I sat at the edge of the rails, staring into the distance, watching as the rain fell blanketing everything for as far as my eyes could travel, the pitter and patter, lulling me into the closest semblance of peace I could experience, slowly a smile formed on my face as the cool breeze washed over me “this is so unreasonably nice” I thought to myself as I stretched my hands into the rain, feeling the cold droplets flowing down my hand, normally one would be safe to assume that there would be some profound thoughts swimming through my head or something of that nature, but no- no, there was nothing in here, just the childlike wonder of seeing rain for the first time “I wouldn't be sitting there If I was you” a voice suddenly quipped from my side “and why would you say so?” I answered, not missing a single beat, and still watching as the rain fell down my outstretched hand

  “Oh, I don't know? It's probably because you could fall 3 stories and probably die a gruesome death if a stray breeze decided that it would rather you were not alive?” They answered, sounding exasperated, “Well, maybe I want that to happen? Maybe I'm secretly wishing for that breeze to come” I answered, with a smile in my voice My answer was met with a small bout of silence, the voice of the rain, once again the only thing in focus but once again the voice cuts through it “But you don't” the voice stated “Oh? “ What makes you think so?” I answered, a note of mirth in my voice. “...” Well for one you're always so happy, I'm not sure I've ever seen you truly sad”

  A small pause

  “I mean you don't even seem to care, you're so free, your world is probably so colourful and bright, you don't have ……everything? Weighing down on you”

  silence

  “Expectations, what other people think of you, FOMO…..none of that, you just seem to be in your own little world, no one in the class even bothers to even act like they know what you're thinking, all the drama from caring, the pain of betrayal- none of it, I've never seen any of those have I seen reflected in your eyes”

  And for the first time in this conversation and probably ever, I turn my head to take a good look at the speaker, it was a female, her hair tied to a messy bun and her glasses was slanted on the bridge of her nose, but the most rememberable thing were her eyes, they were brown, almost to the point of being golden “well you could be correct, I…..cannot empathize with most of those concepts, but you should be happy to have all of that to keep you here” I said staring straight at her “sometimes I….just don't know, it's almost like I just exist, that's all, nothing to anchor me nothing for me to be tied to, I just drift and to you this might seem like a dream, to be free”

  Silence

  “It is not, it is neither a lovely nor dastardly experience but it becomes a harrowing one, every step you take is fueled by the urge of your body to survive not by a goal, or a spur….. no, there is no single reason for your existence, to be frank I would have long since ended this my existence years ago but I made a promise” I said, slowly turning my sight back to the grey blanket of rain at my front and once again there was silence for a good while

  But soon enough she started chuckling, but it was not long before it became full-blown laughter. I smiled, asking, “What's so funny?”

  “No no it's nothing, I was just thinking-there’s no escape from the bullshit that life throws at you yeah?, It's all just fucked up “ she answered

  “And that brings you comfort?” I asked, injecting some confusion into my voice

  “Yes quite a lot” she answered

  “Well that's fantastic for you,” I said while placing my legs back on solid ground “The rain’s abating so there's no need for me here anymore, hopefully your new epiphany will inject some positivity into your life,” I said while walking away “Yeah…. hopefully” an almost silent voice answered right before I left the corridor

  I once again sat at the throne of students walking to and from and immediately my oddly nostalgic mood was sent to the nether to torture the demons there “Now where is another place where I can go disappear into oblivion” I thought as I wandered aimlessly until I passed by the biology lab in which I heard a few familiar voices heatedly arguing about something “well at least that's better than nothing” I said with at sigh walking into the lab, there I saw 3 people wildly gesticulating quickly surveying the gathered humans and spotted, the form of six, I quickly approached the trio, my interest oddly piqued but before I got to them I was already spotted by six who began frantically waving to me, grumbling a little under my breath I quickly jogged over

  And upon getting there, I quickly managed to spot the forms of our biology teacher and another classmate of mine along with six

  “Okay so please do tell why you were waving at me like some baboon?" I asked immediately upon grabbing a stool for me to sit “oh thank you! You were just the person a

  I needed for this stupid argument” six quickly said, complete ignoring my jab at the end of my statement showing how involved he was in this conversation

  “So these guys are telling me that the you only use 1% of your brain is actually a myth like WTF?” Six said, annoyance oozing off his voice

  “ Uh uh you will not use such words In my laboratory sixenfa” the biology teacher countered “also don't just believe anything you see on the Internet” he continued

  “Uh sorry for earlier, but still that doesn't change the fact that it's true! Heler tell them!”

  I sighed at the mention of my name in the argument and quickly made myself comfortable before saying “well like all things it has some nuance to it, what were supposed to be saying is how much of your brain your conscious actions are taking because of we were to think of our brains like a computer, every other process that's going on are like AAA games while your conscious reactions are… like a Stickman Mobile game, to put it this way your brain should have approximately was it 21million or was it billion gigabytes of RAM and it takes you 7 seconds to know what 7×19 is, while your brain literally does some quantum physics just for you to function, most of your actions have already subconsciously registered before you even realize you're gonna do it- so in summary free will is a lie and we're all gonna die” and after a moment I added “ohh that last rhyme was nice innit?” Before I dragged my chair away from that table as I was Already bored of that topic

  “He's a mood killer isn't he?” The teacher said

  I could already hear the nods of agreement

  I huffed a little, shrugged my shoulders and placed my head on the table already feeling the sleepiness take over me

  .

  .

  .

  A shrill ringing broke me out of my waning sleep “fuck! Who designed the bell to scream like a dying baby!” I grumbled internally, groggily getting up from my seated position

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  I quickly scanned the lab, my eyes meeting with that of six who mouthed to me that we should leave the lab because a class was about to take place here, grumbled bloody murder as I slowly shambled out of the lab six quickly catching up to me “yooo you look like a train ran over you” his annoying voice echoed in my ear “well I haven't got any sleep today apart from that nap that I was oh so rudely woken up from” I quipped back, still holding my head in my palms

  “Well sorry for your actions catching up to you” he said airily as I glared at him “now don't glare at me like that, I know you don't have insomnia or anything of the sort so it is only normal that it was your own actions that led to this” I just stared at him in silence before uttering a few curses beneath my breath

  The rest of the passed in companionable silence as I hummed some disembodied song I had heard at some place at some time, It took a while but we were at the door to the class, “stop” I said to six who was walking with me “what now?” He said exasperatedly “I can sense danger in that classroom” I said backing up slightly

  “Ughhhhhh you and your antics” he said opening the door, immediately I was hit with a wave of unpleasant emotions “what,what is this power?!” I thought grimly looking at six who stood there petrified “fuck I had forgotten about this!” He whispered from under his breath

  I shot a glare at him before shrugging and walking into this minefield of a class “doesn't matter either ways, it probably has nothing to with me” I thought while finding my way to a free seat as the school year was already coming to an end so the seating arrangements really didn't matter at this time of the year, after bumping into someone and getting into a shouting match I finally was able to get to a free seat “phew tensions are fucking unrealistically high for some reason” I breathed out as I sat down

  “Yeah” a voice from behind me quipped, I twisted my body to see the same girl from before sitting there her face covered in gloom “huh it's you, sooooo care to explain what's going on?” I said while trying to make myself comfortable, she stared at me for a good couple of seconds before saying “yeah you don't want to even start”

  Silence..

  “Wait,you're serious?” I asked in fascination, it had been a while since I was so outsmarted “yes, I'm not gonna start explaining right now and you'd probably hear about it soon enough” she said, waving towards everyone's poor mood

  I paused, noticing multiple people glaring at her, trying to hide the burning hate in their eyes

  “Welp that seems like it'll be a crazy party” I said, chuckling a little at my own joke “yeah” she answered obviously not in the mood for jokes “well you do you I'm going to sleep,I'm way to old for this, my body is not meant for all this…. movement” I said laying my head on the hard surface of my desk “ you're what 16? And all of a sudden you're old?” She shot back, a little bit of mirth in her voice

  “I'm a couple thousand years old little girl, children these days eh” I muttered as sleep took hold of me once again and hopefully for longer this time, God knows I need this

  …. It didn't

  I groaned as I woke up with a throbbing headache, for some reason my whole table was on the floor with my body a couple meters away from it “ what the fuck” I muttered as I winced, the headache I had suddenly gained rearing up for no apparent reason but my continued existence

  The screaming and overall chaos of the classroom did nothing to abate that

  Then….. everything snapped into place, I was on the floor and a non-distinct human silhouette was towering over me “ fuck I should really get those glasses” I muttered under my breath as a slowly got up, the human slowly backed off, the sin of unrepentence still blatant on his face “now tell me… child, what in God's holy name is this?” I growled, anger seeping into my voice, the human seemed primed to react, his body stiffening up “now I wouldn't do anything stupid here, unlike you…. fucking brats” I said, spitting out the last syllable “i am not here to play fucking games, your pitiful mockery of violence has given you unearned confidence, but unlike your games, I will not stop,while you gasp, when you beg, I will not flinch until your pathetic light is snuffed out, now please I beg you, for your own safety, apologize” at this point, the whole class had gone quiet only the human who the quite voice of the human who stood before “sorry” he quickly said

  “Ohh don't worry about it bruv” I said as all my visuals suddenly snapped back into place “it's only proper that you apologize when you do something like that yeah?” I said while dusting myself “yeah” his quiet answer reached my ears “ welp, I'm off then” I said while exiting the class

  After walking down the corridor for a while I noticed the figure of six running laps round the field “ tsk that caveman left me to rot there on my own” I muttered as I headed to my usual spot on the railings, but alas, right on my spot rested the laurels of “what was her name again?, well whatever I'll just call her suicidal brown eyed female or something” I thought walking towards her

  “Heyyyyy there suicidal brown eyed female!” “I'm not sure you should be sitting on that..spot” I said after a pause

  Silence….

  “uh….hey??” I intoned, languidly testing on the railings, “why? Cause I could fall and die?” She asked her voice missing any form of intonation “huh I never really thought of that” I muttered absentmindedly playing with my hair

  “Was that supposed to be sarcastic?” She asked, exasperation clouding her voice “uhh sure whatever you think” I said waving my hand

  “Soooooo please do tell me why you are monopolizing my prime resting spot, I know this is the best spot on the map but I claimed it first” I continued on

  Silence…

  “Uh- “so that's why you came here? Cause I was on ‘ your spot’ ?” She asked, abruptly cutting me off

  “ I mean it is my- is this a joke to you?” She said abruptly cutting me off once again “that's a bit rude” I thought as I gazed down at the three story drop

  Everything suddenly snapped into place like a bunch of LEGO bricks “she can't possibly be-” I thought as I snapped my head towards her direction, that's when I saw it-tears, flowing down her face like twin Rivers and in the heat of the moment I said what came to my mind first

  “There are better ways to kill yourself” I said before my brain caught up “fuck, fuck, fuck” I thought as I winced at my own words but to my surprise she just started laughing and after a few good seconds of wheezing “that- that was a good one, I needed that” she said

  I just stared in bewilderment at the laughing female “what was so funny about that?” I asked, genuinely confused at her reaction “well, it's just that I was thinking of how horrible my life is and all that and never really thought that the route which I wanted to use to escape this hell was actually stupid, i mean who commits suicide from a three story building?, a skyscraper at least” she laughed again as though her words were some kind of joke

  I shook my head, ultimately giving up in understanding her convoluted thought process, so I leaned into the railings once again but this time asking her ”soo uh care to explain why you decided that killing yourself was a reason course of action”

  And she smiled

  “I thought you'd never ask” she said, whispering before continuing “well since you oh so graciously invited me to yap..I shall…….. well it's everything,home, school it's just so.. suffocating, I see everyone having goals chasing dreams being happy, but my life? My life is just pure darkness, I give I give and I give I try my best to make them happy to make everyone happy, I'm so deep in this woods that I cannot even find myself anymore, it's a pathetic life, most would say I should just work on myself or something useless like that, but I can't I want to fly, to be free like a bird in the sky… but I'm starting to realize that life is just one big bird cage and I cannot escape it no matter how hard I flap my wings so why take part in this farce of a game when I could just quit early, that's why I decided to talk to you, you don't seem like a person who has much to live for and yet you don't seem the least bothered by it, hells! you even thrive in that void you call your life, I thought that, maybe you had a secret that'll make me like you, hehe foolish right?” She said ending her session with the crackling of mad laughter

  “No, no, not at all it's not foolish, if I also thought I had found someone who could help me understand…everything more, I'd probably also pounce on it” I said quietly breathing it out

  And so we just stayed there for the next thirty minutes, lost in our own seas of thought

  “Thanks” she breathed out softly “this is probably the happiest I've been in my life and also for someone who claims to have a really low affect you were really nice to talk to” she added

  “Oh no don't think about it too much, I still don't understand a lot but the least I can do is talk to a suicidal person eh?” I said whilst chuckling

  “Anyways thanks for the talk” she said as she placed her feet on stable ground “I'll leave your spot for you and go disturb someone else, byeee!” She shouted as she sped down the corridor “yeah, you to” I mouthed as I once again perched on my spot…content

  .

  . . .

  . . …….

  Her body was found rotting in her room a week later as her parents were never home and never remembered to check on their daughter.

  The body was found only by chance as the caretaker hired by the parents finally decided to do their job and check up on the girl …

  Apparently my name popped up on her list of people who she'd want to partake in her funeral, so here I stood in the rain, staring at the tombstone

  ….

  ………… And I never even got to know her name