The woman doffed her floppy, pointed hat to us a few times in rapid succession. Aeshma rolled her eyes at me and turned her attention back to waiting for Reggie. She was clearly uninterested in chatting with our new bar-friend. But…

  “You said you were an Arcanist?” I asked.

  The woman startled, like she was just noticing me for the first time. I guess next to Aeshma I didn’t cut a very interesting figure. “Oh! An Arcanist, yes, that’s right. And you are…?”

  “Roland. I’m – uh, well I’m no one, really. But I’m friends with the Succubus.”

  The woman perked up at that. “I see! And just call me Charlotte, please. Or Doctor Charlotte, if you’d prefer to keep things formal. Although it’s been a long time since I’ve gone by that title,” she added with a sad little smile.

  “A Doctor? Have you, like, changed Classes? From Doctor to Arcanist?” I asked.

  Charlotte got a good laugh out of that. “Oh, no no no. I’ve been an Arcanist forever. Or, you know, ever since I got crushed by a pallet of mining equipment back in Perth. God knows how long it’s been. I guess that was the last time anyone called me by my academic title, too.”

  She must’ve seen my eyes go wide, because she quickly added, “You’re Reborn too, right? You’ve got that kind of doe-eyed look of someone who just dropped in here.”

  I wasn’t sure how to feel about that, but I tried to take it in stride. “Yeah. Got hit by a truck just this morning,” I said. I tried to say it matter-of-factly, like she had. But something must have given me away, because Charlotte gave me a consoling thump on the shoulder.

  “Still getting over it, eh? I remember when I got Reborn. The first couple weeks were a real trip! Would’ve gave my left arm for another day back home. But… you know, it’s really not a bad life out here. Plus, us Reborn aren’t a dime-a-dozen, but there are enough around that you’ll always be running into someone from home.”

  FWISH

  Reggie emerged from behind the curtain with a banged-up looking stool, which he placed between Aeshma and Charlotte. “Getcher mitts off my bar, Aeshma. I don’t want to have to call a carpenter every time ye get a bit antsy.”

  “I’m only antsy cuz I’ve got an empty belly!” Aeshma roared, and put her hands in her lap. There were gouges forming in the counter where she had idly dug her nails into the wood.

  Reggie scoffed and got back to work on the skillets, which were now filling the air with a pleasant mushroom-y aroma.

  “Uh, Charlotte. Doctor Charlotte,” I began, “I’m sorry if this is rude, and feel free to say no, but… we found something we think is magical, and haven’t been able to figure out what it is. Would you be willing to give it a once-over for us?” I elbowed Aeshma to try to get her attention. After all, identifying the dagger should’ve interested her, even if Charlotte herself didn’t. But it was useless; she was transfixed on the sizzling skillets behind the counter.

  “Aha! You require the skills of an Arcanist! Normally I charge for that sort of thing.”

  I started to stammer out an apology, but Charlotte raised her hand to stop me. “But normally, my clients are Zone Five merchants, and plenty able to pay my fee.”

  Aeshma’s head snapped to us so quickly that I feared for her vertebrae.

  “You’re from Five?” Aeshma asked with urgency in her voice. “Is there any news from– I mean, about the Queen?”

  “The Queen? Um, I don’t…”

  Charlotte hesitated, as though considering how much to say. “The merchants I work with are all complaining about increased Monster activity disrupting their trade routes. But that’s nothing new. And you’d have to tell me whether that counts as news about the Queen, eh?”

  Aeshma just grunted and went back to watching the skillets.

  Charlotte took a swig of beer, clearly uncomfortable, and turned back to me. “So how about you show me what you’ve found, hm? I’ll happily take a look for a burgeoning adventurer. Free of charge.”

  I slid the dagger across the counter. “We’ve got no idea what this is or even if it still works. But it has all of these, uh… runes, right?” I said, gesturing awkwardly at the swirling pattern on the pommel.

  “Hmm. Yes, I see them,” Charlotte said as she traced her finger across the hilt. “I don’t sense anything either. But let me take a closer look. Perhaps there’s a… hm, a concealment enchantment.” She dug around in a satchel at her waist and pulled out a small, unadorned jeweler’s loupe.

  A minute passed as Charlotte concentrated on the dagger, her face inches from the counter. Suddenly she broke out into a smile. “Of course! That explains it!”

  “What?”

  “It’s a total fake! No magic at all! Zip!”

  “Oh,” I sighed, as Charlotte put her loupe away. “It has all those arcane runes on it though, right? If they’re not an enchantment, what do they say?”

  “They’re gibberish! Total, utter, gibberish!” Charlotte exclaimed, still beaming. She just seemed thrilled to have puzzled something out, and didn’t seem to register that what she was telling me was bad news. “It has the look of arcane script, but it’s… hmph, how to explain it? It’s like someone mashed a bunch of keys on a keyboard! No meaning to it, no magical properties detailed within. Pure nonsense.”

  She passed me back the dagger. “Nice looking blade, though! And you could still use it as, you know, a regular old dagger, to stab with, or cut firewood, or… whatever it is you adventuring types like to do with daggers.”

  Across the counter, Reggie dished out two heaping bowls of mushroom stew, along with hearty chunks of dark, grainy bread. Aeshma was practically shaking with excitement… but even the sight of dinner didn’t do much to lift my spirits. I really thought the dagger was something interesting. As it stood I had gotten practically no worthwhile loot from our experience in the cellar.

  Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

  Charlotte must’ve noticed my crestfallen expression, because she gave me a friendly thump on the shoulder. “Chin up, mate,” she said, raising her mug to me. “It’s Unification Day!”

  –

  “It’s a fake?” Aeshma yelled from the bathroom. Her room above the tavern was surprisingly nice: a big cozy bed, a pleasant view of the street below, and a private bathroom complete with a sink and shower, which Aeshma was currently using to wash her own dried blood out from her hair.

  I had been expecting more rustic amenities, like a straw mat to sleep on and a tub of cold water to wash in, at best. In comparison, this was practically a five-star hotel.

  “Yeah, the Arcanist said the runes were gibberish,” I said, stifling a yawn.

  “That’s nuts! I’ve never even heard of a fake magic weapon. Who does that?” Aeshma said as she stomped into the main room. She had changed into a pair of pastel pajama, the pants of which barely made it past her knees. They were compliments of the Rusty Mug – but apparently “one-size-fits-all” didn’t apply to wearers with Aeshma’s monstrous proportions.

  She shook her wet hair out like a dog, spattering water on everything around her, me included. “You might as well hold onto it though, I guess. Seeing as that cheapo merchant didn’t even bother to give us a weapon in the kit.”

  I wiped the water off my face and sighed glumly. The starter kit had proved a big disappointment. In lieu of a suit of armor and a basic weapon, the shopkeeper had given me some measly pieces of boiled leather to strap onto my arms, legs, and chest. They reminded me more of roller-skating protective gear than proper armor.

  There were fresh rations in there too, along with a bedroll and an array of basic toiletries. But I couldn’t work up a lot of excitement over provisions when I’d been looking forward to a new sword.

  At least the new bedroll would come in handy. I pulled it out of the starter kit and laid it out in an empty corner of the room. Next to Aeshma’s featherbed, the bedroll looked thin and miserable; it was practically just two layers of canvas, with light padding stitched into the bottom. With how exhausted I was, though, I wasn’t going to complain. I rolled onto my side and tried to find a comfortable position.

  “Goodnight, Aeshma,” I said, closing my eyes. “Wake me up when it’s breakfast time.”

  I heard few heavy footsteps. “What are you doing?”

  “Going to sleep,” I murmured, reluctantly peeling open an eyelid. “I dunno about you, but I’m totally beat.”

  “Sure, but… you’re sleeping on the floor? Let’s just share the bed.”

  My face flushed at the suggestion. “Oh. I just didn’t want it to be, uh. Weird?”

  “Why would it be weird? It’s weirder for you to sleep on the floor, dude,” she said as she hopped up onto the bed. “Just come on and lie down. We’ve got a big day tomorrow.” She slapped the empty half of the bed in summons.

  “I… hm. Sure.” I kicked my shoes off and flopped onto the soft mattress. It was infinitely more comfortable than the bedroll, but lying so close to Aeshma made me feel nervous.

  She rolled into a lounging position and gave me a hard look. “What’s up with you? You worried I’m gonna eat you or something?”

  “No, of course not! It’s just… uh, I’m not used to sharing a bed,” I said. My face must’ve been going beet red by this point. I just hoped the room was dark enough to hide it. “I might… I dunno. Snore..”

  Aeshma grinned slyly. “Oh, is that it?”

  I didn’t see much point beating around the bush. “It’s just… we kissed before, and I know it was just for transferring levels. But now we’re in bed together, and I know it’s not like we’re gonna cuddle up or anything like that, we’re just sleeping, but, uh…”

  “Relax, dude,” Aeshma interrupted. “Seriously. We’re adventuring buddies, right? I know the kissing might have made it seem like it was something else, but that’s literally part of my Class. And we’re gonna be doing a lot more of it, and soon enough it’ll start feeling more normal.”

  She bopped me consolingly on the shoulder. “Besides, you’re already Level Zero. If I drained any more from you it’d turn you into a negative-Level slime, I bet.”

  I let out a breath. “Yeah. Of course. Sorry for getting weird about…” I wasn’t sure what to say. About her? About sleeping next to a Succubus?

  “...well, about everything,” I finished. “Today’s been a lot.”

  “It’s not so dangerous where you’re from, right?” Aeshma asked.

  “Well, it depends on where you are, I guess. But things were always pretty boring in my neck of the woods, except for all the crazy drivers… which is why I’m here, actually. And now I’ve had a bunch more near death experiences, gotten a bunch of Gremlins killed… kissed a pretty lady at a festival…”

  “Aww, you really think I’m pretty?” she pouted, batting her feathery lashes. “What’s so pretty about me, huh? Flatter me Roland!”

  “No! You’re gonna get a big head if I compliment you too much!”

  “Ugh, fine! Shoulda just made you sleep on the floor anyway,” she muttered as she flopped dramatically onto her back.

  I pulled the heavy, down blanket up to cover myself. A draft of chilly night air had filtered into the room. “Goodnight Aeshma,” I said again.

  “‘Night Roland,” she replied, and shuttered the lamp beside her.

  –

  I woke to a hard kick in my back, and to Aeshma muttering incomprehensibly beside me. She kicked out again, but I squirmed out of range.

  “Aeshma, you okay?” I asked.

  She didn’t respond except to toss and turn a little more harshly. I turned to face her and was met with a sweat-drenched face, all twisted in fear. It was a little startling to see her properly shaken like this.

  Was it just a bad dream? She’d mentioned the Queen sending Monsters nightmares for their disobedience. Was this one of them?

  “Mrgrph,” she groaned, panting with a strain as one of her horns gored the pillow. Should I try to wake her up? Would that annoy her? She clearly wasn’t getting a good night’s sleep either way.

  “Aeshma! Wake up!” I nudged her gently on the shoulder, which only elicited a groan.

  Her eyes were shut tight, but I could see her lips moving faintly. I leaned in and could barely make out a few words. “Do-don’t wanna… kill him. He’s… nice ta me…even though…”

  Then her whispers were too faint for me to hear, and she drifted back to sleep. I frowned and followed suit, falling into a mercifully dreamless sleep.

  -------------

  Excerpts from On the formulation of petrochemical analogues for use in magical and magico-mechanical engines by Squigmire et al.

  -------------

  [...] yet existing methods yield analogues with low levels of hydrocarbons relative to classical (“Old-World”) formulations. Previous research has focused on improving the composition of magico-synthesized fuels, primarily by advanced exploration of various Wizard and Arcanist skill trees. Despite years of attempts and countless dedicated Levels, to the authors’ knowledge no fuel has yet been synthesized with sufficient purity to enable large-scale industrial operations.

  We hypothesized that superior results may be obtained not by direct magico-synthesis of target compounds, but rather by accelerated aging and anaerobic decay of organic materials via chronowizardry. Through partnership with the Zone Three Merchant’s Guild, we obtained organic samples from a range of magical and non-magical organisms (500kg each of Human, Monster, and Animal-origin remains). Samples were subjected to fifteen days within a Local Temporal Anomaly (LTA; temporal field maintained continuously by a rotating shifts of Chronowizards ranging from Level 13-15), after which [...]

  [...] quantities not suitable for industrial applications. However, these results demonstrate the theoretical viability of LTAs for simulating long-term geologic processes, including petroleum formation. We suggest that chronowizardry is the most promising avenue for future investigations into petrochemical synthesis – and therefore for unblocking New-World technological progress as a whole.