If someone were to ask me to describe myself in 3 words. I would ask them in which period of my life they wished for me to tell them. If they asked about me as a child, I would say I was bright, confident, and honest.

  If they were to ask about me right now... I wouldn't be able to tell them the truth.

  I can't tell them that I hate myself.

  I hate the way my body craves touch.

  I hate what I am and what it means... but what I hate most of all is... not being happy with myself.

  I hate it so much that I pretend to be a faction of my past self.

  I hate being an Omega.

  The bane of my existence awakened when I was 13. The day Aalackai was set to depart for Sakas Academy, the all-Alpha bordering school.

  Lilas and I convinced Aalackai's parents to delay his travels by one more day. We had a day full of activities planned.

  But I came down with a fever. My body felt like it was being burned from the inside. It felt like burning white fire was being poured on my body. I was crying like someone had killed my mother. The pain wouldn't let up, so on that day, I spent most of the morning curled up in bed. Waiting until the last moment to get ready for the day.

  I wasn't going to let a fever stop me from giving my best friend a memorable send-off. I didn't know when I would be able to see him again.

  I knew if Lilas saw me lying sick in bed, he wouldn't let me play it off. If anything, he would use his magic to keep me in bed.

  I pushed through the burning pain running through my body and got dressed in agony slowly, with many breaks. I was panting hard by the time I was done getting dressed. But the time I caught my break, there was a knock at my door.

  "Kitayana? Are you still asleep?" Aalackai called out from the other side of the door.

  "Nope! I was just getting dressed." I said as I opened up the door.

  "Whoa, you're dressed for the nines. Did you dress up just for me?" Aalackai teased. I walked into the bright hallway. The hallway light almost blinded me and caused my eyes to tear up.

  "Hey, are you alright? Your face is all flushed." He asked, concerned. When he brought his face down to my eye level, he saw my watery eyes, "Kitayana..."

  "Let's get a move on, Mr. Alpha. We have a whole day planned out today." I started to walk off, leaving him behind.

  "Kitayana..."

  "Aalackai," I said. Not looking back at him.

  "You're sick."

  "I'm not."

  "Yes, you are."

  "No, I am not," I turned around to face him, "I'm just sad you're going away. I cried at the thought of you going away and not coming back. I cried because I didn't want you to go alone. If I... awakened by now and if Lilas wasn't... the crown prince... we all could've been together. We all could've been happy."

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  He didn't say anything for a long time.

  Maybe he knew what I said started as a lie and started to flow as the truth.

  "It's okay to feel sad, but it isn't okay to lie about being sick."

  "For the last time, I am not sick. I'm... just sick."

  "I'm going to get Lilas." He walked past me without a second glance.

  I stood there for a long time.

  I wasn't sure if I was upset that I lied to him with no hesitation or the fact that he didn't want to spend his last day here doing things he loves?

  It could've been a mix of both. I think.

  I still don't know even today.

  "Kitayana Akkirain." I heard a cold, steady voice say.

  I didn't have to turn around to know who was behind me.

  "Lilas! Are you ready for our day out?" I said, turning with a crescent moon smile.

  "Kitayana, get to bed."

  "No," I said coldly as I started to walk away from him. I walked past my guest room. Before I felt a hand clutching my arm. As fast as it was there, it was gone.

  "Shit, Kitayana, you're scorching hot. That's not normal." Lilas looked scared as he looked at the spot he held for a short moment.

  "Lilas, please, can't we just pretend that I am not sick? Can't we just go on with the day we planned for Aalackai?" I said as I started to tear up.

  At that point, it felt like my body was a volcano ready to explode. My lower back started to feel like it was ripping apart from the inside. It was like a million nails were being stabbed in, all the way to the marrow.

  "Come here." He opened his arms wide.

  It was a shocking sight at the time to see Lilas like that. He was never a fan of physical contact.

  He waited for me, and I ran into his arms. I held him tightly. It was he who would take my pain away.

  "Let's get you to bed."

  I let him guide me into the room and lay me in the bed.

  "I'll get one of the maids to come in to get you changed."

  "No, don't leave me." I held his hand, "Stay here with me...don't go."

  He didn't say anything because he knew I wasn't entirely asking for him.

  "Let's get you changed," He raised his hand, and suddenly I was floating in my arms along with a light cotton nightgown. He turned his back to me before the magic started to change my clothes.

  "You have a clothing-changing spell?" I asked sleepy.

  "I have a lot of spells. Now go to sleep."

  Ignoring him, I asked, "Where's Aalackai?"

  "He's..."

  "I'm here." The light of the hallway flooded into the room.

  "Am—"

  "Don't apologize. I get it. I would've done the same."

  "You have done the same." I pointed out.

  "Besides the point. Now let's all cuddle in bed." Aalackai said, hopping into the bed. On the right side.

  "I don't think that's..." Lilas sighed before he climbed into bed to my left.

  It wasn't long before I fell asleep.

  When I woke up, it was already dark. I realized that I was clinging to Aalackai while I slept.

  I didn't want to move, but I did when I felt a hand on my lower back.

  "Kitayana, you're glowing." He whispered.

  "Am what?" I stood up quietly and walked to the bathroom. Lilas followed behind me. I raised my dress up and angled myself in a way I could see my lower back.

  Right in the middle of my lower back was a symbol that looked like a heart with thorns growing.

  "That's an omega mark."

  That night, my whole world shattered.

  I fell onto my knees and sobbed until there weren't any more tears to cry. Lilas held me while I cried. He didn't say anything. He knew exactly what I was feeling. He had been through it 3 years ago.

  He knew what to do.

  I clutch onto this shirt.

  "Lilas, help me. Don't let anyone find out. They can't. No one can know..."

  I asked him to do the impossible.

  "I'll help you."

  But he still agreed regardless.

  He was already hiding his own secret from the world, but now I asked him to help hide mine.

  It was the most selfish thing I ever asked of him.

  "Kitayana, regardless of what you are, I will and forever love you for you."

  His words gave me some comfort and clarity then.

  I knew his deepest, darkest secret, and he knew mine.

  The start of his deceit began three years ago, and mine began that night.

  We both are hiding something, and if word got out... it would be the end of our words.

  I should've known something was wrong when I started lying to Aalackai. The one person I thought I would never lie to.