My mind is a jumble of thoughts

  Shang Ping returned home at midnight. He thought Zhang Yan must have fallen asleep, so he tiptoed in and saw that the bedroom door was half-closed. He stretched his neck to peek inside, but found the bed empty.

  "What are you sneaking around like a thief?" Shangping was startled, turned around and saw Zhang Yan standing behind him with a lively expression.

  "I'm still not quite used to having another person at home." Seeing Zhang Yan wearing a purple pajama, he understood that the woman must have secretly returned home. Shang Ping pretended not to notice, because the woman had told him in the morning not to worry about these things.

  Shang Ping walked into the living room and saw that the TV was still on, but the sound had been turned off. Women with worries often did this. "Have you eaten? Why aren't you sleeping?" "I've slept for a whole day, how can I still sleep now?" Zhang Yan was lying on her side on the sofa, hugging a pillow. Although she looked worried, there was no sorrow in her expression.

  "I made a few phone calls today, but I still don't know what happened to Zheng Gang." Shang Ping lit another cigarette and started smoking.

  "You can't go to the bathroom or balcony to smoke." Zhang Yan said as she sat up.

  Shang Ping was stunned for a moment before he understood the woman's meaning. "Yan Yan, make it clear, this is my home." "But your home has guests today, and they are ladies, so shouldn't you have some gentlemanly demeanor?" Zhang Yan retorted sharply.

  Shang Ping sighed and directly extinguished the cigarette in the ashtray. "Is he doing this at home too, even in the bathroom?" "He doesn't have your privileged conditions, he can only do it on the balcony." Zhang Yan said to her.

  Shang Ping let out a deep sigh and leaned back on the sofa with his hands clasped behind his head.

  "Is it only today that I see my true self clearly, and feel fortunate for not marrying me back then." Zhang Yan said as she stood up and turned off the TV.

  "There's a question, if you don't answer me, I'll never be able to see your true face." Shang Ping stared at her thin pajama-covered butt and said that it looked even plumper than Lin Hui's.

  "Tell me, if it doesn't involve women, I'd be happy to answer you." Zhang Yan leaned back on the sofa again, with half of her buttocks and waist forming a beautiful arc.

  He stared at the arc for a while, swallowing his saliva and said: "I think when Zheng Gang had an accident, you didn't seem to be sad. Why?"

  Zhang Yan said with a faint sigh: "I'm only sad for myself. You say Zheng Gang, why did he want to do this thing, isn't it just to satisfy his personal greed?"

  If he did it for his family or simply for friends, Zhang Yan could die with him. But why did he have to do that and covet such ill-gotten wealth?

  It's not for satisfying one's own greed or finding more women. I gave him everything I had, isn't that enough?

  "It's been ten years, I'm content with being a ordinary housewife, never had the luxury of hoping to live a life of wealth and glory with him. You say he did this for me or to harm me? From this point on, not only should I not be sad for him, but I also hate him."

  Shang Ping didn't say anything. He thought these questions were even hard for philosophers to answer, so he didn't want to bother thinking about them either. Let's talk about something more relaxing instead.

  "You must have loved him back then."

  Zhang Yan wiped away her tears and said: "At first? Didn't you love me at first too? Do you still love me now?"

  Shang Ping smiled and said: "You woman, why don't you talk reason? I'm asking you a question, why do you have to drag me into it?"

  "Hmph! Ten years ago you couldn't wait to drag me down, now you're afraid, aren't you?"

  Shang Ping's heart was screaming surrender, but he didn't expect this woman to be so sharp. "Yan Yan, let's not quarrel. I know you're in a bad mood and just want to accompany you to talk."

  Zhang Yan said in a low voice: "Who wants to quarrel with you. Am I not telling the truth?"

  After a while, Zhang Yan sat up and asked: "Shang Ping, be honest with me, do you have any other women besides Lin Hui outside?"

  "You're not suggesting that Zheng Gang has a woman outside, are you?" Shang Ping asked with his eyes closed, feeling a bit wronged in his heart.

  Apart from Lin Hui, I've been thinking of you all along, did you know?

  Zhang Yan smiled wryly: "Zhang Cai Xia, remember?"

  Shang Ping suddenly jumped up from the sofa, surprised and said: "Her? How is that possible."

  "I knew you wouldn't believe me. Men are really strange creatures." Zhang Yan muttered to herself.

  Shang Ping inexplicably felt a thrill of excitement, perhaps because he had finally caught a glimpse of his former love rival.

  Zhang Caixia! The girl who was sure to win the ugly contest, is actually Old Zheng's mistress. A beauty at home is not wanted, and yet she's with Zhang Caixia... Men's desires are truly rich and varied.

  "You haven't answered my question yet?" Zhang Yan gazed at him persistently.

  Shang Ping smiled and said: "I say there isn't, do you believe me?"

  "I believe." Zhang Yan's response seemed very decisive.

  Shang Ping thought Zhang Yan was speaking in reverse, but looking at her expression, it didn't seem like it.

  "You just believe what I say."

  Zhang Yan said: "I have my own judgment."

  After a while, he said: "If it were Zheng Gang at this moment, he would have already..."

  Shang Ping understood the woman's meaning. He thought to himself, "Doesn't this old man want to take you to bed?" It's just that he didn't want to take advantage of her vulnerability. You wouldn't think that this old man isn't a real man, would you?

  "How did you know what I was thinking?"

  "I know what you're thinking, maybe you want to be with me... but being true to one's emotions and stopping at propriety is also a man's nature. But women are strange creatures, they like to find feelings in contradictions." Zhang Yan's two eyes sparkled under the lamp light.

  "Yan Yan, have you ever thought about whether Zheng Gang will suddenly come back one day?"

  Zhang Yan stared blankly out of the window and said: "I hope he never comes back."

  Shang Ping looked at the woman's expression and thought to himself: Could it be that there was some hidden story between them?

  "Yan Yan, be honest with me, did you already know about Zheng Gang's situation?"

  "A month ago, one day he got drunk and told me that he wanted to change his way of life. I asked him what he meant, and he said he was going to do something earth-shaking."

  At first, I thought it was something about a promotion or something, and didn't pay much attention to it. I've never been very concerned with his affairs. But on the third day after we drank together, he came back very late at night, and...he kept bothering me nonstop, even saying that if he died, would I...find another man again.

  I thought it was just drunken talk and didn't pay attention. The day before he went missing, he... gave me 500,000 yuan, a big bundle, I felt something was off, I asked him where so much money came from, he told me not to ask, said that knowing too much wasn't good for me, then he just kept smoking nonstop.

  I cried and begged him not to be foolish, but he didn't listen at all. Later I got anxious and said I would call his unit leader. He... actually slapped me in the face.

  He said I wanted his life. Later, he... stripped off my clothes... tortured me to death... When he left, he said... Zhang Yan's eyes dodged Shang Ping, who was about to speak but stopped.

  "What did you say?" Shang Ping stared at her and asked.

  "He said, go find your grandson."

  "Looking for Sunzi?" Shangping felt inexplicably puzzled.

  Zhang Yan removed her hand from her face and said with a red face: "Who called me grandma that day?"

  Shang Ping suddenly remembered the joke he made with Zhang Yan at the dinner table that day, and in an instant, he cursed Zheng Gang's ancestors for eighteen generations.

  Zhang Yan looked at the man's gnashing teeth and felt a chill in her heart, sitting down beside Shang Ping and holding onto one of his arms, saying: "Shang Ping, don't be angry, I..."

  Shang Ping seemed to have understood Zheng Gang's intentions. That day when they were drinking, he felt it was strange that Zheng Gang, a vinegar jar, was so magnanimous towards his past love rival, and it turned out that he had planned it all along.

  Suddenly felt that letting Zhang Yan move in was a mistake, maybe it's an old Zheng digging a trap. But the things between himself and Zhang Yan have passed for ten years, is Zheng Gang going to frame himself for this old matter?

  "You won't put the money Zheng Gang gave you into a bank, will you?"

  Zhang Yan shook Shang Ping's arm and said coquettishly: "I'm not that stupid."

  "What are you going to do with that money?" Shang Ping said, looking at the enchantingly beautiful face that was still close to his.

  "I don't know, let's hide for now."

  "Where did you hide?"

  "It's in your bedroom."

  "What?" Shang Ping shook off the woman's hand and rushed into the bedroom, looking around.

  "Where?"

  Zhang Yan saw the man's tense appearance and said timidly: "Under the bed."

  Shang Ping squatted down and pulled out a suitcase from under the bed, opened it to find it was full of bundles of banknotes.

  It turned out that this woman not only brought back her pajamas but also brought Zheng Gang's gift. The people from the Public Security Bureau are stupid enough, if they had searched Zheng Gang's house immediately last night, Zhang Yan would have been unable to explain even with a hundred mouths. But they will go and search sooner or later.

  Shang Ping suddenly fell onto the bed, covering his face with both hands and wailing: "Heavens! I'm going to be killed by you two. Zheng Gang, I curse your ancestors."

  Zhang Yan saw the man's expression and became flustered, throwing herself at him and sobbing: "If you're angry, just hit me, I..."

  Shang Ping pushed the woman's body away, sat up straight and stared at her blankly, thinking to himself: "This woman must have been beaten by Zheng Gang to develop a masochistic tendency." Needless to say, this was all Old Zheng's sinister plot, a perverted scheme.

  Zhang Yan's face turned red as she shook Shang Ping's shoulder and said, "Shang Ping, I didn't mean to harm you, it's just that keeping this money at home is too dangerous, I..."

  Shang Ping suddenly remembered Qiao Fei, whom he had seen tonight. Didn't Zhang Yan look just like Qiao Fei when she was in school?

  Shang Ping turned his head and said viciously to Zhang Yan: "You can't take this money. Find a way to return it to the finance bureau, use an anonymous method, and even if the matter is exposed in the future, you will only be guilty of knowing but not reporting. If you take this money, I will have to put you in prison."

  Zhang Yan heard the man say such vulgar words, although she was embarrassed, but her heart was extremely excited, and she leaned against the man's shoulder and whispered: "Is there really no way to keep this money?"

  Shang Ping saw the woman's infatuation and sternly said: "You might as well give up on that idea."

  "Alright, alright, alright, isn't it enough?"

  Shang Ping turned around to see his old flame with a red face, her eyes dazed, looking like a little bird dependent on others. He sighed and said: "Although you are not my wife, we have a fate after all, from now on, as long as I have food, I won't let you go hungry."

  Zhang Yan blinked her shining eyes, and on her face was a look of intoxication, teasingly saying: "What if you also can't eat anymore?"

  Shang Ping looked at the woman's undulating chest and felt a surge of lust in his heart.

  "Mysteriously smiling, he said: 'Then you must go out and sell yourself to support me.'"

  Zhang Yan listened to the man's words and seemed to have received a great shock. She buried her head in the man's arms and sobbed, "I'd rather die."

  Thoughts are as tangled as hemp; like a tidal wave.

  At this time, Shang Ping couldn't care about venting his own evil fire, he just felt that there were too many mysteries in his life waiting for him to guess. He put the woman in his arms on the bed, then covered her with a quilt, and squatted beside the bed, looking at this woman who was his dream girl in his youth, muttering to himself:

  "Wait till I wipe your butt clean before we talk."

  That night, Shangping lay on the sofa, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. The words Zheng Gang said to Zhang Yan before he left were like needles piercing his heart.

  I think that kid hasn't forgotten about that old matter for over a decade? It's impossible, the only reasonable explanation is that he discovered Zhang Yan's inner secret, so he has been holding a grudge in his heart.

  To the point where, when you're in a state of self-satisfaction, you use this method to humiliate yourself. Old Zheng! You don't cherish our schoolmate relationship, so why should I bother to describe that righteousness? You calculated and schemed, but it's not as good as heaven's plan; your wife - no, your ex-wife's casual remark allowed me to grasp the tail of the fox.

  If I don't wipe you out of this planet, how can I enjoy the great gift you gave me with peace of mind? Wait for it, our reunion won't be too long.