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A Discussion

  Janet was walking throughout the house as if on a schedule. She would look out through the doors to analyze the exterior. After time spent scanning over all the sights, she would move to the laundry room and examine its properties. She would move to the entertainment room nearby and scan the restrooms on the first level. She would make her way through the kitchen and Evan’s parents’ bedroom before walking downstairs. The hallways, the bedrooms, and spaces under the beds; she must have walked this path tens of times within the past few hours.

  Before going back up the stairs, she paused while in front of the windowed door that would lead to the lower outside deck. The snow pressed against the glass on the door, reaching about four inches above the lowest point. The snow was gathering more and more. She could see glimpses of her reflection between the slits of the blinds that were in front of the glass. Her eyes were exhausted and looked weak. She scrunched her eyes together and rubbed them with her fingers. She refused to look soft.

  She slowly paced to a nearby bedroom and sat down. Her elbows rested on her thighs as she let out a deep sigh. “Carl, Davie… what is happening right now? How do I make this next step?”

  —-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  The three friends were sitting down in the living room with Mel still seated on one of the kitchen stools. Jessica and Tyrone were sitting in silence, her head resting on his shoulders. Mel saw Evan pacing around the rooms up top, much like Janet had done recently. “Playing cop, huh?”

  This comment didn’t sit well with Evan, “What do you mean?”

  Mel cracked a smile, “You’re imitating. It’s cute. It’s like how babies act when they’re starting to understand their own movement. They aren’t capable of moving and acting in original ways, so they mimic those around them. You’re in an unfamiliar situation and, if I’m right, you’re probably a kid who’s trying to be a… shit let me guess….

  “You want to be a lawyer right? Or maybe a criminal psychologist?”

  Evan gave a disingenuous chuckle, “Neither. FBI.”

  “Oooooh, FBI huh? Trying to be a big fish? Must have a pretty confident view of yourself.”

  “You don’t know me, Mel.” Evan migrated to and sat in one of the living room chairs closest to his friends.

  Mel cleared some phlegm from his throat, “I might not know you, but I’m betting I can get a pretty good read on you. We haven’t really had any opportunity to talk at length. Hell, if this vacation of yours had gone to both of our plans, we probably wouldn’t have had to talk at all. I’d get to be about my business and you kids could’ve had your fun.”

  Evan sprouted a cheeky smile, “Then how about we play some actual pretend and keep that part of our week untainted.”

  Mel got up from his seat, “I don’t think so. Unfortunately for you, I’m a bit extroverted. I like these little talks. Getting to know one another. Shallow small talk that lets me know more than you’d realistically expect.”

  Jessica, to the surprise of the others, spoke up, “Well then maybe we should be the ones talking. Apparently my eventual career and your current one are one in the same.”

  The older man raised his eyebrow, “Apparently, is it? Sounds like you’re not sure about the validity of who I say I am.”

  “That wasn’t my intention, sir. I don’t doubt who you are. We already spent time looking into who you are. Well, Tony did.”

  Mel gave a hearty chortle, “Fat boy looked into me, did he? That’s flattering. So then, Jessica, what makes you so interested in psychology?”

  “Well,” Jessica spoke with a shrug as she sat upright, “I guess I’ve dealt with some folks who carry some really wicked ideals. Doesn’t make sense to me how individuals that could provide so much love and safety for one person, can harbor such archaic ideas about others.”

  Mel gave a cheeky smile of his own, as if petty revenge for Evan doing so earlier, “The folks don’t like the black boyfriend, huh?”

  Jessica’s face grew colder.

  Mel placed his arms behind his head, “Don’t worry, nobody likes getting figured out. Especially folks who think they have everyone else figured out. It’s not an insult that you’re easy to read. Just means you haven’t lived enough life yet. You get older, it gets easier to distort the image you give to others. It is a shame that that’s your reasoning, though.”

  Jessica was frustrated by Mel’s accurate comments, but further aggravated by her lack of dimensionality.

  The older man prodded, “Come on, no kind of response? Not even going to ask why it’s a shame? Boo. You kids are boring.”

  Tyrone now engaged with Mel, “I’ll bite. Since you’re trying to diminish my girl’s motivations and all.”

  Mel plopped down on one of the chairs that sat diagonally to the right of the group. “That’s what I’m looking for. It’s a shame, because she’s never going to find answers. She’ll never get the closure she wants. She’s chasing ghosts and it's irresponsible to predicate your entire motivations on that kind of thinking. It’s just coping mechanisms that have cornered her into a path that she feels will make a difference.”

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  Jessica stood up, “That’s not true! You don’t know anything about what I can do. You definitely don’t know how far psych can go. The field is capable of so much more; it’s just up to people like me who are hard headed enough to look into things that others give up on. Just because you’re too lazy to make a difference doesn’t mean I have to resign to your defeatist mindset.”

  “Listen, young lady. Your passion and your energy is worthy of praise. I don’t have it in me anymore to chase altruism. At the very least, I’m cognizant enough to be aware that these sweeping changes don’t happen in a lifespan. Hateful mindsets are born naturally. Humans are evil. We just try to work around that fact in a way that equates to a functioning society. You’re evil, I’m evil, and so are your two friends next to you. Ladycop? She’s evil too.”

  Now Evan pushed his way into the conversation once more, “That’s bullshit. No one is inherently evil. That’s just what folks convince themselves of in order to justify their complacency.”

  Mel seemed to entertain this idea before responding. “Are you sure about that? Are we trying to justify complacency? Don’t you think it might be a little more sinister than that? Don’t you think that maybe, just maybe, we demonize the big acts of evil in order to make our smaller acts of evil ok?”

  The three young adults had no response. The questioning was too vague and they all begrudgingly acknowledged Mel’s intellect. An unfortunate attribute intertwined with his consistent desire to be an ass.

  “You three kids probably don’t even know what I mean by that. Think about it, though. That object some older lady dropped that you didn’t help pick up. That homeless man who wants money for some food who you won’t even look at.”

  Tyrone interjected, “That’s too much to put on us, though. That’s not evil, that’s trying to live and stay sane in a shitty world. Me not giving that man money doesn’t mean I don’t hope for him to be ok, you know?”

  Mel scratched his chin, “Really? Maybe you need that few dollars to be able to get all the groceries you want. But you could skate by if you bought the off brand version of what you wanted to purchase. Or maybe you need that money for a date. Sure, but you could just make food at home. A nice night out to provide some extra love and spark in your relationship is really that much more important than the survival of another human? A human who can’t even get you to look them in the eye? Is that not evil?”

  Jessica gulped, her mouth dry, “I don’t think that’s fair to say. We all require things for ourselves, we can’t just be worried about every other human. That much empathy and concern would drive anyone insane.”

  Mel nodded, “I agree. But doesn’t that mean that having as much compassion for others as possible leads us down a path of insanity? We get so cold and sad by the pain of others that we can’t take it? Wouldn’t an inherently loving and caring species be able to handle this kind of issue?”

  Jessica pressed further, “Why do we have to be inherently good or inherently evil? Why can’t we just be neutral beings who are conditioned in one direction or another?”

  Mel smiled, “I like that. That’s a good, objective answer. But let’s say we were left to our devices in nature. We would kill, we would conquer, we would likely take whatever we want. That could be land or it could be the body of a weaker individual. Just like animals, right? Is that the neutrality you believe in?”

  Jessica shook her head, “That’s not neutral, that’s committing hateful acts.”

  “Young lady, does a lion hate its prey? Does it despise those who it eats? No, it simply does as it was intended to do.”

  “But we have consciousness, Mel. That’s what separates us. We are aware of our actions and their consequences.”

  Mel stood up, “Then awareness is what creates evil? So, let’s say you get drunk at a bar. You understand you won’t be able to drive home, but you’re fine leaving your car in the parking lot of the bar. You get black out drunk. You fully intended to take an Uber home. You tell yourself that all night, but then you take that last shot. All of a sudden, you’re completely unaware of your actions. You, without being aware of it, decide it’s time to drive home after your night of fun. You crash and kill a family of four on their way back home from a long trip. Are you evil?”

  Jessica pondered this question for a moment. The other two young adults did not respond, as they felt Jessica didn’t need intervention. She finally voiced her thoughts, “No. I suppose not. Not by our definition. There was no conscious awareness and there was even intention to act safely. An intention that would likely have been followed through with, if it were not for the lowered sense of judgement brought forth by the previous drinks. So, I see what you’re saying. There’s still justice that needs to be served, though.”

  Mel pointed his finger at her, “That’s exactly the point. We arbitrarily assign labels and judgements. Our sense of evil is contorted by our own motivations and perspectives. You’ve likely learned in your courses about this concept. It’s nothing new to most. But there is a point to this conversation.”

  Jessica gave a weak smile to the older man, visually alerting him of her concession to him in this discussion, “Well I’m sure you’re going to tell me what that point is, right?”

  Mel nodded, “There is no good and there is no evil. There is pain and there is joy, but there is no true good. No true evil. A millionaire can make fortunes off the backs of laborers who can barely afford food and then donate all of his money to a shelter. That good he did does not offset the evil he committed towards his workers. There is no balance, there is simply action.

  So when that son of a bitch tracks us down and is prepared to rip our skin from our bones; tell me this… will you be objective enough to kill him first? If the first shot or punch or stab doesn’t work, will you hack away at his body until there is no movement left?”

  The room went silent. The group had become accustomed to the silences. Tyrone even contemplated how he would adjust to the constant talking that he would surround him when they made it back to college. Would he be able to slip back into this normal demeanor?

  KNOCKknockKNOck

  The air stood still in the room. The hairs on their bodies stood up and their blood collectively ran cold. Their muscles were frozen like they were in the middle of a dream.

  Janet ran up the steps. She was close to the front door, but looked behind to her right where the other four were located. Her gun was drawn and she mouthed to the group, “I’m opening the door.”

  Mel voiced his thoughts in a hushed tone, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

  Jessica mustered up her voice once more, “I don’t think the psycho murderer is knocking on our door. It has to be someone else.”

  Janet looked at Jessica with a soft expression, glanced back towards Mel, and then back to Jessica. Janet nodded. Evan scurried to the front door, preparing to open it.

  Tyrone, Jessica and Mel were standing near the center of the living room, preparing for whoever would come through that door.

  The three heard the door swing open. They heard a gasp. They heard silence for a few moments, with some muffled deep breaths. Then they heard the steps.

  Janet walked into view with her weapon holstered. Evan, with his arms around her, walked in beside Anne.

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