Arun

  My smile is bright this morning as the morning sunlight streams through the balcony windows onto my face, Alexios’s body heat still keeping me warm. I turn to him, dropping my hand below the blanket to feel for the half hard arousal I’m craving this morning. But then my smile drops.

  “Alexios…?” I whisper, voice still a bit husky from sleep when I reach to touch his chest. “Is everything alright?”

  He’s glaring at the ceiling now with his jaw locked so tight that the veins in his face are almost pulsing. Did he even fall into his trance last night and if he did… what did he see? His red eyes close briefly, as if he’s trying to pull himself from some deep place in his mind.

  “Just tired,” he says, lazily caressing my hair with trembling fingers. “Kayel and Eoin are likely here by now. You should go have breakfast with them, my love.”

  “What… what about you though?”

  “I’ll be down later,” he dismisses me, eyes filled with exhaustion.

  I nod, sitting up slightly.

  “Don’t keep us waiting too long. I’m sure they’d love to see you too.”

  The smile he gives me is almost convincing enough for me to let this go so I slip out of the bed and dress slowly, looking back at him every so often to see that he hasn’t moved even an inch.

  For some reason, the stairs sound even louder than they usually do as I slowly make my way down, just as a servant guides Kayel and Eoin inside the home.

  “Arun!” Kayel waves at me, tail swaying playfully.

  They both step forward to embrace me and we make out way into the dining hall together. has thankfully already been set with plates full of fruit, bread and pastries, as well as little cups of honey. As we take our seats, Kayel reaches for a slice of fruit, mid-laugh as Eoin sits across from him. I try to manage the smallest smile when I move into the seat beside him, eyes drifting to the hallway just in case Alexios changed his mind.

  “Will Alexios be joining us this morning?” Eoin asks.

  “I think he’ll be down later,” I tell him hesitantly, fingers awkwardly dusting away a few breadcrumbs with my napkin. “Don’t think he’s feeling too well this morning. He said he’s fine though.”

  Kayel’s eyes widen with concern as I poke at the slice of bread on my plate.

  “He’s a busy man,” Eoin mentions. “Can’t be easy running a place like this. Maybe just give him time. I’m sure he’s alright.”

  I shrug and force small bites of fruit into my mouth. Alexios’s eyes… so wide and shadowed. I can’t stop thinking about it even now. Something isn’t sitting quite right this morning.

  Breakfast goes on regardless, with no sighting of Alexios. I glance often at the hallway, expecting to see him strutting down the staircase in some elaborate robe he likes to wear when Kayel and Eoin are around.

  “Maybe we could have another tour of the plantation?” Kayel asks after setting his teacup down gently. “I’ve been dying to see more of it. Would that be alright with Alexios?”

  “I should wait for him,” I say. “He wanted to… well… I guess he wouldn’t mind.”

  We stack our dirty dishes politely for the servants to clean up before stepping outside into the gardens. The petals are brilliantly vibrant this time of year and Kayel rushes ahead, tail bouncing wildly at every step.

  “Gods, the colors!” he exclaims. “I don’t know which kind of flower I’m more drawn to.”

  I can’t help but laugh at his playful delight.

  “Alexios had all of this planted in memory of someone,” I admit heavily. “But even more has been added since I’ve been here. He said the lilies remind him of me, and that he wanted me to see myself as he sees me.”

  “That is beautiful,” Eoin says. “I am glad the gods sent you someone who speaks with care rather than just wealth, especially as someone as powerful as Alexios.”

  I smile brightly and lead them further through the garden’s delicate paths, pointing out a few medicinal herbs tucked away near a few blossoms as Eoin observes thoughtfully. Right as I’m about to point out a small fox winding through the bushes, stopping briefly to press its nose into a flower, a cold chill runs down my spine.

  From the balcony of our bedroom, Alexios stands still as stone, one hand resting on the railing. Before I can call up to him, he turns away and heads back into whatever gloom has decided to take root in him. Gratefully, Kayel’s gentle voice pulls me back when he asks about sketching the way a few vines sprawl greedily over one side of the manor’s walls.

  “We could bring our sketchbooks out here later if you brought yours,” I say, stepping over to admire at the vines. “I could even ask the servants to bring us a few treats as well.”

  “Really?” Kayel gasps. “That would be amazing! Will they really do that for us, Arun?”

  “Of course,” I tell him warmly. “We could make a picnic of it. Besides, the vines won’t complain if you make their noses too big, unlike a person.”

  Kayel and Eoin laugh happily before we’re back to pointing out clusters of daisies while Kayel talks about what other sketches he’d like to do one day, even as my eyes drift back towards the balcony.

  “Would it be alright if I went upstairs to check on Alexios?”

  They both nod quickly, still grinning anyway.

  “Of course!” Kayel says, Eoin bowing his head. “Take your time.”

  I thank them briefly and make my way back inside, heart already pounding as my steps quicken up the staircase. What I see when I push the bedroom door open leaves me gasping. Crouched near the edge of the bed with his hands gripping the sheets is Alexios, shoulders heaving while his eyes dart around the room completely unfocused before snapping towards to an empty corner of the room.

  “Oh gods,” I breathe out and instantly rush to his side.

  He flinches at my voice, but I reach for his hands anyway.

  “It’s me. It’s Arun. I’m here, Alexios. Can you hear me?”

  Tremors run through his fingers, twitching violently in mine as I try to soothe him. Alexios gets sick sometimes, just as anyone else does, but this… I’ve never seen him this undone and gods, it leaves me terrified.

  “I’m here…” I whisper again, running my hand down his back to try and soothe him. He trembles beneath my touch as more sweat presses through his clothes. “Just focus on my voice, alright?”

  Ever so carefully, I guide his hands to my chest while my heart still beats like a wild drum.

  “I’m right here with you,” I remind him quietly. “Try to match my breathing. In…”

  I draw in a slow breath, still holding his hands to my chest before letting that breath out.

  “And out. In… and out.”

  We repeat.

  And repeat again.

  Little by little, his breathing begins to match my rhythm. I drop his hands, kissing him gently between soft, whispered words. It isn’t enough to let the storm inside of him pass, but it’s enough to help me ease him onto the mattress.

  “That’s it. Just rest for a while. Don’t worry about anything else.”

  Sensing another break of calmness through his wild panic, I pull the sheets up around him as if it can act as a shield and before long, he closes his eyes. He hasn’t been soothed enough to fall into his trance, but this will have to be enough for now.

  “I’m going to take care of you, alright?” I whisper before slipping away. Gods… the sight of him collapsed in bed feels like it’s enough to tear my heart in two.

  Kayel and Eoin are still in the gardens, waiting patiently, when I frantically make my way downstairs.

  “The picnic will have to wait.”

  “Arun, what’s wrong?” Kayel asks, his spirit draining from his face as soon as he sees the painful look on my face.

  “I… I’m not sure. Alexios isn’t feeling well.”

  “Say no more,” Eoin says, bowing politely.

  “I’ll send some food with you for your journey home, “I offer them. “Thank you both for being here. I promise we’ll make up for today.”

  Kayel tries to protest, but I’m already back inside the kitchen slipping bread, fruit and even a bottle of wine into a basket just to keep my hands busy so they won’t see how rattled I am.

  “Take care of him, okay?” Kayel tells me as he squeezes my shoulder.

  I nod and watch as they climb into the carriage. Only once they’re gone from my sight do I head back inside. I purse my lips, taking deep breaths in so that I don’t let the heartache of seeing Alexios in pain unsettle me even further.

  A servant carrying clean linen hurries past, but I catch her gently by the arm.

  “Would it be alright if we had some fresh water brought up to our bedroom?” I ask her kindly.

  She bows her head and nods.

  “At once, sir.”

  I thank her and force my feet to carry me back up the stairs once more, each step feeling far heavier than the last as dread fills my chest. Thank Ilmater, I think when I slip back into the bedroom. Alexios is still in bed, eyes still wide and distant but I know it has to feel better than being on the floor. I move to his side rather quickly, thoughts tangled with worry.

  “What happened, Alexios?” I ask, lacing my fingers with his and squeezing lightly. “What brought this on? You’re shaking again.”

  But he doesn’t speak. I don’t know if it’s because he won’t… or because he simply can’t. His eyes close instead, perhaps in effort to shut both me and the pain out. I lean forward and kiss his neck anyway, tasting the saltiness of his sweat against my lips.

  All I can do is stay, knowing the best place for me is here with him right now. I spend the rest of the day by Alexios’s side, even though he doesn’t move much. When he does, it’s only to toss and turn uncomfortably. Sitting up seems to be too much and no matter how much I try to help, he won’t eat more than a few bites of a cut-up piece of fruit.

  The tea I brought up not too long ago has gone completely cold and the soup I had the servants make has been abandoned. Any kind of food I think might tempt him into tasting is left untouched. Truthfully, it hurts more than I want to admit.

  “Will you take a bite?” I beg, holding up a spoonful of broth. “For me?”

  He shakes his head. Maybe it’s time for a different approach so I talk to him about Kayel and Eoin, new books I’m hoping to read and even of things as mundane as the weather. Still, there’s no response from him. Only a nod every now and then, letting his head rest against my shoulder. I keep my hand wrapped around his, whispering over and over how much I love him.

  As the sky shifts from the bright afternoon sky to the golden hue of evening, and then into the dark hush of the night sky, neither of us can even rest properly. Gods know we’re both exhausted from the day, but every time either of us try, Alexios’s breathing turns into a rattling sound in his chest, his shoulders keeping rigid under the blanket. I stay awake, watching him, wondering what has him feeling so haunted that he can’t speak.

  --

  The morning sun appears too quickly for my liking. I haven’t slept a wink and now I’m doing my best to coax Alexios to the couch just in front of the hearth. One of the servants, ever so patient with both of us this morning, brings up a tray full of eggs, fruit and two cups of tea.

  “Want to have breakfast together?” I say, trying my best to sound like I’m not running myself into the ground. “Maybe it will help.”

  He takes a single bite of a slice of melon, then pushes it aside without even eyeing the cup of tea. Talking with him isn’t effective either, but I try again anyway, telling him about some servant gossip I’ve overheard recently and… today’s meeting.

  Gods, how could I have forgotten?!

  My stomach sinks. We’ve been planning for this meeting since last week! These deals could mean major expansion for Blackwood. He’s worked so hard on these contracts and I’ve let it slip my mind entirely.

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  “Alexios… the meeting in Felcren City. Please tell me it’s not today.”

  He looks up at me slowly, face blank and just as unreadable as it has been all morning. I’m pacing back and forth now while he sits there crumbling in on himself and looking completely worn down. The thought of dragging him into town feels wrong, but this is more important than any meeting has been in a long time. He’s not in any state to face it, made apparent by the way he just… sits there staring at his tea.

  “I… I could go in your place?” I suggest, reaching for his hand. “I think I’m up to speed on the basics and Je Suis will probably be there too. She can help.”

  “No,” he mutters. “… must be me…”

  My shoulders slump in defeat knowing he isn’t going to take no for an answer no matter what.

  “Well… I’ll be there with you then.”

  I guide him over to the wardrobe, keeping my hand pressed softly against his back. Using his barely there nods as approval, I pull a deep violet dress robe with intricate silver threading out. He allows me to dress him gently and I make a mental note to recommend the color more often since I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in it before.

  “You look stunning,” I tell him and I swear it almost brings a flicker of life back into him.

  Reaching for his brush, I guide it through his long hair as smoothly as I can, but it snags on a few tangles, nonetheless. He doesn’t seem to mind. I change into better clothing too, picking out a simpler robe compared to his embellished one, figuring that if maybe we both look the part, we’ll feel the part again. The glance he gives himself in the mirror tells a different story. I rest my head against his chest to break his focus.

  “I’ll be beside you the entire time, okay?”

  --

  It seems as if everything is falling apart today, judging by the way the wheels of the carriage creak as we make our way into Delaria’s capital city. Alexios sits awkwardly next to me, keeping his hand in mine as he watches the blur of green through the window.

  “Do you remember the first time we made love in this very carriage?” I ask him softly, smiling as I run my thumb over his knuckles. “Gods, the look on your face when I did that thing you like… but with my tail instead.”

  He leans into me by a fraction and it’s more than enough to feel like a victory. I steer the conversation to more casual topics, like the new flower shop I hope to visit someday and the wine makers who’ve been requesting us to sample their new selections.

  We arrive at the council hall just in time. A few merchants have already taken their seats, ledgers open and eyes sharp, while others make small talk. My eyes dart, hoping to find well-kept red hair and a green cloak. Alas, it doesn’t appear that Je Suis is here to rescue us. Alexios’s grip on my hand is almost painful, but I’d prefer that over nothing at all. We take our seats quickly, both of us keeping our heads down as I notice the merchants’ eyes observing too closely.

  “It’s alright,” I tell him quietly. “I’m here. Don’t worry about them, Alexios.”

  He bows his head, staying silent as the discussion begins. I step in gently when a merchant demands answers about the delayed harvest shipments to Timbertown. I rephrase what I assume Alexios would say, reminding them of our promises to the apothecaries and bringing the conversation back into a gentle back and forth exchange. Thank the gods, it’s enough too. They sign exactly where we need them to and nod along in agreement with a few new proposals Je Suis helped us make.

  Alexios is sitting up straighter by the end and his hand finds mine under the table when the contracts are rolled up and sealed. The meeting didn’t exactly go off without a hitch and I know certain whispers will carry, but we made it through and that has to count for something.

  “See?” I say, turning to him with a proud smile. “We did it. Everything’s okay and now we can go home, alright?”

  --

  Alexios leans against the carriage wall during our quiet ride back to Blackwood, eyes shut and grip loose around my hand. I stay close to him, deciding not to fill the quiet with conversation this time.

  He stumbles a bit as I guide him upstairs as soon as we return home, nodding his head slowly after I suggest a hot bath. I ease him out of his robe with the same gentleness I’d give to a patient who’s been gravely injured. He sinks into the hot water with a quiet sigh, tipping his head over the tub’s edge. I smile at him as I run the wet washcloth across his shoulders and down his arms, even as I realize he won’t look at me now. I want to tell him how proud I am of him, but I know it’s no use.

  “Why won’t you look at me?” I murmur carefully. “It’s like you’re here, but somewhere far away at the same time.”

  Alexios looks down at the bathwater that ripples slightly as his hand flexes just below the surface.

  “If I’ve done something wrong, please tell me,” I ask of him. “Please don’t shut me out. I’m just trying to help, okay?”

  My lips graze against his forehead, fingers brushing a few strands of hair back behind his ear. He keeps his eyes closed now, but it’s not enough to hide how his body trembles as if he’s fighting something inside of him.

  The silence is almost unbearable now, with only the occasional drip of water and the ragged sound of his uneven breathing.

  “… don’t… deserve…”

  “Don’t deserve…?” I ask, confused.

  His lips tremble, but he keeps his eyes closed.

  “… you…”

  Gods, how could he ever think that?

  Instantly, I reach under the water and take his hand into mine, pressing it firmly against my chest.

  “Don’t ever say that, Alexios! Don’t even think that, do you hear me?”

  I kiss the back of his hand.

  “You’re mine and I’m yours,” I add. “Just let me love you and help you through this. That’s all I want. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Alexios’s body shudders a bit, head lolling lethargically against the edge of the tub. I can only hope that my words have enough room to squeeze through this wall he’s built around himself.

  --

  For the five years that I’ve known Alexios, he’s always been a man of presence, but now after weeks of watching over him, it’s almost as if he’s fading right before my very eyes. His once broad frame has somewhat shriveled down to reveal the intense shadows of his cheekbones. I still can’t get him to eat more than a few bites before inevitably pushing the plate away.

  He looks at me less and less every day. At meals, in bed when I leave soft kisses along his chest and neck, even when I bathe him. When we travel to the art studio, he doesn’t bother coming inside anymore and instead chooses to stay in the carriage, waiting in total silence until the lesson wraps up and I come back to him.

  After today’s lesson, Kayel falls in step beside me as we make our way outside, sketchbook held tightly against his chest.

  “Is everything alright, Arun?”

  Forcing a smile on my face, I tuck my sketchbook in my book bag and look away.

  “Of course,” I lie. He doesn’t buy it. “Does it not seem like it?”

  He shakes his head and scoffs.

  “You seem…” he starts. “Well, you hardly ever speak in class now and when class ends, you come out with your shoulders slumped.”

  I sigh painfully. He’s right… I know he is.

  “Alexios just… isn’t doing very well, but I don’t know what’s wrong. He won’t talk to me anymore.”

  Kayel leans into me as we walk closer to the carriage where Alexios waits for me.

  “Still?” he says with worry. “Gods, I’m sorry, Arun. It sounds like both of you are going through so much now. I know he still loves you though. He’s always looking at you when you’re not watching, even now.”

  I don’t know what to say anymore so I just nod, letting the full weight of exhaustion finally set in.

  “If you ever need someone to talk to, you can talk to me… or Eoin. We’re both here for you no matter what, okay?”

  I let a smile creep over my face despite fresh tears as my eyes find their way to Alexios who waits for me in the carriage, eyes still distant. I step into the carriage slowly, careful not to disturb him too much. He sits with his hands folded too tightly, weakly flinching when I set my book bag in between the two of us. Gathering whatever sliver of courage I have left, I reach for his hand to get his attention.

  “Alexios?” I begin, just before his head slumps over in my direction. “Would it be alright if I went to that little bookshop I love so much? The one with those crooked shelves you hate?”

  He swallows uncomfortably. I know it’s a silly idea, but…

  “You used to pretend you weren’t buying every book I admired,” I add. “I miss that a lot, Alexios. I miss a lot of things. I guess it doesn’t have to be today, but… sometime soon?”

  I pray to the gods that maybe this is what will pull him back to me. He still won’t look at me and I brace for him to retreat behind the wall he’s built between us.

  “… we can… go now…” he breathes out so quietly that I almost miss it.

  “Wait… really?” I ask, suddenly perking up and expecting him to change his mind.

  He nods slowly and I finally let myself hope that things are beginning to look up for us again.

  --

  Alexios pushes the bookshop door open and it lets out a familiar broken chime as I step inside. As soon as my eyes rest on the many shelves of books, it almost feels like we’ve been transported back to simpler days. I begin stepping through the aisles and when I look back, hoping to see him with that devilish smirk he likes to wear so often when he’s watching me explore, I realize he’s following me quietly instead of waiting by the entrance.

  “Beautiful…” he breathes out painfully. The words come out almost too broken to fully understand.

  “Hmm?” I ask him.

  He swallows, seemingly painfully judging by how he tenses up.

  “You…” he starts again. “Beautiful… here… always.”

  I haven’t heard myself laugh in so long that when I do, it almost startles me. We move slowly through the aisles, pulling down books containing old forgotten epics and histories neither of us probably care too much for, but the act itself is just as refreshing as I remember. I slip one of them into his hands and he holds it as if it might turn to dust in his very hands. Before I can turn around with a gentle laugh, it slides from his fingers as he falls to the ground, his head hitting one of the lower shelves on the way down.

  “Alexios!” I scream, stepping to him in an instant. “No, no, no. Stay with me, okay?”

  My hand stays on his chest, summoning any possible restoration spell I can manage right now into him.

  “Someone help!” I cry out with panic. “Please! He’s hurt!”

  The shopkeeper rushes over from the counter, but just as he passes through the far corner, a shadow lingers. In its not fully formed shape, it’s too tall and narrow to just be a trick of the light or dust particles floating around. A chill runs down my spine.

  Something… or someone… is watching.

  “Alexios?” I whisper as my hands find their way back to his chest again.

  He groans softly, eyes fluttering open for just a brief moment, but it’s enough to bring a breath of relief.

  “Oh, thank the gods,” the bookkeeper whispers as he helps me get Alexios upright again.

  I try another spell, the golden glow of a minor restoration spell pressing from my palm into his back, but with no wound to close or curse to break… nothing happens. He’s still just as weak, the color drained almost completely from his skin.

  “What in the hells is happening to you, Alexios?” I whisper through tears.

  Desperately, I try again and again, but his body only trembles beneath the spell as I watch for whatever could have possibly formed that shadow in the corner. I know what I saw. Even as the bookkeeper and I ease Alexios back into the carriage waiting just outside, I keep checking each alley for the slightest glimpse of it again.

  I thank the bookkeeper and apologize as I climb in beside Alexios, still watching for whatever I saw in the bookshop and knowing it’s still watching us too.

  Alexios can barely keep his head up by the time we make it back to the manor. A few servants rush out to help as soon as they spot his body sagging against me. We’re practically dragging him through the house when I call for hot water and towels, eventually easing him into a hot bath with the help of a servant or two.

  “I’m here,” I whisper over and over. “I’m going to take care of you. Just rest.”

  His head lolls over the edge of the tub, lips parted as he tries his best to take in a full breath of air. At first, I think maybe it’s just a trick of the light, but then I see thin lines of red sliding from the corner of his eyes, down his cheeks, then into his hair.

  “What in the hells?!” I gasp, dropping the washcloth in the water and freeing my hands up to grasp his face, tilting it towards me. “You’re… you’re bleeding, Alexios!”

  Drops of blood bead at his nose before falling swiftly into the water. He does his best to blink, body too weak to turn away from me as I try to wipe away as much blood as I can, but it just won’t stop!

  There’s blood rushing over my hands now. Oh gods… oh gods… it’s coming from his ears now.

  “Alexios?! Alexios, please stay with me.”

  “…Arun… help…” he rasps with difficulty.

  “I’m here!” I sob. “It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere.”

  I nearly slip on the stone floor as I stumble to get up.

  “Someone, please help! Now!” I scream out, chest rising and falling in panic as the sobs tear out of me.

  As soon as a servant runs in, her eyes widen at the side of Alexios falling apart in the bath as more blood trickles from his ears, eyes and nose. He tries desperately to find me through blood hazed eyes and I drop back onto my knees beside him to keep him from sinking under the water.

  Another servant arrives with an armful of fresh linens. They both move quickly around the tub, dabbing small clothes where Alexios bleeds as I press my hand over his chest. The glow of another healing spell floods out of me, but with how exhausted I am, I know it’s much too weak right now.

  “Come on, come on, come on!” I frustratingly cry out. “Please… please work.”

  To the gods’ mercy, the bleeding slows, but nothing else seems to change. The breaths he takes still rattle like broken bones in his chest. Guided by the servants, we lift him from the water, my arms wrapping around him protectively as they drape a warm towel across his body. The blankets practically claim him as their own as we carry him to the bed. I sit beside him, tears falling without shame as a servant presses a cold cloth against his forehead.

  “What’s happening to you, Alexios?!” I say even as my voice cracks. “Why won’t my damn spells work?”

  It doesn’t matter if the bleeding has stopped now. He won’t even move now and it terrifies me more than anything in this world ever could, especially because I know something else is still terribly wrong.

  --

  With Alexios unable to attend to business around the plantation, I step in and bury myself in paperwork. Ledgers and contracts that Alexios handled with confidence are spread across the desk and I spend my mornings forcing myself to learn quickly when I’m not in the healing room, tending to injured servants. The moment I step out, I go straight to Alexios. When I check in with the servants to see if he’s eaten or spoken more than one word to anyone, the only answers I get are “No” and “Barely”. My body aches and no matter what I do or how powerful of a healing spell I try to guide into him… he only falls deeper into his illness.

  At night, Alexios has begun to walk the halls as if he’s a phantom haunting his own house, fingertips tracing the banister and over the walls while he stays stuck in some kind of trance. Sometimes when I call out his name, he’ll stop… but only for a few seconds before continuing on, completely dazed. The familiar carry of my voice is no match to the wall he’s hidden himself behind. I can’t even get him into bed until dawn and even when I do, he refuses to touch me. Our weeks, which were once spent in sensual bliss and late-night walks through the gardens, are now barely held together, our days filled with worry and more sleepless nights.

  He's eating less and less now, if that is even possible in the first place. With his cheeks hollowed out and cheekbones much sharper than usual, he says nothing about it when he drifts past a mirror. I pray to the gods to give me the strength to keep going, to keep pushing harder until he can find his way back to himself, but when I’m alone in his study, sobbing until my throat is raw, I wonder how much longer I can keep going.

  As soon as the sun rises, another large ledger is placed in front of me. I spend hours hunched over it, trying to make sense of any of it but it seems impossible. When Je Suis arrives shortly after I’ve slammed it shut out of frustration, I greet her lazily and force myself to smile, but as usual, she sees right through it as always.

  With her cloak discarded, she kisses my cheek before following me into Alexios’s study.

  “Is he doing any better?”

  I sigh, shaking my head.

  “Arun, you look absolutely exhausted,” she says, frowning.

  “I’m just… getting used to all of this paperwork,” I tell her, laughing weakly.

  She raises a finger at me, cutting me off before I can lie any further.

  “You don’t have to lie to me, sweetheart. You should know that by now.”

  Tears sting the corners of my eyes as I crumble in Alexios’s chair.

  “I’ve tried everything,” I confess. “Healing spells, food, music… sex. Nothing seems to help, Je Suis, and I don’t know what in the hells to do anymore.”

  Je Suis walks around the desk and kneels, holding my hands in hers.

  “Let me handle the paperwork, okay?” she says gently.

  “But there’s still so much to…”

  “No,” she cuts in. “No excuses. You’re going to go upstairs and rest. Unlike you, I’ve had a proper night’s rest. You’re no good to Alexios if you collapse in on yourself. Trust me, Arun.”

  Torn between guilt and the concept of relief, my shoulders slump and I nod slowly. I leave the papers right where they are and make my way to the bedroom, more than calmed by the idea of pressing myself against Alexios as I rest, but as soon as I open the bedroom door… my heart stops.

  There, on the bedroom floor, lies Alexios, body jerking violently as his arms and legs tremble, head snapping back aggressively against the floor.

  “Je Suis!” I scream, dropping to my knees beside him. “Je Suis, I need you now! Stay with me, Alexios… no, no, no, no, no.”

  His head turns languidly as I cradle it in my hands and turn him onto his side, eyes rolling back as his mouth goes slack. My hands glow, but the spell slides off him like water.

  “JE SUIS!” I call again even louder. “Please, gods… don’t take him from me.”

  Alexios’s body slams weakly against the floor and through tears, I realize the truth… he is dying in my arms.

  “Don’t leave me, don’t leave me, don’t leave me.”

  “I’m here!” Je Suis calls out, dropping beside me in an instant as she reaches into her bag.

  “He’s… oh gods… I think he’s dying,” I sob fiercely.

  She presses a vial filled with a luminous red that practically glows between his lips. I keep my hands on him, pressing whatever bit of magic I have left in my exhausted body.

  “You are not going to lose him, Arun, but I need you to breathe, alright?”

  Alexios’s body shudders one last time before finally easing. Je Suis leans down and busies herself with wiping a trail of blood from his mouth. Likely the result of him almost biting his own damn tongue off.

  “Stay with him,” she orders grimly. “This is going to be a long day… for all of us.”

  My head falls against him, sobbing and thanking the gods that his heart is still beating.