Arun

  When I step through the manor’s door… it’s like walking into another world.

  The house smells a bit like lemon oil and polished metal. The floors shine under the candlelight and they are so clean that I can see the ceiling beams reflected in them. Every single rug is perfectly aligned and every vase in the hallway is perfectly centered on its table. Even the banister of the stairs seems smoother under my fingertips.

  It’s not that the manor isn’t usually clean. It always is, of course.

  But this is different.

  It’s too clean.

  Je Suis glances around, obviously just as impressed. Alexios stands near the base of the stairs watching us. His stance is relaxed, but I can see his eyes tracking our every movement.

  Especially mine.

  I press my sketchbook to my chest even more, suddenly aware of a chill clinging to my body from the carriage ride.

  “I missed you,” he says. His voice is so smooth, but it’s hard to tell if it’s entirely… real.

  I nod once, a bit unsure of what else to give him right now. Je Suis speaks about the trip with him, but her voice fades into the background while I take in the look of the house again and how there’s not a single speck of dust catching in the light.

  Je Suis politely thanks Alexios for arranging the trip then turns to me.

  “Come on, Arun,” she says lightly. “Help me bring in the rest of the bags, please.”

  I can tell immediately it’s an excuse to get me alone so we can chat about whatever it is that we are both clearly seeing. There are no bags waiting outside, but I still follow her out of Alexios’s line of sight.

  Once back outside, she folds her arms and looks at me.

  “You were quiet the entire ride back,” she whispers. “You’ve been even quieter since we stepped inside. What’s going through your mind?”

  I shake my head.

  “It’s… nothing.”

  Her eyebrow arches and I know she’s going to push this a bit more.

  “You’re a terrible liar, darling.”

  I glance toward the door, expecting Alexios to be standing there listening to us.

  “It’s just… the house looks different, right? Like someone went over it a million times. I don’t know why, but it feels…”

  I can’t even finish the sentence because I don’t know how to put my thoughts into actual words.

  “Sterile?” she suggests.

  I nod slowly.

  “Yes, like something’s been wiped away.”

  She’s quiet for a few moments, eyes still on me, before she says softly, “If there’s something you need to tell me, you can. You know that, right?”

  “I don’t even know what I’d be telling you. It’s just a feeling, I guess. But it’s strong enough that I don’t think I can really shake it.”

  Je Suis sighs as she reaches out to rest a hand briefly on my shoulder.

  “Well, let’s keep our eyes open then, shall we?”

  When we step back into the manor, Alexios is waiting in the same place we left him, but now he has a glass of wine in his hand.

  Je Suis breezes past me and walks into the dining hall before calling over her shoulder, “Come on, you two. Let’s chat for a while and I’ll tell Alexios all about our trip, hmm?”

  I follow slowly and choose to take the chair opposite of Alexios while Je Suis settles herself between us. She tells Alexios about the museums and how one had an entire room dedicated to ancient maps that he would have been fascinated by before mentioning another museum that had a carved marble statue that looked so delicate, it seemed to breathe.

  Her eyes light up as she talks and I can’t help but smile at her energy even as my hands stay tight around my sketchbook.

  “Arun even spoiled himself a little,” she says as her eyes move over to me. “Go on, sweetie. Show him what you brought home.”

  “I… it’s not much,” I whisper, risking a glance at Alexios who tilts his head as curiosity fills his eyes.

  “Still,” Je Suis presses. “You should show him anyway. He did send us after all.”

  I hesitate but then set my sketchbook down on the table before opening the small satchel at my side. A thin leather-bound book comes out first and I place it gently next to the sketchbook, a few of the blank pages now filled with botanical drawings that I did on the way back from the trip. Next, the carved fox Je Suis gifted me and a set of graphite pencils in a wooden case. Finally, a small jar full of dried flower petals.

  “They reminded me of that garden I showed you in Baldur’s Gate when we first met,” I say quietly, too embarrassed to meet Alexios’s eyes.

  Je Suis smiles brightly at me, but Alexios’s voice comes next.

  “You chose beautifully. Everything suits you.”

  I whisper a thanks, but the unease from earlier still presses at the back of my mind.

  --

  Dinner is quiet at first.

  The servants bring out roasted duck and bread, the clink of silverware against the plates filling most of the space between us. Je Suis keeps the conversation moving eventually. She tells more small stories about the trip, interesting shopkeepers we met and even how the weather in town differs from the plantation.

  Alexios listens intently, sipping his wine in between bites of food while occasionally looking at me.

  When Je Suis finishes some story about a café we went to, Alexios leans back and says, “Thank you for taking him, Je Suis. I really do appreciate it.”

  “It was absolutely my pleasure. I just adore spending time with Arun.”

  Alexios’s eyes move to me.

  “Did you enjoy yourself, love?”

  I pause, briefly glancing over at Je Suis before finally answering.

  “Yes. It was… nice. Different.”

  “Good,” he answers as he takes another sip of wine. “Perhaps you’d like to go with me next time?”

  I’m honestly unsure of what to say at first. The thought of being alone with him for a trip confuses me. I feel the yearning… but also a bit of dread.

  “Maybe,” I answer finally.

  He smiles subtly before turning his attention back to his plate.

  We relax at the table far longer than usual and I can’t deny that the food is too good for me to even claim I’m not hungry so I let myself eat, but my mind slips away from the conversation here and there.

  Alexios and Je Suis exchange stories from over the years and I listen, answering only when one of them addresses me directly.

  Once we’ve finished our custard tarts, Alexios thanks the servants and excuses himself to “look over a few matters” in his study. He pauses briefly beside my chair and his hand rests lightly on the back of it.

  “I meant it,” he says quietly enough for only me to hear. “Next time, I really would like it to be just us.”

  I give the smallest nod in response and thankfully, he moves on to his study rather than pushing me for a better answer.

  When he’s gone, Je Suis takes a sip of her tea and moves a bit closer to me.

  “You’re still thinking, aren’t you?” she asks.

  “Always.”

  “About him?”

  I don’t even need to answer. She knows.

  Je Suis leans forward and folds her hands neatly over the tablecloth.

  “Do you want to talk about it a bit more? We can go outside for a while.”

  I look down at my plate, tracing the edge with my fingertip.

  “I don’t think it’s that simple.”

  “It never is.”

  She waits and gives me some space to think.

  “I… want to believe him.” I admit. “When he’s gentle with me, it’s easy to forget what else he’s capable of, but I can’t forget completely.”

  “And you shouldn’t. Being cautious is not a weakness here, Arun.”

  I nod, but it feels like such a hollow gesture. I can still feel the push and pull between wanting him close and wanting to be far enough away to be safe. Je Suis rests her hand briefly over mine.

  “I know you’ll find your way through it, but just don’t lose yourself in the process, okay? Talk to him about it if you need to. Have those difficult conversations with him. He probably needs to hear them.”

  What am I even supposed to say to him?

  --

  My hair is still damp from the bath as I step out into the hallway with my robe tied loosely at the waist. I assume Je Suis must already be settled into one of the guest room Alexios offered her.

  I find Alexios in his study and he looks up when I enter, setting aside the book in his lap.

  “Couldn’t sleep?” he asks.

  I shake my head.

  “Not yet.”

  My eyes look around the room and then back our into the hallways, taking in how spotless everything actually is. There’s not a single speck of dust anywhere.

  “It’s… very clean,” I say slowly. “The whole house is.”

  He smiles up at my gently while the candlelight illuminates his red eyes, undeniably pulling me in.

  “I wanted to take the time to make it that way before you came back. As… a kind of start over. For us.”

  For a moment, the sincerity in his eyes holds me.

  “I wanted you to come home to something beautiful,” he adds quietly.

  I’m… not really sure what to do with that answer.

  Alexios doesn’t move from his chair, but the look on his face makes me feel like he’s reaching for me all the same.

  “I’m truly sorry for what I did,” he says slowly. “I know you may never fully forgive me and I’ll have to live with that, but I need you to know that I want to be better than the man you saw.”

  My hand drifts down to fuss with the belt of my robe, but it’s really to just to give myself something to do than anything else.

  “I failed you, Arun. I know that. But I’m telling you now that I’m not just saying it to make you stay. I mean it.”

  I look into his eyes, hoping to see that cold look in his eyes that I’ve seen before, but it’s not there.

  “You don’t have to forgive me,” he continues. “You don’t have to trust me, but I’d like the chance to show you I can be the man you deserve to be around. Not some… tyrant you flinch from.”

  I want to believe his words. I really do.

  I want to step closer and fall into his arms, but I also remember the screams of the servants.

  “Alexios…” I start, but the rest of the thought slips.

  “You don’t have to say anything now. Just… let me try, please? That’s all I ask. I’ll do the work.”

  I can’t even look into his eyes now.

  “What if it happens again?” I ask. My voice is barely above a whisper at this point and I’m not even sure if he actually heard my question at first, but he does because his voice drops to match mine as he answers.

  “Then I’ve failed you again and I will never forgive myself for it.”

  It seems like we’re both holding our breath waiting for one another to speak. Finally, I nod once and it seems like that’s enough to loosen a little bit of the weight in his shoulders.

  “If you want to go back to your room, I do understand. I really do. But I’d like it if you stayed a while longer.”

  After a few moments considering his offer, I step forward and lower myself into the armchair across from him.

  “I’ll stay,” I say quietly. “For a just a little while, okay?”

  “Thank you. It means more than you know.”

  We sit together for a while and just listen to the fire snap softly. It’s not… comfort exactly, but it’s not the awkward and sharp distance that it was before. It’s something, I guess.

  I sip the lukewarm tea I’d carried down as Alexios watches me, likely trying to determine whether to speak again.

  When the clock in the hallway strikes the next hour, I finally rise.

  “It’s late,” I say quietly. “I should get some rest.”

  He stands too, but his movements seem almost hesitant.

  “I’ll walk you to your room.”

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  The hallway always feels so different when he’s at my side. It’s like everything around us shifts to accommodate whatever tension we still carry between us. Once we get to my door, I reach for the handle, but his voice stops me from pushing forward.

  “Arun.”

  I glance back and find him watching me with what seems to be something in between hope and hesitation in his eyes.

  “Would you… like to sleep in my bed tonight?”

  He sounds… timid?

  The offer makes me ache for him, but I shake my head slowly.

  “No. Not tonight. I’m sorry, Alexios.”

  His expression falters briefly, but he nods and gives me a small smile.

  “I understand. Thank you for considering it anyway.”

  He steps back to give me space and I slip inside my room before closing the door softly between us. For several minutes, I can feel him still standing outside the door before his footsteps eventually fade down the hall.

  I lean back against the door and close my eyes. I realize I don’t actually feel scared of him anymore, but it still seems like we’ve left something devastatingly unfinished.

  --

  It’s been about a week since I returned from the trip with Je Suis. Alexios and I talk more now and it feels slightly easier too. We talk about the weather, the garden and even the books that Je Suis recommended to me, but there’s still space between us.

  It’s space that I’m keeping there.

  My healing room smells a bit like medicinal herbs and that sharp scent of alcohol. Three servants are here today. Two have some minor injuries and the other is recovering from a fever. I’m halfway through grinding down some dried roots into a fine powder when I hear footsteps outside the door.

  Alexios leans in the doorway and leans casually against its frame.

  “Are you hard at work today?”

  “Yes,” I answer without even looking up from the mortar I’m using. “I need to give my attention to the servants today.”

  He nods.

  “I understand.”

  Honestly, I expect him to just leave, but he takes a few steps inside instead.

  “May I watch?” he asks.

  I look up at him as I stop moving the pestle. Is he taking a genuine interest here or is this just a game? He’s standing there without his usual calculated presence and his eyes move from the injured servant sitting on one of the cots to the small jars lined along the shelf and then back to me.

  “It doesn’t bother me,” I say finally. “But please… don’t interrupt.”

  He tries to hide a soft smile, but I see it anyway as he takes a seat near the door, out of the way of the servants.

  “I’ll be quiet, I promise.”

  I go back to my work, but I’m suddenly very aware that he’s watching each careful movement of my hands.

  I measure out the powdered root into a little glass vial. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Alexios leaning slightly forward in his chair. His focus is sharpened on my every step.

  The servant on the cots shifts a little and I set the vial aside to kneel beside him. My hand hovers over the wound at his side and I can feel the warmth pulsing through my palm before I press lightly to let the restoration spell work. His skin glows faintly and threads of golden light knit the injury closed.

  Alexios gasps so quietly that I almost miss it.

  “What’s in the tincture you made a few moments ago?” he asks, speaking quietly so it doesn’t disturb the quietness of the room.

  “Whitecandle, Thornapple, and Tephrosia”, I say without looking up. “It will be used for inflammation and pain relief if there’s any after I’ve healed someone.”

  He watches as the last of the servant’s wound fades into smooth skin again.

  “Does that spell take much from you?

  “No, not at all. Especially not for something this small. It’s when the injury’s bad that I might feel it after.”

  “Like the alligator attack?”

  I nod gently and move to the next servant, preparing a salve as I go. Alexios watches as I dab it carefully along a rash on her arm. I keep my touch very gentle and precise.

  “You are so patient with what you do,” he says after a while. “The way you use your magic and the ingredients here. It’s not just skill. It’s… quite beautiful.”

  I pause mid-motion at the sincerity in his tone, but I choose not to respond. I just focus on applying the salve again and let the words hand between us.

  Finally, I set the salve jar back on the table and reach for a clean linen bandage to wrap the servant’s arm. As I smooth it into place, I look up and find Alexios’s eyes right on me.

  He actually looks… curious.

  Neither of us move or look away, but the servant shifts slightly and it pulls my eyes down quickly so I can tie the wrap in a neat knot.

  When I finally stand up fully again, he’s sitting back in the chair with a composed look on his face, but I swear I can still see the lingering look of curiosity in his eyes.

  As I gather the empty jars to put them back on the shelf, Alexios stands from his chair as he walks forward to me.

  “You look like you belong here,” he says quietly. “They trust you. I can see it.”

  I try to keep my hands busy because I’m not sure how to answer. He steps even closer.

  “You’re truly beautiful, Arun. You always have been. We’re all lucky to have you here.”

  Before I can think of anything to say, he steps back and gives me a small bow.

  “I’ll let you get back to your work.”

  The door shuts behind him with a soft click and the room suddenly feels… different again. I’m left standing here with a handful of empty jars and a pulse I just can’t quite get under control.

  I stare down at the jars in my hand before finally putting them on the counter and the servants I’ve been helping give me their thanks as they rise to leave. My mind isn’t on their voice though.

  It’s caught on his.

  It’s not like Alexios hasn’t said things like that to me before obviously, but this time it felt like there wasn’t a clear attempt to fluster me or make me blush. It’s just the truth.

  Or at least what he wanted me to believe was the truth.

  I lean back against the table and a part of me wants to take the words so they can settle somewhere in my heart. Another part of me remembers the sound of his voice when he was shouting in the courtyard and the fear that still finds its way to me when I think about that day.

  But my heart is almost restless. I hate that I can’t stop feeling both things at once.

  I push away from the table, desperate to make my mind stop lingering on Alexios’s voice any longer. The best cure for a restless heart is busy hands, I suppose.

  Eventually, I step out into the hallways and see one of the field workers pass through with a small basket of herbs.

  “Excuse me,” I say as I walk quickly to catch up with them. “How are the Alchemilla beds doing? I don’t think I’ve really been out to check them in a bit.”

  She pauses and balances the basket against her hip.

  “Eh, strong this season, believe it or not. We’ve been drying petals for teas and even poultices. Should be ready for you to use soon if you’d like?”

  I nod quickly in an attempt to show the same focus I had earlier in the day.

  “That’s good. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, may I have some brought to the healing room when they’re ready?”

  The servant bows at my request and continues on. I take a deep breath and let the movement of everyone in the manor pull me back into the rhythm of work. If I keep busy enough, I bet I can keep Alexios’s words from echoing in my head.

  --

  I’m on my way back from one of the storage rooms when I round a corner too quickly and almost walk straight into Alexios.

  He steps aside smoothly.

  “Hello, dear.”

  “Alexios,” I incline my head, half expecting him to just move on and go about his day, but he stays there in the hallway with me.

  “Would you… let me take you out to dinner one day?”

  I’m honestly caught off guard by the question.

  “Um… dinner? Out in the city?”

  He smiles down at me and nods.

  “Somewhere nice. Just the two of us. No business, no interruptions. Would you like that?”

  I don’t know whether to say yes or remind him that things between us still aren’t fixed, but he seems almost hopeful.

  “I’ll think about it,” I say at last, attempting to keep my tone somewhat even.

  He looks slightly disappointed that I didn’t immediately say yes, but he doesn’t mention it.

  “Of course,” he responds. Although his voice seems rather warm and inviting, I can still catch a bit of tension underneath it all. “Whenever you’re ready, love.”

  I excuse myself and step past him, but I can still feel him watching me as I walk down the corridor before turning another corner.

  --

  The manor is quiet and calm when I settle in by the window in my bedroom with a sketchbook. The moonlight falls over the pages, highlighting my pencil strokes as I work.

  I start with something simple like a curl of ivy and the way it loops, but my minds drifts as my hand moves over the page. Inevitably, the lines shift and it becomes the long, elegant shape of a man’s profile, but… it’s not Alexios.

  High cheekbones.

  Soft shoulder length hair like spun gold.

  A trace of a tender smile that could turn into disappointment, depending on his mood.

  It’s been three years since I’ve seen my former master.

  I still don’t know if he even made it out of the fire. I tell myself that’s why I haven’t tried seeking him out. There’s no use in finding a corpse and no sense in scraping open wounds that never even really healed.

  But the truth is that I’m afraid of what I might feel if I found him alive.

  If he did make it out, he hasn’t attempted to seek me out either.

  He used to say he loved me and I believed him for a long time. Looking back now, his love always came with a condition. I had to be beautiful, obedient, even entertaining.

  I had to be what he wanted when he wanted it.

  The drawing on the page looks exactly like him now. I close the sketchbook before I can think too hard about why I drew it in the first place.

  It doesn’t close him out of my head though.

  The longer I sit here, the more the memories start to bleed together. I think about that cool composure they both carry and how they can command a room without effort.

  The moments of generosity they both give can almost make me forget about the cruelty.

  I want to tell myself that they’re not the same and that Alexios really is different. He’s trying to be better. Lately, at least.

  But the shadow of my old master weighs down on my shoulders and now I’m wondering if I’ve only traded one cage for another.

  My eyes sting and I realize I’m crying now. The tears slide down my face and I try to push them away, hating that I’m letting memories dictate how I see Alexios.

  The pencil rolls from the desk to the floor, but I don’t even bother to pick it up.

  I hear the door open before I can take the time to dry my face.

  “Arun?”

  Alexios’s voice is quiet enough, but I gasp and slide the sketchbook onto the desk, turning it away from him. He carefully steps closer to me.

  “Is there anything I can do to help you?”

  I look away.

  “I don’t know if you can.”

  “Try me.”

  The words are simple, but they still carry a bit of weight somehow. I bite my lip and then force out the truth before I can stop myself.

  “I’m… scared. Not of you exactly, but what you could be. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just here because you want me to be or because I’m something to look at or keep. I’ve been in that place before, Alexios. I don’t… I can’t do it again.”

  He doesn’t answer me right away, but the look on his face almost makes it seem like I’ve slapped him across the face.

  “Arun,” he says at last. “I don’t ever want you to feel that way. I’m sorry that everything I’ve done has made you doubt your importance to me. I…”

  He sighs heavily and looks away like he’s trying to steady himself.

  “Arun, may I hold you?”

  The pure honestly in his eyes disarms me and I find myself nodding.

  Alexios steps closer, careful to move slowly so he doesn’t startle me. He slips his arms around my shoulders and pulls me gentle into his chest. His body is warm and his hold on me is firm rather than something possessive.

  I let myself truly breathe now.

  His arms tighten as one of his hands smooths down the back of my head. I can hear the steady rhythm of his breathing and I realize that although the silence feels heavy, it’s not suffocating. It feels more like a blanket that I’m still not sure I’m ready to wrap myself in, but I keep my face tucked into the fabric of his robe anyway.

  It’s a strange comfort knowing that this is Alexios and his touch doesn’t come with the same hooks hidden beneath it when it comes to me.

  After a while, he tilts his head slightly so his cheek brushes my hair.

  “If you ever feel that fear again, tell me. Even if it’s ugly or makes me feel like I’ve failed you. I’d rather know than let you just… carry that alone.”

  Instead of letting go all at once, he loosens his embrace on me bit by bit like he’s trying to give me the choice to get away from him quickly.

  I don’t.

  When he finally pulls away, I see nothing but gentleness in his eyes. He keeps a hand on one of my arms and whispers, “Thank you… for letting me stay.”

  He’s still close enough that I can see that little crease between his eyebrows. I know he’s thinking.

  “How can I truly be a better man for you?” he asks softly.

  Alexios sure does have a way of asking me questions that catch me off guard. This is one of them. I don’t think anyone has ever really asked me that before. Especially not like this and not without some attempt to defend themselves before I’ve even opened my mouth to answer.

  “You’re… already trying. But…”

  I hesitate and look down at his hand where it rests lightly on my arm.

  “You have the power to be like my old master. You have the ability to be like that and that’s what scares me.”

  He doesn’t flinch away from the honesty of my answer, thankfully.

  “Just… listen to me when I say stop,” I continue. “Don’t make my worth about what I can give you or how I look. Don’t punish me for not being what you want in the moment.”

  “I can do that,” he says. “I can try… no, I will try. But I need you to tell me if I fail, okay?”

  “That’s the hard part,” I admit.

  He brushes a strand of curly hair away from my face and lets his touch linger for a few moments. I lean into his touch willingly.

  “Then we’ll make it less hard. How about that?”

  I move from the chair to the edge of my bed, pulling at the edge of the blanket as he moves to leave.

  “Will you… stay? Tonight?”

  For a second, I think he’ll say no, but he eventually nods.

  “I can sleep in the chair,” he says.

  I shake my head. It’s not the compromise I want tonight.

  “No. I mean… in the bed. Not touching. Just… there.”

  I think he’s trying to figure out if I actually mean what I’m saying. He crosses back over to me and smiles softly.

  “If that’s what you want,” he answers quietly. “How could I ever refuse you?”

  I slide over to make space for him and he moves gracefully, lowering himself onto the bed without letting his arm or leg brush against mine. I lie there on my side and listen to the steady sound of his breathing.

  Surprisingly… I don’t dread falling asleep tonight.

  --

  I wake to the gentle sound of my bedsheets shifting around and for a moment, I can’t remember why there’s someone beside me. Then I glance over and see Alexios still in bed. He’s sitting up slightly like he stopped trancing a while ago.

  “Good morning,” I whisper. My voice is still so heavy with sleep.

  “Good morning,” he answers back.

  We just… look at each other for a few seconds and then his eyes move to my lips. It almost looks like he’s going to lean in and close the space between us, but he stops and leans back instead.

  I’m not sure if I’m relieved or disappointed. All I know is that his movements feel so hesitant. It feels rare enough to be grateful for it.

  He’s still close enough that I can still see the way his eyes are searching mine and it makes my heart beat faster.

  “You can kiss me if you want.”

  His eyes narrow a bit, wondering if he heard me correctly. Then he slowly leans forward and closes the last few inches of space.

  His lips are warm and there’s no dominance in the kiss. His hand lifts and brushes against my cheek as if he wants to steady me there with him. When his lips eventually leave mine, he presses his forehead against mine.

  “What a perfect way to start the morning,” he says.

  I realize I’ve been quiet for too long and my fingers twist in the sheets before I force myself to speak.

  “I… thought more about you taking me to dinner one night.”

  Alexios looks like he’s bracing for my refusal.

  “I’ll go,” I say finally.

  He lets out a breath of relief.

  “I’m so happy to hear that,” he says softly. I think he’s genuinely trying to hide his excitement. “How about tonight then?”

  I look away, pretending to smooth the blanket over my lap.

  “That sounds good. I think it might be nice. Just… us, you know?”

  “Exactly,” he agrees.

  To my surprise, it feels like the air between us is lighter now.

  --

  Later in the morning, I wander downstairs and find myself stopping in the doorway of Alexios’s study. He’s leaning over his desk looking at the papers spread out in neat stacks. There’s a look on his face that I don’t think I’ve ever really seen too often.

  Happiness.

  When he looks up and notices me, his smile deepens.

  “Arun, you’re just in time for good news.”

  I step in, curiosity framing my face.

  “Good news?”

  He motions for me to come closer and then slides a few papers across the desk.

  “These are approved contracts. Several cities have agreed to long-term deals here. I have official agreements. Signatures, seals… the works.”

  “That’s big,” I say as I look over the handwriting and fancy stamps.

  “It means I can actually expand the plantation considerably through our region and maybe to others soon,” he explains. Excitement threads through his voice and then his eyes move back to me. “It also means more money to spoil you with.”

  I gasp quietly as heat rises to my cheeks.

  “Oh… you don’t have to…”

  “I know,” he interrupts. “But I really want to.”

  His attention makes me look away, but not before I catch the satisfaction in his eyes. His smile quickly fades into something more careful.

  “That’s… okay, isn’t it?” he asks as he searches my face. “I know we’re still in a very rough place and I don’t want you to think I’m trying to buy my way out of that. I’m not.”

  “It’s okay,” I whisper. It’s a hesitant answer but at least it’s honest. “I just don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

  “I’d like to see you spoiled a little,” he says firmly. “Maybe something for your bedroom or even a trip to somewhere you’ve always wanted to see. Or… something only I get to see you wear.”

  His eyes sweep down my body and it actually pulls a laugh from me, even if my cheeks are still rather warm.

  “We’ll see.”

  “Fair enough,” he replies, leaning back in his chair. He’s watching me like I’m the only thing worth looking at in the entire room. “The plantation will thrive, but so will you. That is the goal.”

  Alexios leans forward and taps a finger against one of the maps on his desk. “In terms of expansion, I’ve been looking at the fields south of the property. The soil is very rich there and I think we can extend the irrigation lines without too much trouble. What do you think, my love?”

  I step closer to examine the map too.

  “Well… I think that property gets more shade in the afternoons so that could help some of the more delicate plants you have here. Especially the ones that don’t really do too well in direct sunlight and heat.”

  I can tell he’s impressed by my answer.

  “That’s a good point. I don’t think I even considered that.”

  He pulls a blank sheet of paper towards him and makes a note. I glance at the map again and see a few fields in the eastern area of the map circled.

  “What about these? Maybe the workers could alternate the crops there so the soil doesn’t get too exhausted.”

  He looks up at me again and tilts his head.

  “You’re full of ideas today, hmm?”

  I shrug and pretend it’s nothing, but I feel a small bit of pride bursting through my chest.

  “Just trying to get a better idea of the work you’re doing here.”

  “Then maybe I should have you join more of these discussions. You clearly see things I miss.”

  I realize that he’s not saying this to make some idle compliment.

  He genuinely means it and honestly… I like the idea.

  Alexios eventually sets his quill down before he speaks again.

  “So about our dinner,” he says. “It’s not to buy your affection back. I know I can’t do that. I know I have to do better for you, Arun, and not just for a night. I want you to see that I can be someone worthy of your trust.”

  “It’s just dinner,” I answer.

  “It’s a fresh start.”

  I realize he’s right. It’s not just the food or even the setting. It’s the intention behind it. Alexios looks at me for a bit longer before he asks, “Would you like for the servants to help you dress for tonight?”

  I shake my head no.

  “I think it’s still a bit awkward between everything and everyone.”

  He accepts my answer with argument.

  “Take your time then. I’ll make sure the carriage is ready when you are, yes?”

  I can’t help but blush as I nod and head out of the office.

  Things between us feel… right as of now.

  --

  I head upstairs to bathe and close the door behind me before running a bath. The warm water adds to my comfort and I let my muscles relax properly. The room is quiet except for the occasional drip from the faucet.

  At one point, I hear footsteps outside of the door and they pause. I know it’s Alexios, but he doesn’t knock or call out. He just lingers for a moment almost like he’s making sure I’m really here and not going anywhere before he walks away again.

  I’m oddly grateful for the way he stays close but knows when to not interrupt.

  When I finally finish my bath and step out, the water’s a bit chilly now and my skin smells like that lavender soap Alexios knows I’ve grown fond of. I dress in my emerald dress robes slowly, allowing myself to understand what tonight might mean for us.

  When I finally make my way downstairs, the manor seems even quieter than usual at this time of day. Alexios is the main hallways taking to one of the servants about carriage arrangements. His posture is composed, but as soon as he sees me, the conversation dies mid-sentence.

  His eyes trail up and down my body and he takes me in slowly. I think he’s trying to memorize the sight of this exact moment.

  “Arun…” he pauses. “You look unreasonably divine.”

  I adjust the cuff of the silk robe, a little unsure about what to do about the blush on my cheeks.

  “It’s just dinner, Alexios.”

  A soft laugh breaks from his lips.

  “With you, nothing is ‘just’”

  I smile warmly and realize that I’m forgetting how awkward things have been between us.

  Fantasy Plant Compendium. I'm obviously taking a lot of liberties here with the various plants that are being grown at Blackwood Plantation so please don't roast me.