For next two weeks I applied my gardening skills and planted tomatoes, onions, peppers and garlic. I used the neighbor’s front yard for a corn patch. I also planted a bunch of citrus trees and an herb garden.
We utilized rain barrels and modified roof downspouts from all the houses in the area to fill collection tanks to irrigate the gardens. Annual rainfall numbers seem to have increased, perhaps due to the lack of air pollution.
We decided on Jessica or Jess and choose Jess for the rabbit; we were unsure whether it was male or female because she would only let us pet her. When Jillian tried to pick her up, she panicked and disappeared under the pool deck for two days leaving Pete heartbroken.
One of my bigger ongoing projects was making a French drain and water storage unit so we could have indoor plumbing. After multiple designs and many modifications, it actually worked. The only issue was it took an hour to refill the toilet tank due to the lack of pressure, but it was nice having the convenience.
The next day we woke up and had a lovely breakfast. Jillian made some extra flatbread for our rendezvous at noon with our delusional acquaintance.
At 12:05 pm I started the process because we needed fuel. At 12:32 pm he showed up in a yellow Lotus. As I was placing the fuel cans in the back of our truck he sat in his car with the stereo blasting, waiting for a reaction from me. I started placing the lid on the ground storage unit, he turned off the car and came running over.
“What cha do ’in? I thought you were gonna give me some gas?” He said like I owed him something. I looked at his car then at him.
“That is not a wise choice.” I said.
“What do you mean?” He protested.
“First of all, it requires constant maintenance and it's going to run like shit on this gas that is already two years old.” I said flatly as he looked at me with his familiar blank expression.
“Gas goes bad!” I said.
“Here is a list of the tools you will need. Keep them in your vehicle at all times. I can almost guarantee they will not fit in that!” I said pointing to the Lotus. I handed him the list. He looked at the list, then at me.
“I don’t know what half this shit is!” He said disappointed.
“First thing you do is…” I started to say as he interrupted me.
“Wait, you want ME to do this?” He asked very surprised. I stood up.
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“Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime. I think that’s how it goes. Is that right?” I asked looking toward Jillian.
“Where’s the money and the two items?” Jillian asked coldly.
“Passenger seat.” He said, just as cold pointing with his chin.
“The proverb is symbolic and yet not too far removed from a metaphor…” I started to say before being interrupted, again.
“You keep using words I don’t understand, and I take that as disrespect!” He said in an arrogant tone.
“Let’s get this over with, do you have a video camera or recording device, it may help.” I asked in a frustrated manner.
“Look, I can remember!” He said defiantly. I walked him through the process, constantly reminding him of the danger a spark will cause, even static electricity. I had him perform all the procedures and he said nothing. The tank in the Lotus filled in about ten seconds. We secured the cover and I looked in the empty passenger seat.
“What items did you bring?” I asked.
“Motherfuck, NO!” He said with his hands-on top of his head. Jillian placed a gold statue on top of an athletic shoe box about ten yards away – standing with the AA-12 looking like a sexy badass.
“You mentioned disrespect earlier, remember when you stole OUR food and water? I do. Food and water are OUR prized possessions.” Jillian said lowering the gun. With his hand on his head, I noticed a gun tucked in the back of his pants and I quickly grabbed it.
“This is what you bring?” I said pissed off.
Jillian unloaded 4 rapid bursts from the AA-12. Only one was needed to obliterate the statue and create a paper cloud. She walked towards us; his mouth opened wide in disbelief.
“A deal is a deal.” Jillian said reluctantly, handing him the frozen trout in the small blue cooler.
“You don’t know it, but YOU are charity.” She said with disdain as she tossed him the flatbread wrapped in a cloth.
“The bread is still warm, if you eat this, you are accepting the fact that you are charity. I bet it’s better than what you had for breakfast.” Jillian said as she turned her back on him and walked toward the yellow Lotus.
“He had grape drink and cheese doodles.” I said. He turned and looked at me, the same dumb look on his face.
“Your teeth and tongue are stained purple and your fingers are orange.” I responded to his amazement.
“Make no mistake.” Jillian said as she used the butt of the AA-12 to remove the side view mirrors on the Lotus with a swift blow.
“We never had, or ever will, have respect for you.” She said as she pulled off the rear-view mirror.
“No one will ever appear in these mirrors.” Jillian said as I handed him his empty gun, again.
“How was the salmon?” I asked as I started packing my tools. The dogs just sitting, softly growling waiting for any command from me from the back seat.
“I bet it’s in his oven, still wrapped in plastic.” Jillian said as she got in the passenger seat.
“Were heading out to Napa today for a picnic.” I said as I leaned out the window and whispered to him.
“With any luck I might get a blow job!” I said with a wink.
“I plan on giving you one on the way.” Jillian said in a sing-song way.
“Goodbye Mr. Charity, chances are really good we will not hear the explosion when you forget about the static…well, never mind. By the way; if we EVER catch you stealing from us again, things will not go well for you.” I said driving off. He yelled something as we turned the corner.
“I’m gonna miss him.” Jillian said sarcastically.
“You don’t think our paths will ever cross again?” I asked.
“NO! He will die in a fiery explosion trying to light gasoline in his oven, trying to bake his frozen plastic covered fish.” Jillian said shaking her head confidently. I laughed and agreed.
