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8: Dysphorium

  Isla stormed out of the apartment.

  Karkos watched her leave and offered no protest.

  He sighed, frustrated at both his inability to communicate effectively, and her unwillingness to listen to what he was trying to say.

  Isla had wanted him to join the little group that were heading out to the stores at the centre of campus to explore. She had talked his ears off about trying to find some new clothes and about bonding with their new neighbours, hopeful that she could talk him around to the idea.

  The problem was, Isla didn’t understand. She wouldn’t listen and Karkos didn’t know how to explain it. How to explain to her that he was broken.

  Karkos just didn’t function. Or rather, he had been forcefully removed from the only environment where he could function.

  He wasn’t the only one either. The students of Class VC37 were fish out of water, and only Karkos seemed to be aware of the fact that fish can not breathe air. There would be many others like him, whether they realised it yet or not.

  Well, he wouldn’t squander the precious solitude that he had been granted. The next few hours were his to wallow to his heart's content.

  He was consuming one of the dreadful pouches of liquid food when ten minutes later, there was a knock at the door.

  Reluctantly, Karkos answered.

  It was Aeon.

  “Morning Karkos, is Isla here?” The energetic boy asked.

  “No, she already left, I think she’s waiting downstairs.” Karkos said in his hushed tone. Not quite a whisper, but not far off.

  “That’s fine I was hoping to speak to you anyway. Listen Karkos, could you do me a huge favour?” Aeon asked, looking at him expectantly.

  He returned an apathetic stare as his only response.

  “I promise it’s not much! Here, can you take this?” Aeon asked, holding out a keycard.

  Karkos looked at it.

  “It’s the key to my apartment. Would you mind spending the day with Lulu while we’re all out? You don’t need to do anything. Sana helped her wash and dress this morning and she’s already eaten some food. Literally all you need to do is call Miss Amelie if like, she gets really ill or if something bad happens.” Aeon asked.

  Karkos regarded the keycard. Responsibilities manifested on thin polymer.

  “Ok.” He answered, and took it.

  Aeon lit up. “Thanks man, you’re the best. We won’t be gone for long, I don’t think the others will want to be out any later than the afternoon, especially as we can’t eat anything there. Owe you one.”

  Karkos nodded, and Aeon exited the apartment with a bouncing step as he left to meet his friends.

  Karkos looked down at the keycard and turned it over in his hands a few times.

  When he was ready, and sure the others had all left the building. Karkos exited his apartment and crossed the hall.

  He paused outside Lulu’s door then remembered something. He had one other kindred spirit, didn’t he?

  He turned, and knocked instead on the door of Sana and Hereon’s apartment.

  There was no response so he knocked again, louder.

  Eventually, Hereon answered the door, eyes wild.

  “Hi Hereon.” Karkos greeted the boy.

  Hereon looked up and down the hallway to either side of Karkos, perhaps hoping to see someone else.

  “It’s just me.” Karkos explained.

  “What do you want?” Hereon loomed. “Who are you?” He added after a small pause.

  “Karkos.”

  “Karkos?”

  “Yes.”

  Hereon’s expression turned sour. He sneered at Karkos, who returned the sneering gaze with nothing but his usual apathy.

  “Come.” Karkos instructed.

  “What?”

  “Follow me.”

  “Where?”

  “We are going to spend some time with Lulu, in case she has an emergency and needs help.” Karkos explained patiently.

  “Why do you need me?”

  “In case you have an emergency and need help...”

  Hereon scoffed. “And who would care?” He asked darkly.

  “Me.” Karkos answered.

  “Really?” Hereon asked.

  Karkos paused. “No. But I’d still help you.”

  “Why.” Hereon asked, expression softening.

  “Because I know what it feels like to have an emergency, and nobody helped…” He whispered.

  Hereon lost his sneer.. “No. You don’t know anything.” He answered, but moved to follow Karkos anyway.

  It would do.

  They went together to Lulu’s apartment.

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  The sick girl was propped up on the sofa in the living area. She looked up as the two boys entered.

  She waved uncertainly and Karkos nodded in return.

  “Aeon asked us to watch you while he’s out.” Karkos explained.

  Lulu looked to Hereon, confused.

  “He only asked me. But I thought Hereon should be included too so I brought him. Is that Ok?”

  Lulu seemed to understand, she nodded.

  Mind, body and spirit. All three of them were broken in their own unique way.

  Karkos knew the truth of both of his companions' conditions. Their teacher was lying to them, there wouldn’t be any recovery or improvement. Nobody in 37 could be that lucky.

  The trio spent the day together in complete silence.

  Hereon slumped on the floor against one wall, head in his hands, occasionally repeating something to himself under his breath while rocking slightly.

  Lulu propped up on the sofa, looking gloomily out of the window as she struggled to breathe. Occasionally she coughed up pale fluid into a tissue. Her optimistic facade discarded around people she felt no pressure to reassure.

  Karkos lay on the floor with his eyes closed, trying the best that he could to ignore the hornet buzz of reality. Dark thoughts of oblivion swirled around his damaged brain.

  None of them would survive out of the tank, but there was no sense in drowning alone.

  Several hours later, Aeon returned to the apartment.

  “Lulu, look what we found at the superstore!” The excitable boy announced as he entered the front room, pulling a seatlike device behind him.

  “It’s called a wheelchair! The guy at the shop said it would be perfect for you to get around in and get to classes and stuff! Plus we didn’t even have to pay anything for it, we just have to return it when we grad-” Aeon paused as he noticed the two others in the room.

  He seemed surprised to see Karkos who had sat up as Aeon entered the room, but when he saw Hereon, he jumped.

  “Wait, what is he doing here?” Aeon asked pointedly to Karkos.

  “Keeping us both company, don’t worry, I’ll take him home now that you’re all back.” Karkos muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose as he spoke.

  “What are you looking at?” Hereon growled at Aeon who stared back at him with eyes furrowed by hostile suspicion.

  “Hereon. Don’t cause trouble for Lulu.” Karkos ordered, his voice clearer though still weary.

  The troubled youth turned from Aeon to Lulu. The sick girl was watching him, no judgement in her eyes, just concern.

  That softened Hereon, who rose to his feet and pushed past Aeon to leave the apartment without another word. As he opened the door, he turned to inspect the wheelchair, then he left.

  “Who the hell told you that you could bring that psycho to our apartment!” Aeon demanded, grabbing Karkos by his collar and pulling the taller boy down to eye level.

  Karkos met Aeon’s furious eyes with cold detachment.

  “Lulu.” Karkos answered.

  Aeon’s grip on Karkos’ collar loosened. He turned to Lulu.

  She nodded, reminding her partner of her own volition.

  Aeon let go.

  “Ok then.” He said.

  Karkos smoothed the fabric of his jumpsuit dispassionately and stood back to his full height. He stepped past Aeon as if nothing had occurred.

  “Thank you for having us Lulu. See you again next time.” He said in farewell, and left the apartment.

  Aeon watched him leave, feeling his dislike of the depressing boy grow.

  “Was everything Ok?” He asked Lulu after a moment.

  Lulu nodded, her fake smile retrieved. She picked up her tablet and wrote out a message, tapping the side of the device when she was done.

  The noise surprised Aeon, getting his attention. He took the tablet.

  “So what did you get from the store, you cut off.” Lulu asked.

  “Oh yeah!” Aeon remembered, enthusiasm returning suddenly.

  He showed the wheelchair to Lulu and explained how it worked and how she could use it to drive herself around.

  The device presented a solution to the biggest question Lulu had been facing. That of how she would attend classes while still being unable to walk.

  She felt both relief and disappointment at the solution. A part of her that she wished was louder rejoiced that this device would allow her to regain some freedoms and allow her to keep up with her classmates and not be left behind again as she had been today.

  The other part of her, the part that howled in despair at the unfairness of her situation, that she alone had been struck down by a debilitating illness while her classmates went on new adventures without her; that part couldn’t help but wish that she could just remain home alone on Monday with her misery.

  Regardless of her internal conflicts, sweet Aeon had solved the problem for her. He wasn’t going to leave her behind. For that, she loved him.

  Yaeh fussed over her new gadgets.

  The garment printer and cosmetic mask had been delivered two hours after they had returned home from the superstore.

  Each of the group had spent some of their remaining credits to unlock new outfits before leaving the retail complex.

  She’d instructed that the garment printer be installed in the study room as it had the most unused space and she had watched diligently as the delivery people installed it.

  It wasn’t too difficult for her to work out the functions of the machine. It took her less than a minute to get it to print out an outfit, but like the rest of the tech she’d encountered after leaving the tank, it was designed to be user friendly and easily operated so that wasn’t particularly impressive.

  The internal mechanisms of the machine were what truly fascinated her.

  She was so tempted to try and open it up to see how it worked, but the others would probably be mad at her if she broke it.

  The other new gadget was also fascinating.

  The cosmetic mask, which could be more accurately described as a full head helmet, was made of a sleek white plastic material and opened cleanly in half, allowing for it to be closed around the wearer’s head.

  Once both halves had been closed again and the machine enclosed a person's head, it would activate.

  Inside it had an augmented reality display similar to the glasses from the clothes store. The interior display would allow the wearer to navigate around their space as though the device was transparent.

  Menus and options could be selected using one's hands in order to tell the mask what to do.

  A wide variety of hairstyles and makeup looks could be selected and the mask would then delicately but efficiently work to recreate the selected appearance.

  Yaeh had decided not to select anything for today, and had taken the mask off immediately once she figured out how it worked.

  She couldn’t help but feel a little claustrophobic wearing the device, despite the seemingly transparent interior.

  Cecil diligently offered her a glass of water as she worked and she thanked him wordlessly.

  The shivers were back but she did her best to ignore them. The withdrawal medicine, while helping her nausea and headaches, hadn’t mitigated the shivers at all today.

  She hated how the convulsions made her feel. An unpleasant feeling penetrating all the way to her bones that relentlessly ate away at her energy and mood.

  Cecil had noticed them again immediately, and remained by her side for the whole afternoon.

  Yaeh couldn’t bring herself to feel irritated by the boy’s constant doting.

  The truth was, she depended on him.

  She had made the decision to allow herself that on their first day together, when he had fed her, and when he had embraced her, making the shivers withdraw for the first time.

  She finished tinkering with the options on the garment printer, satisfied that she had explored everything that the machine was capable of.

  With nothing left to do, she rested her head gently against Cecil's arm.

  He never seemed to mind the contact. He almost seemed oblivious to it. Which was curious considering how self conscious he was about eye contact and speaking out loud.

  But everyone was different, Yaeh understood that well.

  She could feel the shivers retreat from her cheek where it rested against Cecil’s arm. It was almost like the boy had a healing aura to him, the closer she got to him, the better she felt, and the further the shivers retreated.

  Could she get him to embrace her again?

  Yaeh sighed listlessly. She needed more things to do, more distractions.

  She’d read through all the information and manuals available to her on her tablet and she found little interest in the entertainment console’s media.

  She had enjoyed the day out, but felt a sense of regret in her inability to easily partake in open conversations the way that the others did.

  Eventually she was going to have to start talking.

  She knew Cecil would wait for her, he wasn’t much of a talker himself, but the others…

  It already felt awkward trying to join in mid conversation with her tablet, often having to get people’s attention to read what she had written.

  She sighed again.

  “What’s wrong?” Cecil asked diligently.

  She was still leaning against him. She pulled away to write something to him on her tablet, but as she did so, a current of shivers ran through her, causing her fingers to tremble bitterly.

  She lowered the tablet to look up at him and she saw nervous concern in his golden eyes.

  The shivers ran through her again, deeper.

  Screw this. She thought, then wrapped her arms around the boy, burying her cheek into his chest.

  She felt his pleasant aura wash over her immediately, her body absorbing it from his, drinking it in.

  Yaeh squeezed him tightly, greedily. As long as he kept the shivers away, she never wanted to let go.

  “Oh my god.” Cecil said.

  Yaeh winced, was he going to ask her to stop? Did he not like it?

  “Yaeh. You’re freezing.”

  She tilted her head to look up at him.

  Temperature?

  Her brain solved the problem and she immediately felt like Venus’ biggest idiot.

  “Aren’t you cold?” Cecil asked, piecing it together himself. “Wait, is that why you’re always shivering?!”

  They had both assumed that her tremble had been caused by withdrawal. It was even listed as a potential symptom in the manuals, which has blinded them both to a far simpler explanation.

  Yaeh laughed, ignoring the unpleasant sound as it hit her ears, trill and high pitched.

  Whatever. She thought, at least now she knew what to do to get rid of the damned shivers.

  Before she could act though, Cecil went to the garment printer.

  “I bought a license for something that I thought might be handy to have. It’ll help warm you up!” He explained reassuringly. “Ah, seems like it’s going to use up almost all of our material thread though, I’ll go and buy more tomorrow.”

  He inputted commands into the machine, which promptly began to print an enormous fluffy blanket.

  Insulation. Clever. Yaeh thought, watching the bulky object being rapidly printed, line of thread by line of thread.

  Once the blanket had finished printing, Cecil removed it from the feed tray and wrapped it around Yaeh with a smile.

  The fabric was wonderfully soft and Yaeh felt as though she could melt into it. The pleasant feeling began to wash through her again, and Yaeh could now identify it as warmth.

  Once again she had been oblivious to the basic needs of her own physical body. This world was determined to make an idiot of her, she thought while grinning. Unable to feel a single negative emotion or think a single unpleasant thought while wrapped up in this wonderful cloud of a blanket.

  She curled up into a ball on the sofa, buried in her blanket, feeling her troubles melt away.

  Cecil watched with a satisfied smile. A smile that Yaeh agreed that he had thoroughly earned.

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