Rock 4.3: Scars

  Pixie

  Pain. A sharp, jagged pain runs along your side. A dull pain has settled into your bones and pulses in tune with your heartbeat. This place smells like chemicals. Is this a dream? Are you back where you were so long ago?

  Your eyelids refuse to move.

  Everything hurts.

  Just a little more sleep…

  *

  The pain on your side is less sharp. There’s something cold and metallic pressed against it now. You slide your eyes open and let light gradually flicker in. Light. It should be dark, shouldn’t it? There is metal pressed against you. The rest of your body is gently pressed down by straps. You could fight it. Scream.

  That all feels like so much effort.

  You close your eyes again.

  *

  There’s a strange human in the room with you when you next wake up. You blearily look up at them and they smile. “Hello, there. I just need to run a few tests.” You let him. Not much you could do while strapped down. Sure, you could shoot ice at him. You’d still be tied down and exhausted. You count the rise and fall of your chest as the human continues to prod your injured body.

  *

  The straps are gone. The rest of the room is empty. No Skysong. No Kalani.

  No Avalanche.

  Not that she should be here. You stand up. Your most injured leg aches and your side burns. You manage anyway. You sit back on your haunches and stare out into the room.

  Now what?

  In the end you take another nap.

  *

  Openliver enters the room. He smiles at you as he closes the door. “Hey, Pixie.”

  You stare at him. Why is he here and not Kalani or Skysong?

  “Uh, Cuicatl had a message.” His smile falters before he brings it back twice as large. Is he trying to seem threatening? Or is he pretending to be friendly? Neither case is good. You tense your muscles, ignoring the pain. “She says that she’s really, really sorry about what happened and that she’s going to leave you alone. Unless you want to talk to her, she’ll stay away.”

  You were weak so she abandoned you. Got it.

  “Do you have any questions? I can have my primarina translate.” You shake your head from side to side. What is there to say? He nods and his smile disappears entirely. “I’m also sorry about what happened. Hala—you have to understand that he’s usually not like that. Don’t know what got into him, but it won’t happen again.”

  His bird was stronger than you. Much, much stronger than you. And he wanted you to die. You did not die. Maybe someday he will return to finish things. However smart they pretend to be humans still do not understand predators and prey.

  You suppose there is something to ask, even if you aren’t sure if you want the answer. “Kalani doesn’t want me anymore?” He sends out his ugly fish thing. You repeat the question.

  “No. Nothing like that. I just wanted to talk to you first. Want to meet her now?”

  You nod. Avalanche isn’t here. Avalanche won’t be here ever again. Neither will Skysong. Kalani is still here, for now, and you love her for that.

  Openliver nods and takes away his fish monster (Kalani calls it Gill Wailer, you’re not sure if it needs a name). Kalani reappears in a burst of red light and cold air. She fluffs up her fur and locks her eyes onto you before walking up, tails held delicately in the air. She raises her front legs up onto the table before jumping up in a graceful leap. Before you know it, her tails surround you on all sides while her muzzle rubs against yours. Kalani glances back at Openliver before finally sitting down, her body pressed against your uninjured side.

  “I will destroy those who hurt you,” she says. It sends a flutter though you. Skysong could not destroy your enemies. Kalani can. It’s a reminder you have a real mother again. “First, Skysong.”

  The flutter stills. “She didn’t hurt me,” you say. “The bird and his human did.”

  Kalani growls. You press your tails down and whimper. How was that wrong? You just told her what happened. “No. You were there because of her. Hurt because of her. If she was strong, she would have fought the bird herself. She stole what was mine and returned it broken. I will destroy her for it.”

  You weren’t there for her. You were there because you wanted to show Kalani how strong you were. And you didn’t. It would be bad to bring that up. Make her think about how weak you are. Make her think about leaving you. “What will you do?” you ask.

  Kalani glances aside, probably checking if Openliver was still in the room or if Gill Wailer was out. “She wants to make others be hurt for her. I will not let her. Whenever one of her pokémon is hurt she will be hurt the same.

  Humans heal so slowly sometimes you wonder if they will ever heal at all. Sometimes they don’t. She was born hurt and never recovered. Giving her that curse could kill her. She doesn’t… you don’t want that. She tried to help sometimes, even if she couldn’t. Even if she abandoned you. And if Kalani did kill a human you don’t know what would happen. You’ve asked other pokémon before. They all seemed scared of the idea. Asked you not to talk about it again. There must be something very scary that happens. You don’t want that to happen to Kalani, either.

  “She’s always hurt,” you say. Kalani looks at you. She doesn’t speak. Good. Maybe… maybe you can find a way where Kalani doesn’t kill Skysong, but you don’t have to disagree with her. “Every time we get to a new city she manages to get hurt. Usually her paws. Getting hurt isn’t new to her. It’s not a good curse.”

  She licks your forehead and pins your back down with a paw. For a long time she keeps licking your head as you press into the grooming. Before long you’re purring, the talk almost forgotten. Kalani pulls back for a moment and meets your gaze. Her eyes are cold blue. Like yours, just prettier. “You will make a good nine-tails. Think of a better curse. Then I will find her and cast it.”

  Something that will not kill her. Something that will make her regret abandoning you. It may take some time, but you will think of one.

  “What about the bird?” you ask. “What will you do to it?”

  Kalani huffs in satisfaction. “I found it. Hurt it as badly as it hurt you. Maybe worse.”

  Good. Stupid bird. Humans don’t care about them so it can die.

  The nine-tails curls herself back around you and licks the fur on your back. It’s wonderfully cold in her tails. You lie still and purr.

  *

  Kalani’s home is the same as when you last saw it. You walk a little behind the fox as she surveys her domain, stopping to sniff at Openliver’s coldbox. “There is ice cream in there,” she tells you. “I will get some for you when Openliver falls asleep.” There are at least two locks on the coldbox. They cannot stop a nine-tails. Nothing can.

  You yip your thanks and walk to your bed. It’s really Kalani’s bed that she lets you sleep in. Openliver offered you another one in case you didn’t want to sleep with Kalani. Why wouldn’t you? She is perfect. She is perfect and she wants you.

  You lie down on your injured side, ignoring the brief flash of pain. There is a patch there where the humans cut your hair off. It will regrow. For now it is ugly and a sign to the world that you are weak. It must be hidden.

  Kalani follows you and lies down against your back. Her tails swish over you and block out the warm, ugly world with perfect fur. “Soon I will start teaching you what I know,” she says. “You are my child and you must be powerful.”

  ‘You are not powerful now,’ is what she does not say.

  “Some teachings must wait until you heal. There are still attacks you can do with your mind. I will teach you those.”

  “Like disable.”

  Her tails flick around and she purrs. “Yes. But this attack hurts your prey.”

  Eyerock could do something like that after she got bigger. You wonder if Skysong could, too, if she really wanted to. Is the attack like talking to her, just louder? Like trying to scream into her mind? How would you do that? Her connection is familiar, but you wouldn’t know how to start it without her mind doing most of the work. “Can we talk to humans like that?”

  She scoffs and idly flicks a leg back to press you harder against her. “A nine-tails could. I will not. They do not deserve to hear my true words.”

  When you talked with Skysong you were using your words. Mostly you just talked and she understood. That must not be possible for vulpix. A nine-tails could probably learn. They just wouldn’t bother, right? If humans wanted to listen to nine-tails, then they would learn how to. It should not be the other way around.

  *

  Rockfur wants to take your ice cream. As soon as Kalani comes back with it he glares at her and starts to walk off towards Openlivers’ quarters. “Lick quickly,” Kalani says. You do. Her tongue lashes through the treat and leaves deep gouges in the surface. You gently scoop it up with your tongue. “Faster,” she says between licks. You daintily swallow the ice cream and begin to use your tongue as a shovel, getting it into your mouth and pressing it into the cheeks before going for more. You can eat it later. Now you just need to get it out of the container.

  This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

  Openliver ‘thuds’ out of bed and starts walking. You plunge your face into the ice cream and bite up as much as your jaws can take. Kalani licks your face in approval. And to get some of the ice cream for herself.

  “Don’t eat it so quickly,” Openliver says. You turn towards him. He doesn’t seem angry. Just tired. “I don’t know if ninetales can get brainfreeze and I don’t really want to know. Take smaller bites. Enjoy it. I bought it for you.”

  Kalani tilts her head to the side. It is something humans do sometimes when they want to ask a question, but not enough to actually ask the question.

  “Thought Pixie could use some. I’d never store ice cream for me here. I know it wouldn’t last a night.” He laughs but his eyes don’t glimmer and the lines around his mouth don’t move. “I’m going back to bed. Get me up if you actually need something.”

  Rockfur stands awkwardly in the middle of the room. You spit some of the ice cream out of your mouth and start to lick it back up at a more reasonable pace. Kalani slows down, too, but only a little. Rockfur starts coming closer, probably to apologize.

  No. He doesn’t apologize. Instead, he lowers his head to the bowl before Kalani hisses, all of her tails rising up behind her. “No,” she says.” Rockfur walks away. Nine-tails mates are equal. A nine-tails is not equal with a rock trying to mate with her. That would mean Kalani, with all of her beauty and power, is no better than a rock.

  Rockfur walks back to his bed and lies down in shame.

  You have to stop licking the ice cream when you get full. Kalani keeps going until the whole container is gone. Then she moves her long tongue around the edges just to be sure. When she sits back on her haunches the only sound is Rockfur’s snoring. Ugh. He’s still annoying even when he sleeps.

  “Now is a good time to begin our practice,” Kalani says in a low voice. “We can punish him for going to Openliver.” You lower your tails in submission and turn towards her. “Think about the link you make when using disable.” It’s similar to the one Skysong made with you to talk. Just sharper and faster. Less of a gentle touch and more of a mental bite. You brush a tail against Kalani’s to show that you’re ready. “Disable is a small thing with a message: stop. This one is bigger, louder, with a simpler message: hurt. Take your mind and throw it at your prey’s. Bash into them again and again.”

  That makes sense. Disable, but to hurt. You close your eyes and focus on the narrow connection. Then you broaden it, like Skysong sometimes did when she helped you cast it. You do it like that, just a bit louder. More like a roar than a snap. Rockfur grunts in his sleep. Great! You open your eyes and turn to Kalani for approval. She just looks at you with… with disappointment. She puts a paw over your back and looks into your eyes.

  The world spirals. Colors blend together and you smell sounds. Your paws are. Somewhere? Which ones are front? Your tails are, um, your tails are back, so… It takes a moment but you swim out of the lights and sounds and find your way to your body. Your head aches but you don’t feel any new injuries.

  “Like that,” Kalani says. “Do it like that.”

  You stumble to your feet and look back to Rockfur. Like that. Hit him in the senses. Somehow. You stare at him and try to figure out how you’d do that. You don’t remember Skysong ever doing anything that could help.

  Kalani huffs. “Close your eyes and imagine yourself. Your body floating in nothing.” You try. You get something in the end. You’ve seen yourself in the mirror, but those don’t really capture you right. You must be too beautiful for them to show you back. “Now imagine Rockfur in front of you.” That’s somehow faster. A brown mass that looks vaguely like you, just with spikes and almost no fur. Probably dust on him, too, since he’s a rock. “Imagine you tackling him.”

  You take a deep breath and press the you in your thoughts forwards. Her claws extend and she lets out a mighty roar just before

  Colors. Sounds. Smells. You try to shake yourself off but only your legs move. No. Everything moved, didn’t it? There’s shouting outside. You can smell it. See it. Stone and snow. The world spins slower. A glob of spit hits your forehead. It smells like ice cream. Openliver is, um, he’s here?

  White fills your vision and something presses down on you. Kalani’s tails. She’s here. You can smell her all around, hearing her barking at Rockfur and Openliver.

  “She’s injured, okay?” Openliver says. “Don’t hurt her.”

  “Or me,” Rockfur adds.

  “How dare you,” Kalani hisses. Her body tenses beside you and you can see the claws unsheathe on one of her paws. “I would never hurt her.”

  Gill-Wailer repeats it, just less pretty.

  “Then why’s she hurt?” Openliver asks. “And don’t tell me Basalt did it, that was clearly confusion.”

  “She hurt herself. It happens to pups.”

  The memory comes back. That is what happened. You were trying to attack Rockfur’s senses. You must have sort-of succeeded if he’s awake and you feel confused. Your tails lift higher behind you in pride. A new trick. You might be too weak now, but you will get strong enough to use it perfectly. Just like Kalani can.

  “Then do it during the day while I have potions on hand. Not in the middle of the night.”

  “I know how to train her. You do not, human.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m the human who trained you, right? Maybe I do know something.”

  You can hear him turn around and stomp back into his room, loudly shutting the door behind him. Rockfur walks off shortly after. Gill-wailer must have bene withdrawn or something.

  Kalani takes her tails away and looks at you. Then she leans in and licks you from the tip of your nose to the middle of your forehead. “You did well.” You did well! “Ignore the human. I will take care of him if need be.”

  “Without killing him?”

  She scoffs. “Of course not. He has his uses. I just need to teach him a lesson sometimes.”

  Good. After a few more licks Kalani lies down and presses you against her stomach with her tails. Her chest rises and falls against your back. You did well. The headache throbs in your head in time with her breathing, but you ignore it. That’s just the price of getting stronger.

  Before long you’ve fallen asleep next to your mother.

  *

  Openliver is talking to someone when you wake up. Someone familiar. You just can’t place the voice. Human, though. Probably not too important.

  “How was Ultra Space? Did you get me a postcard?”

  The other human, female, snorts. “Sorry, didn’t see any shops.”

  There’s a heavy silence.

  “Are you okay?”

  “No,” the other human says. “I… I survived. I think Nebby ensured that. In the moment, with plasma shots flying around and the floor melting beneath me, I thought I wouldn’t. That I’d just die out in space and my corpse would melt and no one would find me and that… that would be it. Nothing more to fight. I could rest. And I was okay with that. Almost wanted it.”

  The voice is bothering you. Enough that you squirm your way out of Kalani’s tails so you can watch from the edge of the doorway. You see Openliver wrapping his arms around the smaller female, poorly mimicking a nine-tails wrapping her tails around her child. The female doesn’t have blood-colored hair, but you still recognize her scent.

  Firemane.

  You hold in a growl and slink back to continue listening.

  “I wish you didn’t have to,” Openliver says. “You’re barely an adult and—”

  “I had to. Necrozma would’ve killed anyone else.”

  “I know, but I wish you didn’t. For this, the UBs, everything.”

  She sighs. You can hear her walk somewhere else. Hear her weight settle into a chair.

  “They’d just find some other kid to do it. You’ve heard how they’re talking about that Cuicatl girl.” Skysong? What happened with Skysong? “She’s blind, Doc, and they’re so eager to see another kid solve adult problems. Talk about how badass she is, what she might do next, and not that a corporation owned by a ranked trainer sent her out to die so the executive who was right there didn’t have to risk herself.”

  She almost died? What happened? Is she injured? More injured than usual, at least? Could you have stopped it? No. You owe her nothing. She can’t love you like a nine-tails can. She got you hurt. And, and you’re going to curse her, once you figure that out.

  “I could become champion,” Openliver says. “I almost beat you and Nebby the first time. You could travel for a while and I could watch your seat. Handle any crises that came up.”

  “No,” Firemane says. She sounds exhausted. Weak. Like easy prey. “They’d pressure Hau or Cuicatl into doing it. Make a kid solve all their problems. Because if they can tell themselves that the kids will solve everything then they don’t have to worry about solving it themselves.”

  Alright. You’ve listened enough. You turn around the corner and aggressively walk towards Firemane. You yap at her over and over while your tails straighten behind you. It doesn’t matter if she’s afraid. She deserves it.

  Firemane is not afraid. She smiles, without teeth, and coos. Like you’re a child. And not a very angry child of the mountain. “Aww, hello there,” she says in a sickeningly high voice. “I haven’t seen you before.”

  She’s mocking you. That or she thinks all vulpix look alike. Which is also mocking you. She holds out her hand to sniff. You ignore it and sit right below her before listing your many grievances.

  Firemane ignores them all and turns to look at Openliver. “I almost got a vulpix once, you know. She was in Aether care on Akala after some Skull thug beat her up. Then all that shit with Lusamine and Ultra Space and the League and being Champion came up and… I guess I forgot to come back to her” she purses her lips. “I wonder what happened to her. I hope she’s alright.”

  “She’s sitting right here,” you growl. Firemane doesn’t understand. Of course she doesn’t understand. She left you. Forgot you. Is that better or worse than being abandoned? Not being worth remembering? Decide later. Now you can scream to your heart’s content.

  “Sorry about her,” Openliver says. “She just heard her old trainer’s name. Probably concerned if she’s alright.”

  “Old trainer?”

  “Cuicatl. Just. Hang on.”

  Gill-Wailer forms in a flash of red. You immediately turn to her and scream. “Tell her she abandoned me!”

  The stupid fish takes a moment to look from side to side and figure out what’s going on. You yell at her again to hurry her up. Then she repeats her words in an awkward, quivering voice saying lesser human words. Firemane turns back to you and stares. Her eyes bore into your forehead and her lips flatten out and spread thin. “Pixie?” she finally asks. “Is that you?”

  You bark at her and hiss. Hopefully she gets that message.

  “It’s good to see you,” she says. You hiss again. How dare she? “I. Um. I’m sorry. Really. By the time my life calmed down Aether had gone under. I tried to figure out where you went but no one seemed to know. Sorry. I hope things have gone okay?”

  You turn around to show her your shaved patch and scar. They have not gone okay.

  “Oh,” she says.

  “Hala had an episode,” Openliver says.

  “I heard.” Her eyes narrow and she leans back in her seat. “I think I’ll need to have another talk with him.”

  “You can’t fire him.”

  “I know,” she says. “But Tapu Koko can and he seems to like me. I’ll see what I can do.”

  She’s trying to hurt the human who owned the bird? Good. That means Kalani doesn’t have to risk herself to punish him. That doesn’t mean that Firemane is forgiven. Or that she can just talk to Openliver and ignore you.

  “Did you forget me again?” you hiss. Gill-Wailer repeats in her hideous way.

  “I—no, Pixie.” She takes a deep breath and lowers her head into her forepaws. “I messed up. I get it. I’m not a good person. I’m sorry. Truly. If there’s anything I can do, let me know.”

  Anything she can do? Now that you’ve found a mother again? Nothing. There’s nothing a human can do for you now that Kalani cannot. And if you did rely on her it would just hurt more when she forgot you again. You leave her in silence and continue to glare.

  She nods. “Let me know if you ever think of anything. I’d really love to stay and talk, really, and I’ll drop by again if you want?” She pauses for you to answer. You don’t. Is seeing her again worth it if you get to scream at her? “I have to go. I had an appointment and I’m just here to pick something up. I’ll be back, though. Promise. We can talk things over then.”

  She leaves.

  She dares leave when you hadn’t finished screaming and glaring yet. As soon as the door closes behind her you huff and walk back to Kalani. She picks you up by the scruff and drops you into her bed. Before you know it there’s a leg over you pressing you down and her tails completely cover you. After a few licks to the forehead she pulls back and settles down beside you.

  “Humans will always disappoint you,” she finally says. You huff in agreement. Firemane abandoned you. Skysong abandoned you. The first humans you met hurt you. All of the others would have abandoned you if you hadn’t beat them to it. “I don’t understand why you’re still so attached to them. To your precious trainer: a blind runt who cracked your ribs.”

  She didn’t crack your ribs. She did abandon you. Just like you always knew she would.

  “I can curse the other one who hurt you if you would like. She comes by often enough that she’s lowered her guard. It can be something small, something she wouldn’t be able to prove that I did.”

  Something small that would still hurt.

  “What would you do?”

  She pulls her leg off you and licks your forehead one more time. “She forgot you. I’d just make her a little more forgetful. A few lost names. A lost scent. Nothing too much all at once.”

  That’s really clever. Humans forget things all the time. They wouldn’t even notice if they lost a little more.

  “Good idea.”

  Kalani huffs in pride. “Obviously. It’s my idea, after all.” You lean against her and she lets out a puff of perfect cold air. “Keep thinking of your curse. Don’t take too long.”

  You will try. Something small. Something fitting. Maybe people abandon her? Make her smell bad so no one wants to be around her. No. Humans don’t care about smell. Maybe she could lose the sense of smell she does have? Leave her nose and eye blind. But that’s not related to what she did. Not clever like Kalani’s.

  You’ll think of something. Now, pressed against your mother’s side, it’s so easy to forget your problems.

  Just like Firemane forgot you.