Rebecca Pov

  It was the following Saturday, Levi and I were meeting Opal and Jake at our usual green area, as we were going to a gathering of sorts, as like a kick off for the new school year, (yes, there was a party for the end of the summer holidays, but honestly, it was an excuse for a piss up).

  We were walking there, like you do, when at the time it felt like out of nowhere but honestly it was a long time coming, Levi asks me about my drinking, (because he was rightfully concerned about it and I had a problem, even if I didn't think of it like that).

  "Bex forgive me if I'm overstepping here-"

  "If it's anything to do with my food aversions, you can bloody forget it"

  "No no, I would be a hypocrite if I did, no, uh, you don't seem to get drunk anymore and you outdrink us all-"

  "That just takes practice"

  "We all go to the same party's Bex"

  "I know"

  "Shit Bex are you drinking outside of the party's?"

  Ding ding ding ding, he was correct, but I didn't want Levi to know that, as I didn't want any of my friends to worry about me, yes I know that friends are supposed to help each other with their shit, but I didn't know how to do that, (you can thank Rita for that), so instead I hid it and hoped that nobody noticed, (yes, that was a shit plan, even for a 13 year old, but I didn't have another plan).

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  "I'm going to take your silence as yes"

  "No point lying about it"

  "Bex-"

  "I know it's not good, nor is it healthy, but it's the only thing that silences the extra noise"

  "What does silencing the extra noise do?"

  "It stop me feeling like I want to gouge my eyes out, and stopping that feeling makes me feel just a little bit more normal"

  "Oh, I don't know how to help fix that"

  "I know, please don't feel bad about it Levi, my feelings aren't something that any of us can manage"

  Yes, what I was describing was major, major sensory overload, (and I probably made it worse with the amount of party's that I went to here), but I didn't know that at the time, I also didn't know how to recognise when it was going to happen, and yeah alcohol didn't help that in the long run, (because ya know, it fucked my nervous system over), but because I didn't know that it was sensory overload, I didn't know any other way to deal with it.

  Even though I knew it wasn't something that I could control, (because I didn't know what the fuck it was yet), I still felt bad that Levi was worried about me and my not so healthy habits, not enough to not drink, but it did pin the idea in my head, (I promise this will make sense soon).

  "Is Donte coming tonight?"

  "No, not tonight, he said that he had some homework to do, I think he's still a bit embarrassed about last weekend"

  "Does he remember much?"

  "Well he remembers that we carried him home after he puked his guts up, so he remembers enough"

  "Fuck, that would be embarrassing to remember"

  "Are we meeting them straight at the party or are they going to be waiting at a gate or something?"

  "As far as I know, they'll be waiting at the gate for us"

  "Ok, good to know"

  So we continued to walk, as we weren't of age to drive, (though nobody would have questioned Levi being 17 at the time, as he looked older), that and safety in numbers and all that jazz, it was a weirdly nice walk for a walk to a party that we were going to get as drunk as physically possible.

  We eventually got to the gate, and Levi was actually right, because Jake and Opal were there waiting for us, (it could've been prearranged, but there's tons of memory holes from around this time), but it was kind of nice to actually see them before we were all drunk.

  "Hey you two, did Levi get you lost?"

  "No he didn't Opal, I had a moment, then composed myself"

  It was a slight lie, but I also didn't want people to know that I was an wet alcoholic, (if dry alcoholic means that you're not an active alcoholic, then I'm using wet alcoholic as a thing for being an active alcoholic), and before you say anything about Levi, he guessed it so I didn't tell him, he just knew somehow, Opal bought the slight lie, but I don't think that Jake did, (Opal was sheltered compared to the rest of us), we then went through the gate.