket of her tunic, she made her way to the monastery’s brewing kitchen and into her workshop. The nuns roasted coffee and blended tea to sell in order that the monastery could make an income. Holy Grounds Coffee and Tea was the name of their coffee and tea brand. It was a very known well known and respected brand, purchased by many people across the country and several into several countries outside the United States.
Sister Helena was the monastery’s tea blender, having been interested in the tea making process after visiting an herbal tea factory in Boulder, Colorado while on while on leave from the Air Force Academy while she was there. She made numerous visits to the factory when she could, and she even befriended some of the blend masters there. With some tips and several ingredients that she found at a health food store Helena had concocted a special blend of chamomile tea that she liked. She found it good for de-stressing, especially after a difficult mission. When she entered Carmel, she found that the nuns did not have a line of tea. After petitioning the Mother Superior, Sister Helena was allowed to start a line of tea for the monastery.
Sister Helena turned on the lights and put on an apron. After saying a quick prayer, she looked at the order sheets to see what order she needed to fill. After taking an inventory of what had already been blended, she filled a bag of loose-leaf earl grey. Then she packaged into tea bags chocolate chai tea. With several orders filled, she shifted to experimenting on a new tea blend.
All the while she worked, Sister Helena tried to sing hymns to take her mind off the vision. However, she couldn't get her mind off things. But work was work and Sister Helena was known for her military precision, doing things by the numbers all the while putting her heart and soul in her love into each batch of tea she made.
As if time passed quickly that morning, the monastery’s bell rang at 11:50am, and Sister Helena returned to herself to retrieve her breviary and report to the Chapel for midday prayers. She took her place at her stall in the Chapel, glancing to make sure her ribbons were set properly. The other nuns came in and took their places in their stalls. As the clock struck noon a smaller bell sounded from within the Chapel. The sisters stood as Mother Superior and her councilors entered the Chapel and took their places. Once they were set, Mother Superior gave a nod, the organist sister began to play the starting note.
“God, come to my assistance,” intoned the presiding sister.
“Lord, make haste to help me,” the entire chapel responded.
“Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.”
“as it was in the beginning, is now and will be forever. Amen. Alleluia.” The sisters then sang the prescribed midday hymn, Dicamus laudes Domino. After the hymn, the chapel prayed part of Psalm 119, alternating between the two sides of the chapel. Then they prayed the first part of Psalm 55. When they got to the second part of the psalm that's when Sister Helena’s mood began to change.
The nuns prayed:
“If this had been done by an enemy
I could bear his taunts.
If a rival had risen against me,
I could hide from him.
But it is you, my own companion,
my intimate friend!
How closely was the friendship between us
we walked together in harmony in the House of God.”
Still further they prayed:
“The traitor has turned against my friends;
He has broken his word.
His speech is softer than butter,
but war is in his heart.
His words are smoother than oil,
but they are naked swords.”
These words of the Psalm struck Sister Helena to her core; it began to remind her of her past with the Rogue NID.
Sister Helena struggled to remain focused through the rest of the prayer and even during lunch, the words of the Psalm haunting her. The clinking of dishes in the words of Sister Teresa of Saint Mary Magdalene as she read from the writings of Phillip Ribot around her felt distant and unreal.
Sister Helena returned to her workshop to continue her work period she did the best that she could but she couldn't shake the words from her mind. She tried all that she could to distract herself: singing hymns, thinking about her childhood growing up in Katy, Texas (though that had its sorrows, since Helena’s mother died when she was young), seeing her grandparents, Christmas, canoeing in Montana; but whatever she thought the negative emotions of our past actions continued to haunt her. She attended midafternoon prayer, trying just to get by. When the sisters were allowed to have time for private prayer, Sister Helena, taking a spiritual reading book, went to the furthest part of the vast grounds of the monastery to a secluded place where she could not be seen by the other sisters. Once she was there, she sat down, took out her stone and placed it in her hand. As she fingered the strange writings she began to recollect about her past.
She had been born Victoria Burney. As a young girl, an only child and the daughter of a well-known sportswriter, she developed a tomboyish life as a child. In high school, she found herself awkward but found her niche in the Air Force JROTC. She excelled in the program and was selected to join the Air Force Academy. When tragedy struck the country on September 11, Victoria’s sense of patriotism motivated her to excel further. After graduation and further training, she became a skilled pilot and a valid valiant leader in missions in Afghanistan and Iraq. Her skills caught the attention of one Colonel Sven Galli. He met her afterward at award at an awards banquet in Washington where she was awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross, after leading a daring mission in Iraq.
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Sometime afterwards, Colonel Galli invited Victoria to coffee at a café in Washington. He was a tall thin man with a bald head and brown eyes and a voice that sounded all too eerily like the late Colonel Frank Simmons. After pleasantries, Colonel Galli got down to business.
“Lieutenant Burney, I have a proposition for you. How would you like to serve your country?”
“But I am already serving my country, Sir,” Victoria replied. “I'm a First Lieutenant, a…”
“Yes, I know all that, Lieutenant, I’ve read your files. There is much more that stake than al Qaeda, or the Taliban. Forces not of this world”, Colonel Galli said. “I need your skills for a special mission. Something...” He looked around to make sure no one was listening then he brought his voice to a whisper. “... Something off the books.”
Victoria raised an eyebrow. “Off the books? That sounds... questionable.”
“I can understand your hesitation. This is about protecting our country in ways official channels can't. My organization operates with a level of autonomy that allows us to address threats swiftly and effectively.”
Victoria frowned. Something didn't seem right with Colonel Galli to her. “And what are the moral implications? I have a code of honor, Colonel Galli. I can't just give up my I can't just abandon my principles.”
“I don't expect you to, Lieutenant but think about what's at stake here. We are at war with forces that want to destroy our country. At our last meeting you told me that you joined the Air Force after 9/11, right?” Victoria nodded. “You said you wanted to be a good patriot and fight the terrorists?” Another nod. “Well, we need patriots like you to make tough calls. This isn't about breaking the rules; It's about bending them a little.” Victoria stared at her coffee and gave it a stir. She had always been driven by a sense of duty and honor. What Colonel Galli was proposing didn't seem right. This went against everything she had been taught at basic training, at the Academy, even as a child. She was taught right from wrong. This disturbed her and she told him so.
“Burney, sometimes the best patriots have stepped into gray areas.” He gave several examples from history. “We need leaders like you who can navigate those complexities.” Victoria looked up at Colonel Galli, their eyes meeting each other’s. His words seemed sincere, but she felt the weight of them pressed against her conscience. Colonel Galli could sense her uneasiness. “Tell you what,” he said as she pulled as he pulled a folder from his briefcase. “I'll leave a copy of the mission profile with you along with my card. We can put you out through a trial run. Come on one mission with us and if you don't like what you see you can walk away. How does that sound?” Victoria thought about it for a moment, she was still troubled.
“I'll think about it, Colonel. But I need time.”
“I totally understand. Take all the time you need. Remember our country is counting on patriots like you.” He got up, wished her a good day said good day and left.
Victoria took the envelope and went back home. For time she did not open it. She often took long walks and found secluded places to think about Colonel Galli’s proposal. She weighed out his words and wrote out the pros and cons many times over. Something didn't sit right with him, yet he seemed sincere. After what seemed like an eternity, she opened the file. It was a simple mission; they would they needed to “borrow” a piece of technology from one of their allies. Curious she called the number on the card that Colonel Galli gave her.
“Colonel Galli? It's Lieutenant Burney. I'll do it. But this is a one-time thing. I don't like what I see, I'm out.”
“Understood, Lieutenant,” replied Colonel Galli with a hint of satisfaction in his voice. “Welcome aboard.” Her first directive was to arrive at an abandoned warehouse in an undisclosed location. Victoria, dressed all in a black battle dress uniform with her tactical gear, was ringed up to a cloaked Tel’tak in orbit. Once Victoria was on board Colonel Galli and his team went into hyperspace. Their destination was Langara, a planet home to a former member of SG-1, Jonas Quinn. Once in orbit, Victoria and another agent, Rebecca Neumann would ring down together close to the target. Neumann would stand guard, but Victoria had to acquire the target.
The room was only 500 meters away. Sneakily, Victoria made her way through a corridor. Straight ahead was the target. Careful not to set off any booby traps the Langarans had set up, she entered the room and began to look around.
Back in the present, Sister Helena shuddered to recall the rest of her past. The theft of that object she had taken set the Langarans back a decade of hard work and strained the relationships between Langara and Earth, despite Jonas Quinn's best attempts to maintain the peaceful relationship between the two worlds. Moreover, the mission had eroded Victoria’s sense of right and wrong. Her personality changed and she became a shadow of her former self.
Tears streamed down Sister Helena's face as she recalled her past sins and actions. Though she had been forgiven of her sins when she was baptized in prison, the memories continued to haunt her.
“Lord,” she called out in prayer, why are you doing this to me? I've been forgiven of my past sentence, why continue to show me this? Is this a cross I must bear?” She sat there crying for a while; she rubbed the stone, feeling its inscription as she had done many times. “Is this because of my vision? What are you showing me, Lord?” She sat there crying for a long while. Then, as with a start, the monastery bells rang out: time for Vespers! With a run as if she was still in the military, even chanting Carmelite inspired cadences that would have made St. Nuno of Saint Mary proud, she made her way back to her cell to drop off her book, grab her breviary and report to the Chapel with seconds to spare.
Sister Marie Evangeline noticed the uneasiness on Sister Helena's face and worried about her dear friend. “Lord, help my dear friend,” she prayed in the silence of her heart as she prayed the ancient psalms and canticles. Take away her pain. I know she loves you and that she is sorry for what she did. But she is still struggling. Help her.”
As the evening wore on and it came time for recreation, Sister Marie Evangeline pressed a note into Sister Helena’s hands. “Come to my cell after Compline. I will help you. —Maria Evangeline.”
With Compline ended, Sister Helena, still uneasy, made her way to Sister Maria Evangeline’s cell in the dim light of the monastery. She knocked on the elm door to Sr. Marie Evangeline’s cell.
“Come in,” said Sister Marie Evangeline. Sister Helena opened the door and found Sister Marie Evangeline seated on her bed. She motioned for Sister Helena to come sit next to her period.
“Helena, what's troubling you?” Sister Marie Evangeline asked softly, her eyes filled with concern.
“It's... my past,” Sister Helena whispered in a sorrowful tone, her voice trembling. “I can't seem to escape it.” She began to cry and sob, and finally let it all out, careful not to divulge any classified information.
“You don't have to carry this burden alone,” Sister Marie Evangeline said, wrapping an arm around Sister Helen's shoulders. “We all have our paths, but we are here now together. What triggered this? You were fine until... Midday Prayer. It was the second half of Psalm 55, wasn't it?
“Yes. It never bothered me until today. We prayed it thousands of times since I entered Carmel.”
“Do you think it could be related to your vision?”
“It's possible,” Sister Helena said sobbing again. “I just feel so guilty. Even though I've been forgiven the memories still haunt me.
“I understand,” let me sing you some hymns to help calm you. My mother often did this to me when I was a child and felling down. Then I will pray with you.” In a beautiful operatic soprano voice, she sang:
“All that we have and all that we offer
Comes from a heart both frightened and free.
Take what we bring now and give what we need.
All done in His name.
“Some would rely on their power,
Others put trust in their gold.
Some have only their Savior,
Whose faithfulness never grows old.
“All that we have and all that we offer
Comes from a heart both frightened and free.
Take what we bring now and give what we need.
All done in his name.
“Sometimes the road may be lonesome,
Often we may lose our way;
Take courage and always remember
Love isn't just for a day.
“All that we have and all that we offer
Comes from a heart both frightened and free.
Take what we bring now and give what we need.
All done in His name.
“Sometimes when troubles are many,
Life can seem empty, it's true,
But look at the life of the Master,
Who lovingly suffered for you.
“All that we have and all that we offer
Comes from a heart both frightened and free.
Take what we bring now and give what we need.
All done in his name.”*
As Sister Marie Evangeline sang, she comforted Sister Helena as if she were her own child. The gentle melodies and the warmth of Sister Marie Evangeline's voice helped to ease Sister Helena’s pain, reminding her she was not alone. Sr. Marie Evangline then prayed over her dear friend, asking God to relieve Sr. Helena’s pain.
“Thank you, Evangeline,” whispered said Sr. Helena.
“Anytime, my child. Now, have some of your famous chamomile tea and get some sleep. I will check on you before the Office of Readings.”
* “All That Have”, words and music by Gary Alt
