Belle shrieked. Captain Buchannan was right outside her door. It shocked her, she was easily spooked. Especially in these circumstances. She said “What are you doing?” rather quickly. He said “You need to know what happened.” Belle started tearing up and put her hand to her mouth. He said “Step inside.” She held the door open and they went inside to set down at a couple of her wooden chairs at her tiny two-person table. Her clothes were strewn about and her room was a mess.

  Her carpet was clearly wet and she hadn’t put any makeup on or done her hair properly. She was thinking about how she knew she looked like shit and that there was a full bar captain sitting down in her living quarters. He spoke “Are you okay? I took you to my room last night-” She flushed with anger and slapped him, knocking off his hat, he spouted “Woman! What the fuck is that for?” she held her hand back against her, waiting for any retaliation “Let me explain.” he said. She cried out loud “Explain what!” she was crying now “Listen, you’re fine Belle.” He spoke softly to bring her tone down.

  He could tell she was on the verge of becoming frantic. “Last night you got roofied. Do you remember anything?” she was crying with her head down “No...” she spoke softly “And I can’t move my arm.” She tried to move it and sobbed further. He said “That makes sense.” He cleared his throat “Listen.” He paused for a moment and she collected herself slightly “I knew you were acting weird, you started getting super aggressive and you kept calling Ms. Mataldo a derogatory name.” He sighed.

  “It gets pretty bad so I’ll say it fairly quick. You started fighting with one of Ms. Mataldo’s friends, and after you cut her arm the fighting stopped. You hung out for a while and then got into an altercation with Ms. Mataldo in the bathroom where you crashed into a porcelain toilet with your shoulder-“ she interjected “That’s why I can’t move my arm!” he continued “Yes.. And after that point you tried to make some people drinks but began getting restless again. You ended up getting choked out by a few females and with your twin’s help we escorted you to my room.” He took a minute to pause and make eye contact with her “Your clothes were nowhere to be found, so I stayed the night in one of my friend’s rooms. I was going to bring your twin over and get you in the morning.”

  Belle felt a sigh of relief come over her “Oh wow. I’m so sorry.” He replied “It’s not your fault. Did you leave your drink unattended last night or something?” she thought for a moment and replied “No... I did take random shots here and there though. Fairly early into the night I ended up blacking out. I diagnosed myself with nerve damage. I’ll have to see a neurologist when we get back to port.” He felt relieved too “So you’re okay otherwise? I want to make sure you’re completely fine before you go back to work.” She looked down and sat her hands on her lap, looking at her palms “I’ll be okay. If I could just take today to collect myself... I feel like shit. I’m so glad you looked after me.”

  Belle focused on her feet, looking down for a moment. “Thank you so much Captain.” She stood up to hug him, he hugged her and said “No problem, and I told you. Call me Roy, We’re family. Remember?” She looked at the twinkle in his hazel eyes and then she embraced him tightly and a warm sensation crept into her. She was tired, exhausted, sluggish and mentally taxed, her arm had nerve damage and she made an ass out of herself drinking. But at least she had the Captain and her twin to look after her. That’s all she had these days, the one thing that kept her going.

  He tucked the chair back in to her tiny table and spoke “I’ll head off then, I’m late for formation. Everyone’s probably standing up there and I’m going to yell at them when I come upstairs and they’re fucking off. Ha-Ha” They laughed for a moment and she held her hand on the door, following him closely. “Goodbye Roy. I’ll be at formation tomorrow first thing.” He smiled and waved as he briskly escaped down the hallway. Belle closed the door and sunk to the ground. Letting loose a big sigh as she went down. “Well. Hell.” She said out loud. “Can this day get any worse? Ha-ha. First I blackout, then I find out I’m a bad drunk. Ha-ha-ha.” After some time she stood up slowly and made her way to her bed.

  Her plan now was to lay down until she was hungry enough for the chow hall. She got herself over to her bed and crawled on top. In the ship there were inspections all the time to make sure your room was clean and bed was made. So Belle always kept her bed made and just slept on top of it with a big navy comforter she bought a few years ago back at the post exchange. She snuggled in and stared at the cold grey wall feeling completely emotionally exhausted.

  She often had these times when she was by herself, she could look at the wall and zone out. Belle would think about things, she commonly thought that if she went to sleep right now and never woke up she would be fine with it. That’s how she judged her happiness. She didn’t think it was depression, she actually kept a diary of it. Belle took her diary out from the nightstand and started flipping through the pages, reading her first entry. It started out as her “Death Note” she called it. “If you’re reading this it means I’m dead! Though I’ve never been suicidal, any death that would happen to me would have to be a freak occurrence. This being said I’m comfortable with dying and here are my last wishes. Give all my shit to an orphan with blonde hair and blue eyes, pale skin. Don’t care where, but that’s where it goes to. Preferably under 10 years old. I want to keep ALL of my body parts unless you’re selling them for money. In which that case give the money to Nicholas. Also play the song “A tout le monde” by Megadeth at my funeral. I want a mausoleum. If you’re too poor for that, burn me to a crisp and scatter my remains in the ocean (any will do) and take a toast of whisky or rum in celebration of my life. Also, I’m a really cold person. I don’t care if I die, and you shouldn’t either, so chill, and live on.”

  Recently, her entries were more like a diary, talking about life events every so often. The next one she had wrote down after the first one was just an update “Death note updated. I’ve decided no one gets my organs. I am still content with dying on any given day. It’s a wonderful world but I have no quarrel with exiting it. I don’t necessarily believe in any sort of afterlife so, a bon voyage would be the end for me. I’m not depressed and I’m not nor have I ever been suicidal. I think it takes a peace of mind to acknowledge and accept that waking up tomorrow doesn’t have to happen.” In most cases however, she would mention the fact that if she died today she would be fine with it, and that she wasn’t suicidal, she was just content with not being alive anymore. Belle didn’t consider it depression because she analyzed it from a third person’s perspective, the medical side of her. She was eating fine, she was social, and she didn’t want to kill herself.

  It was okay if she died. Belle did notice however, that over the years when she was happy in a relationship she wouldn’t post in her “Death Note” too often. This might be a sign of depression, she thought sometimes but it was always quickly dismissed. Sometimes when she was driving she wouldn’t look over railroad tracks before crossing, or she might stop on them when another car was on the other side blocking her from going forward. This is what she was thinking now, she was trying to imagine if she cared that she could potentially not wake up tomorrow. She frowned, a bit of her cared for her husband. It would be selfish to not think about him. She did feel happy when he was around, and she didn’t write into her diary as often. Belle drifted to sleep hoping for a change.

  She woke up in the morning feeling somewhat refreshed. Belle tried to move her arm but it didn’t respond. She could move her fingers a little, but lifting or moving her arm at all was an impossible task. Belle quickly gathered up her uniform and made herself presentable. This morning she needed to eat! She didn’t have anything to eat yesterday and her stomach was making that horrible growling sound. Belle walked down to the chow hall and picked up a tray. The good thing about the military was they liked to feed you well when you weren’t at war. She got two things of cinnamon oat cereal, some eggs and bacon, and an orange. “This is so difficult.” She said trying to balance her tray with one hand, as her other arm still failed her. Belle walked carefully to the same seat she usually sat down at by herself and began eating.

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  It made her feel sad that she couldn’t operate normally. Belle felt like she was useless without her arm. Just as she was looking down at her tray completely focused on eating Sgt. Foreman sat down next to her. “How unusual” she thought. Sgt. Foreman said “Hey. How’re you doing today?” as he took a bite of his blueberry muffin. Belle looked up from her tray, she wasn’t particularly in the mood to talk. She was more inside her own head trying to figure things out. “I’m okay.” She lied.

  He looked over at Belle while she talked, his eyes focusing on her pouty lips. “Stop kidding around. That was a rough night, I just wanted to check on you and make sure everything is okay.” Belle looked over at him and looked into his hazel eyes, lingering for a moment longer than she should, she smiled. “I’ll be okay. I’m really pissed off about my arm being fucked up though.” Just then, her twin Almonetta made her way across the chow hall to sit down with them. “Hi Foreman, Hey sis. You doing alright Hun?” she just had a chocolate milk with her which was customary for her breakfast. Belle spoke “Yeah, yeah. I was just telling Foreman. The only thing I’m pissed about is my arm. Ha-ha.” Almonetta smiled, showing off her brilliant white teeth. Belle wished hers were that bright, she thought it might because Almonetta was always chewing gum.

  Belle didn’t realize it but there were more people she knew down the table a little to her left. It seemed to her that the men across from their table were staring at her. She focused back on her tray, now wasn’t the time to initiate conflict. After a long pause Sgt. Foreman spoke “So when are we going out drinking again?” they all laughed at this. Almonetta jovially replied “Ha-ha Foreman you got jokes you short motherfucker.” Belle laughed too and joined in “I don’t think I’m going out for a while guys, I’m over that. Ha-ha.” Sgt. Foreman spoke again “I think you need to come out again so you can teach your girl here how to dance.” He laughed, Almonetta flushed “Shut up! You’ve got toddler legs. You can’t dance any better.” Belle couldn’t help but smile “I’m not that good either... Ha-ha” Sgt. Foreman jumped in “I may have little legs, but this Mexican has a huge dick girlie!” Belle and Almonetta laughed at this, blushing.

  Almonetta smacked him on the shoulder. “You’re a motherfucker Foreman. Ha-ha” When Sgt. Foreman didn’t laugh back they looked at him, he was focused on the people sitting across from them. Foreman was a Marine, and the ones across from them were Marines too. “Who you calling a bitch, bitch!” Foreman yelled at the table. One Marine stood up pointing his finger at Belle. “I’m calling her a bitch, bitch.” He said. Foreman stood up at this, walking towards them. “You’re the only bitch here devil.”

  The other Marine shoved Sgt. Foreman, Sgt. Foreman said “You do that again bitch and it’s the last time you’ll touch me motherfucker.” Belle was dumbfounded by the situation, Almonetta was watching in bewilderment also. “Guys stop!” Belle said, standing up. She was holding onto Sgt. Foreman trying to pull him back. “You’re the fucking bitch that called my wife a nigger you bitch.” The Marine yelled as Belle put her hands over her mouth and began to tear up, Almonetta was beginning to say something as Sgt. Foreman took a switchblade out from his pocket and stabbed the Marine in the neck.

  The Marine bent over clutching his neck and Almonetta took her shirt off using it to help him stop the bleeding. Sgt. Foreman looked down at the Marine as blood dripped off his knife. “Now who’s the bitch motherfucker? Talk to my family again and see what the fuck happens.” As this was going on, the entire chow hall had come to a stop and some MP’S (Military police) who were eating chow came over and started to take control of Foreman, trying to place him in restraints.

  This seemed to light a fire inside of Sgt. Foreman as he blew up. “SEE WHAT HAPPENS MOTHERFUCKER? I HOPE YOU DIE BITCH. NOONE FUCKS WITH MY LIL SISTER YOU UNDERSTAND?” He was screaming at the Marine bent over holding his neck as the MP’s struggled to get him out of the chow hall.

  The Marine went down on his knees and his face was red. Belle rushed over to help him but he pushed her away turning his head up to look at her. His face was completely flushed red and his eyes were bloodshot as he choked out, staring at her intensely “I don’t want your-” He paused as blood ran through Almonetta white shirt onto his fingers “-fucking help bitch” Almonetta was helping hold the shirt in place, she looked up at Belle “Go to your room Hunny, get out of here”. Belle winced at this, unable to help, she didn’t know what was going on.

  Was all of this her fault? Why was this happening? She just wanted to come eat and her arm was all fucked up. Belle started crying and was running back to her dorm when she bumped into Captain Buchannan and two MP’s running down the hall towards the scene “Belle. Are you okay?” Belle yelled “Stop fucking asking me if I’m okay!” she sobbed, looking at him in a defeated manner. He felt for her, he reached out and hugged her. Belle sobbed uncontrollably for a minute until it died down. “Belle I need to get to that young man to see if he is okay.

  Can you tell me what happened?” Belle took a step back and was looking down out of the corner of her eye. “There were these guys sitting across from us” she sniffled. He said “Yeah, and?” she continued “They were staring at me and I didn’t think anything of it. But then” she choked up. Captain Buchannan rubbed her shoulder “What happened next?” she started sobbing, closing her eyes wishing this never happened, she was looking at the ground. “Then one of them said something...” She was becoming inaudible, rubbing her eyes “Sgt. Foreman defended me and then he got pushed, and then...” she paused, choking up. “Then Foreman stabbed him in the neck.” Captain Buchannan hugged her again briefly “I’m sorry Belle. Go to your quarters and I’ll come by in a bit.” She nodded her head and headed down the hall briskly to her room.

  Belle opened the door and entered her living quarters. She went to her bed and flung herself on it, closing her eyes and tucking her head into the pillow. Belle grabbed the other pillow on her bed and took a hold of it. She hugged it like it was a person, and she sat there lost in her mind. A torment of thoughts swirled through her head, the tighter she closed her eyes the more it was stabbing her in all of her insecurities and bringing out an uncontrollable feeling of anxiety. Belle was drowning in these thoughts of everything that has happened to her recently, it was too much. She didn’t have this kind of stress on her since her childhood. Belle was sobbing “I wish you were still here daddy.” She repeated this a few times as she drifted off to sleep. At least this was where here anxiety and stress could escape her mind. It was her temporary refuge from an otherwise hostile world at the moment.

  *Knock knock* Belle opened her eyes, taking in a deep breath. There was a knock at her door. Belle stood up and walked to the door, expecting Captain Buchannan to be on the other side she was wiping her eyes as it opened. Sgt. Foreman was at her door. “Foreman!” Belle’s eyes opened wide. He looked rushed as he said “Let me in, quick.” Belle looked around the hall and let him inside. “What’s going on Foreman? Is that guy okay?” she asked. Sgt. Foreman shook his head “He’ll be okay. A millimeter deeper and he would have died. They say I have a court marshal and I’m probably going in to the brig for a while.” She pulled out her two chairs and they sat down together as she replied “Oh no. Are you going to be alright?” Sgt. Foreman nodded “It’s no big deal. I’m not scared of the joint.” He paused, looking down at the table.

  Belle could tell something was bothering him. “What’s on your mind Foreman, you look like you’re thinking about something.” He sighed “Yeah I’ve got something to tell you. It isn’t going to be easy.” Belle felt venerable at this, a pain went through her. “What’s that?” she said in a tiny voice. Belle watched his eyes, they were focused on the table. He looked up and met her stare “I’m going to be blunt and say it quickly.”

  Hearing this, Belle had that feeling you get right before you cross the top of a roller coaster and begin down. That huge sense of anxiety before you go down uncontrollably. “Go ahead Foreman...” she frowned. Sgt. Foreman looked away “Almonetta drugged you, trying to get you to hook up with the Captain. She wanted you to have fun.” Belle stared at him for a moment blankly.

  Belle felt her stomach drop and her emotion drain with it. She felt alone, she felt insecure. With a tiny voice she spoke again “Capt. Captain wouldn’t be okay with that...” Foreman choked up at this, Belle saw a tear in his eye as he replied “He did though. You had clothes on when I saw him take you into his room.” Belle screamed, crying out. She pushed her table over and ran over to the sink. Belle vomited into the sink and turned the water on, snot dripping out of her nose and she kept dry heaving. Sgt. Foreman came over to touch her but she panicked, jumping back looking like a frightened animal, “Out, out out. Out out. Get out. Get out. GET OUT!” Belle grabbed dishes and began throwing them at him, smashing on the floor “OUT! OUT OUT!” She was screaming, saliva flying from her livid mouth as she did so, foreman teared up, and was bleeding from a cut in his face caused by her dishes. She hit him a couple more times, he lifted up his arm to block them. He softly exited the room, pausing only to say “Belle, I’m here for you.” And he closed the door.