When had it started?

  If it had been sudden, like lightning, maybe she would have noticed sooner. Maybe then, she wouldn’t have spent so long not knowing. Not understanding.

  But it was never an explosion. It crept in slowly, quiet as the tide. At first, it only lapped at her ankles. Then, one day, she looked down and the shore was gone beneath her feet.

  Like the moment Eydis tilted her head and smiled. That indifference smile that never quite reached her eyes.

  Except… except when she looked at Natalia.

  Then, it was real.

  And now, Natalia couldn’t unsee it.

  “You're staring again," Eydis had said once, not looking up from her notebook.

  "Am not." Natalia had turned away too quickly, heat crawling up her neck.

  “Mhm.” That knowing tone made Natalia want to sink straight through the floor. And then, there was that smile. Softer. Genuine.

  Hers.

  Natalia had stared too long, longer than necessary.

  Three years. Crazy, right? Three years of friendship, and only now did Natalia realise she’d been watching too closely, too often. Laughing too easily at Eydis’s antics. Memorising the way her mind worked—quick, sharp, always a step ahead.

  Always.

  Except when it came to understanding feelings.

  “Do you, um…” Natalia had asked once, weeks after the Tiffany’s incident. “Do you like anyone, Eydis?”

  “What an oddly imprecise question.”

  “You know.” Natalia had forced a casual shrug, though her fingers curled against her sleeve. “Anyone special special?”

  Eydis just stared at her, blankly. “You mean… romantically?” she said, as if testing the word on her tongue. As if the idea had never once occurred to her.

  Something about that response had made Natalia feel like an idiot for asking. But even more foolish for caring an answer. That should have been the end of it.

  It wasn’t the case, because somewhere along the way, Natalia had started wanting more.

  It didn’t hit her all at once, or in some dramatic revelation.

  Just in small things.

  The way she sought Eydis out in a crowded room without meaning to.

  The way her breath caught when Eydis so much as glanced her way.

  The warmth in her chest at a passing touch, the awareness of every brush of skin, every hint of something that felt like it could be something.

  And missing her.

  When Eydis stayed away the week after the Masquerade, the absence ached.

  That week was chaos: Theo under house arrest, Athena pulled from school, Tiffany’s father and uncle gone, and the flu knocking out half the student body.

  Everything had gone wrong.

  But all Natalia could think about was Eydis. Worried about her.

  That was when she knew.

  She was utterly, hopelessly, completely screwed.

  Because she had watched Eydis long enough to understand what her real smiles looked like. She had seen them before, had foolishly thought, hoped, that they were meant just for her.

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  And she had thought, maybe if she waited, maybe if she stayed. Maybe one day, Eydis would look at her the same way.

  Eydis returned to school, and she seemed… changed.

  It wasn’t in the obvious ways, such as how her silky dark hair made her seem untouchable, or how she moved as if she belonged to another time, or how she was both magnetic and unreachable at once.

  No.

  In the way something had softened, something distant had given way… just enough to let someone in.

  And Natalia, reckless, stupid, idiotic Natalia, had let herself believe that it could have been her.

  Until Eydis looked at Astra.

  And Astra looked back. In that way.

  It was the look Natalia had only ever read about in romance novels, one she had laughed at and dismissed as unrealistic. But now, as she watched them…

  She couldn’t laugh. Because she knew.

  She had never stood a chance.

  Because when Eydis looked at her, it was warm, affectionate in a way that felt almost special.

  But when Eydis looked at Astra….

  It was gravity. It was inevitability. It was something that had already been written long before Natalia had ever stepped into the story.

  It wasn’t her who had broken down Eydis’s walls.

  It never had been.

  “It’ll pass,” Eydis had said, when Astra caught them in the courtyard. For the first time in months, Eydis seemed… unsure. Almost… shaken.

  And then there was that smile.

  Natalia had thought she understood what Eydis’s real smile looked like. She had memorised them, convinced herself she knew what they meant.

  She had never seen this one.

  It was breathtaking.

  It was heartbreaking.

  It was the end.

  Because it wasn’t for her.

  It made Natalia want to close her eyes, sink into the dream, and stay there just a little longer. Pretend, for one more moment, that she didn’t already know the answer.

  There was no space for her here.

  The dreams kept returning, persistent. In them, Eydis smiled only for her. She leaned in, her lips a breath away, carrying a scent Natalia came to think of as hers alone, where every almost became real.

  But it wasn’t real. It wasn’t the smile Natalia had seen in the courtyard, and her dreams hadn’t kept up with the truth: that Eydis could smile like that, and that devastating smile had never been hers to claim.

  So the dreams changed direction and became more passionate, more cruel. They showed Eydis reaching for her, kissing her, whispering her name like a secret meant only for them. A dream so vivid she knew it wasn’t real, and yet she couldn’t quite wake from it.

  Because she didn’t want to. Even when she knew it was wrong—to hope, to imagine something that had never been hers to begin with.

  Then the blue light arrived. It smelled faintly of mint and ocean spray. Natalia had always loved the sea, but this was not the sea; this was something familiar, something half?remembered.

  Eydis’s smile flickered. Glitched.

  No.

  This dream was hers.

  But the blue light swelled, quiet but inexorable, like cool waves brushing the shore and whispered in a voice so soft it melted into the sea.

  “I’m here. Stay with me, Red. Stay with me.”

  Whose—

  “It’s alright now, Natalia.”

  Just like that.

  The second voice, Eydis’s voice, surprised her. It was warmer than any dream could manage. Real in ways her dreams could never be.

  For once, waking up felt like more than just letting go.

  Natalia woke to soft skin resting against her forehead. The weight of Eydis’s hand grounded Natalia in the space between sleep and waking. It still felt like a dream; she might have shut her eyes and drifted back into somewhere safer.

  Eydis smiled, gentle and almost sad. “You took your time.”

  The words were nearly playful, but Natalia knew Eydis well enough to hear the difference. They carried regret.

  Memories intruded. She had crept into Eydis’s room, curled into bed beside her, believing to be wanted. Eydis held her at first, then woke and jerked away. The look on her face was not exactly rejection, but close.

  Disappointment.

  Shame pricked Natalia’s eyes, and she blinked the tears away too late. Eydis, panicked and out of focus, still reached for her, holding her as if she mattered.

  As if she had always mattered.

  It was cruel.

  Because it wasn’t real. It wasn’t the way Natalia wanted it to be, and that alone was almost enough to break her.

  “Natalia…”

  “Don’t. Please.” Natalia clung to her, craving the touch even as it cut. “I understand.”

  She knew exactly what Eydis was about to say, and she never wanted to hear it, never wanted that look again. The one that meant I care about you, just not like that.

  Eydis’s arms tightened. “I—“

  “Don’t say it.” Natalia’s voice trembled. “Don’t say you’re sorry.”

  “I wasn’t going to…”

  “Yes, you were.”

  Eydis’s breath was warm against Natalia’s hair as she silently held her tighter. Somehow, it was more than enough, until she realised they weren’t alone.

  Astra.

  She stood in the doorway, concern written across her face. Their gazes met; understanding passed between them. Astra gave a single nod, stepped back, and closed the door without a sound.

  Relieved, Natalia pressed her face into Eydis’s shoulder and let herself have this final moment, holding on to the beat of Eydis’s heart, the warmth of her skin, and the bittersweet knowledge that her first love would only ever be that.

  First.

  And unreturned.

  It hurt.

  And just like that, the tide went out, leaving her stranded on the shore, alone.

  God, it hurt.