If the price is right. I’m willing to do nearly any kind of job.

  Of course, I have limits and boundaries on what I do.

  For one, I’d rather not kill any kids or women. I’m a gentleman after all. One day, I’m sure I’ll be a good father to my harem’s many spawns.

  For now, however, I was loitering around the ‘Dusty Maclaren’. Unlike what the name suggests, it was a high class establishment full of public officials, spoiled noble kids and degenerates.

  Why was a man such as me there?

  Well, I’d made a decently good amount on a job.

  What better way to celebrate, than to tell some of the waiting girls my charming stories and flaunt some credits their way?

  I had a redhead on my left and a charming blonde elf on my right. I was getting dizzy whisking my head around to finish off my story, still, I could drink more. I was a heavy weight in that regard. It was the heaviest part about me.

  As much as I see myself as heroic - a real run of the mill hero - I was light on my feet, nimbly slim but tall with a freshly shaved stubble and shaved head.

  Lisa and Tabithia - ‘God their skin looks so soft’ - were enjoying my tales. They laughed after a good joke, winning me a loud chuckle and snort of my own. Some well dressed lizard man, sat with big bellied oafs glanced my way.

  Ah! They must have been jealous. All that cash, enough for them to wear the finest silks and flaunt pieces of jewellery that could feed me for months, but without my charisma and looks, it only won you a table of dudes.

  Yuck!

  I signalled over a waiter and watched as he upturned his brow at me, while I requested three more drinks.

  “Gosh. Such an endearing tale,” Lisa said in a low, seductive tongue and flicked her red hair over her ear.

  Tabithia nodded and groaned in agreement.

  ‘A few more of these and one of you will be groaning for an entirely different reason. Or both?’

  “It was real easy. You know, all these newbie guild members pipe up how difficult adventuring is. It’s usually to veer the newcomers away from taking their quests.”

  “You know so much,” Lisa said, rubbing my forearm with a cute little glint of her eyes.

  Right as I was about to tell another tale, I noticed the waiter was still standing at our table, dressed in his waist coat and white shirt.

  ‘Oh right’

  Taking out my net card. Our world’s trusty little way of tracking identification, storing funds, and keeping track of skills. I swiped it against their little card machine. I usually carried gold for these sorts of things, but sometimes it weighs you down!

  My smirk was ruined by a beep and three very judgemental faces.

  What happened after that was all a misunderstanding. The fine lads and lasses of the establishment, just couldn’t understand that there was some sort of mistake. So of course, I voiced my opinions, I even asked to start a tab!

  Thrown out by the bouncers and hissed at by the ladies who’d entertained me so far.

  I somehow ended back up at my usual spot. The ‘Running Thunder’. The land lady was working tonight, thank god.

  For some reason - her newer employee – a real mean young thing, with the right assets and looks, albeit cold eyes, always denied me a tab when I was down in the dumps. She was new, so it made sense, the land lady probably told her not to hand out tabs like they were candy. She needed time to warm up to me. Yeah… that was why.

  “Well, ya look like shit,” Landlady Berty called out as I barged through the front doors.

  It was pretty quiet. Which was perfect for me; it was a real rough and tumble sort of place that was a few streets away from the local guild. I much preferred downing my problems here than at the guild’s tavern. There were too many baby faces, losers who didn’t know what a real drink tasted like.

  Berty knew best.

  “Ah! Looks like you’ve grown even more beautiful in the last few days. Ain’t you happy to see me?”

  Berty carried on putting away glasses while I found myself a stool at the bar. A few seats down was a bearded dwarf, he was dressed for winter, though it was mid-way through spring. He gave me a brief nod as I seated myself.

  “Guessin’ you’re down on funds again? Come to bless us with your presence; count us lucky Berty!”

  I winced at the small idiot.

  “One drink of something brown. Put it on my tab-“

  “When do you plan on paying this ever growing tab? Been a few weeks. That’s a while, even for you darlin’.”

  I swigged back the liquid as soon as she passed it to me.

  That’s the stuff, it keeps me going, keeps me warm, there’s nothing better than a bit of liquor.

  I groaned, loudly.

  “I’ll pay you back Berty. I always do.”

  “No doubt bout that. I’m just… a little worried for ya’.’ Been a while since ya’ve been this down in the dumps.”

  “Don’t bother worrying about em’.’ An idiots an idiot, but this one always lands on his feet.”

  ‘Did this pea sized goat just call me stupid?’

  Sharpening my grin, I stared daggers into the oaf until he huffed and looked away. Honestly, these damn dwarves. They always talk big, but back down once they realise you can boot em’ like a football.

  “Problem is. There’s no damn high paying jobs at the guild. That and all the pros are already partied up until winter!”

  Berty shook her head. I could smell a consoling tale coming my way, but I was in no mood to be comforted.

  So, I settled in for one of her award - winning inspirational speeches… And when she was done, I’d sneakily poured myself another pint once the dwarf ushered in his two gold pieces’ worth.

  God these people.

  Nestling into a booth on my own. The faint tune playing in the tavern kept my mind adrift, my body light while I smoked a cheap cigarette to match the taste of beer.

  I went a whole ten minutes before I was bothered again - by a shady looking older fella’ wearing a black fedora and black suit. He looked like the office type, the type of guy to write up reports and complain to a cushy wife about his day.

  If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  For whatever reason, he’d taken a seat opposite me.

  I belched and focused my eyes on the guy.

  “Plenty of other seats fella’. I advise you find one.”

  “Ah, quick to anger I take it.”

  I grit my teeth and stared him down. He didn’t look tough. All these office types never were, and with a long enough glare they usually backed off.

  This guy wasn’t backing off though…

  “I have a proposition.”

  “Propositions are for the rich types and for bargaining with hookers. I ain’t either.”

  The bastard laughed like I just had agreed to give him all my hard earned cash. Right now, that was all but a few measly gold coins - not even enough for two days of food. How was I gonna survive? Could kill some rats.

  Eww!

  No I couldn’t stoop that low.

  “I have a job for - a man such as yourself.”

  “Wadda’ know about me pal?”

  He gently patted some soot or dirt from his immaculate suit shoulder.

  “I know a great number of things. Most of which that lovely lady at the counter told me.”

  Glancing over at Berty, she was dealing with another customer - that crass hag. Not even ten minutes had passed and she’s finding me charity work.

  “I don’t know what she might have said, but I’m a very busy man. Whatever the job is, I doubt it’s worth the hassle - “

  “I can pay a sizeable amount upfront. To help cover any costs in the meantime, then once the job is done, there will be plenty more.”

  I was intrigued.

  “Go on…”

  “The job is pretty simple. Delve into a dungeon - “

  Pftt!

  “A dungeon?! You think I’m gonna risk my neck for you? Ask one of the guild schmucks.”

  I was just about to get up and leave when he cleared his throat loudly.

  “This job is too sensitive and like you have mentioned… those at the guild are too honourable and frankly, quite stupid.

  I liked that.

  “Still though. Ask a mercenary.”

  “Why would I do that? When you have all the qualities I seek.”

  He sure had a way of stroking one’s ego.

  “Those qualities being?...”

  “You’re selfish, cowardly, very lucky and I trust you don’t care about the greater good.”

  “Hey, fella!”

  “But… The gold is more important to you than the artefact I want you to take.”

  I should smack him.

  “An artifact? How can you even trust me to not swipe it for myself? Considering you ‘know’ of my character.”

  “I have eyes and ears everywhere; plus I doubt the artifact is anything you would care for.”

  “Well, what is it?” I asked with widened eyes and a grin.

  “I suppose we should build a level of ‘trust’ between us. It is a device capable of granting eternal life. My associates buried it on the grounds where the dungeon formed, long before it came to be. Of course, when the dungeon created itself, that put our hidey-hole into a compromising position for anyone who may beat it.”

  “Yeah… to be fair, I’m not interested in extending my shitty life. Especially not forever; I have enough problems.”

  “Right, right. So what do you say, friend?”

  Wracking my brain over the offer - being paid up front was a plus. I, of course, hated and doubted I could clear a dungeon. As great as I am, I don’t have many standard skills nor do I specialise in anything outside of traps and trickery. I’m a handsome rogue, after all.

  “As tempting as that sounds. There’s no way I can clear the dungeon alone.”

  “Then don’t do it alone,” he said. “Form a party at the guild you boast about being a part of and use them to get to the bottom of the dungeon.”

  “But you said you didn’t want adventurers-“

  “Don’t tell them, obviously. Use your charm and wit to win them over and the promise of defeating a dungeon under their belt. The thicker they are and the less likely to read into things, the better.”

  “Still, though… I’ll still have to actually clear the dungeon-“

  With a mighty THUD and CLANK, the mysterious man planted a hefty coin purse on the table.

  I eyed him and then quickly dove inside it. By the gods there were hundreds of gold coins inside. Each coin was shiner than the last. That alone would have kept me fed and housed for a couple of months.

  “Once the job is complete, I’ll pay you the same again; plus, there’ll be gold at the end of the dungeon. Thousands, even.”

  This was starting to look pretty sketchy. Luckily for me, sketchy was my favourite kind of party. I snatched the purse from the table and tucked it in my satchel.

  “Looks like someone’s made their decision.”

  “It’ll take a while to form the right party. The right fools.”

  “There’s no time limit. As I said, I have eyes and ears everywhere.”

  All of a sudden, a small, oval shaped green glow opened up on his forehead. What I saw next was a grotesque green eye - a third eye. So this guy was some sort of psychic or sorcerer; he certainly didn’t look the type.

  “I’ll have my people waiting near the entrance for once you finish. From there, we go our separate ways.”

  Was that a threat? Or just him being cautious?

  “Eh. Calm it will ya? I won’t screw you.”

  He rose to his feet and spoke calmly, “I - am the one that does the screwing.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” And then he was gone.

  I paid off my tab with Berty. She seemed thrilled I actually had cash for once and now with this job, there’d be a lot more of it.

  For once. I decided to be smart and mature and deposit the gold at a local bank. Checking my status window, I was over the moon to see so much cash in my net. I had to celebrate. A part of me wanted to go back to The Dusty Maclaren just to flex on those mofos, but I’d surely burn through it in one night.

  So I did the next best thing. I booked into a fine, dainty little Inn called the Crackle and Spark. I took in the wonderful view of the receptionist when she bent to pick up some paperwork from the floor.

  “What an ass-“

  She turned her head faster than I could anticipate. “What was that?”

  “Ouu! What a small draft! It’s a little chilly in here.”

  Her face fixed up straight away as she laughed. “Maybe you’re sick? I assure you the whole building is well-heated. There’s a fireplace in your room. That’ll help.”

  “Sure thing, miss.”

  Leaving the few belongings I had in my room, I ventured just past the centre of town and before the Town hall. Creeping through a back alley, I knocked on a door sandwiched between the brown bricks of the buildings on either side of me.

  The door whisked open as a rather drunk man sauntered on past, already puffing on a cigar and coughing. There the mistress of this fine establishment greeted me – warmly at first, until she recognised my face.

  “Ah. Barn. Back to see her again, are you? The sin of man. The sin of lust.”

  I handed her enough gold for an hour or two. “You know, if you want people to keep coming, you shouldn’t spout that religious nonsense.”

  She crossed her arms and eyed me intently. She was a chubby girl, round-faced, with curly brunette hair that contradicted her older looks. At one point she was surely a working girl here too, until she was thrust into managing the younger lot.

  I didn’t need her to direct me to the top floor, to the door at the very end of the red tinted hall, doused in all types of groans, moans, and guttural yells of release. Right before I knocked, I even heard the crack of a whip. I was beyond tempted to sneak a peek at the lucky lad receiving his punishment.

  The door opened shyly, greeting me with a petite, purple-skinned succubus with black inked tattoos on both her arms. If I remember correctly, it was a coming-of-age ritual for most succubi; depending on their clans, their tattoos differed and held different meanings.

  Along with her purple skin came a long-yet-thin tail; the end was shaped like a heart. Her body was toned in the right places, softer in others. What I liked most about her were her thighs and ass. Her little breasts seemed to outline them as her best asset even more. Last but not least, her hair was black, brushed, and sometimes hung over her forehead if she didn’t brush it away.

  “Oh! Barn! You’re back again! It’s been a week, so…”

  What started out as her jumping up and down and hugging me mellowed out into a disappointed glare at the floorboards.

  “You always worry I’ll never come back, and then I do. I don’t know if it’s a tactic - using my guilt against my pockets.”

  “That’s so not true! Unfair.”

  I took a seat on her purple-decorated bed, a few metres away from her window and balcony. “Well, tell me about your week.”

  She grinned cutely and bounced down beside me. For a working girl like her, things didn’t really change, I guess. She had mostly just worked, worked, and then worked some more. With the free time she had, she went on a walk down by one of the canals, where an annoying passerby tried flirting with her, got rejected, and then cursed at her.

  She recounted the story so casually I doubted she was scared when it happened. She dealt with those types of people daily, after all. When it was my turn, I left out most of the finer details and just told her I’d been hard at work down by the guild.- completing quests, doing my part for society. She seemed pleased. Gullibly pleased.

  What happened after that was two hours of earth shaking- sex, if I do say so myself. Once I hit my peak, I rolled onto the other side of the bed and curled into a ball.

  It was to help with blood flow!

  Well.. it was more a habit I had formed ever since I lost my V - card. The first girl I slept with was a soaker, and well… when I finished so did she. I was so confused and inexperienced and drenched in what I thought was piss. All I could do was curl up while she insistently asked if I was okay.

  Ion was already reaching for her undergarments with her tail, while whistling like she’d just returned home with groceries. The other thing I liked about her was how hard it was to faze her. Practically nothing I did or said raised any red flags for her. From some of the stories she told me about how other guys treated her, I kind of understood why.

  Right... it passed. I jumped into my clothes and readied myself for sleep back at my inn.

  “Where are you going?” she hummed.

  I was halfway to the door. “My time’s over, sugar.”

  “My break starts now. So, I’m totally free for an hour. Stay with me. We could talk some more or if you want more.” She raised up a finger and drove it in and out of the “O” she formed with her other hand.

  “I’m tuckered out after that, but… sure - we could talk some more.”