Marie and the other two maids were helping me into this pure-white dress, with no trim or any other color. It came in so many layers that needed to be strapped and tied in at different spots. But because it was pure white, once all together, I looked like something out of a picture book. A princess, I imagine. Lady Evelyn came in and asked the maids to leave us alone for a moment.

  “Stille Verursachen,” she said as the room fell silent. “This is going to be tough, Julia.”

  Oh dear. If she were using my name, I dare not ponder what bad news she has for me. “Oh?”

  “Buying children's toys. That was a mistake. You should have consulted me. Did you forget we are hiding where you were born? You think children's toys have gone unnoticed?” she asked.

  “I…” I looked down. What could I say? They kept asking for gifts. I had all these coins. I wanted to give them something. “What needs to be done?”

  She rubbed her head. “It is no secret that you are from the Malatise Barony. More than enough people saw Alexandra use Glow before others at your debut. Add the fact that we came from her territory, and even Alyssa and William could reason that much out. And if they can, to think others would not is offensive. But only Beladone and I actually know where you are from. Two of the eighteen people on this trip. Now everyone presumes we are planning to stop in your hometown.”

  I squeezed my wrist tightly. “So, is Hatula in danger?”

  She shook her head. “Kind of. I’d say it is more accurate; the fifteen people on this trip are in much more danger. If your home is discovered. It becomes a liability. To seal the leak. Beladone would kill everyone but you, me, and Tessa.”

  I gasped as my throat tightened. “But that-”

  She just shook her head. “I can solve the problem, Julia. But you have to decide soon if we can risk seeing your family? Another mistake and they may be in danger.”

  “Of course I want to see them,” I said. I wanted to see them so badly! Hug my mother, my sisters. Pet Roger.

  “Then, I need you to be strong. Beladone will be looking for any sign of weakness. Don’t give him anything. Do that, ask me before you do things. And I will handle the rest.”

  I held her hand tightly. “Yes. I will try my best… no. I will do so.”

  She smiled, and the spell ended as she took my hand. “I shall act as the one walking you down the aisle today.”

  The church was already filled, and a man was standing at the back. A bible sitting on a little stand as well. So much different than with Kevin. As I approached my spot. Lady Evelyn let go of my arm and left me to stand alone. My stomach is in knots. He looked like a normal guy. Young, probably around my age. Brown hair, brown eyes, and a look of excitement or maybe fear in his eyes.

  The priestess Kelly came out and gestured to the bible. I put my right hand on it. And he put his left.

  “We are gathered here under the light of the Luft to unite these two individuals in holy matrimony. Our very own Maiden of Wind is electing to become the wife of Trent’s very own Sam. She does this of her own will and for her own desires. Is this accurate?” Kelly asked.

  “It is,” I lied. What else could I say? I had no choice. If I didn’t get married, the king would order Beladone to kill me.

  “Trent’s very own, Sam, seeks to become the Hero of Wind, and you do this of your own free will and for your desire to live up to her expectations. Is this accurate?” Kelly asked.

  “It is,” Sam said.

  “Marriage is a gift from the gods, a sacred union that is unbreakable. It is through this gift that we of the world of man have made it this far. Maiden of Luft, do you understand the gift you are receiving? Do you promise to faithfully love, serve, and care for your husband? Forsaking all other things, both living and non-living, in the pursuit of holding this sacred union?” Kelly asked.

  “I do,” I said.

  Marriage is a gift from the gods, a sacred union that is unbreakable. It is through this gift that we of the world of man have made it this far. Sam of Trent, do you understand the gift you are seeking? Do you promise to faithfully love and fight for your beloved wife? Forsaking all other things, both living and non-living, in the pursuit of holding this sacred union?” Kelly asked.

  “I do,” he said.

  “Then let us seek Luft’s blessing. Seal your pact with a kiss,” she said, gesturing to us with a smile.

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  I leaned forward and closed my eyes. I felt sick. I was really about to marry a man I just met. Going on nothing but Luft. Our lips met, and this would be the second boy I ever touched in this way. I suppose it would be asking far too much to expect that it would be the only time I had to do this.

  “May Luft bless this union!” Kelly shouted.

  We paused, looking up, and the church went dark for a moment. If you blinked, you could miss it. But what was even more telling was the lack of anything else. No ring on his hand. Nothing. He bowed and stepped down. His family moved outside the church with him. And then another man came in, his family walking behind them.

  As he approached the altar. He set his hand on mine, and I realized the horror that awaited me in full. How many unwed men did Trent have? I tensed my stomach to steady my face. Beladone was watching after all. Lady Evelyn as well, and her standards may be even tougher than his.

  This man was taller and more confident. We went through the same words as before. The same passages. And we kissed, and like with Sam. A flickering shadow and then on to the next. The third was older. Old enough to be my father. Oh gods, why a man that old! Yet I could say nothing. Not publicly.

  I could only smile. Look at this man, as if I were eager to marry him. Swear to the gods I was, even though it was a lie, and then kiss him. My lips felt increasingly dirty and violated by this process. What made it worse is that his nervousness was higher than that of the two men before him. So he ended up kissing me half on the cheek.

  The improper kiss mattered. As Kelly declared it invalid, we had to try again. His nerves only got higher, so he fumbled his line. It was two words! But we had to start again. If he kissed me incorrectly again, I was going to punch him. Who am I kidding? I wasn’t actually, but boy did I really wish I could.

  But finally we kissed properly. And the black shimmer was the best news I had received all day, but of course, a village like Trent had more than three men. So the cycle continued. We took a break after the tenth one. In my room, I immediately puked, half on the floor, and the other half barely making the chamber pot. Not that it made any practical difference.

  Lady Evelyn had kept the maids out, so they didn’t see my weakness. She just held me and caressed my back. “Let it out. Best now while you can. We are not done today.”

  “Gods, there has to be a better way,” I said as tears began streaming down my face. “Why would the gods require me to present my lips for such… degrading treatment?”

  “Best not to think of it so deeply, I doubt it will help,” she said. “All done? Or need a bit more.”

  I thought of how, after the break, it was right back to this, and I instantly puked again. My stomach was now officially empty. I ended up heaving for a few minutes longer. She sliced an apple and set it beside me.

  “Food is the last thing I want at the moment,” I said.

  “Yes, I imagine so. But how long do you think you can last with no food? I expected this reaction. So I have the schedule for two wedding ceremonies a day, with an education session between them. Eating now is your best chance. To digest it before round two. Beladone will get curious if I have such a tame schedule for too long.”

  “Tame? Let us see him parade his body around for free access among a crowd he has never met and claim that merely twenty a day is tame!” I shouted. Anger is rising within me.

  “Quite right, but what is fair or just is not important. It is what must be done, and right now, you must eat,” Lady Evelyn said. “As much as you can handle. And then we must get to our lesson.”

  “Lesson?” I asked.

  She nodded as she took out the package she picked up in Fluss. “My old notebooks from when I was your age. As previously mentioned. You are not currently at the level of joining the academy. But once you are married, the academy you will be heading to. This is the time we must use to prepare you. You could think the education you have had thus far was the preamble and that this is where your education truly begins.”

  She set a text in front of me. It was an old notebook that was tinted yellow. Opening it, I saw the most elegant handwriting I had seen yet. “Wait, you jest. Surely this can’t be from when you were my age?”

  She looked at it. “Oh yes, technically I was fifteen for this one.”

  My stomach sank. She was younger than me. “This is impossible,” I said. “I can’t possibly be expected to match this level before the academy.”

  She sat down and rubbed the book cover. “Let us at least try and see how far we get. Each step, Julia, will be harder than the last if you do not try your hardest. This may seem impossible now. But let us not commit ourselves to such certainty yet. Okay?”

  I took a deep breath. “I thought after my debut, this was meant to be easier?”

  She sat down next to me and set the book on the table. “Like a mountain, Julia, for those who have never climbed. The first steps are very hard. Once you get stronger, those first steps are easy, but a mountain will have many more challenges past its first steps. The thing is, this is the nature of climbing. The steps you face now would have been impossible for you three months ago. And the challenge after this, the academy will likely feel harder than this in some ways.”

  “So then, you're saying it doesn’t matter? Regardless of how hard I work or what I do,” I paused as I began crying. “This pilgrimage. This stupid ring is always going to be a curse that makes life impossible to bear?”

  She just held me tightly, my head pressed against her shoulder. I expected her to say something, but no words came. Was it that she didn’t have anything? Perhaps she knew I wasn’t ready to process them. The silence was nice. The warmth from her arms and shoulder was also nice. For a moment, with my eyes closed. I could pretend I was back home in Hatula, with my mother to comfort me after a bad day.

  “The gods don’t play fair,” I said.

  “I know, dear. The gods have never played fair,” she said.

  It was odd for her to just agree with me like that. I didn’t get any studying done, nor did I even manage the apple. I ended up having to do part two of the first day, looking for my husband on an empty stomach. Lady Evelyn was right; that was a mistake.