Oakley

  My arms are still in front of my face and my heart is still pounding. But the world is . . . quiet. Nothing happens. I’m okay. Alive. I hesitantly open my eyes, only to find myself outside. As my mind escapes the adrenaline surging through me, I notice the fresh smell of the air and feel the warm breeze on my skin. I am not only outside, but nowhere near my office. Nowhere near Austin at all, in fact. Hell, this barely looks like Texas. There are a few spots up north, by the lake, which are at least green enough to match my surroundings. But none so large and open. Wherever this is has more rolling green hills and fewer cedar trees.

  A new fear descends on me. No longer an aimless, targeted fear with an obvious subject. Instead, it’s an open and unknowable fear. Vulnerability. I am here, alone. In the middle of nowhere. No one to protect me. No money. No authority. And the whole world wants me dead. I feel naked. Exposed. I could die at a moment's notice, if the wrong person finds me here. How did I even get here? I don’t understand what happened. Where do I go? What should I do? I don’t know how to survive out here. Did someone bring me here? Why? How am I supposed to survive? How do I find my way back to the city?

  I turn, again and again. There is no hint of where I should go. No roads. No signs. I am on the precipice of full on panic, turning rapidly around, hoping to catch some sign of society, when my hand brushes my pocket and feels its contents. In an instant, I realize I’m being silly. Too much adrenaline, I’m not thinking clearly. I don’t know what happened. I have no idea how I got here. But the last thought in my mind was ‘this can’t be real’. I was just repeating that to myself, over and over. ‘This can’t be real. This can’t be real. This can’t be real.’ I was about to die. I was moments away from the end of everything, holding my arms up in a desperate, aimless attempt to survive. And I found myself here.

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  It defies logic, but whatever happened, it saved my life. If someone did this, they don’t want me dead. I don’t need signs or roads. I have my phone. I pull my salvation from my pocket to call the police, only to realize I have no signal. There shouldn’t be anywhere I have no signal. Again despair bubbles in my stomach. Where do I go? Any direction could take me further from safety. I sit down in the wet grass and grip my legs. It’s hopeless. I need help. Why won’t anyone help me? This can’t be real. This can’t be real. I just want to feel safe. I close my eyes, trying to shut out the world. It’s impossible that I am here. It’s impossible. This isn’t reality. In reality I am safe. I am untouchable. I am above worries like this.

  The breeze stops. The chirping of birds vanishes and the air grows stale. I finally open my eyes to discover a veil of the night sky around me. Stars in all directions, reaching down and touching the ground around my feet. Something about it is calming, and I reach out to touch it. It ripples like water. This . . . this is real. This is safe.