Yeju

  I take back every snide comment I’ve ever made about retionships because being in a retionship with Lia is neither a ‘waste of time’ nor ‘full of dumb drama’. It is awesome.

  Every day, I wake up next to her. We eat breakfast together and walk to campus together. I get started in the b while she goes to css, and she joins me after she’s done to help me out for a few hours. Then, we go back home together and eat dinner together. Occasionally, Lia caves to my request to shower together to ‘save on water bills’—I’m pretty sure we ended up wasting more water though, but that’s the least of my concern. At night, we cuddle to sleep. And the blissful cycle repeats.

  These few weeks have been the best weeks of my life. Waking up has never been this easy, doing chores has never felt so fun, and the apartment has never been this squeaky clean. Is this what it’s like to be a functioning adult? What have I even been doing for the past few years?

  And it’s not just me; I can tell Lia is happy too. She has been smiling a lot more and singing a lot more in the apartment, much to my delight. And at night, her boldness and love for experimentation shine through in bed.

  But I can also tell Lia is not happy in the b. Her face falls whenever we reach the campus and I have to shake her hand off. She is no longer as enthusiastic about b work, and I know she has been cutting her hours in the b to avoid me there.

  I understand how she feels; pretending not to be with Lia hurts my heart too. But Yuna’s reaction to our retionship wasn’t fantastic, so I fear everybody else’s reaction, especially Victoria’s. After all, I went from being an ‘abusive mentor’ to a ‘mentor together with her own mentee’, the two ends of a problematic spectrum.

  But it’s okay, it won’t be a problem for too long. I’m graduating soon. Very soon.

  My smile grows as Victoria signs the paper.

  “Congrats, Yeju,” she says, pushing the paper toward me. “The outline looks good, your committee is impressed, and you’re now ready to arrange a time for your thesis defense. You should be proud of yourself, Yeju. I am, too.”

  I’ve worked my ass off for way too long just to hear that. “Thank you, Victoria.”

  “You’ve also achieved a lot in the st few weeks. I guess getting an undergrad for you helped you a great deal.”

  Heat crawls up my neck. “Yeah, yeah it did.”

  “I’m just happy you changed your tune after that day. Say, did I help with that? With my stern talking-to?”

  I cannot help but chuckle. Even a professor needs validation too. “Yeah, you kinda did,” I admit.

  “I knew it.” Victoria leans back in her chair, her expression uncharacteristically smug. “I am so proud of myself right now.”

  “Have fun basking in your glory.” I grab the signed paper and rise to my feet. “Anyway, I’ll email the committee ter today to set up a thesis defense date. I’m aiming for January, right after the holiday season. I’ll CC you.”

  “Alright. Congrats again, Yeju!” Victoria calls as I leave the room.

  My smile does not leave my face as I bolt from Victoria’s office to mine.

  “Guess who’s ready to graduate?” I excim.

  As usual, Darren is the only person around, stuck behind the computer. He reaches his arms out and gives me a high five. “Yo, that’s awesome. Congrats.”

  “Thanks, dude. I almost can’t believe it.” I sigh, letting a wave of relief gush through me. “Hey, I’ll be joining you in your thesis-writing hell soon.”

  I leaning over Darren’s table and peer at the mess of his computer screen. There are a dozen PDF documents open, with a browser that has thousands of tabs. He got the go-ahead from Victoria over the summer, and he has been doing nothing but write in the office for the past few months. Yet, he is still writing now. The writing process must be hellishly long, and I shudder at the thought of it.

  “Are you almost done?” I ask. “When are you defending again?”

  “The week before Thanksgiving,” he says as he stretches his hands. “And yeah, I’m almost to the end. Sending some of my drafts to people to double-check. When will yours be?”

  “I don’t know yet. I’ll be scheduling it soon. I’m aiming for early next year.”

  “Nice. I’ll be gone by then, but definitely let me know when it is. I want to attend.”

  “Of course.” I pack my bag and sling it over my shoulder. “Okay, I’m heading out now. Can’t wait to tell Lia about this.”

  He raises his brows. “The first person you want to tell is Lia?”

  My face heats. I do not bother answering him before I dash away.

  ***

  Lia is using her ptop on the couch. When she notices my arrival, she puts her computer aside just as I run up to her and scoop her into a hug.

  “Guess what I got done today?” I ask.

  She wraps her arms around my neck. “You said you were meeting with Professor Song? Did something good happen?”

  “Yep. She gave me permission to start preparing for my defense as soon as I wrap up some of my ongoing experiments.”

  “Defense? What does that mean?”

  “It’s basically like an end-of-program examination. I’ll have to write up my thesis and present it in a public presentation that’s open to everyone. After that, I’ll have to answer questions from my committee privately, where I’ve heard they’ll grill you like crazy. And then, I’ll finally graduate and get my Ph.D. degree.”

  “Graduate?” Lia gasps. “Oh my god, Yeju, congratutions!”

  She cups my face and pulls me in for a kiss. We tumble onto the couch as I lean into her. As we continue kissing, my hand slips under her shirt, and she pushes it away.

  “Not right now,” she warns.

  I roll off from her and prop myself up on my elbows. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “So, what are you going to do after you graduate?”

  “Find a job, of course. I might have to do that on the side while writing my thesis. I went to some conferences st year and made some contacts, so I think I’ll start there first.”

  “That’s so cool. Where do you want to work at?”

  “Biotech companies, big Pharma, whoever, honestly, as long as I can be a research scientist. Location-wise, I’m thinking Boston. It’s kinda like a biotech hub, there’s a lot of big companies there focusing on microbiology, and it’ll be closer back home in New Jersey…” I trail off when I notice Lia’s crestfallen expression.

  Realization dawns on me. Lia is still a sophomore. She still has about two more years of college to get through here.

  The uncomfortable truth lingers in the air—there is a possibility of our retionship turning into one that is way more daunting. One I’ve never done before, one I’ve never dared to try.

  “I- I mean…” I clear my throat. “It’s just a thought. I haven’t decided on anything. I can apply locally first to start out. It’ll be easier for the interview process too…”

  “You don’t have to change your pns for me,” Lia whispers. Her body feels stiff next to mine.

  “I… don’t really have pns, not really.”

  Silence ensues. The air around us is heavy, and I want to slump into a hole in the ground.

  I didn’t lie about not having a pn. I never had a solid pn because I was too focused on research, but there has always been this subconscious idea of moving back to the East Coast after graduation. Los Angeles is the nd of Hollywood and the entertainment industry, and I’m unsure of my chances of securing a research scientist job here, while Boston is a biotechnology hub and a few hours train ride home.

  But how can I do a long-distance retionship? All my previous retionships are extremely short distanced and I couldn’t even keep those from falling apart. And I can’t do this to Lia. I can’t force her into a long-distance retionship like this.

  Maybe Yuna was right. Maybe Lia and I shouldn’t have gotten together.

  But that thought alone is like a knife to my heart. The past few weeks have been so great, and I don’t want to let that go. I don’t want to let her go.

  “Hey.” Lia snaps me out of my spiraling thoughts by pcing a hand on my shoulder. “You okay? I’m serious, Yeju. You should do what is best for you.”

  But what if you are what’s best for me?

  I shake my head and force out a ugh. “Yeah, well, I need to actually write my thesis first. I don’t know how I’m even gonna get that done. Writing is the worst.”

  “Is it really? It sounds kinda fun,” Lia muses. “How much do you have to write?”

  “As much as I need to get all the experiments I’ve ever done in the st five years onto paper. I think Darren wrote like four hundred pages.”

  Lia’s mouth drops. “Okay, that’s insane.”

  “Right?” I ugh—a genuine ugh this time.

  The surrounding air is still weighing down on me. I roll over to my back and stare up at the bnk, white ceiling. I used to look forward to the end of my graduate school, to this exact moment when I am ready to write my thesis. But that was when I had nothing to hold on to. Now, I have Lia, and I want to hold on to her.

  And the uncertainty of the future is beginning to scare me.

  I turn my head and find myself looking right into Lia’s bright, round eyes. Her brows are furrowed, but there’s still that spark in her eyes. The spark that brought back some of my motivation, that pushed me to work harder, to do better.

  The future may be uncertain, but Lia is here with me now. And I should make good use of the present.

  I csp her hand in mine. “Hey, are you free? Want to go out somewhere?”

  “Now?” She giggles. “Well, I still have this paper to finish, but where are you thinking of going?”

  “There’s this cat cafe in Melrose—”

  “Cat cafe?” Lia cuts me off as she sits up. “The paper can wait. Let’s go!”

  I wasn’t sure if Lia was a cat person, but I’m gd I guessed correctly.

  “You’re gonna go out like this?” I tease, scanning her body of casual wear

  “Of course not!” she scoffs before she drags me off the couch and to her room to change. “Let’s go see some cats!”