I tried to blink but couldn’t. Then I tried moving my arms, my legs, anything at all. This met the same result.

  A static buzzing filled my head, then I heard the voice.

  Hello. It was stilted and robotic, sounding like somebody’s off-brand GPS.

  You are not supposed to be here.

  Response?

  Um, what?

  Processing. Processing. Please hold a moment.

  The creatures were also frozen, their mouths still open wide. I was forced to stare into them for what felt like an eternity.

  It seems you have missed orientation. We apologize for this error. We will now conduct the onboarding procedure.

  I didn’t have time to contemplate what it said before a jolt of electricity shot through my chest.

  Congratulations! You have now been registered as a player.

  Its words seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at once, making my already foggy head even heavier.

  We will now generate your HUD.

  Everything flashed white again, angry static filling my ears. Two bars appeared at the top right of my vision. One was red, marked HP, the other blue, marked MP. Numbers started appearing inside the empty bars, settling after a moment.

  HP: 28/85

  MP: 20/20

  What the fuck is going on? I tried moving again, but everything was stuck.

  Your orientation session malfunctioned and you were ejected into the [Red Hills] prematurely. But rest assured, all other systems remain in peak condition.

  What are you talking about? What is happening to me!?

  Now please wait while we evaluate your core attributes.

  My whole body tingled, pricked all over by a series of hot jabs. When the heat reached my head, I could feel something pressing inside, like somebody was trying to finger my brain.

  Resistance will only cause this process to take longer. Please relax.

  I did my best not to comply.

  Attributes scanned and catalogued.

  Conclusion: You are below average.

  If it’d scanned me a few years ago, it would have been saying the opposite.

  Now hold while we—

  In an instant, time began flowing again. The eel things continued their charge like nothing had happened. They were about to reach me when a glowing ball fell from the sky.

  It came down fast and hard, the trees bending, the monsters falling back. I thought it was going to smash right into me, but the sliver of starlight stopped right before turning me into paste. It hovered in front of my face, warmth flowing from it in waves.

  It looked like someone had balled up the universe and then covered it in tar.

  Another white flash, and time was stopped again.

  But the orb started undulating, flowing in place like a miniature ocean.

  Outside influence detected. Attempting deletion.

  I thought maybe they were talking about me, but then a bolt of what looked like lightning struck the orb. It didn’t seem to have any effect.

  Attempt unsuccessful. Analyzing. Analyzing. Outer God detected. Rules overridden.

  The ball continued to squirm for a few more moments before streaming up my nose. It burned hot as it twisted deeper inside, shards like glass digging into my nerves. Thankfully it finished nose fucking me quickly. That’s when my chest started pinching.

  Warning: Too much essence absorbed.

  Result: Immediate Liquification

  I tried desperately to squirm away, as if doing that would do any good. But I was rooted in place.

  Essence may be distributed to a core attribute. Doing so may halt the Liquification process.

  Then do that already! Pressure was building up in all my joints, pulling my whole body apart.

  Permission granted to begin allocating essence?

  Yes!

  My body started tingling again, but this time the feeling was much more intense. And it seemed like whatever was happening wasn’t going smoothly. I could feel random parts of my body distorting, like my muscles were rapidly inflating then deflating back to their normal size.

  Physical attribute’s currently too weak for enhancement without explosive injury. Permission to allocate essence elsewhere?

  Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.

  Just hurry up!

  The numbers at the top right that represented my HP and MP started freaking out. After a few seconds, only my MP was having a numerical seizure. The number would be small one moment, only in the single or double digits, then expand across my entire view. As it did this, things began to unfreeze, then freeze again. With each unpaused moment, the monsters were getting closer. One was right over my leg, poised to bite.

  My MP number was changing even faster now. Rasing and falling so quickly the numbers were just a blur. Then they vanished entirely, the MP bar with them.

  Warning: Integer overflow detected.

  What does that mean?

  My MP bar flashed back into place, displaying 8/8.

  Essence allocation complete.

  But you didn’t do anything!

  We apologize again for any inconvenience this process has caused. Please select one of the advanced spells below as compensation.

  Fireball

  Ameliorate

  Big Boy

  Time starting flowing again, but extremely slowly, as if the voice was trying to give me time to decide.

  I had no clue what Ameliorate meant, and Big Boy sounded like something they sold to sad people at gas stations. Fireball I could understand, but with how things were going, I wouldn’t be surprised if the spell made me shoot glitter out of my ass.

  As soon as I decided to select Fireball the choices vanished and time began its relentless march forward.

  The eel creature over my leg clamped down, the pain indescribable.

  Warning: You are about to die.

  My health bar plummeted, flashing red. Not knowing what else to do, I raised my hand and tried casting Fireball.

  I honestly expected nothing to happen, but then a jolt of energy flowed from my chest, then down my arm and into my fingertips. The air right in front of my palm shimmered like air over an open flame. Then the fireball appeared, a little bigger than a cue ball.

  It shot forward with blinding speed, exploding against the monster still clamped on my leg. The two behind it halted as my target rolled to the ground, head steaming.

  Holy shit. I aimed my palm at the other two, and another ball of flame appeared in my outstretched hand. This one missed, but a second later I shot another, hitting the mark. The third monster charged, but a fireball to the mouth sent it to the dirt.

  I was so shocked at what was happening, I’d forgotten about the one perched above me.

  It came down on my dislocated shoulder teeth first. Its spiky legs stabbed at my head and back, and I had just enough adrenaline to grab the thing by the throat and tug. Fresh blood oozed from my head as I strained, teeth gritted. Luckily it hadn’t fully latched on yet, and I was able to toss it off.

  With a hiss, it rounded back for another go. I tried shooting a fireball, but the thing bit down on my hand before I could get it off. Teeth punched right through my skin, cracking bone. My health bar was now basically nonexistent, and the other eel monsters were getting up, one fireball not enough to put them down for good.

  Using my free hand, I blasted the one gnawing on me. It didn’t let go, but its body sagged, then went completely limp. I didn’t have time to make sure it was dead before another one was coming in for the kill.

  I placed the (hopefully) dead monster between us and his friend clamped around the beast’s throat. I shot it in the stomach, then kicked it away, blood rushing in my ears.

  A few desperate fireballs later, and all the eel things were dead and smoldering. I pried the one off my hand, blasting it one more time just to make sure it was dead. Then I felt all the energy drain out of me, and I slumped backwards, shoulders crying out in pain as my full weight pressed against the truck.

  Everything was starting to get blurry, and each time I blinked, I could feel my life slipping away. What a terrible first day. I almost wanted to laugh. Seemed like each time I caught a break, life had to kick me back down. Things really were seeming to go better too. I’d been eating cleaner, even started exercising and putting myself out there. Avery had been doing better too, smiling more. Even laughing at some of my stupid jokes. She’d probably think I ran out on her, just like Dad did.

  I clenched my bleeding and broken fists.

  “Hey!” I called, lumbering to my feet. “You just going to leave me alone out here?”

  Your fellow humans will be out of orientation in approximately five Earth minutes. Until then, we suggest you remain where you are.

  “Fuck off,” I said, throwing a bent middle finger toward the sky despite the fact the voice came from inside my own head.

  We have already compensated you for our mistake. But in the essence of fairness, we will provide you with one more gift. Direct communication will now close.

  Enjoy your stay.

  I jolted in place as something invisible pressed into my back. It felt like whatever it was passed through my spine and then melted into my chest. I spun around in a lumbering circle, but there was nothing there.

  “Hey!” I cried. “Hey I’m not done with you!”

  Notice: An item has been added to your inventory.

  My what?

  A floating, semitransparent screen appeared before me.

  Menu

  [Attributes]

  [Skills]

  [Inventory]

  I reached for [Inventory], but my hand passed right through. Seemed like these were all accessed mentally.

  This feels so damn weird. I opened my inventory and a translucent box appeared on the ground. It was about the size of a footlocker and had a single object inside. Focusing on the object produced another floating screen.

  Diluted Minor Healing Potion

  Item Class: E

  Description: A potion that has been heavily diluted for mass production. Drinking it will restore (10) HP immediately.

  Warning: Drinking potions in rapid succession will cause nausea, and in extreme cases, diarrhea. Be sure to drink responsibly.

  I mentally selected the health potion and commanded it to appear. Nothing happened.

  Guess I have to actually grab stuff that’s in my inventory. I reached down, back and legs protesting, and plucked the potion up with bloody fingers. It was small, about the size of a miniature Coke bottle. It was made from thick glass, murky red fluid on the inside. I bit down on the cork and then dumped the contents of the potion right down my throat. I figured it would taste like ass, and I was right.

  Immediately I felt its effects. My hand stopped bleeding and pain lessened all across my body. My HP was still in the red, but I no longer felt like a stiff breeze might kill me.

  I looked down at the still-smoking and sizzling creatures. One was close enough that my inventory box was clipping through some of its horrible—and somehow still twitching—legs. But as I stared at it, a small icon appeared above it. It looked like an eye.

  Focusing on the icon, information appeared.

  Juvenile Sand Crawler Lv. 2

  Information: Kill (6) more to unlock.

  Well, okay. The menu dismissed on its own. Then I just kind of stood there questioning reality.

  I limped to the truck door and was about to grab some of my stuff when everything started shaking.

  A voice rang out, this one less robotic.

  Welcome to the 198th Omni Games!

  Proud trumpets split the air and confetti appeared over my head.

  This game will decide the winner, so hold your heads up high! You’re part of history now.

  Static cheers and laughter sounded off, the kind you’d hear in an old sitcom.

  We’re still ironing out a few kinks in the system, so your game won’t start until tomorrow. We suggest you use today to relax and recover. We’ll be checking back in with everyone in the morning. For those of you who survive the horrors of the night, we’ll have a special treat ready for you. Class selection!

  More robotic cheers came, then complete silence.

  I stood there for a while. This was insanity. How could something like this be real? But even if I wasn’t nearly bled and bludgeoned to death, I’d know this was no game. I had no idea what was going on, but I’d figure it out. Then I’d be finding the people responsible.

  The ground shook again, but this wasn’t from another message. There was a screech above, then bits of flaming metal started crashing down all around me.

  I turned and looked up, mouth falling open.

  The sky was on fire.