The jungle thickened until the path was more suggestion than promise. Every leaf dripped spite.
Leo studied the map again. “This is ridiculous. We’ve followed the dotted line, avoided feline dismemberment, and still—nothing. Where’s the reward?”
“The reward,” Harlada said, “is that we’re not cat food.”
“Not good enough.” Leo jabbed the parchment. “Last tutorial we got loot for breathing correctly. I demand consistency.”
The maze pulsed.
Complaint registered: Player requests reward for existing.
Processing…
Reward granted.
Something plopped into Leo’s hand.
He looked down.
A fly swatter. Pink. Feather-trimmed. Smelled faintly of despair.
Bert leaned in, impressed. “Legendary?”
The maze pulsed.
Rarity: Common. Effect: Confidence Damage. Durability: Already Questionable.
Harlada smirked. “Congratulations. You’re armed against particularly weak mosquitoes.”
Leo twirled it grimly. “I’ll make it work.”
“That,” she said, “is what every tragic hero says before they die pointlessly.”
The maze pulsed again.
Side Quest Unlocked: Smack Destiny. Reward: TBD.
Leo sighed. “I hate this place.”
Bert nodded. “But it does have consistent theming.”
***
The path spat them into a small stone courtyard, where three doors waited — ancient, mossy, and smug about it. Each had a carved symbol that was supposed to be helpful but mostly looked like a rock’s opinion on art.
Leo leaned closer to the first one. “All right, this one’s… what, a… bug?”
Bert squinted. “Could be an ant.”
“Could be a grasshopper,” Harlada countered. “Could be a sneeze someone fossilized.”
Leo stepped back. “Fine. Door one: bug-like disaster. Door two?”
The second door had a wavy line etched across it.
“Water?” Bert guessed. “Or snakes?”
If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
“Or someone just really committed to abstract expressionism,” Harlada said.
The third door featured teeth. Or mountains. Possibly both.
Leo crossed his arms. “Let me guess: door three is either a crocodile or poor dental hygiene.”
The maze pulsed.
Hint: Incorrect, Incorrect, and Vaguely Offensive.
Bert frowned. “So… what are they?”
Answer: That’s for you to figure out. Tutorial level: Active.
Leo sighed. “Can we have a less abstract tutorial? Maybe with captions?”
Request denied. Artistic integrity maintained.
He lifted the fly swatter, tapping it on his palm like a judge who’d lost jurisdiction. “Fine. Jury’s in session. Exhibit A: squiggly nonsense.”
Bert leaned forward. “Maybe it’s a test of observation.”
Harlada smirked. “If so, we’re failing magnificently.”
The maze pulsed again.
Observation logged: Self-awareness detected. Progress: 0%.
Leo thunked the swatter against the ground. “Court adjourned. We’re sleeping on it.”
***
They sat in front of the three doors like philosophers who’d failed basic geometry.
The symbols glared down — bug, squiggle, teeth — each daring them to make a mistake.
Leo pointed the fly swatter like a sceptre. “All right. Let’s focus. We can’t just rush in and die again.”
Harlada raised an eyebrow. “You say that as if it’s optional.”
“It is optional,” Leo said. “Because if we die, we get dumped into another tutorial. I refuse to do another tutorial.”
Bert tilted his head. “Technically, we’re already in one.”
“That’s beside the point.”
The maze pulsed.
Fact-check: He is, in fact, inside a tutorial.
“See?” Bert said, smug.
Leo ignored it. “We think first. We plan. We don’t become educational material.”
Harlada stretched, hovering a few inches off the ground. “Maybe another tutorial wouldn’t be so bad. We’re good at dying. It’s our defining skill.”
Leo glared. “You want to start over again? New trauma, same dialogue?”
She shrugged. “At least it would be shorter.”
The maze pulsed.
Motivation level: Concerning.
Bert frowned suddenly, staring at the doors. “Wait. How did we even get here?”
Both of them looked at him.
“You mean this level?” Leo asked.
“No, like…” Bert waved vaguely upward. “The whole Maze thing. We just were, and then we were here. Did we… apply?”
Harlada blinked. “You’re asking now?”
Bert nodded, serious. “Seems relevant.”
Leo rubbed his temples. “You’re right. That’s the question that’ll save us.”
The maze pulsed, amused.
Philosophical Inquiry Detected. Reward: Mild Confusion.
They sat there in silence. Dripping vines. Buzzing insects. Existential dread.
Finally, Leo stood, swatter raised. “All right. No one touch anything. We’re sleeping first, thinking later.”
Harlada smirked. “Truly the hallmark of strategy.”
Bert yawned. “If we dream of doors, does that count as progress?”
The maze pulsed, dry.
Progress: Pending.
