A tree?

  You know...

  Welllll the best of everyone I know.    is a tree. Rolling their roots around on a hot summer day in cool crumbly dirt. The breeze just enough to tug on the leaves during a hot summer(trees are most certainly repetitive).

  The winter when that farmer picks you to release a warm stream of liquid over, blessing the root i have languishing on my right. An elf taps a hollow piece of wood into me to let the little vampires he calls children drink my blood.

  Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  Oh george doesn't mind he'll be right as rain tomorrow just you watch, the hell mister just like i didn't mind your grandpa waking me up to a nice hot bath that froze one of my roots off.

  Lets stop here and set the record straight I'm a tree, I love the wonderful warm animals that rub into and lie under me, I'm sentient just like everyone else,

  so i could tell when you were lying to my face about how that thing you jammed in my trunk wasn't going to hurt, come now that did not feel like a piercing! A nail is a piercing that was a downright stabbing.

  Finally... Of course my name isn't George it's tree the georg.. Salm, my name is Salm definitely not something as unrefined as sam, because I was way to important to be a sam.