All three of the other suites upstairs included spacious bedrooms with private baths with toilets, sinks, and large showers. My suite took up half the floor, with a giant four-poster bed, wardrobe, an antique writing desk, and a comfortable chair and footstool in front of a big fireplace.

  And the bath? Hah! Sheathed in tile painted to look like an ocean sunset, it included a tub big enough for 4, a separate shower with jets on every surface, and a commode. It even had one of those weird French bidets. I gave that thing plenty of space. They creeped me out.

  The huge tub filled in less than 5 seconds with hot water that just appeared, no faucet. I soaked for 20 minutes, letting the heat sink into my muscles. When I stepped out, I found several pairs of soft shorts, pajamas, and linen shirts, along with my 3 new boxer shorts arrayed on a shelf.

  “Where did these come from?”

  Jeeves appeared next to me. “I took the liberty of assembling the basics, my lord.”

  “Good thinking. Thanks.”

  “I will see to laundering and repairing your other gear while you rest.” He snapped his fingers and my clothes and armor vanished.

  “Sweet. I think a rest is a goo idea. Can you wake me before the sun hits the first of the western mountains?”

  “I will see it done, sir.”

  Part of me raged at the thought of actually resting, but I needed a break. I hadn’t slept since well before the death battle with Bristleback and that insane running battle across stage 1. So much had happened since Alpha attacked the settlement, I’d barely had time to take a breather.

  I needed to hunt, but I’d probably be up all night again, and I couldn’t match wits and fists with Alpha again if I was exhausted. With my elevated stats, I didn’t need to rest as often, but I couldn’t ignore sleep altogether.

  “If you can send a message to Tomas, tell him I’ll find him when I get up and take him and Jane to visit the store.”

  “Very good, sir.”

  After he left, I plopped onto the wonderfully soft bed. It was like lying on a cloud. My thoughts started to drift and I considered Jeeves. Having a servant was weird, but proving pretty awesome. Maybe those old, medieval lords knew some things, after all.

  That was my last semi-conscious thought before the soft bed sucked me into deep, dreamless sleep. I’d planned to try the Night Mask of the Mauvari Catalaines, but the thought barely formed before I was out.

  It felt like barely a blink of an eye later when Jeeves woke me and handed me a hot towel for my face, followed by a cup of coffee. When I descended to the main floor, platters of bacon, eggs, pancakes, sausage, and waffles covered half the table. Jeeves had even found butter and maple syrup.

  “It is still afternoon, right?”

  “Indeed, sir, but since you are preparing to embark on your hunt, I took the liberty of providing an appropriate repast.”

  “Perfect choice, but I’m going to need help eating all of this.”

  As if on cue, a bell chimed. Jeeves disappeared, then returned a moment later, leading Tomas and Jane into the room.

  Tomas laughed when he saw the huge breakfast spread. “We got your message, but you didn’t say anything about food.”

  “I like sweet surprises,” Jane said.

  They both looked rested and relaxed. Much better than when we’d returned from the dungeon. Together we dug in and vanquished the feast. Then we went to the store, using my VIP pass.

  Sythrak was waiting for us at his desk in the huge, luxurious room. He smiled wider than ever, his reptilian scales turning a happy golden color. “My lord, Lucas. Welcome back. What may I do for you?”

  “Lord?” Tomas asked.

  I shrugged. “Sythrak knows a good client when he sees one.”

  “And when I process such an array of goods for you,” Sythrak added, actually rubbing his hands together.

  “I’m glad it’s working out for you.”

  “For all of us, sir. In your first visit, your transactions reached a threshold that allows me to save you an additional ten percent.”

  “I’ll take it. This is my brother and his girlfriend.”

  He bowed low. “As family of a tier-5 VIP, you automatically receive the same access and pricing, even when he does not accompany you.”

  “Sweet,” Tomas said.

  And they got down to shopping. They had sold some of their accumulated crafting materials before, but not much. Thankfully they’d wanted to see if any of the local crafters wanted to bid on any. Now they unloaded everything they had left. Their piles of loot included a bunch of exceptional quality items and earned them each a full tier-6 mana crystal.

  Jane brought out her bucket of diamonds and Sythrak nearly swooned over them, as did the small team of appraisers he called in to review them. Apparently those Guardians had exceptional taste in gems because all the diamonds were top quality, even though uncut.

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  “Are you sure you want to sell all those?” Tomas asked.

  She winked. “I saved a couple choice ones for myself. Don’t worry, my love.”

  I plopped my bucket of diamonds on the table too, and Tomas followed. I worried the head appraiser was going to suffer a stroke. The diminutive reptilian’s scales turned pure white with excitement. I saved out a couple of the smallest diamonds, each of which would have been worth millions of dollars back on Earth.

  We each got a cool 5 tier-6 mana crystals. Tomas laughed. “Five million for each bucket? We need to find another jewel cave.”

  “They are among the more lucrative,” Sythrak agreed.

  I dumped the small amount of crafting materials I’d gathered, along with extra food items. Got a couple more tier-6 mana crystals for all of it.

  While Tomas and Jane dove into shopping for gear they needed, I asked Sythrak, “What have you got for extra personal protection. Maybe magical shields, fatal strike deflections like my Last Chance ring, or things like that?”

  “An excellent question,” the reptilian sales creature said, which meant an expensive question. “Unfortunately, the best items are not yet unlocked, but there are a few you can consider.”

  A display table draped in black cloth appeared in front of me with half a dozen items arrayed on silver stones, covered in intricate scrollwork. Several looked like small medallions, covered with detailed runes that would auto-trigger to block any hit that would otherwise drain more than 50% of the person’s health.

  I leaned closer to study the runes with my new Runesmith ability, but only got a vague sense of protection. Those runes were crafted by masters way above my level.

  A rare ring with an ability called Step Into the Light would surround the wearer with a halo of light if they suffered a mortal wound, instantly healing them and bestowing a new ability on the person designed to help them defeat that same attack.

  “Wow, this is incredible,” I breathed. That was even better than my Last Chance ring.

  “It is perhaps the best option you could hope for. With your discounts, it is a steal at 35 tier-6 mana crystals.”

  Thirty six? My heart nearly stopped. I was richer than most, but my entire net worth topped out at a little over 15 million. Even if I sold most of my expensive gear, I wouldn’t get close.

  “That will have to wait for now, unfortunately.”

  “I am sorry to hear that, sir.”

  I bet he was.

  The other items were ridiculously expensive too. The multiverse weren’t stupid. Anything powerful enough to auto-save your life was worth a fortune. So they charged a fortune.

  I didn’t need anything. My Last Chance ring was charged and ready. That upgrade to reduce the cooldown to 12 hours was already paying off. It turned out that dungeon boss fulfilled the requirement of defeating a boss monster before it would activate, so it was already good to go. I wanted to buy something for every close friend, but I’d need a couple hundred million mana crystals for that.

  I’d find the money eventually, but for now I bought a single item for a paltry 5 million mana crystals.

  “Ring of Avoidance. Rare. If a fatal blow is about to land, this ring will teleport the wearer to a pre-determined safe place. Cooldown: 24 hours.”

  “Excellent choice, sir,” Sythrak grinned as he smoothly plucked the woven gold band from the table. “Would you like a gift box?”

  “Yes, I would.”

  An intricate box formed around the ring resting in his open palm. In seconds, it resolved into a perfect replica of one of the famous Fabergé eggs.

  “The box will disappear once opened,” Sythrak warned.

  I totally wasn’t planning on prying those jewels out and reselling them to the store.

  “Oh, that’s lovely,” Jane said, noticing the egg as she and Tomas came over. They both looked very pleased, and Jane wore an awesome leather tunic with fancy scrollwork.

  I tossed the egg into my inventory. “Thanks. Got everything you need?”

  Jane nodded and Tomas added, “This place is amazing. I wish I had a lot more money.”

  “As do we all, good sir,” Sythrak said.

  I chuckled. “I do have one more request. What have you got that can counter werewolf regeneration? They’re very tough, but the biggest problem is how fast they recover.”

  “Hey, that’s a great idea,” Tomas said.

  Sythrak nodded. “Indeed. Many have asked for silver, for antidote potions, and for wolfsbane, but you are the first to request items specifically targeting werewolf regeneration.”

  He waved a hand, and several items appeared in the air nearby. Most were various weapons with life or mana drain effects. Some delivered high doses of poison, and a few focused on catastrophic elemental damage. One item caught my attention, though.

  “Stygian Ichor. Uncommon. This proprietary blend of poisons and venoms directly targets an enemy’s energy reserves while dealing devastating doses of necrotic poison. Effects include clogging mana channels and slowing energy flow by binding to all forms of internal energy. Poison concentrates in the brain, the heart, and joints to reduce movement speed and inflict the most damage possible.”

  “We have a winner,” I said.

  “No fair,” Cyrus interjected. “Too many have used that line, although my favorite was Men in Black.”

  “Great movie, and very appropriate for our situation here. You guessed it,” I lied. I hadn’t been consciously quoting anyone.

  “I knew it,” Cyrus laughed, sounding unusually pleased with himself. “If I could award myself a loot box, I would.”

  “You can give it to us and pretend it was for you.”

  “I think I will!”

  “Did that just happen?” Tomas whispered just before Eva’s voice filled the room.

  “For helping Cyrus prove he’s the smartest person in the room, you each receive a gold Einstein loot box.”

  “It happened,” Jane laughed as we each opened our boxes.

  I had to laugh too when I saw the prizes. I got a shiny US penny.

  “Bad Pun Penny. Flip the coin to summon a giant hook to drag the target bodily into the nearest solid object or summon a giant hand to slap the target neck deep into whatever surface they are standing on. Cooldown: 5 minutes.”

  Tomas got a book of 100 zombie jokes guaranteed to make any undead laugh hysterically for 5 seconds. Each joke was a single-use item. And Jane got a little silver whistle called the Marilyn Monroe Moment. Blowing it would make whatever her target was wearing on their legs blow up around their thighs for 5 seconds. Cooldown: 5 minutes.

  “Um, thanks,” Tomas said.

  “Actually, these could be great distraction items,” Jane said, giving Tomas’s legs an appraising look.

  “Don’t you dare,” he warned.

  “Oh, and what would I get other than a great view?” she teased.

  “You might like Tomas’s scrawny legs, but I grew up seeing them way too much,” I interjected.

  “Hey,” Tomas cried. “I’ve bulked up a lot over the past week.”

  “Back to the winning item,” I said, turning to the table and pointing at the Stygian Ichor. “How much have you got?”

  “Actually, sir, this item comes in a variety of delivery options.”

  I could get it in a fogger dispenser, a thick sludge that could be applied to weapons, poisoned shrapnel grenades, and in more traditional potion vials. Unfortunately, he only had two dozen doses of most types. The sludge came in a jar he assured me could coat a lot of weapons, depending on how much I added. Each coating could deliver several doses of poison.

  “I’ll take all you’ve got. Can you get more?”

  “I will do my best. Production is slow, but I will submit an expedition request.”

  “Good. Thanks.”

  When I surveyed the items in my inventory, I got an idea and mentally willed the jar of sludge over to my Stiletto Quiver. It did not merge in like the knives had, but the status of the jar changed to 2/3 full, and the description of the quiver changed to include “can fire poisoned knives in rapid succession”.

  Excellent. I hadn’t wanted to pull all the crystal shard throwing spikes and manually coat them with the sludge. While I was playing with poisoned spikes, Tomas purchased a sanctified silver sword that delivered crushing damage to undead while also dealing massive wounds to werewolves.