(One day before the wedding. Thornmere. A night historians will try to suppress.)
? PROLOGUE — THE ABDUCTION OF ELARIS
Elaris barely had time to blink.
One moment he was admiring Sereth’s boots.
The next—
Kaer and Garruk seized him like a pair of overexcited bears who had discovered a new toy.
Kaer / Garruk (perfectly choreographed):
“RIGHT. C’MON YOU BIG BOOT-LOVER. WE HAVE A STAG DOO TO ATTEND.”
Elaris:
“WE DO—?! WAIT—WAIT—SERETH—HELP—”
Sereth blew him a kiss and shut the door.
Elyra waved.
Arden calmly kept sipping tea.
Elaris (from down the hall):
“THIS IS AN ABDUCTION—AN ABDUCTION WITH VERY POOR ETHICS—KAER STOP LAUGHING—”
Door slam.
Silence.
Then the girls looked at each other.
All three:
“…Hen doo.”
Vex materialised like a summoned imp, sniffing the promise of chaos.
Vex:
“Abso—HOLY HELLS THE BOOTS?! GOOD GODS.”
Sereth struck a pose like a forest-crossbow-wielding supermodel.
Sereth:
“Ladies. Let us be… mischievous.”
Vex, crackling with sin:
“Oh this is gonna be good.”
? THE STAG DOO — THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL
Elaris, Garruk, Kaer, Borin, Laz
They dragged the Shepherd of Grayhollow through Thornmere like a sacrifice being delivered to a volcano.
Elaris:
“May I PLEASE be informed of the schedule—?”
Garruk:
“NO.”
Kaer:
“Surprises build character.”
Laz (already two ales deep):
“I wrote a list! It’s very long!”
Borin:
“Ye dinnae get a say, lad. Ye’re the groom.”
Elaris stared into the flaming mug like it was a trap laid by devils.
Elaris:
“This violates several safety princip—”
Kaer lit it.
Garruk handed it to him.
Laz filmed.
Borin cheered.
Elaris drank.
The universe rotated ninety degrees and winked at him.
Elaris:
“I SAW—THE LATTICE—LOOKED AT ME.”
Garruk and Kaer roared approval.
Elaris sprinted around Thornmere’s square screaming:
“You have BEAUTIFUL elbows!”
“Your posture radiates AUTHORITY!”
“Your dog looks emotionally stable!”
He tripped.
He bowed to a tree.
He complimented a scarecrow.
Laz wheezed with laughter.
The dummy didn’t move.
Elaris attacked it.
The dummy won.
Kaer:
“He got disarmed by a tree.”
Garruk:
“Best stag do ever.”
Elaris clung to Garruk’s head like a terrified squirrel.
Elaris:
“YOUR GAIT—IS NOT—REGULATED—SLOW DOWN BEFORE YOU COLLAPSE A BUILDING—”
Crowd applauded.
A child gave Elaris a flower.
Someone yelled “HAPPY WEDDING SIR TREE-FIGHTER!”
? THE DOOMED TASK 5 — GOAT. CHICKEN. CATAPULT. ALE.
The moment historians vowed to erase.
A catapult sat abandoned behind the smithy.
Laz froze mid-step.
Turned slowly.
Grinned like a demon wearing a boy’s face.
Laz:
“…Boys. We escalate.”
Elaris:
“Absolutely NOT. WE DO NOT ESCALATE—”
Too late.
Garruk hefted it upright.
Kaer checked rope tension like a professional siege engineer.
Borin poured more ale “to steady the nerves.”
Then the merchant returned with a very annoyed goat and a homicidal chicken.
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Merchant:
“They keep escaping. Anyone want them?”
Every man turned to stone.
Laz:
“…We escalate further.”
-
Strap the goat into a tiny saddle harness
-
Place the chicken on the goat like a war general
-
Load the whole unholy duo into the catapult
-
Consume ale until the gods wept
-
Fire with precision (they did not)
-
Retrieve animals before Aurelthane sees
Elaris:
“WHAT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO SYMBOLISE—?!”
Laz:
“…Marriage?”
Elaris:
“THAT EXPLAINS NOTHING—”
Garruk pulled the lever.
WHOOSH
GOAT SCREAM
CHICKEN SHRIEK
ELARIS SHRIEK (loudest)
The animals soared majestically like a morally questionable firework.
They landed unharmed in a haystack.
The chicken immediately attacked Garruk.
The goat chased Kaer for three streets.
Elaris (pleading):
“PLEASE—we can discuss this—we can be FRIENDS—”
They could not.
The merchant wiped tears of laughter.
Merchant:
“Heroes of Northreach, that was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Here. More ale.”
Elaris hiccuped gratitude.
? THE HEN DOO — CHAOS BUT MAKE IT BEAUTIFUL
Meanwhile…
Arden sipped wine like a woman who regretted every life choice leading to this moment.
The girls stormed Thornmere like a glamorous plague.
They began innocent:
Flower crowns.
Wine tasting.
Braiding each other’s hair.
Then Vex escalated.
Soon they were dancing in the street, howling with laughter.
Elyra outperformed two bards and a drunk acrobat.
Pancake leapt on a stall and performed interpretive cosmic dance.
Crowds applauded.
Sereth bought pastries “for later.”
They lasted 6 minutes.
The same merchant (now traumatised) spotted them.
Merchant:
“Ah! The tall-boots bride!”
Sereth:
“That’s me.”
He offered them a deal.
Merchant:
“It’s all free. Your fiancé fired a goat riding a chicken across the city. Fair payment.”
The girls absolutely LOST it.
They each picked boots:
Sereth: thigh-high ranger boots (Elaris’ weakness)
Arden: white-gold holy thigh highs
Vex: black leather lace-up thigh highs (“for sins”)
Elyra: silver-green elven thigh-highs (“battle princess chic”)
They posed in the street like a fantasy girl-gang.
Vex:
“We look like we rob dragons.”
Arden:
“I look like I should NOT be wearing these.”
Elyra:
“Dad is going to PASS. OUT.”
? NIGHTFALL — TWO SIDES OF ONE DISASTER
The boys returned first.
Kaer and Garruk carried Elaris again — because his legs had resigned from employment.
Elaris (slurring):
“I am… a responsible adult…”
Kaer:
“No you’re not.”
The girls arrived minutes later—
Laughing
Shrieking
Boots shining
Covered in glitter
Carrying eight pastry boxes
Elyra doing finger guns
Vex juggling something on fire
Elyra (yelling):
“MUM. DAD. LOOK. BOOTS!”
Sereth posed like a queen of fashion.
Vex:
“Chaos achieved.”
Arden:
“I’m never leaving my house again.”
Pancake (cosmically smug):
“This was delightful.”
THE MORNING AFTER
(Thornmere → Aurelthane’s Estate)
The sun rose with the gentleness of a brick to the skull.
A soft winter glow filtered across the estate grounds…
…while inside the guest wing, the Crimson Dice lay in ruins.
? 1. The Boys — A Symphony of Regret
Elaris woke first.
Actually—
No.
He regained consciousness like a corpse resurrected badly.
He peeled open one eye.
A single thought formed:
“…why does every bone in my body hurt.”
Then he realized why.
Because he wasn’t in a bed.
He was on the floor.
Wrapped in a curtain.
Next to a tipped-over armor stand wearing a chicken like a helmet.
The chicken blinked at him.
Elaris blinked back.
He whispered:
“Please don’t start my day.”
The chicken crowed directly into his face.
From the next room:
Garruk:
“AAAAAAAAARGH MY EARS.”
Kaer:
“WHO LET THE CHICKEN IN—”
Laz (somewhere underneath a table):
“…that wasn’t a dream, was it…?”
Borin (from the hearthside rug):
“I told ye lads the catapult was a poor choice.”
Elaris pressed both hands over his face.
A memory flashed:
Goat.
Chicken.
Airborne.
Haystack.
The merchant cheering.
Elaris:
“…I fired livestock. With magic. While drunk.”
Kaer burst into the room wearing one boot and one slipper.
Kaer:
“GOOD MORNING, BOOT-LOVER.”
Elaris:
“No. No energy. No talking. We are not re-branding me.”
Garruk staggered in next, holding his skull.
Garruk:
“We promised each other… never again.”
Laz (still under the table):
“I didn’t promise that.”
? 2. The Girls — Radiant, Chaotic, And Loud
Sereth woke up feeling—
Fantastic.
Boots lined in a perfect row.
Hair a wild halo.
Feet still sore, but in the best way.
She stretched like a smug cat.
Sereth:
“Ahhhh… wedding’s tomorrow.”
Her eyes widened.
Sereth:
“…the wedding is TOMORROW.”
The panic hit exactly one second later.
She exploded out of the room.
Down the hall—
Elyra was already awake, already in her new silver-green thigh-high boots, dancing around her room to test her legs.
She spotted her mum.
Elyra:
“GOOD MORNING—OH GODS MUM ARE YOU OK—”
Sereth:
“No I am not okay, I am in crisis, where is Vex—”
A door slammed open.
Vex stumbled out wearing one boot, one slipper, and Arden’s cloak.
Vex (groggy):
“WHO PUT A GOAT IN THE HALLWAY—”
Arden exited behind her, perfectly composed, sipping tea.
Arden:
“I blessed the boots last night. For stability.”
She sipped again.
“Sereth, you’ll need them.”
Vex:
“WAIT—WAIT—DID YOU JUST SAY THE WEDDING IS TOMORROW?!”
The scream that followed shook dust from the rafters.
? 3. GOAT REDEMPTION ARC
A thunderous crash echoed from downstairs.
Elaris, clutching his aching head, peeked over the railing…
…and saw the goat.
The same goat.
Standing triumphantly on the dining table.
Wearing Garruk’s helmet.
Pancake was sitting beside it, smug and cosmic, as though he had orchestrated this entire moment.
Elaris:
“…no. No. I’m hallucinating. There’s residual catapult trauma.”
Pancake:
“Nope. He’s real.”
The goat bleated in judgment.
Elyra appeared beside Elaris, leaned over the railing, and whispered:
Elyra:
“Dad.”
Elaris:
“Yes?”
Elyra:
“I am one hundred percent certain…
that goat hates you personally.”
Elaris mournfully nodded.
? 4. FAMILY HUDDLE — The Vorns Take Stock
Once the goat was removed (it took Garruk and Kaer), the Vorns regrouped.
Sereth sat cross-legged on the rug, massaging her sore feet.
Elaris applied salve with gentle hands, eyes softening.
Elyra sprawled beside them, legs stretched out, flexing her toes happily.
Elyra:
“Mum… Dad… you two should NOT dance in public.”
Sereth:
“Oh hush.”
Elaris:
“I was magnificent.”
Elyra burst out laughing:
“You CRIED during the tango!”
Elaris corrected:
“I was sweating. From terror.”
Sereth smirked:
“And from me stepping on your feet.”
The three of them laughed together…
…and for a moment, the world was perfect.
? 5. REALISATION — The Wedding Is Tomorrow
Arden strode in, expression grim.
Arden:
“Everyone.”
The room fell silent.
Arden:
“I have checked the guest wing. The hall. The kitchens. The backyard.
We have one day.
ONE.
DAY.”
Vex screamed into a pillow.
Kaer ran past the door yelling:
“WHO ORDERED SIXTEEN KEGS—”
Borin chased after him:
“FIVE OF THOSE ARE FOR BREAKFAST!”
Laz appeared wearing sunglasses indoors:
“I have regrets.”
Garruk tripped over the goat.
Sereth stared at her fiancé in the quiet center of the chaos.
Sereth (softly):
“Tomorrow… I become your wife.”
Elaris took her hand, thumb brushing her palm.
Elaris:
“And I become your husband.”
They leaned their foreheads together.
For the first time since Northreach—
their bond felt peaceful.
Warm.
Full of promise.
Pancake (quietly, reverently):
“About time.”