While I waited for May at the train station, I meandered over towards Miyagi's grill, lingering until the crowd thinned. Once it had died down, I approached in my established fashion—running towards the stall a big smile on my face and my hand raised high. A sharp pain flared from my collarbone through my shoulders, making me wince, but I ignored it.

  As I ran, I called out, "Miyagiiiii-saaaamaaaaa!"

  Miyagi covered his eyes with the palm of his hand, rubbing his face as he heard me. Several nearby vendors smiled, along with some regulars who were used to my antics. Others stared disapprovingly, but I didn't mind. Seeing the smile on Miyagi's face, even as he feigned embarrassment, always made it worthwhile.

  "Oi, girlie! I told you! You ain't needing to be calling me any of that!" He called back, amusement laced through his voice.

  I slowed as I approached and shook my head no. "I tried -dono and -san. You looked disappointed, so you are eternally Miyagi-sama."

  Every day for the last eight months we had this banter. Of course, it would change every now and again, different introductions, different comebacks, but none of that mattered. Seeing him smiling was one of the highlights of my day.

  "Bah!" He exclaimed, pulling his hand away from his face to wave it in an exaggerated shooing motion. "Stop talking nonsense!"

  I stood by his cart, watching him sell his skewers to another customer. Once they were gone, I replied to him cheerfully, "of course, Miyagi-sama! As soon as you stop selling underpriced skewers to hungry students and businessmen."

  "What do you know about running a shop!? If I raised my prices, I don't sell as much. If I don't sell as much, I don't make as much money and then ingredients go bad! You hush it, little brat." He turned to help another customer, and a line started to form. A small one, but a line nonetheless.

  I watched him work, always keeping a certain amount of each type on the grill. When he ran out, he'd take a moment to prepare more before moving to his next customer. I'd tried to help him once, but he got angry about that, so I stopped trying afterwards.

  Once the line died down again, he turned to me. "So, where's that girl of yours? You two kiss yet?"

  My jaw dropped. "Wha-wha-what!? Why would we kiss!?" But I felt the blood rushing to my face.

  "Girl, I got eyeballs and I've seen a thing or two in my fifty-seven years. The way you look at her, the way she looks at you, it's obvious you two are a couple. So, ya kiss yet?" He smiled at me mischievously.

  "I-I don't know what you're talking about!" I said to him, panicking. While things have been getting better for same-sex couples, I knew older generations were still a little wary on it. And as much as I liked Miyagi, I didn't know his stance on the matter. Regardless, I didn't know how comfortable May was with others knowing about us.

  "Gotcha! No kisses yet then." He beamed at me as I buried my face in my hands.

  "Miyagi-sama!"

  He chuckled, then turned a bit serious. "Same order as usual?"

  "Yeah," I replied when my ears weren't burning. I pulled out a separate pouch of money, taking out the contents before handing it to Miyagi. I kept an envelope with the cost of my order with me every day. He took the cash and put it in the drawer before grabbing two skewers and handing them to someone behind me.

  "Here ya are, Imari-chan!" He beamed, noticing the look of confusion on my face. His voice though didn't carry the same warmth he had while talking with me.

  "Thank you, Miyagi-san," came her voice. The final skewer he handed to me, and I took it with a nod of thanks as I turned to face May, smiling.

  "Good afternoon, Imari-chan. When are you going to start paying instead of Akai all the time?" His voice became a bit more tense, but it was still playful.

  "I don't know, she's the one who keeps offering or just paying before I get a chance. When are you going to start giving her a discount because of all the joy she brings you?" Her tone was lighthearted and teasing, but like Miyagi's, it carried a bit more tension than usual.

  I cut in before Miyagi had a chance to respond, watching him wipe his hands off on his apron. "I do offer to pay! I don't mind, it doesn't bother me any and kinda makes me happy!"

  "See!?" May stood a little taller, straightening her back to do so.

  "Hmph, brats, the both of ya! When the price of meat goes down, I'll give you the same discount everyone else will get! Now hurry up and go eat." He gave us the shooing gesture again, but this one definitely wasn't joking, despite the smile on his face.

  We left his stall and headed to the nearby tables. That was when I noticed the extra bags in her arms. "May I ask what you got?"

  "A sweatshirt and some manga," she glanced at one of the bags, then sat down at a random empty table.

  So little? Did I not give her enough...? With a sigh, I sat down near her. She had the first bite in her mouth and was still chewing when I asked softly, "may I see it?"

  May swallowed her food, then gestured towards one of the bags with the bottom of her skewer. "Yeah, it's in that one."

  I reached in, taking out the light-green shirt with a graphic of a yellow pareidolia smiling. It was made of a thick material which felt nice in my hands, but it didn't feel very well made – hopefully no where near the ￥100,000 I'd given her. But it wasn't my place to judge her on it.

  I looked back to her, a little startled to see her watching me. "Do you like it?" She asked.

  "Yeah, it's cute." I said in response.

  She stared at me for a few seconds before she shrugged and nudged her skewer against my own. "You gonna eat?" Then, she took a bite of her own.

  With the shirt on my lap, I kept eating, absentmindedly running my fingers over the fabric. My attention turned back to the other people in the area, noting the outfits they wore and wondering which ones would look good on May and where they got them from. It was peaceful just sitting there with May.

  As I finished my skewer, I stood up to throw the skewer away, the shirt in my hand. May looked up from her phone, then handed me the stick of the skewer she had finished. I was about to start looking for the refuse bins when she gently grabbed my wrist. "Just put it on and stop fiddling with it. Don't get it dirty though, I just got it."

  She released the hold on my wrist. "Thank you, May-chan. I'll be super careful!" I pulled the shirt up and over my arm, holding out to my chest. This made it at least somewhat easier – I knew where those were. So I made my way to them, depositing the sticks into flammable trash, then went to wait in line for the bathroom.

  Once inside, I found a stall and quickly take off both of my shirts. Despite the bra also being dirty, I wasn't going to take that off. I hadn't even meant to imply I wanted to wear the shirt–still wasn't sure–but May seemed to be in a bad mood and I didn't want to make it worse.

  Regardless, I put the shirt on and then rolled up the sleeves. Stuffing the two shirts in my bag, I stepped out and washed my hands, despite not even using the bathroom, and headed back out to meetup with May.

  The chill air felt kinda nice on my arms, but it wasn't really warm enough that I wouldn't get cold later. Hopefully it would be a non-issue. Once I found May, still sitting and looking at her phone. I moved to sit next to her, but she looked up at me as I got close enough to enter her periphery.

  She eyed me for a few moments before getting up. "Finally. Did you get lost?"

  Irritation. What was bothering her? Did she have a bad time at the mall? She seemed happy earlier.

  Until just before she put you in your place. She was starting to get annoyed with you.

  "I–I was just using the bathroom. Sorry, May-chan," trying to ignore the voice in my head. I was staring down at her feet, so when her backpack collided with my stomach, I was startled and scrambled to catch it before it hit the ground. Somehow, I managed to catch it, looking back up at May—just in time for May's hand to pat my head, causing me to flinch a little bit.

  "Whatever, dumb ass. Let's go," May murmured.

  Just beyond her I could see Miyagi - and the look of disapproval he shot me. I tried my best to smile at him as I let May's backpack slide down and held it by the hanging loop in my hands as we started for the train station. I released one hand just long enough to wave goodbye to him before we went under the street.

  The train ride was uneventful. Station was packed as normal, train was packed as normal, and we were both as quiet as everyone else was. May and I stood next to each other - her bag still in my hands as I stood behind her, her doing something - probably playing with her phone. There were a few times I lost my balance a bit and stumbled into her, or another person on the train. She'd turn her head to glance at me before going back to what she was doing. The other passengers did much the same - it was pretty normal. We were packed in pretty tight and it was normal for someone to bump into another during these times. To pass the time during the ride, I read random titles on the newspaper one of the businessmen was reading.

  Nomou Times

  21 April, 2023

  The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  Asari Baseball Team Beats Atlantic's Terrapins 4-2!

  Price of Quail Eggs Raise Again Due to Disease in Nomou's Quail Farms

  Li Gonda Opens Another Tech Company: Li Computers

  My hands clenched with the last title and I leaned forward, resting my head against May's back while also closing my eyes. Thank goodness. At least I didn't corrupt him too much.

  What's the matter, Akaki? Did you think he wouldn't be able to come back after you fucked him over? He was successful even while you were engaged. You aren't that special.

  I smiled internally at the voice. I know I'm not, but I was still worried he wouldn't... I hurt him pretty badly.

  If you honestly thought that, then why are you angry about it? Why are you clenching May's backpack like it's a lifeline and seeking her support? Liar.

  No point in responding to that. I sighed, loosening my grip on May's backpack and pulling away from her a bit, then wiped away the moisture from my eyes that I hadn't realized were there. We were getting pretty close to our stop, so I needed to be ready to get off without being trampled.

  At our stop, May turned and hooked one hand through her backpack, pulling it up onto her shoulders before grabbing my hand and guiding me forward. We did it to make sure I didn't get lost - not that I necessarily would, I knew the train station and how to get home, just that it was pretty easy for the two of us to get separated, and with me not having a phone, she would get angry if I got carried away and she couldn't find me.

  She held my hand tighter than usual as we made our way out of the train station. This station was above ground, unlike the one we started in, and around a ten minute walk from our studio apartment. She pulled me along until we got outside of the station, then let go of my hand, continuing to walk in front of me without a word. Rubbing my aching hand, I followed after her, keeping my head down.

  About three minutes into our walk, I spoke up. "Uhm... May-chan?"

  "What?" May looked over her shoulder at me, her black hair resting against said shoulder. "Why the hell are you so far back? Get up here."

  "Sorry. Uh.. did you want anything for dinner before we passed the store?" I wasn't more than a couple steps behind her, but I quickly moved alongside her as I spoke. She was already pretty annoyed and I didn't want to make it worse.

  Her black eyes tracked me as I came up aside her, before she turned to look at the green and red neon sign we were approaching. "Not feeling up to making food tonight?"

  "Nn. I have to do some work on my dissertation, so I don't have too much time tonight."

  Kicking at the ground, May turned towards the store with a frustrated sigh. "Fine."

  "I—I mean, I can if you really want me to?" I hurried, starting to reach for her hand.

  "It's whatever, Akai. Don't worry about it." My hand fell, returning back to my side.

  She's lying, Akaki, and you're pissing her off more.

  "I know..." I replied, under my breath, not entirely realizing I'd said it out loud until May spoke up.

  "What?"

  "Uh! Sorry, nothing."

  May put her palm to her forehead, rubbing it briefly before letting it drop. "You're fucking exhausting sometimes. Just speak your mind instead of whatever this is." She waved a hand towards me as she spoke.

  I lowered my gaze as we entered the store. May immediately made her way to the junk food section, while I went and grabbed some caramels - May loved them - then to grab a package of shrimp flavored instant noodles. Meeting back up with her in the junk food section, I showed her the noodles. "Dinner?"

  "Nn." she hummed, grabbing a bag of potato chips and turning towards me. "Where's yours?"

  "I'm still full from Miyagi's, and I ate a bit before then, too." I lied. From the look on May's face, I think that she probably knew I wasn't being honest, but before I could say anything further, she grunted.

  "Okay. Let's go."

  We went up to the cashier where I paid, then continued on our way home.

  "Akai?" May's voice was a low and cautious as she spoke up less than a minute after we left the convenience store.

  "Mm?" I hummed.

  "Is there something bothering you?"

  "Ah? Why do you ask?"

  "It's just... We've been dating for six months, and you get this... I don't know. Just... I get the feeling you aren't telling me things. Aren't being honest with me. And I don't understand why."

  Are you going to tell her the truth, little Akaki?

  "Mm. Nothing's bothering me."

  Coward.

  "Then... are you happy?"

  I nodded, looking up to her and smiling, "of course! Are you happy?"

  "No," she admitted. I stopped walking, staring at her. She took a couple more steps before realizing that I wasn't beside her, turning around to face me.

  Don't cry, Akaki. Don't cry. "I—I'm sorry, May-chan." I manage after a moment. "I—I'll do better, I promise."

  "Why 'you'? I didn't say I was unhappy because of you." She asked, tilting her head toward me. But the irritation in her voice was getting louder.

  Bowing my head, I turned away from her a bit. "Just a feeling I get."

  "Fucking hell, Akai," she growled in frustration. Her hand reached up to her ponytail and pulled it, her head following through with the motion until she was looking up at the sky. "Yeah, it's because of you. Because you keep acting like this. You keep acting like I'm going to throw you away at the first sign of you doing something wrong."

  Several heartbeats passed as my mind raced to find a solution. An answer left my mouth before I had a chance to truly consider it: "You should throw trash away, though. It's okay if you do. I'm not worth keeping anyway - I'm not even interesting."

  "The fuck!?" May looked back down to me, the words she'd just spoken coming out as no louder than a whisper, exasperated. She came towards me, wrapping her arms around me angrily, but without hurting me as she hugged me. It takes me a minute before I return her hug, but I eventually returned it. "Don't you ever fucking say that again, Akai. You're not trash. I'm not going to get rid of you like that. And... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that earlier. I was just... I don't understand why you always just accept whatever I do. I was trying to make you angry at me, or to get at least some kind of fucking response outside of this pretend shit you normally give me. Why can't you treat me like you do with Miyagi-san?"

  "I do, though?" You are lying again, Akaki. You don't.

  "No you don't. You never run up to me like you do to him — do you like him?"

  "He rejected me," I replied, trying to keep my voice from cracking at the memory. "Said I was too young. And he's married."

  Her laughter was mirthless, almost sarcastic. "Of course you do. No wonder you always treat him like that." She released me, turning back down the road towards our home. "Do you even like me?"

  "Yes!" I chased after her, taking her hand in both of mine, panicked. I could no longer stop the tears from sliding out of my eyes. You're losing her. She yanks her hand away, as if she had just touched something gross or hot. "I love you, May-chan and only you!"

  "Shut up, Akai." May growled as she started up the stairs to our studio. "We'll talk in the house."

  Little Akaki is gonna get punished~ See? This is why you don't tell the truth! You keep making this same mistake, almost as if you like to be punished. I followed May upstairs, wringing my hands together as I desperately tried to figure out a way to lessen her anger at me. When I got to the top of the stairs, she was standing outside our door, waiting for me. I kept my head down, pulled out my card and pressed it up to the door's lock. It opened and I stepped inside, taking my shoes off and sliding my feet into my slippers, putting the outside shoes in their cubby. That taken care of, I hurried over to my desk, putting my backpack on it before hurrying into the kitchen and putting water into a pot.

  May followed in shortly after me, her shoes going next to mine, but she didn't put on her slippers, just wore her socks. "Akai, stop."

  Not entirely acknowledging what she said, I continued moving in the kitchen. I pulled out the hot plate, plugging it and putting the pot on the plate before turning it onto high.

  "Akai!"

  May's raised voice finally makes me stop. I turned towards her, my hands held in front of me and my gaze on the ground. She approached, her hand reaching up to my face making me flinch, but her hand keeps going, two fingers pressed firmly up under my chin until I'm looking up to her.

  "What are you doing?" Her brows were furrowed, confusion writ across her face layered upon the anger behind her eyes.

  "Tr-try-trying-- making your dinner..." I stuttered out, trying to keep my voice as stable as I could. I couldn't do anything about the tears on my cheeks that kept draining from my eyes.

  "Trying to make my dinner?" she asked. Her voice was still low and dangerous, barely restrained anger lingering behind her words, though there was something there I couldn't quite identify. I nodded to her - it was the truth. It may not have been the whole truth, but.. they were one and the same. "And what happened to doing your homework because you wouldn't have time? Was that a lie, too?"

  "I--I--I wasn't lying, May-chan... I just.. I wanted to try and make up for ma-making you mad."

  She exhaled sharply, her hand dropping from my face. I flinched again. "That's not going to make up for it, dumb ass."

  My gaze fell again, looking down for a moment. You're still getting her shirt dirty. It's not going to protect you, but take care of it before you get it dirtier, Akai. "Sorry!" I rushed around her, quickly taking off the shirt I was wearing, hurrying to the washer where I put it as well as some laundry detergent. Just as I turned it on, May slammed her hand on the machine, making me jump in surprise. "I--I'm trying to—"

  "STOP!" May yelled. I froze. "Fucking hell, Akai, what the shit. How is any of this going to make it up to me!?"

  "I-- I..." my voice started to falter, cracking as my mind raced. Situation. Response. Outcome. No. Situation. Response. Outcome. No. what do I do what do I do what do I do what can you do...? I wrap my arms around my chest protectively, not looking towards her.

  "It's not going to, Akai!" she exclaimed as my silence dragged on. "That's not at all what I want from you!"

  You know what she wants, Akai. Stop trying to avoid it. Get it over with, the longer you put it off, the worse it'll be - the worse it's always been. You'll get through it. "I..." I hesitated. The voice was right, I don't know why I kept trying to fight against it. "I know, May-chan..." My arms dropped to my sides again and I turned around, my tears started to stop as I resigned myself to it. "You- you can hit me, May-chan... It's okay."

  "What?" came the response. The first time I'd ever heard her voice so small and confused. "I could never..."

  "That's okay - I can do it for you, too." I raised my hand and slapped myself hard across the cheek. The sound reverberated in the small apartment and my cheek started stinging painfully. I was about to repeat it when May broke out of her stunned silence, grabbing my wrists and slamming me against the wall before pushing me onto the futon. My shoulders erupted in pain from the impact on the wall, and again with the futon, but I swallowed the pain.

  "Akai, what the fuck...." I couldn't entirely recognize the expression on her face as she pinned Akai to the couch. May's face distorted even more as she saw the woman beneath her flinch away from her, as if Akai wholly expected to be struck by her. The way Akai started trying to curl up beneath her. She released her girlfriend's wrists, watching in dismay and horror as the girl she'd not meant to hurt curled up into a ball, crying and apologizing to her as if she'd been the one to do something wrong, not the stupid one who'd lashed out in fear and frustration.