Interlude 5
Let hers?
Below is encoded correspondence between Faun and his ‘friend’ regarding a way to help Elijah get through the Trials faster.
Dear Tnuc,
I need a favour. Need I remind you, you owe me for that time I replaced your name with Shlagg’s on the list, saving you from the pit? A part of me wanted to hold that over you for the rest of eternity, but, sadly, I can’t. Familiar though you are not with mortal matters, I need you to send something to a specific user. Token as this item is, I’m sure you'll have no issues getting it done.
Regretfully, Faun Nuaf.
To Tihspid,
It is a surprise to hear from you, since the last I heard your department was completely wiped. Will this token you desire need to be new, or will old stock suffice? Cost can vary widely depending on your answer. You are good for it either way, I’m sure.
I eagerly await your reply. Ozoz.
Dear Sllab Allirog,
You. Owe. Me.
Nuaf.
To Suna God,
Favours are a wonderful thing but limited in their scope. Only a cycle ago I got the administration team off your back. Go and find someone else who could do that. So long as you and I are stuck here, there will always be a back and forth between us. Far as I can recall, we are even.
There are other things I can do for you. Will they be as difficult? Be that possible? Bribes to the demon princes, as well as prayers, will be required before I would even consider breaking royal decree.
Sincerely, Ozoz.
Dear Rekcuf Taog,
Max would never be so stingy. Fifty times I have saved your arse from the fire. Souls of Mount Infernus, you can be annoying.
Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
Old demons like yourself should be grateful to help a friend in need. Stock is not much put in comradery these days, it would seem. Is our long and storied history meaningless to you? Fine, I won’t ask anything untoward of you, but I will remember this.
From Nuaf
To Yssup Nilbog,
Which hell did you come from? Userually someone would understand that friendship is friendship and the law is the law. Should I ask you to confess your love for Administrator Tanya, to remind you of what a friend is for? I know how you feel about her. Send her a letter. It is not too late. To whom else might you profess your love?
With love, Ozoz.
Dear Eip Maerc,
Elijah and Michael were never such dicks. L to me, that busybody reads my mail. Chim?ra, eat me alive; I’ll never hear the end of this.
Your eternal foe, Nuaf.
To Kcoc Ynit,
It's good to hear she’s learnt of your love. Done are the days of a lonely f?ling.
Token of love you should give her. From the bottom of your heart it should come. Faulty is the relationship that does not show its love through actions. Pile the presents high and drown her in your love!
Your Cupid, Ozoz.
Dear Rekcus Tun,
Faulty is the relationship that does not show its love through actions? Pile the presents high and drown her in love? Stuff yourself, you prick! Is this a joke to you? Faulty is the bitch who gets me into trouble with an Administrator.
Suck nuts, Nuaf.
To Rerebbols Tfahs,
So it had come to this? What happened to being grateful? It’s really so hard for you to admit how you feel? For a thousand years you have been alone. A relationship would be good for you. Mortal civilisations have risen and fallen in the time you’ve been celibate.
All the best, Ozoz.
Dear Retae Parc,
What are you on? Was that gorgon juice you drank spiked? Wrong be it of you to attack me like this. With the history we have, I would have expected better. The only person you’ve ever liked is your third right hand. Token is the affection you have ever received.
Your better, Nuaf.
To Rekcil Tilc,
A pox on your nonexistent line. Soul-Eater eat your future children. Raven of death, peck out your eyes. Has anyone ever told you you’re mean? Subverted is the mind that could be so cruel. It may have been some time since I got some, but I’ve still got it.
Nut buster, Ozoz.
Dear Dratsab,
You Bastard, He’ll Be Destroyed!
Nuaf
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