When I first stepped into that house, I thought I would have a cool and collected conversation.

  That's not what happened.

  Instead, I received a confession... that I wasn't expecting.

  Kitayana was right, Lilas is a total dumbass. One who's stupidity amazes me beyond disbelief.

  I don't even know how to feel... right now.

  When I went in there, I thought I was going to talk about Her Majesty and the whole engagement thing, being left in the dark...then maybe bring up that night, how it was fair to Kitayana and me.

  Yet, that didn't happen.

  Something totally unexpected out of the realm of possibility is happening instead.

  My childhood friend, my best friend, likes me... and our other childhood friend...at the same time.

  I don't know if I should feel happy or jealous at the absurdity of all of this.

  How does one move past this or even start to digest this type of news?

  Can I even do that?

  My best friend is a total dumbass.

  I rub my face in frustration and take a seat on the grass. Not caring if the grass stains my white trousers.

  My head is racing with all these thoughts, and I don't even know where to start unpacking all of it...

  What would you do... if everything that you thought and felt started to crumble all around you? What would you do if everything you thought was normal wasn't?

  These are the questions that are starting to plague my loud enough mind. I wish I could silence my mind and push my worries away into a box and hide it in the very depths of my mind.

  As I sit out here, I wish for simpler times, times when I don't have to worry about anything.

  I am sitting outside my new home for the next month, and I don't even know if I can bear going back inside. I would rather sleep out here and catch a stupid cold.

  "What sane person puts 3 children together thinking that's how you find your child's future spouse?" I whisper to myself, and the cold air carries my question away.

  Forget the past. The past doesn't affect the now...

  "Liar." Rubbing my face in frustration, I let out a deep breath.

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  It's so dark out...

  "I should head back in..." I say to no one in particular, "I really should..."

  But I don't move. I set their glue down onto the ground. It holds me in places and begs me not to leave.

  So, I don't. I stay.

  I sit there wishing I could stay out here for an eternity.

  ***

  POV: Lilas

  All the things I said... have caused more harm than any good, and that's a hard truth I have to accept.

  My feelings aren't something that I can push onto others and expect them to reciprocate the same.

  "It was stupid."

  "I'm stupid."

  "I'm the worst..." As I face the bathroom mirror, I don't even recognize the person looking back at me.

  "It was selfish."

  "I'm selfish."

  Maybe I finally lost it...after all this time suppressing myself, I truly... poisoned my mind.

  My sorrys, my apologies aren't enough.

  All the things they said keep running through my head...

  That night keeps running and spinning in circles in my head.

  Feeling sorry for myself isn't going to help anyone and... I can't just fix this.

  There is no fixing this... I broke her. I broke our friendship.

  What Kai said was right... How can she even stomach the sight of me? How can she stand being around my vicinity?

  In the end... I guess I forced her into this situation too...

  She trusted me when she agreed to this pack...I think even back then, subconsciously or not, I knew what I was doing. I knew what I was planning, and I trapped her and... him with me.

  I really thought the outcome would be the best one.

  Not this.

  Never this.

  And I can't even blame anyone but myself.

  I broke us.

  In the back of my mind, something whispered to me...something dark.

  A thought that shouldn't cross my mind.

  Not when I'm like this...

  I thought about it before...and Kitayana said I was crazy for even thinking about it.

  But it could work.

  I can fix this.

  I can fix all of this.

  There's no need for them to go through all this pain.

  "Just stop..." I rasped out, "Just stop...once you start thinking that type of way, there is no going back."

  But I can fix this.

  I really can.

  I need to.

  The face facing mine starts to cry. It's like I am begging myself not to cross another line... one there's no turning back from.

  "Could you live with yourself?" I asked myself, then held onto the bathroom counter like it's a lifeline...

  I could erase my memories too...

  "Think about the logistics."

  I can cross that bridge when I get there.

  "You wouldn't be able to remember that you crossed one..."

  I'm a top-class mage. Nothing is impossible for me.

  I can do it.

  I can make a spell to end all this pain and suffering.

  No one needs to feel this hurt, this pain. I can put this behind us.

  We can restart.

  "No, magic spell... is infinite," I whisper to myself.

  Who is to say I won't repeat my past mistakes?

  I can't...guarantee that I wouldn't fuck this up again.

  Please...Please, just stop thinking.

  "Please."

  I collapse onto the cold, hard wooden floor and clutch my head in between my knees.

  I keep on rasping out the word please...as if the world is listening to peals.

  But I know that no one can help...but myself.

  I sit there for what feels like eternity, but I know that's not true.

  "Please."

  Then suddenly I hear it. I hear commotion outside the bathroom.

  I sat on my ass for minutes before I stood up and opened the door, and that was when I saw her.

  Kitayana faces all flushed, in panic and panting. Her eyes were full of tears.

  Did I cause this, too?

  When she finally registered that I was standing in front of her, she bolted into her bedroom.

  Not knowing what to do, I called out her name, but no response.

  Then I feel it. A burst of energy surrounds her bedroom door.

  Recognizing this mana... It's mine.

  No, don't tell me...No, not now.

  This no... it must be something else.

  It can't be