We eventually had to go back to the monastery. I apologized to everyone for my poor display, but everyone said it was fine.

  It was decided Wukong and Guanyin would leave in the morning. The rest of us got some sleep as Guanyin stayed up, and got the affairs of the monastery in order.

  At first light, they left, and the rest of us were helping the monks while waiting for Guanyin to return.

  I made breakfast for everyone, and used my chi healing to help monks who had been injured in the fire. Pigsy and Sandy, with some assistance from Ao Lie, finally got the last of the monks buried, and the monks finished cleaning up the rubble so they can start rebuilding.

  Trip organized and directed everyone, getting schedules set back up, and reorganizing the monks so the monastery can run with only a third of the monks it used to have.

  I was making everyone lunch when Sandy came in. “Wukong just returned. He’s waiting for everyone to gather in the dining hall so he can tell everyone what happened all at once.”

  Relief rushed through me. Wukong was back and he was fine. I breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay, this just needs another minute. Will you help me take this to the dining hall?”

  With Sandy’s help, we got the food to the dining hall quickly, and the monks served themselves from the big pot of veggie stew and another pot filled with rice.

  Once everything was set up. I got two bowls, and I went to Wukong. He was sitting in front of the fire, staring into it.

  Despite the fact he seemed physically fine, he had a grave expression on his face.

  “Wukong? Are you okay?”

  He looked up at me, tearing his eyes away from the flames. His eyes lightened a little.

  “Yue.” He sighed. “I’m fine. I just… I don’t have a lot of good news. I managed to get the cassock back at least. I just gave it to Trip. Once he gets back, I’ll tell everyone what happened to the head monk.”

  “Okay. I’ll sit with you until then.” I sat next to him, handing his bowl to him. He took a couple of bites before Trip returned from packing the cassock away in his luggage.

  Once everyone was gathered, he flew up on Nimbus and commanded everyone’s attention.

  “Everyone! Up here! You all know Guanyin and I went to the bear today. Our plan worked and I managed to defeat him. Guanyin decided to take the bear under her wing and teach him right from wrong. But I’m sure you all want to know about the head monk and the rest of your friends.”

  Friends was a strong word considering they left them here to die.

  “Well, the bear took us to where the monks were staying, but once we got inside we found all of them dead. And it wasn’t the bear. He was just as shaken to see them as us. We went further inside and found the head monk, who was also dead.”

  This caused a stir among the monks. They glanced at each other and whispered. Wukong waited a minute for the whispers to die down before continuing. “Inside his room we found a letter. He felt such shame for his actions, he felt the only way to atone was to kill himself and his companions.”

  The monks forfeited any sense of decorum as they shouted and cried. Blood rang in my ears.

  Suicide. The head monk committed suicide.

  He took the easy way out.

  I could feel my lips curling over my teeth in a snarl. The bastard. If he felt shame he should have returned and let his victims decide his fate. Instead he’d never face their judgement because he passed it on himself.

  And not just himself. To everyone who followed him.

  I swallowed my revulsion. I doubted every monk who was with him would have wanted to atone that way. Some no doubt, wanted to live. But he killed them anyway.

  He was a truly repulsive man.

  Wukong shouted to try and restore order but it was no use. He flew back down to me.

  “Yue? Are you okay?”

  I shook my head. “No.” I set my stew aside. It seemed like my cooking was wasted. No one seemed in the mood for eating now.

  There was a loud whistle. It caught the attention of everyone in the room.

  It was Shao. He was standing on one of the tables to attract everyone’s attention.

  “Everyone, enough! Yes the head monk is dead. I’m angry, and frustrated too. But we should not let his death shake us! He was dead to us the moment he ordered the monastery be set ablaze!”

  The monks blinked, rapturously listening.

  “I know this doesn’t feel like justice. And it isn’t. But we need to pull together despite that! The world is not a fair place. Justice is not always served. But that is why we are here!”

  Shao threw his hands up, gesturing to the entire monastery. The monks held their breath.

  “We are here to help those who cannot help themselves. To aid those suffering, and spread the tenets of Buddhism so even those suffering can find peace in their hearts. Remember our teachings! Justice may be out of our reach, but peace is not! We pray and meditate to cultivate enlightenment. We cannot dwell on justice, or on suffering. We must push forward! Find our peace, despite not having justice. It will take a long time, but I know we can find it! Now that the head monk is gone, there is nothing stopping us from fulfilling our purpose here! We are the monks of the Guanyin Monastery! We are here to help the travelers who pass through, and alleviate the suffering of people in the valley! Let us return to our purpose, and try to find the peace in our hearts once again!”

  The monks cheered, roaring in the dining hall. It felt like they shook the entire monastery with their clapping and their cheers.

  Shao jumped down and walked over to our group. He offered us a deep bow.

  “Thank you for seeking out the head monk and the others. We will bring their bodies here and bury them. We have kept you from your journey long enough.”

  Trip sputtered. “Wh-What? It’s fine. We needed to retrieve my cassock anyway.”

  Shao stayed bowed. “Still. The six of you have been invaluable in helping this monastery. First you helped put out the flames, and then you stayed to find the head monk to try and get justice, as well as helped us get back into our feet. We cannot thank you enough for everything you’ve done.”

  I shook my head. “None of this would have happened in the first place if we didn’t come here and show the head monk the cassock. We’re the ones who started your suffering.”

  Stolen novel; please report.

  Shao lifted back up, and shook his head. “No. We are better off now that the head monk is gone. We can return what was stolen from the people, and return this monastery to it’s true purpose. You did not bring suffering here. You just exposed the suffering for what it was, corruption. Now that we have been cleansed from the fire, we can rise anew, and fulfill our purpose again while we strive for enlightenment. While I hate to ask this of you, will you please stay until tomorrow? I want to show our gratitude for your help with one last banquet. It won’t be as luxurious as the one when you arrived. Our food stocks have been depleted, and we only have simple fare. But we would be honored to serve you.”

  We glanced at each other, until we finally all looked at Trip. It was his journey, and so, his decision.

  He seemed caught off guard. “Uh, well… sure. But please, don’t use up too much food for our sake.”

  Shao grinned and nodded. “I’ll go tell everyone now. Please, rest while we take care of everything. You’ve done enough for us.”

  So we did. The monks got everything ready.

  The decorations were simple, along with the food. There were fewer monks, and their clothes still had soot stains that refused to wash out.

  But there was something palpable in the air there wasn’t at the first banquet. The monks talked loudly with each other, laughing, and enjoyed our company. They even opened a window and led Ao Lie to it so she could enjoy the festivities too.

  Pigsy showed off his strength until Wukong scoffed and effortlessly surpassed him. Sandy was the judge of multiple contests for cooking, focusing, and other monastic feats. Even Trip was enjoying himself, recounting his close encounters with demons and how he barely escaped each one with the help of Guanyin and the Evening Star. He told them how he got each of his disciples, and they laughed at each one.

  There was comraderie in the air. And hope. Which is why I left the party early.

  I didn’t want to spoil the mood.

  I was happy everyone else was celebrating happily. I truly was. But I just couldn’t forget about the head monk as easily as them.

  Instead, I went outside, and gazed up at the moon.

  Times like this, I truly missed Lunus. I clasped my hands together in prayer anyway.

  Please Lunus. Please help me find peace. Like everyone else. Help me quench the anger burning in my heart.

  I wasn’t sure if Lunus could hear my prayers, but I know it he didn’t answer them. The fire still burned. I wanted to set fire to the cave their bodies were in so they couldn’t be buried. I wanted their spirits to wander, lost for an eternity.

  But most of all, I wanted to ask the head monk why? Why did he set fire to his own monastery? Why did he leave all his monks to die? Especially if he was going to end it all himself without answering for any of it. If this was how it was going to end, why wasn’t he just good in the first place?

  Shuffling, nearby.

  I whirled around, tense.

  It was Shao. He seemed as surprised to see me as I was to see him.

  “Oh. My apologies. I didn’t expect anyone to be out here. I’ll take my leave.”

  “It’s fine.” For some reason, I wasn’t bothered by the fact he was here. If it was anyone else I would be, but the hardness in his expression made me think he was out here for the same reason as me. “You can sit with me. I don’t own the moon after all.”

  He nodded, and sat down. Once he was settled, he looked up at the moon and sighed. “I know everyone is managing to get past it. And I meant what I said about us finding peace. But…”

  “You still hate the head monk.”

  He nodded. “I-I’m just so, so… angry. And hurt. We knew he wasn’t up to any good, but we trusted him. We all thought he had the monastery’s best interests at heart. And now… he’s gone. Dead. And yet I don’t feel happy about it at all. Isn’t revenge what I wanted?”

  I shook my head. “No. You didn’t want revenge. You wanted justice. And the head monk evaded it by choosing to die on his own terms. He never answered for his crimes. You have a right to be angry.”

  He glanced at me. “You’re angry too. Why?”

  “I-I hate the head monk too.” No. That wasn’t right. I barely knew the guy. I thought he was disgusting, but that wasn’t why his death upset me. My eyes skittered away from Shao.

  Shao looked back up at the moon. “I feel like a fake. I preached about finding peace, even though I don’t feel it myself. All the other monks look up to me now. But I feel like I’m the worst monk among them. I’m not sure I’ll ever get past this anger I feel.”

  “I don’t share the same faith as you, but in my faith, intentions matter as much as actions. So tell me, what do you intend to do with your anger? Do you intend to act on it? Or to let it fester?”

  Shao shook his head. “No. I want to be a good monk. I want to find peace with everything. I want to meditate without seeing Li’s corpse and grave in my mind. I know I won’t be able to forget everything that’s happened. But I at least want to find my peace with it.”

  “Then align you’re actions with your intentions. Keep meditating, and grieve for your friend until you can move on from his death. Distance yourself from the memories of the fire with time. And don’t give that bastard another spare thought. He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness, your time, or your thoughts. If you want justice, the best way to do that is to tear down everything the head monk built, and build something new, so no one will remember him.”

  Shao paused then slowly nodded. “You’re right. If I intend to be a good monk, I can’t dwell on the past. I might not be able to forget what happened, or find peace the way the other’s can. But I can build over it. I’ll turn my anger into motivation. I’ll help everyone who comes through, preach Buddhism to everyone who’ll hear me out. My anger will be the foundation of my own legacy, one that will outshine his. No one will remember him, not with me around. At most, he will be the villain at the beginning of my own story.”

  A new light shown in his eyes. The anger was still there, backed by determination. He had a new goal to work towards. And I was sure he was going to give it everything he had.

  I gave him a wan smile before staring down at my hands.

  They were still curled into fists. Shao knew what to do with his anger, but I still didn’t know what to do with mine.

  “Your name is Yue yes? Part of a monk’s duties is listening to other’s woes and comforting them. I know the head monk’s death upset you deeply. You can let it out. I’ll listen to you.”

  “It’s nothing. I’m sure my anger can’t compare to yours.”

  “Suffering isn’t a competition. Even if the anger you feel isn’t as deep, I’ll gladly listen without judgement.”

  “It’s nothing.” I could feel my eyes watering, and I angrily wiped them away. “It’s just I can’t get over how much of a coward he was. He refused to face all of you. He took the easy way out.”

  “The easy way out? You mean killing himself? I’ve never heard it described that way. Don’t you think him deciding to kill himself was hard?”

  I shook my head, hard. I was getting shaky. “No, it isn’t. Once you decide to go through with it, it’s easy. It’s the easiest thing in the world. You don’t have to carry the guilt, or the memory, or the pain. You can just forget it all and rest.”

  Shao sucked in a breath. “Wait. Do you… want to kill yourself?”

  I jolted looking back up at him. “What!? No! No, I don’t! I’m happy with Wukong, and I’m happy with my life now.”

  “Now?”

  Oh. I slumped, defeated, and looked back down at my hands. “Yes, now. A long time ago… I wasn’t.”

  Shao was quiet as memories of the in-between and the months after I first arrived here flashed through my mind. Of Lady Ethereal forcing me to eat nutritional paste and exercise, even as she refused to even let me near my world’s portal. Or any portal for that matter. All that mattered to her was fulfilling her promise to my father and keeping me alive.

  Then Wukong. He saved me from that hell, and my anger helped me snap out of it for a few days. Until the nightmares returned, and then he helped show me life was still worth living. Even with everything I ever knew gone, I could still be happy. I could love new people, and had a whole new world I could call home.

  But now with the head monk’s suicide, it was bringing all those horrible years back into my mind. I fought tooth and nail to want to live again. To drag myself back onto my feet. To make the hard choice to live, over and over and over again. Even after I thought Wukong left me, I kept struggling, and I made it through.

  But the head monk didn’t. He took the easy choice. I just felt so…

  Angry. What gave him the right to give up like that? To cause even more suffering with his death? To not fight for everything he had here?

  He reminded me of the old me.

  I felt arms wrap around me. Shao. He was giving me a hug.

  “I can’t imagine it. Even with everything that has happened, I can’t fathom what it must be like to be so hopeless. But for what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here now. I wouldn’t know what to do about my anger if it wasn’t for you. I know you’re angry with the head monk too, and you have the right to be. But hope you aren’t angry with yourself. You aren’t like the head monk. Not at all.”

  I sniffed. My anger was quickly turning to grief. I cried for a while as Shao held me.

  Shao was right. I was really angry at myself. For how I gave up, just like the head monk. For how thoughts of death and compulsions to hurt myself still pop up in my thoughts, even now.

  But he was right. I wasn’t like the head monk. I wouldn’t give in. And maybe…

  Maybe I needed to forgive myself. For feeling those things. Find my own peace with who I used to be.

  I cried until my tears ran dry, and Shao finally let me out of his hug.

  I nodded to him. “Thank you Shao. What you said means a lot to me. If you’re working towards your peace, then I’ll work towards mine too. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive the head monk, but I’ll try to forgive myself.”

  “I know we’ll find it someday. It may take a long time, but I know we’ll both find it.”

  I nodded in agreement. And we sat together, not saying anything else, just watching the moon.