Chapter 5: The Wise Guys Strike Back
Happy smiles next to them as they are offered food. They are currently once more on the outskirts of the city’s sewage system, and Happy is just smiling the entire time.
“Where the fuck are we!?” asked Slime Tutorial.
“Sewage system…” smiled Happy. “I was… recently sent by my franchise. The name’s Antonio Canton. I was the mascot of Happy Hornet Entertainment.”
“That franchise is full of shit,” said the Reaper. “It’s known for corrupt practices and illegal human experimentation, having done atrocities including war crimes, crimes against humanity, and various inhumane testing on children without consent on their part or their parents’ parts. Your people have been kidnapping and experimenting on men, women, children, and turning their Souls into batteries to power your mascots.”
“I know,” said Happy. “I left a year ago… I have dedicated my life to taking down the very company that forged my entire life,” he sniffed.
“You wear their mascot’s suit?”
“You think I wanted to!?” asked Happy. “You think I wanted this!?”
“No,” said the Reaper. “Why are you here?”
“I questioned the Black Spiral…” said Happy. “The Black Spiral had been throwing vigilantes into this world and letting Spazura feast on their garbage.”
“So,” said Slime Tutorial, stretching cartoonishly. “We gotta get to the docks and get home!”
“Yeah,” said Happy. “That’s the problem. The ships are heavily guarded. You suggest we go there guns blazing?”
The Reaper sighs. “I have a way for us to get in there. I… didn’t mention something… Ever heard of the Himala?”
“Only Pantheons have that,” said Slime Tutorial. “Wait… That’s how you’re able to teleport!?”
“Yes,” said the Reaper. “Like my kid, I’m a hybrid. A demigod. I inherited the power of my father…”
“Who’s your Dad?” asked Slime Tutorial.
The Reaper sighs. “We… could ask him for help…”
The doorbell rings, and a deadly god of death opens the door: Sidapa, the Filipino god of death. He smiles, wearing dull clothes and a pair of glasses.
The man smiles. “Hey! MY BABY!!!” he smiled, colors softly ringing out of his cloth.
“Hey, Daddy,” sighed the Reaper.
“What in the world are you doing here!?” Sidapa scolded.
“Dad… I’m sorry… But… I’m here because-...”
“The Black Spiral got to you…“ sighed Sidapa. “Get in! Get in!”
“I thought your parents were eaten by Aswangs.”
“They did. My human father and mother. But he… is my real dad…” sighed the Reaper, as Sidapa gives him M&Ms.
Later, the four of them are given a nice homey meal of eggs and tocino and fried rice.
“So…” said the Reaper. “Can you get us home?”
“Of course!” smiled Sidapa.
“Won’t Spazura attack you?” asked the Reaper.
“Eh! Anything for my love love!” smiled Sidapa.
The Reaper sighs. “Thanks, Dad.”
“How’s the Tyanak?” smiled Sidapa.
“Miguel?” asked the Reaper, who lets out a soft sigh. “Haven’t talked with him in a while…”
Sidapa sighs and smiles. “I see.”
Slime Tutorial smiles. “Can I talk?”
“What’s up? Reaper? Is this your friend?”
“He’s an asshole,” the Reaper shrugged.
“I’m Slime Tutorial. I am A VERY, VERY GOOD FRIEND to your son, haha!”
“Fuck off,” said the Reaper.
“Don’t swear,” Sidapa grabs his slipper.
The Reaper sighs and bowed his head. “Sorry.”
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“So…! How the hell do we get home?” smiled Slime Tutorial.
“We raid the palace,” smiled Sidapa.
“But the docks-?” asked Lord Marvel.
“Spazura has something called the Hellish Elevator. It could bring you boys home,” said Sidapa.
“Huh… Like some kind of… Teleportation Device?” smiled Lord Marvel.
“No. Like a literal elevator,” said Sidapa. “It appears every 30 minutes… Next one arrives soon…”
Happy smiles. “Alright… Let’s do it…”
“What is Spazura known for?” asked Slime Tutorial.
“He’s a genocidal dictator of this planet and partner of Morningstar.”
“Seems evil enough,” smirked Slime Tutorial.
Meanwhile, the front seat of the ice cream truck includes both Sidapa and Happy.
“So!” smiled Sidapa. “What’s with you, bro?”
“I don’t wanna talk about it,” said Happy.
“If I tell you mine, will you tell me yours?” asked Sidapa.
Happy stays silent.
Sidapa smiles, driving. “I was born from an ancient god tree known as the Madjaas by Sri Pada, my Daddy. Carved me out and forged me from the cosmic spaghetti of life force itself.”
Happy stays silent.
“You’re boring. Also, you’re not alive, are you?” smiled Sidapa.
Happy turns to him.
“Nothing. Just a… an observation…”
“I heard gods lose power when their followers blaspheme or their people are killed. How would you like it if I use my hive to make a fuckin’... elaborate bullshit presentation that shows what a fucking bitch you are here on X.”
“Alright! SHEESH!!! Just tryna make small talk,” said Sidapa. “Anyway, I’m arming y’all with a full hour of divine power. Y’all up for that?”
They smirk and nod, except for the Reaper, who just sighs.
The truck crashes into the palace.
All of them leave the truck and begin slaughtering the royal guards.
Sidapa, with a single touch, turns each of the soldiers instantly into cosmic skeletons made of light that turn to dust and enter Valhalla.
Slime Tutorial smiles, punching at the soldiers with his stretchy fists. “RUBBER RUSH!!!” he boomed, as Lord Marvel approaches a soldier and tears him in half.
The Reaper activates his bone armor, knowing he doesn’t need divine energy, and he just bludgeons several of the soldiers to death.
Happy just blasted at the soldiers with his Divine Stingers.
The Reaper grabs one of their heads and pulls it out, crushing it.
The Reaper roars, charging toward the last soldier, only for Spazura to blast a beam into his face. He regenerates, obviously, but he loses mobility in his legs for a moment.
Spazura grabs the Reaper by the neck, but Lord Marvel tackles Spazura and breaks his spine.
The heroes pin him down and begin torturing him.
“Give us the elevator…” growled the Reaper, where Spazura opens the elevator.
“Just… leave!” yelled Spazura.
“That was easy…” smiled Slime Tutorial.
Spazura then immediately grabs Slijme Tutorial by the neck and tosses him to the wall.
Lord Marvel is then strangled and thrown at Sidapa and Happy, knocking them down, but the Reaper beats him over and over, where Slime Tutorial manages to strangle him and pin him down.
“Should I kill him?” asked Slime Tutorial. “Does that have any effect with the elevator?”
“No,” said the Reaper.
“Good…” Jedan is about to snap his neck, but the Reaper stops him.
“I’ll do it,” said the Reaper.
“I have him HERE!!!” boomed Jedan.
“You’re gonna fuck it up,” said the Reaper.
“JUST DO IT!!!” yelled Lord Marvel, where the Reaper kicks Jedan away and knocks him out with a single strike with his finger.
The Reaper then knocks Spazura out with a single strike, growling.
Jedan yells at him. “WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SPARE A GENOCIDAL MANIAC!?!?”
“I don’t know.”
“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!??”
“I’M TRYING TO PROVE SOMETING!!!”
“What? Fucking letting Space Hitler live? That anyone can be redeemed? Mahatma whatever!?”
“THAT MY SON WAS RIGHT!!!” boomed the Reaper. “My son… made me this suit… it’s made of fucking cloth for God’s sake… and he believed that I was more than a killer. I am sparing this fucking thing right now even if I wanna kill it. I WANNA FUCKING KILL IT!!! But we don’t fucking matter, Jed… We’re killers. But my son believed I could change.”
Spazura backs away, crawling aback.
“Let us leave…” said the Reaper.
Spazura nods. “Okay. Th-... Thank you…”
Chapter 6: How To Raid Your Palace
The Reaper sighs, looking at his son’s picture in his locket.
“So. Miguel Kojoji,” said Slime Tutorial. “I always thought you were some corrupt asshole. Turns out you’re saving our-...”
“No, I’m not… I’ve spent my entire life trying to prove to the world that I can change things. I’m just another killer,” said the Reaper.
“Really?” smiled Jed.
“Yeah… I just loved the thrill of it all. Hunting and killing supervillains. But my son didn’t agree. He didn’t want me to be what I am and saw I was entering a darker path. Eventually, kid left me on one of our missions. Never heard of him since.”
“Why?”
“I was torturing someone… in front of their kid.”
“Huh… I spent my whole life trying to kill to dumb down my misery after my parents were eaten by Cthulhu.”
“Hey,” said Lord Marvel. “Do you think we enjoy killing bad guys? When someone who robbed an old lady, or an abusive father fucking his chidlren and raping them, or when I kill a genocidal maniac… or even just punching someone who’s jaywalking. And when I come up to them and gouge their eyes out and rip out their dongs or just punch them in the nuts repeatedly until they lack the ability to fuck. You think that gives us pleasure?”
The Reaper sighs. “No…”
Jedan sighs.
“Well, it does!” laughed Lord, “And it should make you happy, too! You’re the son of the god of literal fucking death! YOU WERE BORN FOR THIS, DUDE!!!”
The Reaper bounces his foot. “I don’t know, man… I’m beginning to realize… that… Maybe I’m just a lunatic, y’know?”
Jedan is shocked, seeing that the guards are still breathing. “How-?”
“Bone magic…” said the Reaper. “And body heat manipulation. I… kept the attacks non-fatal. Get them to the god hospital you genocidal fuck,”
“We don’t have a god hospital!” yelled Sidapa.
The Reaper is horrified.
”I’m kidding! DAD JOKE!!!” Sidapa offers a high-five, only to be met with absurd silence.
The royal guards began regenerating, screaming in horror, before going back to normal.
“Holy shit… holy shit, I saw Satan,” sobbed one.
“Kill me…” sobbed another.
“Yeah. Kid,” said Sidapa. “That’s why killing is kinda better sometimes. But, you’re being a good dad. So UP TOP!!!” Sidapa offered another high-five.
“Fuck off, Dad,” said the Reaper, as Sidapa tosses a slipper into his face.
Moved by the Reaper’s words, they nod to the Reaper, agreeing with him for once.
The Reaper sighs, seeing Unbreakable’s plan unfold…
They then land back on planet Earth. The elevator opens, only for the group to see that Unbreakable had already taken down Maharlica-152’s control, with the Aswang King’s flag torn down… The fire had broken out in Tondo, with bodies just about everywhere, and blood painting the streets and skyscrrapers destroyed.
“Hey…” said the Aswang, landing before the Reaper. “Hey, Dad… We… We need your help…”
Behind Miguel includes Dark, Askal, Myrmex, and Beatle…
The End?
