Yubi shivered through the comedown off the dream powder. He was lost in a fog of mixed visions and severed strands of memory. Though he couldn’t see it, the diagram the doctor had given him had fallen off his lap.

  For a moment, he could see the room around him. Then it grew and shrank and the furniture changed and the walls rearranged themselves. He looked into the mirror, then into a pond, then into the eyes of a child he had lied to.

  At the next weak point in the noise, he tried to lift his hand. He saw it clearly for a moment but then it became another hand and he held that hand and it was warm and it was soft then it was strong then it came from someone else and he reached out and found he’d grabbed his own wrist. The feeling was real, so he squeezed his wrist and tried to focus on it. His wrist became a boy’s being dragged by his father, then an enemy in combat, then a woman holding him gently before it returned to reality.

  He looked up and saw an old woman watching him with a gentle expression. Her hair was a light grey-blonde. Her outfit was a weathered grey tabard over something with long sleeves. The room around her flashed and twisted and breathed but the woman stayed still.

  “Are… are you real?” Yubi asked, hoarsely.

  “Yes,” the woman nodded, “do you remember me?”

  “Ugh,” his head hurt. “You’re… the Librarian.”

  “Good, you’re doing well. Now, do you remember yourself?”

  “Naiouyubi. I… I did something… it’s all in fragments…”

  “Let’s start with the basics. Do you remember the name Ya?”

  “I-” A sudden clarity hit with the force of an avalanche. His mouth pulled away from the tears rolling down his cheeks. “I forgot. How could I forget the… the… the name of God!”

  “Calm, calm. Your mix of spells had an unexpected side effect, but it’s one we-”

  “All that powder gave me was images. I understand nothing.”

  “Give it time. Your soul was away from your body for quite some time, they need to reconnect. Now, do you remember the last thing you did in this world?”

  “I sinned!”

  The Librarian didn’t respond and the silence hung in the air.

  “I- no, I broke the Law for a higher purpose, I think. I went searching for spells in… my god, I stole a body. I took an innocent life!”

  “Calm again, calm again. What happened after that?”

  “After… I don’t know. I woke up here.”

  “So you don’t remember the other world?”

  “No.”

  “Hmm. That’s… more strange. The forbidden spell is meant to preserve memories when it moves a soul to a new body. Perhaps the travel between worlds disrupted it.”

  “You say that like it’s- ugh…” his headache cut him off.

  The librarian pulled out a piece of paper. “Kyuzu told me-”

  “Kyuzu is the doctor?”

  “You’re right, I’m being impolite.”

  The response was confusing but Yubi didn’t say anything.

  “She told me you would need this, so I’ve already drawn it up.”

  He took the paper. It looked like writing but it was different from the names outside. “Why can’t I read this?”

  “It’s… a diagram?”

  “This one looks like language.”

  “Perhaps it is, in some world. Anyway, if you power that then it will reify your soul’s memory. It can be a bit unstable, so try to keep your mana flow constant.”

  “What the hell is mana?”

  The Librarian’s eyes widened. “You… I thought the doctor told you.”

  “She had me… um…” Yubi looked around and grabbed something from the floor beside the bed. “She had me hold this rock and it- wait, I think… mana is… it’s… like sweating light or… maybe not…”

  “I’d say ask the doctor when next it’s safe to take the dream powder.”

  Yubi shivered. “That stuff’s too intense.”

  The Librarian pointed at the diagram. “This one won’t be as bad. It’s less like breaking you open and more like reading your own mind.” She picked up the other diagram from the ground. “You can use this to solidify the memory image again if you like.”

  “Should I?”

  She bobbled her head side to side. “I find it works better that way.”

  Yubi tried making the rock glow. He’d evidently picked up some skill memory because he was able to control the brightness more easily.

  The Librarian watched. “I’d say a little less… There, that amount should work. It’s best if you activate them both at once.”

  Looking down at the papers, “Where do I..?”

  The Librarian pointed to spirals on the side of each diagram.

  Yubi nodded and turned his attention to the diagrams.

  What was the other world like?

  Soft. Squishy. Strange. Dry. Bright. Noisy. Smelly. Bars. Hard. Smooth. Cold touch. Voices. Shouting. Upset.

  Upset.

  Upset!

  Cry. Scream. Face wet. Voices louder. Voices softer. Clicklack. Creak. Lifting. Pressure. Soft solidity. Safety. Warmth. Love. Moving. Up and down. Calm.

  Calm.

  Sleep.

  Soft.

  That girl looked kinda… young… How old was she?

  Mama’s birthday! There was cake! She got presents! It was exciting!

  Went to bed. Woke up. Went to bed. Woke up. Went to bed. Woke up.

  Outside with Mama. She had suitcase.

  “It’s cold.”

  “I know, honey, I know. It’ll be warmer at your Nana’s.”

  “I don wanna.”

  “Me either, but… we can’t stay here.”

  “Why?”

  Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  “We just can’t.”

  Mama pushed stroller.

  “No matter what happens, I promise you, you can stay with me. No matter who you become, no matter what decisions you make, you’ll always be my little girl.”

  My little… what?

  Trish sat staring through the windshield at the door of a strip club as the night grew longer and longer. She was terribly bored. Glancing over at the man behind the steering wheel, she envied his ability to sleep.

  The man they were following had entered the establishment hours ago. They couldn’t follow him in because that would apparently be too complicated for a trainee. The now-asleep driver had said the photos of him going in were probably enough, but that they should stay on him just in case the photos of him leaving were useful. Again, that was over two hours ago.

  A blond hair drooped in front of her face. She tried blowing it back into position, but the thing wouldn’t cooperate. Figuring she had time, she undid her hair tie with the intent of merging the lock back in with its crowd.

  Then the man left the building. He wasn’t alone.

  Here’s her order of operations: take compromising photos of your target, fix your hair, then wake up your superior.

  “Wuhbuh- sorry, looks like I dozed off…” Glance at the clock. “Jesus, is he still in there?”

  Trish shook her head.

  “Did you catch him leaving?”

  Grinning, she held up the camera screen. “Here he enters PT’s at about midnight. Then he stays in there until a quarter after two and comes out with” she switched photos “his arm around this latina chick and the two drive off together. Think we can ID her?”

  “Yeah but…” he yawned, “prolly won’t need to. If this doesn’t satisfy the client, I’m afraid just imagining what would.” He frowned. “Actually… these are really good. I’ve never trained a woman as young as you before, are you all photographers or something?”

  “Nope, just me.”

  “Huh. Was your dad, like, a photographer or something?”

  “Um… well, I never met-”

  Yubi blinked and looked around. He was alone in the room. Then he looked down at the soul memory diagram.

  I guess the Librarian said it was unstable. How does that work though?

  He grabbed the rock in one hand and put the other on the diagram. Pushing about the same amount of mana through both, he tried using less than the Librarian said. As best he could tell, the thing didn’t activate. Then he tried overpowering it. Doing this, the diagram gave a popping sensation where it would take in some mana, suddenly push all of it out, go back to taking it in, and repeat.

  So if I make the rock glow too little or too much, it won’t work. I’ll have to be more careful.

  He took his hands off both.

  Damn. I lived years as a woman. Wait… I wasn’t asleep for years… He shook his head. There was still too much he didn’t understand. The goal was to look for more diagrams.

  Yubi put his hands back on the papers.

  Did I find any spells in the other world?

  “Happy birthday! Happy, happy birthday! Happy birthday! Happy, happy day! Hey!”

  Trish looked around. The restaurant was warmer than the car. It was nice.

  Her mother sat across from her. She sang along with the servers. Her eyes were tired. A flip phone and a notepad sat next to her plate. The mother occasionally glanced at them anxiously.

  The waiters brought out a slice of cake. It had two candles on it. They were shaped like the number ten.

  “Make a wish, honey.”

  Trish wished her Nana was still alive. She blew out the candles.

  “What did you wish for?”

  She thought her mother would be sad if she told her. “Wishes don’t come true if you say them.”

  The woman chuckled, “okay, fair enou-” She jumped at the phone ringing. “Sorry, gotta take this.” She took the notepad with her and walked away.

  Trish ate the cake. It was sweet. Then there was none of it left.

  Her mother returned. The notepad now had the place and time for a job interview. She handed her an envelope.

  “Just a card?”

  “No pattycakes, open it up.”

  Inside the envelope was a birthday card. Inside the card was a folded piece of paper. Unfolding the paper revealed a drawing her mother had made. It came with a note.

  “We’re getting a cat?” Trish asked, excited.

  “Yup. As soon as I can find an apartment, I’ll get you a roommate.”

  “Wow, thanks Mom!”

  That’s not a spell. Did I find any actual spells?

  Nana was Trish’s mom’s mom’s mom. She put her hand behind Trish’s ear and pulled out a coin.

  “Wow! How’d you do that?”

  Months later she explained it was just a trick.

  That’s not it.

  On the television, Trish and her mother watched a team of ponies shoot a rainbow at a dragon, turning him to stone. A few minutes later, they turned the tv off and went to do something else.

  Nope.

  A spirited discourse unfolded in the cafeteria.

  “The force can’t be magic because it’s, like, midi-chlorians and stuff.”

  “But that’s prequel stuff. Before those came out, it was definitely magic.”

  “Maybe… no, it’s more like being psychic than magic.”

  “Psychics are magic. The point of magic is that it isn’t real.”

  Oh no.

  Yubi took his hands off the diagrams.

  I didn’t remember being Yubi when I was Trish. That’s why I didn’t know what mana was: I spent decades in a world where nobody used it for anything. How did I even get back?

  He put his hands back on the papers.

  What did my last days in the other world look like?

  By the time she was twenty six, Trish had learned enough about tracking people down that she tried to apply her skills to find the father she’d never met. Her mother never talked about him, but she was able to get her to say his name. Then, checking middle and high school yearbooks, she determined that he must’ve gotten her mother pregnant in the summer of 1996 and then moved away before the school year began.

  This gave her a profile of “family with a certain name who moved at a certain time over two decades ago”, which is not a lot to go off of. It did, however, narrow her options down enough to give meaningful leads.

  Her last memory in the other world was of driving down the freeway to follow up on a lead just out of town. She passed by a large truck and merged in front of it.

  Suddenly, she then remembered she was from another world and, realizing this place didn’t have any spells, drew up some diagrams and returned to Yaldabia.

  Huh. I guess that makes sense. Once I realized he wasn’t my actual father I stopped looking. And pretty quickly too.

  Yubi put the wood, rock, and papers on the bedside table and got up. They didn’t have any spells, but it’s not like I learned nothing there.

  Looking in the mirror, something else caught his eye. Remembering some of his life in the other world, he suddenly felt able to appreciate the difference in clothing design.

  He, Rio, the doctor, her apprentice, and the Librarian all wore variations on the same garment. It didn’t resemble any of the dominant clothing types worn in the other world, which were mostly sheets of cloth cut and sewn to follow the contours of the body. Instead it was something like a long rectangular piece of cloth with a head-hole cut out draped over the shoulders to cover the body's front and back. This leaves a gap up the sides, so cloth sashes are then tied around the body to hold it shut. Yubi’s were tied at the front, presumably for access by the medical staff. He’d been thinking of this garment as a tabard, but if the initial piece of cloth had been wider it could easily read as a poncho.

  Untying a knot, he pulled a sash away and glanced under the tabard on one side. While he wasn’t wearing whatever long-sleeved undergarment Kyuzu had on, he was wearing a sort of tube top which ran from his pectorals down to just below his hips. He thought it was a strange thing for a middle aged man to wear, but the fact that it seemed to be underwear lessened this impression somewhat.

  A knock at the door. “Yubi, are you awake?”

  “Uh- yes, one moment.” He hurriedly retied the sash and opened the door.

  Standing on the other side of the door was head diagramist Toinoioeo. Toi was a short, stout man whose only hair was a thick pair of eyebrows which flared out at the sides. His tabard had wide shoulder pads and was embroidered with the nation’s symbol: the hand from heaven.

  He was grinning widely. “Naiouyubi, it is good to see you! Any news from the other world?”

  “Yes! It’s fascinating, their clothing developed completely differently from ours! Their garments consist of a top which covers the arms and torso and a bottom which covers the hips and legs. Their undergarments then consist of smaller versions of these same articles. Then, to adjust to lower temperatures they… uh… wait. You meant spells, right?”

  Toi’s face had taken on deep concern with a hint of guilt. “Yes, I did.”

  “The other world has no spells.”

  The concern turned to horror. “What?”

  “None whatsoever. I had to relearn how to focus mana when I got back.”

  Toi stumbled over to the nearest chair. “Great Ya…”

  “They weren’t totally primitive, though. They were masters of chemicals and machines.”

  A ray of hope shone on Toi’s face. “Could this mastery defeat the demons?”

  “Definitely! But I didn’t learn any of it.”

  Toi buried his face in his hands.

  “I was reborn without my memories, so I didn’t know to search for such things.”

  He peaked through his fingers. “Do you remember now?”

  “Yes, the doctor treated me and I am gradually regaining my memories from this and the other world.”

  “Well, that’s good to hear.” Toi got up. “The Leader will be back tomorrow, I’m sure he’ll be glad to hear of your recovery. Once you’ve settled back in, you can begin to contemplate your next moves.”

  “My next moves?”

  Toi turned to Yubi. He hesitated as though afraid of the response he would get. “...yes?”

  “Oh, you mean as head strategist. Which I am… right?”

  The diagramist grimaced. “I wish you a speedy recovery, Yubi.”

  Oh wow I’m screwed.