Book 3: Sound And Fury

  Ch 15 Randy Scouse Git / Alternative Title

  In the misty woodlands on the edge of the garden, where tall pines looked out over the sea as it rumbled and surged against the shore, far below. On the far side of the stone massif where the desolate inn stood, one Gary wandered alone, contemplating the vast changes occurring all around.

  Wild, overgrown vegetation sorted itself out a little more every time he glanced away from the woodlands behind him, just as the storm wracked sea and violent storm-clouds no longer threatened, when he looked back over the expanse of sky and water.

  The endless vault of the heavens above seemed more real and natural as well. The moon, stars and a lovely blue green planet swaying in a graceful dance unobscured by the countless bubbles and ribbons that had occluded the sky on his last visit…

  Gone too, were the innumerable shadowy figures that had stalked every dim, shady place and the periphery of his vision, last time he’d come here.

  He could sense his many brothers and sisters gathering around the inn and marvelous garden, not far off. He still felt unsure and shaken, in his human guise… certainly he was not ready to join the crowd that was forming on the sunny side of the hill.

  Hermit scolded himself silently for his cowardice and weakness, in the face of the odd things happening within and around the Fool.

  Hermit jumped in startled surprise, when that weird new Gary dropped his hand onto his spidery brother’s temporarily human shoulder.

  “Hey, bro… I know we haven’t really met, but we’re not really strangers, right? The others are waiting, come on.”

  He gently pulled the reluctant Hermit back into the group gathering in their legions again, out on the wide meadow around the standing stones. The real figures of the Tarots were there… and the innumerable shadowy Garies, drifting around the periphery of the mob, haunting the hedges and shade trees.

  Their journey took place in a faint, blurring, momentary, rushing lurch. Hermit experienced a brief, indescribable sensation that occurred between footsteps, eyeblinks, breaths and heartbeats, leaving him gasping and a little disoriented.

  In one instant they were among the pines, on the rocky headland above the sea; in the next moment, they emerged from the woods, into the gathered crowd.

  “You really are something different… Aren’t you?” Hermit murmured as Kree, the strange wasp girl buzzed over and nested in her bonded companion’s hair.

  “That’s old news, spider boy. He knows what he is and what he wants to be.” The little armored pixie girl sassed Hermit sweetly, smiling and cheerful all the while.

  “The real question is what you are going to become. You still need to choose a path forward for yourself, rather than simply waiting and watching the world go by without you. Get in the game, Jumpy.”

  With that enigmatic statement, she tucked herself into her master’s messy hair and disappeared.

  “Umm… Right.” Hermit replied warily, with his eyes on the little creature’s master. “Would you care to expand on her thoughts?”

  “Don’t ask me, buddy.” Gary grumbled, in the face of Hermit’s demand for an explanation for the strange familiar’s cryptic statements. “She does her own thing. I just try and keep up. She’s never been wrong, though.”

  “Kree’s a bit smarter than Gary, I’m afraid.” Marduk sighed sadly as he joined them.

  “Hey, that’s kinda mean to just say out loud like that!” He complained weakly at the godling. “You could at least sugar coat that jagged little pill!”

  “We love you dearly, Gary…” Marduk murmured gently. “In your areas of expertise, we have absolute confidence in you… But you are not a deep thinker, not by any means.”

  Shai gave his ear a gentle tug or two to get him back on track.

  “All right, gang… Here’s the thing the god’s don’t want bandied about in the mortal world…” He grumbled eventually, addressing the gathered mob. “I can, however… simply tell you all here, in my domain between worlds! That way they can’t complain… Technicalities!” He jeered at the silent, star filled void beyond the faintly visible bubbles and ribbons floating in the sky.

  “Get on with it!” Someone shouted.

  “All right! Jeez!” He sniffed with indignation, before continuing. “This little patch of heaven we’re standing on is actually a dungeon world… A broken one, too damaged and small to ever become anything more than an oddity, really. It lies trapped between three worlds; but remains a mostly functional dungeon, nonetheless...”

  He smiled at his divine friends, scattered around among the Garies. “A dungeon where divines can Adventure and gain mortal experiences.” He smiled at the group, awaiting a response that never appeared.

  “This is a unique, stable gateway between the domain of dungeon worlds, the divine realm and the prime world our bodies are currently sleeping on, That means we can interact with the divines here…”

  “Wait, what!?” Marduk demanded sharply, his eyes wide in surprise. “If that’s the case, who is the lord of this dungeon?”

  “I am, of course. That’s where my Interface gift came from. The budding mind of the god hidden in this place has been whispering in my mind since I got here.” He waited for a while, letting that hang out there.

  “In my little dungeon world, the gods can interact with mortals in a more direct manner and experience a small taste of mortal life and existence. Greater understanding of the mortal experience broadens their scope, deepens their power and allows them to spread into realms previously closed to them.”

  A few unquiet rumbles of discontent arose from the crowd.

  “Yeah, I get it. I’m… We’re almost never comfortable around churches, faiths, gods and such…” He eyed his gathered kin and smiled sadly.

  “Some of these divines have been good friends, some are very good friends indeed.” Gary murmured quietly with a glance at Marduk.

  “Anyone can Contract my divine friends here, regardless of whether they exist in your homeworlds.”

  “Yes yes!” Daisybelle piped up cheerfully from her perch on Gandree’s broad shoulders. “I took SmileyFace, SmartyPants and SpiderBoobs home already… Now I have sir Nunnos too! Many many new faithful among the tribe, by now…” She purred happily.

  “Gods can offer some very interesting options to those who are compatible.” Ward announced firmly, as he appeared, holding a shaken looking Necro by the shoulder.

  “My friend Cernunnos, the Huntsman, is a fine fellow, several of you might find him a good match…”

  Gary nodded tiredly at his too handsome brother. “I’m not here to evangelize or anything. Just saying… I’m sure many of you have at least been approached by a divine or two. The gods that are still here are ones I consider friends… and some are family. That’s all I have to say about that.”

  Gary sat down and tried to become inconspicuous with great success. He faded from the perceptions of almost everyone, as he sagged down into his chair.

  Sensing his brother’s exhaustion, Ward stepped up to the little clear space in the middle of the Garies. “We are all currently drifting in a long ignored and largely forgotten little corner of the eternal everything, my friends. That’s how things were allowed to get to this state… and why the greater beings and cosmic powers haven’t intervened.”

  He grinned with those too white, too sharp, inhuman teeth and chuckled darkly, reminding them that he was a legit death god, after all.

  “The great old ones failed to notice what was going on here, until things were already way out of hand. Now they’re uncertain how to proceed, since there’s no precedent for us and the odd way we exist. Beast has decided that we are individuals, distinct and unique; which gives us a lot of latitude and several new options… If we play our cards right.”

  “Too many gods involved… Makes me itchy.” Strength rumbled angrily from somewhere. A few more voices joined his dissatisfied complaint, when he fell silent.

  “Unreliable.”

  “Hucksters.”

  “Kiddy fiddlers.”

  “Those are all valid criticisms, gang…” Ward sighed sadly. “The divine realm is vast… Not all the gods are as shitty as the ones we remember.” Ward displayed that predatory smile again. “And, there are fewer gods than there used to be, thanks to my friends.”

  A placid, satisfied silence fell over the group, as they contemplated that grim reminder. “All divines touch the luminous realm in some way, even we who are nearly forgotten, out on the farthest edges of reality.”

  Ward continued, after a few moments.

  “The divine realms should not touch the mortal worlds or the dungeon worlds, not even a little. Gods are very territorial, so having divines hop from realm to realm putting down cults in other gods’ domains… Let’s just say, things can get a bit tense.”

  “What about our friends from the ‘light cult’? They seem to get away with moving around the realms freely.” Wheel of Fortune asked sharply. “You hinted that there’s consequences for that kind of thing.”

  “Well, yeah… There are rules and restrictions that pretty much keep most divines close to home… To prevent just those kinds of problems.” Ward grinned cheekily and sighed. “But, if a mortal stumbles into a divine while traveling the realms and brings the cult home…” He shrugged dramatically.

  “Mortals are free to travel, choose Contracts and interact with the universe as they will. That is the great power of mortality. That’s the same loophole the light cult uses to get away with their shenanigans.”

  “You want us to spread your weird-ass cults around?” Someone asked from the crowd. “So your cults can start a bunch of holy wars? Miss us with that. We’ll keep our feud strictly secular.”

  “No, we won’t be starting any holy wars… As for spreading our influence… That’s just a happy byproduct of being at the crossroads of three realms. The real issue is divinity itself.” He answered with a smug chuckle.

  “To directly touch the divine; it changes a being… It opens doors that were previously closed and shakes off old preconceptions, if you meet a good one.”

  He smiled at Marduk and chuckled fondly at the little god.

  “From the instant those divine fuckers caught us and started jerking us around, we were never going to be the same again; coming here will just reinforce that pre-existing condition, a little.”

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  “What does that mean?” Another Gary demanded from the mob.

  “It means, when you guys and gals get home, your babymakers might just be fully functional… Now you gotta watch where you point that thing, Star.” Ghnash offered helpfully.

  “Previously sealed abilities might come unsealed and new things might crop up in many of you. Any curses or spiritual blights you may have been experiencing should be cleansed away… and there might even be some physical changes, for some of us.”

  The goblin king caressed his handsome, chiseled jawline and smooth, green skin, to show off his new looks. “Drink it in, boys and girls…”

  “Hold on, Ghnash!” Hermit called from his place in the crowd near Sabrina. The goblin queen clung close to her currently human friend, almost entirely lost among the many milling feet in the crowd of giants.

  With gentle care, he lifted the queen onto his shoulders, giving her a better view and easing her frazzled nerves.

  “Will I retain my human form when I return?” He asked softly, once Sabrina got settled.

  “Sorry, Hermit… No.” Gary mumbled in the fellow’s ear. “In this place you are mostly mind and soul, so your body reflects how you actually see yourself. Ghnash sees himself as the goblin king, that’s who he’s become. His deformities were the result of a curse, so the blessings of his divines cleansed his body of them. You are still a human, in your heart; but your body is all spider, so you will remain a spider when you wake.”

  “Oh… All right, then.” The man whispered weakly. “I’d kill for a taco…”

  “Go hit the buffet tables, bro. It’s dream food, so it’ll only feed your soul. On the plus side, you can eat all you… want…” The Hermit was already in motion, dashing through the crowd; headed for the thickest cluster of the ever ravenous Garies. Sabrina perched high up above the crowd, giggling atop his shoulders and urging her mount on to greater speed.

  A lull in the bustle allowed Ward and Necro to swoop in on Gary and Shai, pulling them off into a quiet corner beneath a spreading magnolia tree.

  “We need to talk, you and I.” Necro muttered quietly as he and Ward led their host and hostess into a relatively private corner of the garden.

  “I guess you’re the top Gary… Did you come to challenge me to a fight by the flagpole after school?” The weary musician asked, once they were mostly alone.

  “Very droll, brother Fool.” Necro mumbled. “Forgive me, I’m a little exhausted… Ward had to bring me here, since my unique condition makes it impossible for me to enter this dream realm, without his aid.”

  He glared at the slightly too handsome version of himself who was smugly grinning nearby. “Was the princess carry absolutely essential?”

  “Absolutely essential.” Gary and Ward replied in harmony, while Shai covered her face with her left hand, seeming to be in some kind of mental pain.

  “You are a brace of pure idiots, my boys…” The smith woman murmured softly and fondly at her lad and his mad brothers. “Ye have summat important to discuss, or ye’d both be at the buffet, I suspect.” She yawned at the pair of black clad Garies. “We must sleep soon, be quick.”

  “Very well.” Necro mumbled awkwardly, as he took a seat on a stone bench that appeared while he wasn’t looking. “There is still one more of us you have to meet.” He said softly. “Like a few of us, he cannot travel freely… while going to him poses special challenges of its own.”

  “You mean the Plague Doctor? He’s right over there… Who would have thought we’d incarnate as a sentient, airborne virus cloud?” Gary mumbled through a yawn of his own.

  Sure enough, a very confused looking Gary was at the buffet, trying to eat everything and meet everyone he could, with Ace standing nearby, grinning like an idiot.

  “Ah, excellent! I introduced Plague and Ace a couple centuries ago, I think. Their dungeons touch in a few places, allowing them to speak to each other. They have been buddies for a while, chatting through an aperture between their dungeon worlds. Neither could leave their worlds, for different reasons.” Necro mumbled.

  “Ace’s troubles remain a mystery, but the Plague Doctor is dreadfully infectious and very lethal. If he were ever to travel to a populated realm, he would wipe it clean of humanoid life in a month.”

  “He’s fine here. He’s not infectious in his dreams and we usually can’t be infected with non magical diseases. I just needed to open the door and show him how to dream his way here.” Gary grumbled. “We can work on his other thing later.”

  “Work on his ‘other’ thing?” Necro demanded just a little sharply. “What do you mean by that?”

  “Yeah, the whole existing as a deadly virus thing… We’ll work on that.” Gary stifled another huge yawn with the back of his hand. “We’re pretty tuckered out, guys. If Plague was all you wanted to talk about...” He let that dangle as an unsubtle hint.

  Necro ignored the hint and plowed on. “The Plague Doctor was not who I was referring to, earlier. I was speaking of our leader, the Magician…” He announced with a little too much drama.

  “Yeah… Ok.” Gary yawned again. “I’ll find him another night. Bedtime.”

  “He isn’t here, brother. He can’t come here.” The thin, pallid man in black declared, still in highly melodramatic tones. “Like me, he is a being caught between life and death… An undying being of great power, but limited in his scope.”

  “Ok…” Gary answered grimly, while unsubtly heading for the door to his home, sleepy wife in tow.

  “One must go to see him… and only the dead may enter his realm.” Necro muttered darkly, like a true alpha chuuni. “None who still live can stand in his presence and survive, just as no divine may approach his realm...” Necro nodded to Ward and smiled thinly at the Fool. “He requests a meeting with you.”

  “You say he can’t be approached by the living…” Gary paused to consider that for a while. “If so, you’re out of luck; I’m alive now. You should have caught me before the Sexbomb? went off.” He replied enigmatically, with a disturbing smile that hinted at hidden secrets. “See? I can be an edgelord too.”

  “Gary, this is important…” Ward insisted gently.

  “All right, I’ll hear you out in the morning. Until then, the only one who gets my ear is Shai. Come on, babe… it’s bedtime.” Together they vanished into the house and slid the door gently, but firmly closed after themselves.

  “Really, this is a vast improvement…” Marduk enthused from behind the pair in black, who were standing by the door, looking lost.

  “Once, he would have hurled his whole being at your problem, without a thought for the consequences he might face afterward. Now he’s finally learning… He only had to get killed a half dozen times for the lesson to stick!”

  “Not helpful, Ducks.” Ward sighed at the little god. “Have you met Necro? He’s the Chariot.”

  The tall man in black and the little god in golden robes eyed each other like two stray cats, met by chance in an unfamiliar alley. “We haven’t met…” Marduk sighed. “And we seem to have little or no compatibility… As is the case with all of the Garies I’ve met.”

  “I’m sorry, Ducks.” Ward took the little god into a huge hug and sighed. “You never know… Maybe…”

  “I’m a big god, now. I can handle disappointment, Ward.” The little guy said, with a distinctly ungodly sniffle at the end.

  “Besides, I have Shai and Becky… They’re way better for me than he ever was, anyway.” The little god wiped his nose and nodded, affirming the feeble lie that no one believed, anyway.

  /

  Gary and Shai woke to the clash of arms and the ruckus of cheerful mock combat on their lawn, with the sun rising a half a handspan above the mountains.

  “Oh, we slept late… It sounds like the boys are already up and restless.” Gary mumbled thickly, through chapped lips and a dust-dry mouth.

  “Aye, tis late and me best pillow be drenched with drool, lad.” Shai complained. She had grit in her eyes and her hair was literally all over the place, suggesting she too had slept little and restlessly.

  “Arise, we must get ourselves into action somehow.” She muttered, without attempting to ‘arise’ for herself. “Go, lad… One of us must fetch the coffee. I nominate thee.”

  “That seems pretty unfair…” He complained, while already opening the door and heading for the stairs.

  On the landing, he nearly bumped into the solid, wide form of Wilf; who bore a tray of coffee things and a carafe of dark, steaming goodness. “You never sleep late, so we brought coffee up.” He said in his low, quiet voice.

  “Move aside, old man! Stairs are for walking, not standing on.” Amy sang cheerily from somewhere on the stairs, hidden behind her massive brother. “Rio’s stupidvising the kitchen… I know what I said, pops.” She grinned at her papa after delivering the old family pun and sighed. “Shoo, back in your room. We brought breakfast too.”

  “It feels good, really good, having a full house again.” Wilf mumbled, as he set the coffee tray down and began helping his sister with the breakfast basket.

  Shai sprawled among the blankets and pillows, enthusiastically embracing the breakfast in bed plan the kids were executing.

  “This be very civilized indeed…” She cooed, once her fractious and silly husband quit complaining and got his ass back under the covers.

  “The place is a little too full, kids.” Gary sighed, as he passed Shai a mug, a scone and a slab of warm brown bread, slathered in butter and exotic giant bee honey.

  “Yeah, he didn’t mean the Tarots… Those guys are a bit much. He meant your friends; they’re back, papa.” Amy sighed, as the shadowed figure of a tall, slim man tipped his shady hat from her papa’s shadow, silently rattling his cocktail shaker to the beat of a song they could almost hear.

  “Deano’s back, Fats is downstairs right now with Dio, Amadeus and Ozzy. We all really missed them.” She sighed happily at the smiling silhouette of Starman, lurking behind the lanky, drunken spectre.

  “Cab Calloway is trying to scrape up a brass section, down by the lake… It’s not going well, but he’s trying anyway. None of the Garies have much talent there.”

  “Weak embrasure, shaky breath control...” Wilf agreed, with just a hint of a smile hiding on his lips.

  “What will we do with these wretched children of yours, woman…” He grumbled fondly at the little blue songbird that was innocently smiling up at him. “I’m the head of the household, young lady! Show me some respect!”

  “Wilf, pour some coffee down that grump’s throat, ‘iffin he can’t manage to comport himself like a civilized person.” Shai sighed happily, over the rim of her steaming mug. “We should laze about in bed more often, of a morning, Gary my lad… Why else did we have so many children, if not for inn staff?”

  “Good point… with the expanded facilities, we should think about bringing on more laborers.” He winked at his wife and scooted closed under the covers, which started moving in inappropriate ways. “Get lost kids! Your mom and I need to start the ‘hiring process’...” He sneered at the horrified teenagers. “How many should we bring on staff?” Gary cooed and purred at Shai, who was just as incorrigible.

  “A fair few, I’m thinkin’… There be much work to be done around this house, lad!” She growled, jostling the covers at least as much as her awful husband.

  “Gross! We’re out of here!” Amy complained, while dragging Wilf to the bedroom door. “These two degenerates…” The soundproof door cut her words off, whatever other mean things she might have said about her disgusting parents went unheard.

  It took a while, but they did eventually eat that lovely breakfast and drain the entire jug of strong, hot coffee. The pair took their time showering and dressing both feeling unprepared to face the nonsense unfolding down in the garden.

  Getting an accurate count of the Garies on the compound posed unique challenges; not just because they were almost entirely identical in face and form. They all seemed to have messy hair most and preferred dark, drab and muted clothing, in unrestrictive ‘styles’ that seemed… boring, intentionally boring

  The few exceptions in form or dress stood out among the several dozen men and women battling on the lawn, wielding split bamboo swords and padded staves in a wild battle among the fruit trees.

  “The Tarots are deeply odd at first glance…” Ward explained to the gathered friends and family on the patio.

  “Most of them join one of the four suits, the Swords, Wands, Coins or Cups. The suits are for the division of duties, rather than having anything to do with their names or preferred weapons.”

  He pointed out the lean, sunbrowned form from the night before, wielding a pair of short, curved training cutlasses against two Garies armed with staves. “Your friend, the Prince of Cups, for example; he is in the Swords, as are many of the Major Arcana. The Swords and Wands form the backbone of the Tarot clan’s fighting force.”

  Despite the name of their group, surprisingly few actual swords were in evidence on the Sword’s side. Staves, clubs and more exotic weapons dominated, with a heavy emphasis on the bludgeoning side of the street. The Swords were pretty severely outnumbered as well, feilding less than twenty frontline warriors, against thirty or more Wands.

  The brown armbands of the Wands pushed ever forward, driving the Swords, in white ribbons back towards the lake, under the throbbing and thundering impetus of a Gary in the back, holding a simple hoop drum and laying down a beat.

  Occult and mysterious forces swept across the fray as well, on the back lines of the two opposed companies, where the action was less fierce. In the rear, the battle was less obvious, as subtle forces and gifts vied for supremacy across a number of different sub conflicts.

  The Swords held a slight numerical edge there, but were still struggling to hold back the Wand’s advance, thanks to that irresistible drummer and the synchrony he induced in his allies.

  Several Garies on the Sword’s team were locked into a complex ritual, chanted in blank verse that required their absolute attention. They worked furiously, trying and failing to confound the drummer on the Wand’s side. The man’s rock solid cadence was slowly turning the battle, as the Wands pushed the Swords steadily.

  Other mages and casters on the Swords’ side were busily hurling stunning spells, curses of blindness, stumbling charms and other non lethal vexations at the marching Wands and their flashing staves. Naturally, the small cadre of support casters on the Wands’ side replied in kind.

  Counter-spells and negating charms crackled against wards and barriers, while balls of coruscating light flared and sputtered and popped among the combatants, occasionally striking home to send a Gary reeling away, or crashing to the ground, stunned.

  Several were stumbling about, lost in clouds of unnatural darkness that stubbornly enclosed their heads. A few more were lying on the lawn dazed, sleeping, unconscious or befuddled by charms and hexes.

  Above the laughter, cries of pain and surprise, beyond the grunts of exertion and jeers at fallen ‘foes’ one sound dominated the battle. Shaking the heavens and earth, that drum hammered on, dominating the fray and hurling the Wands on to victory over the Swords… Followed by a ‘light brunch’ that would have fed ten times their number in normal humans.

  Dozens of tired, dusty, battered men and women sprawled across the lawn and garden, while others cooked, served food, tended the wounded or just lounged around, watching.

  “Individually, the Swords are stronger fighters…” Ghnash explained cheerfully while pouring tea for Sabrina at a table on the patio. “While the Wands are always more cohesive… Especially with Six of Wands on the field, he’s one of the few Garies who have a fully developed Entrainment gift.”

  “I felt that.” The fool mumbled around a scone. “For a minute, I thought it was me, playing that drum… Pretty creepy!” He yawned and stretched, until all his joints popped audibly.

  “Yes… Creepy…” Ghnash grumbled at the much larger man. “We all find the same sense of the uncanny, when we gather in numbers like this. Perhaps your metaphysical nattering has some truth to it… It could be related to your Heisenberg theory, if reality is as malleable to our Will as you suggest.”

  “So what’s next for you guys?” Gary asked, while devouring a whole stack of cream cheese and olive finger sandwiches. “You should be able to come and go from…” He glanced skyward and grinned foolishly at the goblin royals. “Sabbie and Daisybelle will probably find themselves there too. My wife got dragged there just a few weeks after we met, the poor thing. She never really recovered from the shock…”

  Shai silenced her boy, by shoving a fruit and cream crepe into the noisy part. “Be silent, Fool. This be no matter for jesting and japes.” She continued smashing the sweet confection into his face, smearing the contents everywhere.

  “Amy, aid me with this mess yer papa has made of himself…” She called out to the little songbird perched nearby, giggling and pointing at her poor papa.

  Together, the two women ‘tidied him up’ while he sat there, sputtering comically in ‘outrage’ and ‘fury’.

  “Oh, much better!” Becky declared, when her awful sisters stood away and revealed their work to the crowd.

  Rather than wiping away the mess of fruit, cream, custard and colorful sauce; the wretched women simply spread the custard and cream into a ‘foundation’. They then artfully rearranged the fruits and filings, to create a startling clown-face in smeared dessert toppings and topped by a jolly hat of folded crepe.

  “I hate you bitches…” Gary sighed, as he pulled Shai close and shoved his face into her cleavage, smearing the mess all over her bosoms.

  “We should finish this snack… upstairs…” The fool whispered hungrily, once his woman’s boobs were all sticky.

  “Gods above and below! You two only just came down!” Ghnash jeered at the pair, while sneakily pinching Sabrina’s bottom and nuzzling her throat. “I wonder about you!”