—— ? ——

  Melodian stood alone on the top floor of his quarters, wrapped in a deep velvet of divine silence and thought.

  The room’s walls were encased in magical mirrors. Constructs that allowed the god to replay anything in the realm’s memory.

  The construct in front of him shimmered with the refracted memory. He had been replaying the same moment over and over, watching from every angle, second by second. The constructs on either side showed the inner workings of energies, magical, soul, and others.

  “Get. Out. Of. ME!” the memory replayed again.

  The words echoed through Melodian’s mind like a cursed refrain.

  Relentless, annoying, and impossible to silence.

  Something had stopped his possession mid-channel. It had come from a mortal.

  He narrowed his eyes, a thousand variations of skills and theory that he knew of.

  Possession Interruption? Resonant Feedback Loop? Inherent Divine Resistance?

  No… None of these made sense. Simon was a newly integrated being. Melodian had practiced his possession countless times. There should be absolutely no way for the mortal to break out and then keep him away.

  The realm has its own restrictions to protect my customers. No god would have allowed them to come here without it. He thought to himself.

  In fact, Melodian’s avatar would never have attempted the possession of any other soul to come to this realm. The potential backlash that event would have caused just to his reputation alone. Simon was currently, in a limited technical sense, a follower of Melodian. He was newly integrated, had no levels and hadn’t even entered the true multiverse.

  Yet somehow, Simon had forced him out. Not through some clever loophole. Nor with any form of training, Melodian had checked every book the mortal had read.

  It seemed to be through brute force, using his relentless will.

  Melodian stared at the last frame of the memory. Simon’s face was twisted in fury, radiating indignation.

  “How?” the avatar whispered to no one.

  After a gesture and a series of complex mental commands, the constructs rewound and changed views. The avatar circled the room, setting each construct to new settings. With his divine senses humming, he recalibrated and measured every bit of information he could glean from the constructs.

  If only I could see into his mind. Pity. He thought to himself as the room was a wash of colors and sensations.

  He had to be able to find a clue, a loose thread to pull to unravel this unforeseen change in the mortal. They were just too close for the avatar to quit his admittedly mad plan.

  The avatar was about to deepen his focus and meditate on the problem when he paused.

  He blinked slowly

  Wait… what is the mortal doing right now?

  Melodian shifted his focus to his internal never-ending feed. When his main body had built this realm, he had done so with a feature to ease the mind of any future customers. No matter where a user of the realm was and regardless of what they were doing, the avatar in charge would always be aware. It had been a promise to those looking at sending their precious prospects to Melodian. The avatar in the realm would always have a watchful eye, and no one could stop it, not even the avatar himself.

  His vision slipped from the tower and snapped back to the mortal.

  The avatar’s expression froze.

  Simon had just exited the Bardic Armory, whistling an off-key, nightmarish melody with a large, beautiful harp slung across his back.

  Melodian watched in growing horror as Simon set the harp down, stroked his scruffy chin with exaggerated thoughtfulness, and then lit up with a delighted “aha!” expression. Without a care in the world, he strolled over to a monstrous pile on the pathway.

  The sight made the avatar’s body go cold.

  It was nearly head-height and twice as wide at the base. It was a twisted mountain of musical carnage.

  Smashed guitars lay in splinters. Brass instruments were crumpled into tortured metal knots. Fragments of drums, shattered flutes, and broken keys jutted out at odd angles. Snarls of strings wrapped through it all like parasitic worms.

  Simon rummaged through the pile, humming with purpose. Eventually, he emerged with a bent, dented bassoon that looked less like an instrument and more like a failed attempt at sculpting a sound wave.

  Still whistling his dreadful tune, Simon returned to the harp. He studied the bassoon, gave an approving nod, then adopted a perfect batting stance.

  With all the ceremony of a man collecting a debt, he swung.

  The harp didn’t stand a chance.

  —— ? ——

  Oh man, today is just great.

  Simon thought with satisfaction as he kept whacking the remains of the harp.

  That one took a couple more hits than I thought. Gotta focus on my form if I want to speed this up. He thought to himself, nodding sagely.

  These instruments would not destroy themselves!

  With a final whack! He finished brutalizing the poor musical device. Simon started walking back towards the armory when a voice interrupted him.

  “What are you doing?!!” the avatar shrieked.

  Simon turned and looked at the horrified god. He waited for a beat and then replied with a thoughtful expression.

  “Exercising?”

  “Ex… exer.. Exercising?!” The flabbergasted god tried to talk. His gaze frantically shifted from the pile of instrumental debris and Simon.

  “Exactly. I figured it’s been far too long since I worked out. You know, with being trapped in the Gallery of Growth and all that. I thought to myself, Simon, you are just not improving. You have never struggled like this before, so what gives?” Simon said, then paused and pointed at the pile. “That’s when I realized. The secret key that has been missing this entire time. On earth, I used to work out every week! There’s a great place in my hometown where you can let out all your frustration by destroying random stuff. It’s a FANTASTIC workout. But in this place, there are no buildings full of easily breakable things.”

  Simon looked at Melodian and shook his head sadly. Then he snapped his fingers as a look of mock realization spread over his face.

  “That’s when I realized, Dr. Crazy, there IS a place that is full of breakable things! The Bardic Armory.” Simon’s face took on a conspiratorial expression. He walked over to the stunned god and leaned in while looking left and right to make sure no others could hear.

  “Thing is,” he whispered, patting the avatar on the shoulder. “I was worried that someone might have already tried this. Does the armory have a limit on the instruments you can withdraw? Can it detect if you break them or need them to be returned?”

  Simon took a step back and grinned. “To my absolute surprise, it seems it isn’t a problem! This is a whole new method for learning. Just think, Dr. Melo, students could come here and do badly. Then, they could work out their frustrations and increase their physicality! It’s genius.”

  Simon paused, waiting for the god to respond to his brilliant training regime.

  The avatar stared at Simon, mouth slightly ajar, completely silent.

  Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

  “I see you are just speechless at how revolutionary my training method is. Don’t worry, I won’t charge much for you to copy it for future students.” Simon said, nodding his approval. He pivoted and walked towards the armory.

  He had almost made it into the building when he heard the snarling voice behind him.

  “You. Pathetic. Mortal.” the avatar spat out, voice dripping with venom. “How dare. You.”

  Simon stopped and turned, his happiness fading and being replaced with fury.

  Melodian was inches from him, eyes red with rage, hands balled into fists.

  They stared into each other’s eyes, both boiling with anger and rage. Simon saw the god snap his fingers and felt the world slow. It was a new feeling, but mixed with one Simon knew all too well.

  The accursed avatar was trying to pull him somewhere, to move him against his will. Simon solidified his intent and snarled back at the avatar of Melodian. For a moment, two energies fought with each other, one defiant, one indignant.

  Nothing happened.

  Simon smiled a vicious grin as Melodian’s face flashed with shock.

  “Oh? How dare I?” Simon spat back in response. “Yeah, me. The pathetic mortal. That is what I am going to do. What are you going to do about it, Melodian the Miniscule?”

  Simon’s last sentence returned the god’s rage. The avatar balled his fists again, and emerald and white energy converged and pulsed. Simon glanced away from Melodian’s enraged eyes to his fists, then back.

  “Just do it, you sack of divine shit. Send me to another god, I’m done.” He said, crossing his arms in defiance. “What are you waiting for?”

  “With pleasure!” Melodian roared and smacked both palms into Simon. It happened so quickly, Simon didn’t even see them move. He had no time to prepare himself for a second divine-powered flight across a realm.

  Except, nothing happened. Again.

  Simon and the avatar both looked down at the mortal’s chest. They both looked at each other, then down again. It would have been comical in another scenario.

  Melodian’s palms were touching Simon, bathed in light. The god quickly pulled both hands back and then struck again, blurring at an insane speed.

  Simon still couldn’t follow them with his eyes, but it didn’t matter.

  Nothing happened.

  “Huh. Gods have the same problems, eh?” Simon said cheekily. “Don’t worry, everyone has issues performing sometimes. Don’t feel bad.” He reached out and patted the avatar on the shoulder, giving him a look of mock compassion.

  Melodian flashed back and away.

  “What?! How?! There’s no way. How? But I. What?” The avatar stuttered. His eyes went glassy as he seemed to look at something Simon couldn’t see.

  “No… it has that limit?” the avatar whispered quietly, but Simon caught it.

  Simon’s mind was whirling. What limit? What did he mean? He subconsciously put his hands on his chest where he had felt the avatar’s palms touch. They had reached him; But done nothing.

  What limit is he talking about? Can he not hit me with that weird energy? That doesn’t make any sense. My memory may be a bit messed up, but I would have remembered if he had made another limit. That mind limit was a blessing for sure. Ugh, can you imagine if he had been able to invade my mind? That would have been horrifying. Simon thought, trying to reason his way through this sequence of events.

  So he can’t hit me? He can touch me, that’s for sure. I can touch him. But why wouldn’t he be able to attack? This training realm is so strange.

  Then it dawned on him. The realm. It was a training realm. What had the crazy asshole said?

  The words popped into his mind.

  “...many who come here fear for their minds, especially those who have different patrons.”

  Oh… that’s.. ha!

  Simon started laughing. After a moment he bent over, struggling to stay upright as the laughter resonated out of him. A laugh born from relief and the absurdity of this entire situation.

  He slowly regained control of himself and stood up, wiping tears from his eyes.

  The avatar looked at him with an unreadable expression.

  Still chuckling, Simon choked out.

  “It’s.. ha.. It’s … haha! This place… it’s a training realm! You let other people come here, and I’m pretty sure they–what–pay you for the training?” He paused and took a breath, composing himself. “And the people that pay you, are they other gods? What type of idiot would send promising mortals to a place where their only company would be an avatar of a god? Well, unless that god created a bunch of self-imposed rules, right?”

  Simon started laughing again.

  “Hahaha! Oh my lord, that’s hilarious. Of course hahaha! You would have to give assurances that they would be safe from you. Haha! Like I don’t know, let me guess: making it so you would be unable to harm them, regardless of what happened.” He finished and bent over laughing again.

  Oh, the sweet, sweet irony.

  Another thing clicked for Simon that he had not understood. The possession, it hadn’t been seen as ‘harm’ by the limits of the realm. Melodian had done it so that he could succeed with his performance. But with Simon’s new skill, the god couldn’t even do that trick.

  Simon got his laughter under control again and then looked over at the avatar. His unreadable expression had changed to one of… fear?

  Oh, I was right on the money with that guess, Simon thought to himself.

  “No… that’s… not.. Um…” the god mumbled, trying to respond.

  “Oh, save it for someone who gives a damn.” Simon said with disgust. He turned away and walked into the armory, yelling over his shoulder, “If I’m wrong, so what. Like you said so many times, practice makes perfect! I have a genius workout to continue! Stop me if you can, you turd waffle.”

  Over the next few days, Melodian tried. To Simon’s delight, he couldn’t do anything.

  The avatar of Melodian tried reasoning with him, screaming at him, even tripping him.

  Nothing worked.

  He couldn’t even stay in Simon’s way to block him from moving. If Simon just kept walking, Melodian would magically get shoved to the side or any direction that was needed.

  The Avatar of Melodian, a bona fide shard of a deity, had to stand back and watch Simon break every single instrument he got his grubby mortal hands on.

  After the first day, it seemed Melodian had hoped he would tire of destroying musical contraptions.

  Noooope! Simon loved his new workout plan. Didn’t he say it was genius?

  Then the god tried grabbing instruments from Simon. That hadn’t worked. Simon had just tugged back, and it was like the avatar’s had been coated in butter.

  Simon had taken great joy in seeing the god’s reaction during one of those attempts. He had snatched the guitar back, looked Melodian in the eye and broken it over his knee.

  Yeah, that had hurt.

  Totally.

  Worth it.

  Finally, on the third day, Melodian had realized that Simon would not stop and had taken drastic action.

  Disappointment greeted Simon when he returned to the armory.

  The cute magical construct had informed him that zero instruments were in stock.

  Simon was sure there had been hundreds left, despite the massive mountains of debris surrounding the building.

  He pondered what had happened.

  He realized that the god must have gone on a late-night rescue mission.

  Simon looked at the central tower, the tall, balcony-covered structure that the avatar called home.

  It was such a shame the god had moved the instruments to the tower.

  It was a greater shame he had forgotten that doors needed to be locked to keep pesky mortals out.

  Simon was in the process of breaking the third instrument before Melodian had appeared. It had taken him two more before the god finally figured out how to expel him.

  He really should have locked those doors. Simon thought from his position on the ground facing the door of Melodian’s home.

  To be fair, Simon shouldn’t have fallen for the trick the god pulled.

  When he had appeared he hadn’t spoken or done anything. Simon had ignored him and continued his noble quest. After watching him break instrument number five, the god had flashed over to an ornate fiddle-looking thing and protectively cradled it.

  Of course, Simon had dashed over to destroy it with a gleeful laugh. Melodian had run away from him.

  Simon realized he should have known something sneaky was going on when the god started running instead of teleporting.

  They had run for a few seconds, and Simon was gaining on the surprisingly slow deity.

  Then they sprinted past an open double door.

  Apparently, using a door to catapult a naughty student out of your home was not considered an attack.

  It had only hurt Simon’s pride.

  That was how Simon found himself unceremoniously dumped on his butt outside of the tower.

  At least I was able to break some more of those cursed things, he thought to himself.

  Simon looked around the realm that was now his home. He doubted Melodian would emerge; it seemed he was intent on protecting the few remaining musical treasures.

  Simon wondered how long he had been here. It had been so many months, but how many?

  He mentally searched then summoned the first prompt that had greeted him in this realm.

  —- Notice —-

  > TIME CHAMBER ESTABLISHED.

  > Realm: Melodian the Magnificent’s Zero to Hero? Training Regime.

  > Avatar Presence: Confirmed.

  > Objective: Performance Correction.

  > Duration: 20h 16m 14s

  Melodian believes in you! ~ Remember, practice makes perfect ??

  —-—-—-—-

  Simon grabbed a shard of some instrument and scratched out the math in the dirt.

  “Hmmm… it was ten years to go at twenty-two hours and uh… I think thirty minutes? Eh, close enough,” he muttered as he scratched, “Ten percent… would be a year… which would be two hours… which means”

  Several minutes passed as he dredged long-buried math skills from their mental grave. After their miraculous resurrection—then immediate execution by the dark art only a college graduate could wield—he finished.

  As he double-checked his numbers, his frown deepened

  It had been, roughly, a year and two weeks since he had come to this cursed place.

  “Nine years…” he whispered.

  He let the words linger in the air.

  Nine. More. Years.

  Simon let out a slow breath. “Nine years… some marriages don’t even last that long.”

  He stabbed the shard into the dirt and stood up.

  “It’s also enough time to become the worst student this realm has ever seen.” Simon said, his spirits rising.

  He looked at the tower, where the god was no doubt curled around his last precious instruments like a dragon guarding its gold.

  “Oh, Dr. Melo… you poor dumb bastard. You think I’m the one trapped? No, no–You’re stuck in here with me.”

  Simon smiled then cracked his knuckles

  “Well, guess I better pace myself. "

  He paused.

  “... nahhhhh.”

  With that, he wandered down the path whistling the most annoying tune he could think of.

  It was time to get creative.

  —— ? ——

  — AUTHOR NOTICE —

  > Thank you all for the follows! It is very appreciated.

  ~TheBusyBard

  Harmony is offered, growth is earned, Limits are unknown.

  ——————————